Destress the Damsel

Martha was busy and hurried,
Serving the friend divine,
Cleansing the cups and platters,
Bringing the bread and wine;
But Martha was careful and anxious
Fretted in thought and in word.
She had no time to be sitting
While she was serving the Lord,
For Martha was “cumbered” with serving,
Martha was “troubled” with “things”—
Those that would pass with the using—
She was forgetting her wings.

Mary was quiet and peaceful,
Learning to love and to live.
Mary was hearing His precepts,
Mary was letting Him give—
Give of the riches eternal,
Treasures of mind and of heart;
Learning the mind of the Master,
Choosing the better part.

Do we ever labor at serving
Till voices grow fretful and shrill,
Forgetting how to be loving,
Forgetting how to be still?
Do we strive for “things” in possession,
And toil for the perishing meat,
Neglecting the one thing needful—
Sitting at Jesus’ feet?

Service is good when he asks it,
Labor is right in it’s place,
But there is one thing better,
Looking up in his face;
There is so much he can tell us,
Truths that are precious and deep;
This is the place where he wants us,
These are the things we can keep.

– “Martha and Mary” by Annie Johnson Flint

I am convinced that most women fall into one of two categories: a Mary kind of girl, or a Martha kind of girl. Which one are you? That will be for you to discern as we dive into our topic today.

Before we begin, I want to make a few things clear. As far as we know (in our limited knowledge of Lazarus’ sisters)…

• Martha and Mary were both part of God’s kingdom. They are our sisters in Christ.
• Jesus loved Mary and Martha. They were both near and dear to his heart.
• We all have weaknesses that we would be ashamed to have recorded in the pages of God’s word. Martha’s weakness, as recorded in Luke 10, does not mean that she was a bad person, or that she always behaved the way she did that day. We must extend to her the grace that we desire from God and others.

With that being said, the scriptures use this stand-alone example of Martha and Mary to show us a negative and a positive example of womanhood. I am going to do the same. For illustration’s sake, Mary will stand as our symbol of positive, godly womanhood. Martha will stand as our symbol for negative, worldly womanhood. I will use both names repeatedly today. I want you to be aware that each time I speak of “Martha”, I am not denouncing the actual person, I am denouncing the negative attitude she displayed. I am merely referencing her name as a symbol. I found a graphic from www.recollecteddesign.com that contrasted the sisters, and I found it very helpful. I will share what it said below:

Unfortunately, “Marthas” rule the world of women. If you are a “Martha”, I hope this article will convict you of your area of weakness. In truth, though, this article is more specifically aimed at the “Marys” out there. I am talking to you there…the one sitting at Master’s feet. Practically speaking, you are probably the girl who chooses worship over social events, the girl who prefers standing by her husband instead of “clucking with the hens”, the girl who would rather experience life joyfully and quietly behind the scenes than bragging about it on social media, and the girl who will always give her full attention but is never the center of attention. I see you, friend. So does “Martha”, and she doesn’t like what she sees. This makes you a prime target for her ridicule and subsequent bullying.

It can be hard to be a Mary girl in a Martha world, because just like in the Biblical account, “Marys” often get mistreated by “Marthas”. However, I am here to encourage you not to give up or give in. This world needs women like you…like Mary. Today’s lesson isn’t so much about “how not to be like Martha”, as it is “how to survive as a Mary girl in a Martha world”. If you are going to get by in this “Martha” world, there are two important truths you must know. First:

She [Martha] had a sister called Mary, who was seated at the Lord’s feet, listening to His word. But Martha was distracted with all her preparations; and she came up to Him and said, “Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to do all the serving alone? Then tell her to help me.” – Luke 10:39-40

If I visualize and assess this scene in a practical setting, I see something like this:

A quiet, submissive woman sits in the living room near the man she adores. (For Mary, this was Jesus. To the married woman, this is her husband. To the young girl, her daddy.) For each such female, listening to the man talk brings joy to her soul, because she loves him. Being near him makes her feel safe and at home. She knows he enjoys her company also, because she is valuable in his sight. Other girls may be bustling about the kitchen and socializing with one another, but not this girl. She is found at the feet of her admired man. Such a girl is not lazy, nor is she avoiding the other girls, nor does she have negative ulterior motives. She just wants to listen and absorb the words of the man she loves.

