God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, And the wisdom to know the difference. – Reinhold Niebuhr
Commonly referred to as “The Serenity Prayer”, these famous words have been in circulation for nearly 100 years. When Reinhold Niebuhr composed the prayer in the early 1930’s, he could have had no idea that these three lines would come to be printed on countless posters, pillows, and purses, let alone become a mantra for members of Alcoholics Anonymous and the Young Women’s Christian Association (YWCA). His words have resonated with many hearts over the last century, inspiring resolve and renewal. I don’t see references to The Serenity Prayer as often as I did when I was a child; believe me, this prayer used to be everywhere. Though Mr. Niebuhr’s words seem to be fading into relative obscurity, I still find his message to be as meaningful as I ever did (if not more so, after coming into contact with “the world forces of this darkness” — Ephesians 6:12)
In this month’s article, The Lady of Laissez-Faire, we’re bringing The Serenity Prayer back! If you are unfamiliar with the term, “laissez-faire”, it is a French phrase that means “let it be” or “leave it alone”. It is primarily used in Social Studies to describe an economic system in which transactions between private individuals are free from any form of economic interventionism (i.e. when you shop at a garage sale, or sell an item to a friend, or make use of the local farmer’s market – free from government involvement – this is thanks to the capitalist principle of laissez-faire.) A free market economy, such as the one we find in the USA, will always utilize this approach to some degree. Laissez-faire is a free market economy in its purest form; it is the philosophy of live and let live. And now that we have gotten our Economics lesson in for the day, we come to the point. “Live and let live” is a significant mindset to adopt, both economically and emotionally. If one aspires to become The Lady of Laissez-Faire, she must determine to focus only on what is in her own power, and let the rest go. Sounds a lot like the message of The Serenity Prayer, doesn’t it? Be bold enough to change what you can, make peace with what you can’t, and avoid mixing up the two. Today, using The Serenity Prayer to guide us, we will ponder the threefold journey one must make before she can transform into The Lady of Laissez-Faire.
On the first leg of this journey, she will be called…
“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change…”
What are some of the “things I cannot change“?
First of all, I cannot change otherpeople. Sure, I can influence them. I can inspire them. I can coax them. I can compel them. I can teach them. I can train them. But at the end of the day, I cannot change them. Ask any parent of a wicked and rebellious child, and this is what you’ll learn: you cannot change another person, for they can only change themselves. Those who invest all their time and energy into trying to change others are chronically unhappy, because their efforts are fruitless. Serenity is found when we accept that others have the free will to choose their own way…for better or for worse, for good or for bad, for salvation or for damnation.
Second of all, I cannot change my lot. Sure, I can ask. I can seek. I can knock. But I cannot break down the door. I can’t force my circumstances to change (unless I am the ongoing cause of my own misfortune). If I have prayed (this is asking), and I have researched solutions (this is seeking), and I have put a plan into action (this is knocking), yet I still find myself unable to crawl out from under the crushing weight of my trial? I know it’s time to let go and let God. I played my last card, now I need to sit back and let Him make the next move. Serenity is found when we accept that waiting on the Lord is quite characteristic of the Christian condition.
Third of all, I cannot change the world. Sure, I can use my voice. I can stand for truth. I can join a cause. I can volunteer my time. I can perhaps even make a difference in my sphere of influence. But I cannot totally expel the darkness, I can only help keep it at bay. The fact is that our current world system is run by Satan, or “theprince of the power of the air, of the spirit that is now working in the sons of disobedience“. (Ephesians 2:2) Until Christ’s second coming, there will always be some evil man with an evil plan wreaking havoc on society. Serenity is found when we accept that Satan is going to continue to celebrate many of his victories…for now.
Lady of Acceptance, you must come to terms with the fact that you can’t change other people, you can’t change your lot, and you can’t change the world. May God grant you the serenity to accept these things.
Shall we indeed accept good from God and not accept adversity? – Job 2:10b
On the second leg of this journey, she will be called…
“…The courage to change the things I can…”
What are some of the “things I can change“?
