A Sordid Affair
by 
Visions of you still dance in my head
I remember all the things you said
You said you’d never let me down
But there lies my heart on the ground
Broken in pieces unable to fix
I knew loving you would be a risk
But I went ahead and took the chance
Thinking somehow we’d finish the dance
Through the years that laid ahead
But you loved somebody else instead
So please go and be with him
I know our future is very dim
I hope you’ll be happy the rest of your life
Does he know he’s getting a cheating wife?
– “A Cheating Wife” by Ray Hansell
Any man who has been the victim of an adulterous woman can surely relate to the heartache portrayed in this simple, yet evocative, poem. Being betrayed by a faithless spouse is arguably the most painful blow one can be dealt. A haunted memory, a broken trust, a shattered heart, a poignant regret, and a lingering bitterness…these are the sorry companions of a husband whose wife has been swept away in an affair.
An “affair“: this is what we call it when people engage in sex acts while one or more parties are bound to another by a marriage covenant. I don’t know about you, but to me, “having an affair” sounds just a bit too light and breezy for the gravity of the topic. I mean, are we talking about going on a vacation to the Bahamas? It’s such a watered-down, harmless-sounding term for one despicable sin: committing adultery.
In today’s article, we’re not talking about a light and breezy topic such as going on a vacation to the Bahamas, but rather, we’re talking about that treacherous act of committing adultery: A Sordid Affair.
The word sordid can be defined as something that is “morally ignoble or base; vile; meanly selfish, self-seeking, or mercenary; dirty or filthy; squalid, wretchedly poor and run-down; degraded; shameful”, and these are indeed appropriate ways to label adultery, decidedly the most heinous of all marital crimes.
At Destress the Damsel, one of our primary aims is “to be pure“. (Titus 2:5) Purity is often seen as solely a “single girl” topic, but interestingly enough, in Titus 2 it is not single girls, but wives that are called to purity. Marriage is not the end of a girl’s purity, but rather, the continuation thereof – for sex within the bounds of marriage is pure! As wives, we must safeguard this purity by honoring our wedding vows and fleeing from extramarital temptation. Lest your husband ever become the sad possessor of “a cheating wife”, like the man in the poem above, I want you to consider 3 sobering components of A Sordid Affair.
#1: Beware, for the act of adultery begins with…
A fanciful daydream. A longing glance. A coveted smile. A flirtatious remark. A meaningful touch. A destroyed message. A convincing lie. A racing heart. A secret rendezvous. A gnawing shame.
All things that are hidden. All trademark elements of A Sordid Hideaway.
Adulterers are (with little variance) sneaks. Only the most villainous of philanderers reveal their infidelities to the world. While there may be a select few truly amoral individuals who wear their extramarital affairs like a badge of honor, the typical person caught up in adultery keeps their sin close to the vest. Some are ashamed of their adultery, knowing their guilt before the Lord. Some are grieved by their adultery, fearful of breaking their spouse’s heart. Some are quite comfortable in their adultery, but wish only to avoid the consequences of being caught. Whatever the case, almost all adulterous relationships are fostered in secret. (Unfortunately, this forbidden fruit aspect only adds to the sex appeal.) One may successfully keep A Sordid Hideaway secret from spouse, family, congregation, friends, coworkers, and all the world, but if they think they can keep it hidden from God, they sorely underestimate the Hide-and-Seek-Champion:
Woe to those who deeply hide their plans from the Lord, and whose deeds are done in a dark place, and they say, “who sees us?” or “who knows us?” – Isaiah 29:15
Can a person hide himself in hiding places so that I do not see him?” declares the Lord. “Do I not fill the heavens and the earth?” declares the Lord. – Jeremiah 23:24
…There is no creature hidden from His sight, but all things are open and laid bare to the eyes of Him with whom we have to do. – Hebrews 4:13
Do not be so foolish as to think that the Lord does not see every impure daydream, every impure glance, and every impure touch. He sees every single act of betrayal towards one’s spouse. Unless “a cheating wife” repent, justice will be served, leaving A Sordid Hideaway a public place of shame exposed before all.