A go-getter, take-charge woman bustles about in the kitchen, making sure things are just so. To her, image is everything. What would people think if her silverware was not properly aligned, her trademark meal not cooked to perfection? She sneers at the one sitting in the living room…”who does she think she is?” The longer she gazes on Little-Miss-Goody-Two-Shoes sucking up to the man in question, bitterness takes hold. She tries to catch the other girl’s gaze, but no…L.M.G.T.S. has her eyes fixated on her admired man. She tries to make enough noise to garner the other girl’s attention, but no….L.M.G.T.S. is listening too intently to her admired man to care about the “goings-on” in the kitchen. Finally, she decides to stomp over and give that Goody-Two-Shoes a piece of her mind.

She appraises, she approaches, and she apprehends.

Everything in a Martha tends to hate everything in a Mary. Why? Because a Martha only has the shadow of love for a man (i.e. Jesus/husband/father), but a Mary has the substance. Marthas can’t understand why Marys are praised and adored by the special man in their life, and it drives them crazy with envy. What they fail to realize is that they, too, could find more authentic joy in their own admired man if they would slow down and enjoy him…instead of competing with other women by trying to show off and be “somebody”.

If you are a Mary, it is a sad but true statement that Marthas will defame you. You will always be somewhat of a social outcast, never quite fitting in with the other girls. When you don’t act like them, they will misjudge you as stuck-up. When you don’t join in on gossip, competition, male-bashing, mom-bragging, and the like, it will undoubtedly cause some to be bitter against you. Such women, when they sense you are out-of-their-league, will act like schoolyard bullies: making you feel small until you cave and join them. My advice to you is, DON’T! Because…

But the Lord answered and said to her, Martha, Martha, you are worried and bothered about so many things; but only one thing is necessary, for Mary has chosen the good part, which shall not be taken away from her. – Luke 10:41-42

If I visualize and assess this scene in a practical setting, I see something like this:

The go-getter, take charge woman marches over to the quiet, submissive woman and demands to know why she isn’t joining in the kitchen activity. She smiles triumphantly as her “opponent” begins to stammer a reply with nervous tears coming to her eyes. This must translate to guilt! Martha turns her attention on the other girl’s Savior/husband/father, and says, “come on, tell her to get to work”. She feels justified in her demands, because she knows she’s in the right. Imagine her surprise when the man looks her in the eye and says, “my girl will not be going anywhere. I quite enjoy her presence, and this conversation is good for her. Loosen up, my friend…the meal can wait.” He gives his girl a playful wink, and Mary begins to feel at ease once more.

He appraises, He appreciates, and He approves.

I feel that Luke 10 ends in a plot twist of sorts. Many of us grew up with this account read to us as children, but try to imagine it as if you were reading it for the first time. Would it not be assumed that Jesus would gently rebuke Mary, telling her that Martha is indeed correct…that Mary ought not to slack off? However, this is not the case. Jesus says, “Mary has chosen the good part, and it shall not be taken from her.” In essence, Martha’s demand was blown off. Can you imagine Mary’s relief at having been defended by her Lord, rather than defamed? Get this, the same Jesus who defended Mary that day is the same Jesus that defends all “Marys” to this day. He sees you. He knows your heart. He knows that you are all substance, though your inner man is not so outwardly shown like it is with a “Martha”. He is in your corner, just as you have always been in His. Those who are humble in His sight, He lifts up. What great consequence is it if a Martha defames you, when you have your Master to defend you?

In conclusion…

It can feel very lonely to be a Mary girl in a Martha world.

Marthas will defame you. They will appraise you, approach you, and apprehend you.
But…
Master will defend you. He will appraise you, appreciate you, and approve you.