First of all, I can change my person. I may not have the ability to change other people, but there is one unique person I do have the ability to change, and that is me. Every day I have the choice to level up and become a better version of myself. I can polish my appearance. I can learn new skills. I can educate myself. I can control my spending. I can monitor my nutrition. I can take unhealthy thoughts captive. I can improve my social interactions. I can deepen my relationship with God. I can be a trailblazer, and do all of the things I wish others would do! Courage is stepping out of our comfort zones and embracing our new and improved selves.
Second of all, I can change my outlook. I may not be able to change my lot in life, but I can change my outlook on my circumstances. You know what they say: pessimists see the glass as half empty, but the optimist sees it as half full. Both observations are true, but the one I choose to dwell on will either hamper my happiness, or grow my gratitude. Being a “glass-half-full” kinda girl doesn’t mean pretending that my trials don’t exist, but it does mean that I choose to focus on everything that is going right in my life, rather than on everything that is going wrong. Courage is bearing up under sorrows and pressing on in spite of suffering.
Third of all, I can change my destination. I may not be capable of stopping the old world from going to hell in a hand basket, but I am capable of ensuring I will be a resident of the new world that extends beyond this life. I am capable of believing on the Lord Jesus Christ, and confessing His name before men. I am capable of recognizing where my sin leads, and repenting before it’s too late. I am capable of being baptized (immersed in water) for the remission of my sins. I am capable of walking in newness of life and allowing God to work in and through me. Courage is living as a pilgrim on foreign soil, as we patiently await the return of the King.
Lady of Courage, you must remember that you have the power to change your person, to change your outlook, and to change your destination. May God grant you the courage to change these things.
For God has not given us a spirit of timidity, but of power and love and discipline. – 2 Timothy 1:7
On the third and final leg of this journey, she will be called…
“…And the wisdom to know the difference.“
What is “the difference“…
…between changing other people vs. changing my person? A woman who purposes to change other people is all about badgering, while a woman who purposes to change her person is all about bettering. The former points her finger. The latter checks her mirror. The former criticizes others from a spirit of pride. The latter critiques herself from a spirit of humility. The former makes demands of others. The latter takes command of her own spirit. The former languishes. The latter flourishes. Don’t be the sort of woman who makes people her projects. If you must work on someone, work on yourself! You’ll quickly find this to be a full-time job.
…between changing my lot vs. changing my outlook? A woman who purposes to change her lot tests the Lord, while a woman who purposes to change her outlook trusts the Lord. The former asks, “why me?”, as she counts her burdens. The latter asks, “why me?”, as she counts her blessings. The former throws her hands up in despair. The latter folds her hands up in prayer. The former dwells on the negative. The latter dwells on the positive. The former believes God is unfair. The latter believes God is unfailing. Don’t be the sort of woman who allows her present view to frame her point of view. Guard your mind. Stay the course. This too shall pass.
…between changing the world vs. changing my destination? A woman who purposes to change the world is fearful, while a woman who purposes to change her destination is faithful. The former frets over the state of affairs. The latter is busy with her own affairs. The former says, “the sky is falling“. The latter says, “the Son is coming“. The former is anxious about the bad news. The latter is excited about the Good News. The former attempts to conquer the battlefront. The latter attempts to secure the home front. Don’t be the sort of woman who takes the weight of the world on her shoulders. Eyes on the prize. A new world order is coming.
Lady of Wisdom, you must use careful discernment to differentiate between what is in your power, and what is in the power of others. May God grant you the wisdom to know the difference between these things.
But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all men generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him. – James 1:5
In conclusion…
She is called Lady of Acceptance. She is called Lady of Courage. She is called Lady of Wisdom.
She is The Lady of Laissez-Faire.