…There is nothing covered up that will not be revealed, and hidden that will not be known. Accordingly, whatever you have said in the dark shall be heard in the light, and what you have whispered in the inner rooms shall be proclaimed upon the housetops. – Luke 12:2-3
Have you been part of A Sordid Hideaway? Have you, as a married woman, nurtured romantic thoughts toward a man other than your husband? Or have you, as a single woman, nurtured romantic thoughts toward a man who is another woman’s husband? Have you shared secret glances, smiles, remarks, or touches that should only have been shared between spouses? Have you sent or received messages that were unbecoming of a married woman or to a married man? Have you lied to your husband about your feelings, intentions, or whereabouts? Has your heartbeat elevated over a man that is off-limits to you? Have you met with a man in private? Have you squashed down your shame when it reminded you of your vows, or his? These are deep waters no damsel should ever tread in…they can only lead to A Sordid Affair.
#2: Beware, for the act of adultery continues with…
Your husband’s kisses. Your husband’s embraces. Your husband’s sex. Your husband’s wants. Your husband’s needs. Your husband’s privacy. Your husband’s self-respect. Your husband’s love. Your husband’s lover. Your husband’s wife.
All things that are given. All trademark elements of A Sordid Giveaway.
Giving, generally speaking, is a wonderful thing. The Bible says that “God loves a cheerful giver“, and that “it is more blessed to give than to receive“. But is it ever wrong to give someone a gift? Sure it is – when you are giving not of your own means, but from goods you stole off of someone else! A thief who gives away their plunder knows nothing of true generosity, for they are giving what is not theirs to give. Do you see where I’m going with this? An adulterer and a thief have a lot in common…they “give” stolen goods. The married adulteress takes what rightfully belongs to her man, and “gives” it to another. Similarly, the single adulteress takes what rightfully belongs to another man’s wife, and “gives” it to herself. Whatever the case, such a woman robs a spouse of their most precious valuables, and frivolously gives them away to someone who has no right to receive such gifts. Is he married? His body belongs to his wife. Are you married? Your body belongs to your husband. When a married woman “gives” herself to another man, or when a married man “gives” himself to another woman, this is nothing short of theft. We are not our own.
The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. – 1 Corinthians 7:4
For the married woman is bound by law to her husband while he is living; but if her husband dies, she is released from the law concerning the husband. So then, if while her husband is living, she is joined to another man, she shall be called an adulteress; but if her husband dies, she is free from the law, so that she is not an adulteress, though she is joined to another man. – Romans 7:2-3
Do not give what is holy [set apart] to dogs, and do not throw your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces. – Matthew 7:6 (clarification added)
Lest you think my comparison of adultery and theft is a bit of a stretch, consider that our Lord couples the sin of adultery with the sin of murder…
Thus I shall judge you, like women who commit adultery or shed blood are judged; and I shall bring on you the blood of wrath and jealousy. – Ezekiel 16:38
Have you been part of A Sordid Giveaway? Have you, as a married woman, kissed, embraced, or had sex with a man other than your husband? Or have you, as a single woman, kissed, embraced, or had sex with a man who is another woman’s husband? Have you disregarded your husband’s wants and needs, or the wants and needs of another man’s wife? Have you stripped away the privacy of marriage and exposed what should have been exclusive between spouses? Have you shattered a spouse’s self-respect? Have you given away your husband’s love, lover, and wife? Or have you taken another woman’s love, lover, and husband? These are deep waters no damsel should ever tread in…they can only lead to A Sordid Affair.
#3: Beware, for the act of adultery ends with…
An irreproachable reputation. An unwavering trust. An unbreakable vow. An untainted marriage. An intact family. A sensitive conscience. A healthy reproductive system. An innocent recollection. A desired relationship. A secure salvation.