In the Bible, Mary didn’t have to feel intimidated or threatened by her sister Martha’s disapproval. With the Lord in her corner, Mary could resist bullying and feel confident in her choice to sit at Master’s feet rather than act the hostess. See, there is no shame in being a server like Martha…and there is no shame in being a scholar like Mary. Shame is only to be found when we are all shadow and no substance, or when we try to bend and bully others to fit our personality instead of embracing their own. “You do you, Sis” is actually a biblical attitude when said in the context of each woman embracing her God-given gifts and abilities:

Now there are varieties of gifts, but the same Spirit. And there are varieties of ministries, and the same Lord. There are varieties of effects, but the same God who works all things in all persons. – 1 Corinthians 12:4-6

I don’t know how Mary and Martha’s story ended after the conclusion of Luke chapter 10. I’d like to imagine that Martha blushed at her outburst, asked Jesus’ and Mary’s forgiveness, and sat down next to her sister to listen to the Master. I’d like to imagine that when Jesus had finished speaking, the two sisters grinned at one another knowingly, got up, and finished the housework in peaceful harmony. Hopefully, Mary learned how to survive in Martha’s world, Martha learned how to survive in Mary’s world…and they both learned to thrive in their Master’s world.

…we are to grow up in all aspects into Him who is the head, even Christ, from whom the whole body, being fitted and held together by what every joint supplies, according to the proper working of each individual part, causes the growth of the body for the building up of itself in love.

For God’s glory,
CA Bolks

Chelsea Bolks is a church of Christ minister’s wife, and the home educating mother of two children. She and her family currently reside in Northwest Iowa.

I before e, except after c
Or when sounded as ‘a’ as in ‘neighbor’ and ‘weigh’
Unless the ‘c’ is part of a ‘sh’ sound as in ‘glacier’
Or it appears in comparatives and superlatives like ‘fancier’
And also except when the vowels are sounded as ‘e’ as in ‘seize’
Or ‘i’ as in ‘height’
Or also in ‘-ing’ inflections ending in ‘-e’ as in ‘cueing’
Or in compound words as in ‘albeit’
Or occasionally in technical words with strong etymological links to their parent languages as in ‘cuneiform’
Or in other numerous and random exceptions such as ‘science’, ‘forfeit’, and ‘weird’.

And that doesn’t even rhyme.

– taken from https://www.merriam-webster.com/words-at-play/i-before-e-except-after-c

As the folks at Merriam Webster mockingly pointed out, there are numerous exceptions to the age-old rule, “i before e except after c”. In fact, I have have heard it claimed that there are more words that break the rule than there are words that follow it! The phrase is catchy, but you shouldn’t rely on it too heavily. Especially if, say, you’re at a spelling bee and your turn is up.

Alright, moving on…this isn’t English class, and I don’t wish to belabor the irony of the “i before e” rule. Rather, I am here today to bring you a new catch phrase…one that is far more reliable and trustworthy. I’m sorry to say it will not win you any points at the local spelling bee, but it will give you something handy to remember in your Christian walk. It goes like this:

I Before Thee (Except After He)

See, the “rule” of this world is selfishness. What I want. What will further my interests. Me being served. I before thee.

Yet there is an exception to this worldly rule: except after He. (That is, except after Christ)

In Him, we lay aside the old “rule” of selfishness. We learn to be humble and sacrificial. We learn to esteem others as better than ourselves. We learn to cultivate the heart of a servant. Today, I am going to share three reasons why following the Christian rule “I before thee (except after He)” will significantly enrich your life.

The first reason is that you just may…

Generally speaking, putting others first will cause them to view you in a positive light. Certainly there are exceptions to this rule, but for the most part, your average person cannot but help to be charmed by the ways of a humble servant. Proverbs 29:23 informs us that:

A man’s pride will bring him low, but a humble spirit will obtain honor.

Backwards as it sounds, if you want to gain honor, you must first have a heart of humility. It will be hard for others to resist you if you “kill them with kindness”. On the other hand, you will lose their respect by leaps and bounds if you harbor pride and selfishness.

People who invariably put themselves first will find that others tend to put them last.

– Dr. Nido R. Qubein

When a woman has gained an honorable name through her humble heart of service, her influence will be far-reaching. Her good reputation may lead her to such joys as: winning an unbelieving husband to Christ, returning an erring child to the faith, and reaching the lost.

The second reason to follow the rule of “I before thee (except after He)” is that you just may…

Generally speaking, putting others first will cause them to return the favor by putting you first. Certainly there are exceptions to this rule, but for the most part, your average person cannot but help to be convicted by the ways of a humble servant. Luke 6:38 says…

Give, and it will be given to you. They will pour into your lap a good measure – pressed down, shaken together, and running over. For by your standard of measure it will be measured to you in return.