She accepts that she cannot change other people, while garnering the courage to change her person. She accepts that she cannot change her lot, while garnering the courage to change her outlook. She accepts that she cannot change the world, while garnering the courage to change her destination. Her wisdom helps her to distinguish between what she can and cannot change, and this gives her the serenity to walk through life in a world that is often cold and cruel to its inhabitants. May The Lady of Laissez-Faire be you; may she be me.
Years after Reinhold Niebuhr penned The Serenity Prayer, an anonymous writer added this lovely ending, with which we will close:
Living one day at a time, Enjoying one moment at a time, Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace, Taking, as He did, This sinful world as it is, Not as I would have it, Trusting that He will make all things right, If I surrender to His will, That I may be reasonably happy in this life, And supremely happy with Him forever in the next.
Amen.
For God’s glory, Mrs. Dustin Bolks
Chaste Bolks is a church of Christ preacher’s wife, and the home educating mother of two children. She and her family currently reside in Northwest Iowa.
Which nobody can deny? Which nobody can deny?
Oh, let’s not start that up again! If you read last month’s article, you’ll know why the traditional song, “For He’s a Jolly Good Fellow”, has been looping in my mind for many days. In my March 2026 blog, Is He a Jolly Good Fellow?, we considered 8 traits that single ladies often desire in a man, followed by 8 traits that single ladies ought to require in a man. This month’s article is a direct follow-up to those thoughts, so I strongly encourage you to read Part I here before moving into Part II. I’ll wait!
Did you read Part I? You’re kinda the best. Now we can dive into Part II: Am I a Jolly Good Female?
Selecting a husband is the single most important choice any damsel will ever make…second only to selecting a Lord and Savior (hint: choose Jesus). As we discussed last month, in order to select the right husband, a woman must ask herself, Is He a Jolly Good Fellow? She must ask herself honestly: What manner of man is he? Today we’re going to amp up our game and turn the question back on ourselves. In order to become the right wife, a woman must ask herself, Am I a Jolly Good Female? She must ask herself honestly: What manner of woman am I? Listen to this childhood story shared by Dixie Andelin Forsyth, President of Fascinating Womanhood™, and daughter of FW founder, Helen Andelin. In the story, Dixie recalls an exchange she had with her mother when around the age of 14:
❝I said, ‘I know I’m really young, and I know I’m not that worldly wise. How will I know…a good guy…the right guy for me? How can I find the right guy? I don’t think I’ll be smart enough by then.’ I remember she gave me this pad of paper…and she said, ‘Write down everything you want in a man…’ And so I did and that was kind of fun, because she said, ‘…anything you want’, and of course, being 14, I probably put some really stupid stuff on there, too. So I put everything down and then she took the page and tore the paper off, turned it upside down, and said, ‘Now write on the back everything that guy you just described is going to be looking for, deserve, or want in a woman. What will he be looking for?’ And that took a little longer. She said, ‘Tape the paper to your headboard with this part that has what you need to do, what he’s going to want, and work on that.’ I remember sewing was on there; I remember cooking was on there; I remember those things. I thought, ‘He’s going to want someone who cooks – this great guy, this amazing guy who every woman wants – is going to want this.’❞
Helen Andelin proved herself to be a shrewd mother when she exhorted young Dixie to work on herself while waiting to meet the man of her dreams. (Fun fact: Dixie has been married to the love of her life, Dr. Robert Forsyth, for 50+ years and counting, and the couple is blessed with 7 children. Though I don’t agree with Bob and Dixie’s every position, I do find their teachings on marriage to be exceedingly useful. They have a good grasp on masculinity and femininity in the marital relationship.)