All things that are taken. All trademark elements of A Sordid Takeaway.
Adulterers are losers. (I don’t mean that in the derogatory sense of the word, though any victim of adultery would likely agree with me if I did, and could you blame them?) By “losers”, I mean to say that those individuals who play with fire (by way of adultery) stand to lose everything they hold dear. When the sin of an adulteress is found out, her once irreproachable reputation will be tarnished forever…for even if she be forgiven, people will never fully forget what she did. There will no longer be an unwavering trust between her and her husband…for in the back of his mind, he will always wonder if she’s being unfaithful to him. Her once unbreakable vows will be rendered null and void, allowing her husband the scriptural right to file for divorce…for she broke covenant with him. If her husband decides to stay with her, their formerly untainted marriage will always bear an ugly stain…for she defiled their marital union. If her husband decides to leave her, their children will suffer immeasurably for it…for they will be part of a broken family. Her once sensitive conscience will be dulled toward sin…for she seared it by her devious actions. The health of her reproductive system (and her husband’s) will be greatly compromised…for she introduced the risk of sexually transmitted disease to their marriage bed. Her innocent life memories will be bitter in hindsight…for her recollections will forever include her time spent in adultery. If she chooses to repent, she will lose a desired relationship…for she must say goodbye to her lover. If she chooses never to repent, she will lose her salvation…for she must say goodbye to her Lord. What A (truly) Sordid Affair!
She does not ponder the path of life; her ways are unstable, she does not know it. – Proverbs 5:6
Do you not know that the unrighteous shall not inherit the Kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor adulterers, shall inherit the kingdom of God. – Excerpt from 1 Corinthians 6:9-10
I gave her time to repent, and she does not want to repent of her immorality. Behold, I will cast her upon a bed of sickness, and those who commit adultery with her into great tribulation, unless they repent of her deeds. – Revelation 2:21-22
Have you been part of A Sordid Takeaway? Have you suffered great personal loss as a consequence of committing adultery? Don’t let your pain be in vain. Rather, let the Lord’s chastisement fulfill its intended purpose – bringing you to repentance. Turn away from your sin today, so that you do not end up losing the most important thing of all: your eternal hope in Christ Jesus. The time is now to step out of those deep, dark waters that no damsel should ever tread in…the waters that can only lead to A Sordid Affair.
…Let her put away her harlotry from her face and her adultery from between her breasts, or I will strip her naked and expose her as on the day she was born. I will also make her like a wilderness, make her like desert land and slay her with thirst. Also, I will have no compassion on her children, because they are children of harlotry. For their mother has played the harlot; she who conceived them has acted shamefully. For she said, “I will go after my lovers, who give me my bread and my water, my wool and my flax, my oil and my drink.” Therefore, behold, I will hedge up her way with thorns, and I will build a wall against her so that she cannot find her paths. She will pursue her lovers, but she will not overtake them; and she will seek them, but will not find them. – Hosea 2:2a-7a
In conclusion…
These have been the 3 sobering components of A Sordid Affair.
A “cheating wife” is made by: 1.) A Sordid Hideaway, 2.) A Sordid Giveaway, and 3.) A Sordid Takeaway.
Today’s article covered one very grave topic, but hey – I warned you it wouldn’t be a trip to the Bahamas! Thank you to everyone who stayed to the end of this important study, and I hope you will be sure and check out my other articles. There is a widespread blend of serious topics as well as more lighthearted content. May each one of you hold your marriage in the highest esteem, flee extramarital temptation, and stay faithful to your husband all the days of your life. No more hiding, no more giving, no more taking.
Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge. – Hebrews 13:4
For God’s glory,
Mrs. Dustin Bolks
Chaste Bolks is a church of Christ preacher’s wife, and the home educating mother of two children. She and her family currently reside in Northwest Iowa.