When we live a sacrificial lifestyle, it compels others to do the same. People just love giving to givers. I know that some of my greatest joys in life have been in being able to “give back” in some meaningful way to those who have been lavish towards me.

They say love is the best investment; the more you give, the more you get in return.

– Audrey Hepburn

When a woman gives freely of her time, talents, and treasures to others, she will likely find herself the recipient of special attention in return. A husband who is well-fed and well-sexed will likely feel compelled to shower his wife with affections. A child who is doted upon by his mother will likely adopt a more compliant and cheerful attitude towards her. A friend who has been helped in time of need will likely be there to help a gal out when she is struggling.

The third reason to follow the rule of “I before thee (except after He)” is that you will…

Invariably speaking, putting others first will cause God to pour His favor upon you. Without exception, our Lord cannot but help to be called upon by the ways of a humble servant. In Ecclesiastes 11:1, we are given this assurance:

Cast your bread on the surface of the waters, for you will find it after many days.

There is a sure promise that we will be rewarded for the good that we do for others. It may not be today, it may not be tomorrow, it may not be until “after many days”…it may not even be in this life on earth. Still, we know that our Father will not forget to repay His humble servants.

God’s greatest reward goes to those who serve without expectation of reward. It goes to those who serve without fanfare; those who quietly go about seeking ways to help others; those who minister to others simply because they love God and God’s children.

Dieter F. Uchtdorf

When a woman knows that her ultimate reward comes from God, and not man, she will no longer serve with ulterior motives. She will submit to and serve her husband without expectation of romantic gestures. She will nurture and serve her children without expectation of flawless obedience. She will befriend and serve others without expectation of pomp and praise.

In conclusion…

When you follow the rule of “I before thee (except after He)”, you may just find that you gain their respect and gain your return.

We must remember, though, that there are many people in this world who still live under the worldly rule of “I before thee”. Such folks may never change their demeanor towards you…no matter how humble your heart is, no matter how much you serve them, no matter how deeply you wish to see a soft heart reflected back from them.

Nonetheless, as Christians, we take great comfort in the fact that we will gain His reward for our service when this life is all said and done. When we put others first, it does not escape our Lord’s notice. When we esteem others as better than ourselves and lay down our own wants and desires to their benefit, we become great in the eyes of God…

The measure of a man’s greatness is not the number of servants he has, but the number of people he serves.

John Hagee

For God’s glory,
CA Bolks

Chelsea Bolks is a church of Christ minister’s wife, and the home educating mother of two children. She and her family currently reside in Northwest Iowa.

Has anyone seen my chameleon this morning?
He has to be hiding somewhere.
He asked me if we could play hide-and-go-seek,
and then disappeared into thin air.

I’ve looked high and low in the yard and the house
and it seems like he’s nowhere around.
He’s probably hiding right out in the open
but doesn’t yet want to be found.

I’m guessing he looks like a leaf on a bush
or the back of a sofa or chair.
He could be disguised as a book or a bagel.
Regardless, I don’t think it’s fair.

If you come across my chameleon, please tell him
I give up. He beat me today.
He’s clearly the champion at hiding so, next time,
it’s my turn to pick what we play.

– “Has Anyone Seen My Chameleon?” by Kenn Nesbitt

Hide-and-Go-Seek Champion. Master of Disguise. Mimic of Legendary Proportions. The Chameleon.

Chameleons are extraordinary creatures, most well known by their ability to change colors and blend in with their surroundings. The word chameleon is derived from two Greek words: “khamai”, which means “on the earth”, and “leon”, which means “lion”. When we say the word, chameleon, we are calling this lizard a “lion on the earth”. Isn’t it odd that such a small creature would bear such a grand title? An oft-suggested explanation for this is that the crest on the chameleon’s head is reminiscent of a lion’s mane. Might I suggest another, more symbolic, explanation for the Greek moniker? Charles Darwin once said:

It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent that survives. It is the one that is most adaptable to change.