Single friends: allow me to play the role of Helen, as you play the role of Dixie. I may not have a pad of paper to give you, but consider this your digital copy. Last month, we “filled out” one side of the paper and made a list detailing The Man I Desire and The Man I Require. This month, we’re going to “turn the paper over”, as it were, and make a new list. It’s time to answer the million-dollar question:
In Is He a Jolly Good Fellow? we talked about desiring a man who is attractive, and requiring a man who is (more importantly) conscientious. What kind of a woman will such a man desire and require? I reckon he will be looking for the kind of woman who beautifies herself. He will want that “jolly good female” who makes a concerted effort to look her best. One who is elegant and refined, and never frumpy and dumpy. One who puts together lovely outfits, and doesn’t just throw on any ratty old clothes. One who styles her hair, and doesn’t merely run a brush through it and call it good. One who nourishes her skin and nails, and doesn’t simply neglect them (whether she wears makeup and/or manicures her nails will come down to her man’s individual preference). One who practices ladylike posture, and doesn’t slouch. One who maintains her physique, and doesn’t let her body go.
What kind of beloved is your beloved, O most beautiful among women? – Song of Solomon 5:9a
In Is He a Jolly Good Fellow? we talked about desiring a man who is charming, and requiring a man who is (more importantly) kind. What kind of a woman will such a man desire and require? I reckon he will be looking for the kind of woman who shows care and compassion to others. He will want that “jolly good female” who is nurturing towards all life forms: from people to pets to plants. One who isn’t self-centered, but is selfless and sacrificial. One who isn’t loud and brash, but possesses a gentle and quiet spirit. One who doesn’t attempt to be the center of attention, but pours attention upon the lowly. One who isn’t quarrelsome, but is gentle and peaceable. One who doesn’t “call it like she sees it”, but seasons her words with salt in an effort to edify the hearers. One who doesn’t focus on what others are not doing, but focuses on what she can do to make the world a better place.
If she has shown hospitality to strangers, if she has washed the saints’ feet, if she has assisted those in distress, and if she has devoted herself to every good work. – 1 Timothy 5:10b
In Is He a Jolly Good Fellow? we talked about desiring a man who is humorous, and requiring a man who is (more importantly) lighthearted. What kind of a woman will such a man desire and require? I reckon he will be looking for the kind of woman who keeps on the sunny side of life. He will want that “jolly good female” who is given to optimism, even in the midst of hardship. One who counts her blessings, and not her burdens. One who is content, and not a chronic complainer. One who is smiling and cheerful, rather than frowning and miserable. One who boosts morale by pointing out the silver lining, rather than bringing everyone’s mood down by pointing out the cloud. One who can laugh at her mistakes, and doesn’t throw her hands up in defeat at the first sign of failure. One who will stick by her husband’s side through thick and thin, and not say “adios” when things get rough.
Antithesis: It is better to live in a desert land, than with a contentious and vexing woman. – Proverbs 21:19
In Is He a Jolly Good Fellow? we talked about desiring a man who is intelligent, and requiring a man who is (more importantly) studious. What kind of a woman will such a man desire and require? I reckon he will be looking for the kind of woman who has a good head on her shoulders. He will want that “jolly good female” who balances her feminine emotions with knowledge, understanding, wisdom, and good old-fashioned common sense. One who has a strong sense of discernment, and doesn’t believe everything she hears. One who makes informed decisions, and doesn’t always follow the status quo. One who reads and researches, and doesn’t think books are a waste of paper. One who observes and listens, and doesn’t talk incessantly. One who is perpetually growing and evolving, and not stagnating at the same maturity level she was 10 years ago, 5 years ago, or even 1 year ago. One who is a doer, and not just a hearer.
Antithesis: weak women weighed down with sins, led on by various impulses, always learning and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth. – 2 Timothy 3:6b-7
In Is He a Jolly Good Fellow? we talked about desiring a man who is muscular, and requiring a man who is (more importantly) protective. What kind of a woman will such a man desire and require? I reckon he will be looking for the kind of woman who leans into his masculinity. He will want that “jolly good female” who isn’t afraid to be vulnerable with a man. One who doesn’t buy into egalitarianism, but believes in complementarianism. One who doesn’t regard masculinity as toxic, but regards it as intoxicating. One who isn’t interested in competing with her man, but in completing him. One who doesn’t scoff at men when they open doors for her or offer to relieve her of heavy loads, but is grateful for their chivalry. One who doesn’t hatefully proclaim, “I don’t need a man”, but lovingly proclaims, “I need my man”. One who doesn’t shun help, but invites it, receives it, and praises it.
An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who shames him is as rottenness in his bones. – Proverbs 12:4
In Is He a Jolly Good Fellow? we talked about desiring a man who is powerful, and requiring a man who is (more importantly) significant. What kind of a woman will such a man desire and require? I reckon he will be looking for the kind of woman who is a positive influence. He will want that “jolly good female” who models Biblical womanhood in a world that’s largely forgotten what femininity is. One who is reverent in her behavior and teaches what is good, rather than being a malicious gossip or enslaved to much wine. (Titus 2:3). One who encourages young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, and subject to their own husbands, rather than letting the word of God be dishonored (Titus 2:4-5). One who shapes the opinions and behaviors of others by gentle persuasion, rather than micromanagement and manipulation tactics.
All my people in the city know that you are a woman of excellence. – Ruth 3:11b
In Is He a Jolly Good Fellow? we talked about desiring a man who is romantic, and requiring a man who is (more importantly) devoted. What kind of a woman will such a man desire and require? I reckon he will be looking for the kind of woman who is faithful, loyal, and true. He will want that “jolly good female” who is, in the immortal words of Grease’s Sandra Dee, “hopelessly devoted to [him]”. One who isn’t lukewarm in her affections, but is crazy about her man and always thinking on ways to please him. One who doesn’t allow petty grievances to drive a wedge between the two of them, but is tenderhearted and longsuffering. One who doesn’t flirt with all the guys, but is discreet and shamefaced in the presence of men. One who doesn’t give her body outside of marriage, but safeguards her purity. One who doesn’t consider divorce to be an option (barring extenuating circumstances), but upholds the marriage covenant as sacrosanct.
But to the married I give instructions, not I, but the Lord, that the wife should not leave her husband. – 1 Corinthians 7:10
In Is He a Jolly Good Fellow? we talked about desiring a man who is wealthy, and requiring a man who is (more importantly) industrious. What kind of a woman will such a man desire and require? I reckon he will be looking for the kind of woman who is able to stretch a penny. One who doesn’t buy impulsively, but thinks a purchase through before adding it to her cart (whether digitally or physically). One who isn’t concerned with keeping up with the Joneses, but is content with what she has. One who isn’t preoccupied with labels, but gravitates toward the cheaper option when there isn’t a noticeable difference in quality. One who doesn’t require everything she owns to be brand new, but is willing to shop secondhand for most items (I personally draw the line at thrifted underwear, socks, etc.). One who isn’t comfortable with outstanding debt, but pays bills in a timely manner. One who doesn’t spend with reckless abandon, but sticks to a budget.
A prudent wife is from the Lord. – Proverbs 14:b
In conclusion…
As you wait for your Mr. Right to come along, it will serve you well to work on becoming his Mrs. Right. Preparing for marriage certainly involves asking oneself, Is He a Jolly Good Fellow? But it also involves asking oneself, Am I a Jolly Good Female? Both sides of the equation are of vital importance. I challenge all the single ladies out there to follow the example of 14 year old Dixie, and “fill out both sides of the paper”, so to speak.
It’s crucial that one side asks, “Is he conscientious, kind, lighthearted, studious, protective, significant, devoted, industrious, and a disciple of Jesus Christ?”
But remember, it’s just as crucial that the other side asks, “Am I the becoming the woman that a conscientious, kind, lighthearted, studious, protective, significant, devoted, industrious, disciple of Jesus Christ will desire and require?”
❝So many times we think, ‘What do I want? I want this and this and this.’ and we don’t think, ‘What do they want?‘ Well, you’ve gotta match. You’ve gotta fit.❞
Chaste Bolks is a church of Christ preacher’s wife, and the home educating mother of two children. She and her family currently reside in Northwest Iowa.