Now, I am not a fan of Darwin, nor do I ascribe to his theories on evolution. However, I agree with him on this point: adaptability often outweighs strength and intelligence (or makes up for the lack thereof). A chameleon may not have the strength or cunning nature of the lion, yet its adaptability rivals that king of beasts.

“What does all this chameleon stuff have to do with me?” you may be asking. Here’s the correlation: there are those of us who at times bemoan our lack of ingenuity. We are the people who imitate those we look up to, who mimic genius, who pick up bits and pieces from others to invent our identity. We are the ones who will never hear the words, “he/she is a natural”, spoken in reference to us. Because frankly, we aren’t naturals…we are chameleons. We replicate. Others paint the landscape, we copy the painting. Others write the music, we sing the tune. Others publish the books, we quote the words. Others are the inventors, we are the imitators. Does this resonate with you?

If you are a “chameleon”, you likely think that you lack unique attributes. You may feel that God forgot to sprinkle that extra “special something” in your DNA that others seem to possess. You probably have days when you look down on yourself, because you have to work so hard to do what comes naturally to the ones who just plain “have it”.

I am here today to shift your perspective. I am going to give you three reasons why being a chameleon isn’t such a bad thing as you’re making it out to be. By the time you finish this article, perhaps you will look at yourself through a new set of eyes. Let’s get rolling.

Ashamed of being a chameleon? Don’t let this escape your notice. #1: The Character of a Chameleon is one of…

• Their eyes move independently and can rotate 360 degrees.
• Their eyes can also see two directions at once.
• They have very sharp vision with excellent depth perception which allows them to easily target prey (insects) even up to 20 feet away.

– Chameleon Facts & Worksheets: https://kidskonnect.com – KidsKonnect, November 7, 2018

If you are a “chameleon”, you have been given excellent observation skills. You are able to see things that others cannot. Your brain is able to process an inordinate amount of information through your heightened visual perception.

Observation is a valuable tool in many areas of life:

• Observation allows a wife to ascertain what her husband wants and needs from her…she takes careful note of all his desires and adds them to her mental “to-do” list.
• Observation allows a mother to identify her child’s nature…she learns how she might reach him in the way best suited to his individual personality traits.
• Observation allows an employee to learn the tricks of her trade…she studies diligently to become an asset to the company for which she is employed.

Unfortunately, not everyone can and not everyone will observe to their betterment. Such individuals rely on their natural ability to carry them through life, and don’t see a need to look further. They lack the ability to see beyond their present talents, and this hinders their personal growth. You, however, have the character of a chameleon. You are at an advantage, because you see that you have room for improvement. You can easily observe all your traits that need an upgrade.

Observation is a key element to our Christian faith. The Lord says this in regard to people who don’t observe:

Look, you blind, that you may see. Who is so blind as he that is at peace with me, or so blind as the servant of the Lord? You have seen many things, but you do not observe them. – excerpt from Isaiah 42:18-20

Chameleons have a stark advantage toward understanding the scripture – let it not be wasted on us. The Bible is more than mere words on a page…we must not only see, but observe. We must hold God’s word as the blueprint by which we mold our lives. Let us use our “360 degree” field of vision to observe every detail – the whole counsel of God.

Still ashamed of being a chameleon? Don’t let this escape your notice. #2: The Character of a Chameleon is one of…

• The tongues of chameleons are two to three times longer than their bodies.
• They are able to shoot their tongues out at high speeds in both high and low temperatures, which other reptiles cannot do.
• They use both their eyes and tongues to capture their prey: their sharp eyes first spot their target then their long tongues grab the insect.

– Chameleon Facts & Worksheets: https://kidskonnect.com – KidsKonnect, November 7, 2018

If you are a “chameleon”, you have been given excellent eradication skills. You are able to quickly remove what others cannot. You can effectively take down your target and convert the unwanted intruder to positive energy.

Eradication is a valuable tool in many areas of life:

• Eradication allows a wife to avoid giving any turn-offs to her man (whether somatically, soulishly, or spiritually)…she finds out which of her habits are undesirable or loathsome to him and permanently lays them aside.
• Eradication allows a mother to break her previous cycles of poor parenting…she replaces impatience with patience, a raised tone with a lower tone, and harsh judgments with an understanding heart.
• Eradication allows an employee to nip her bad habits in the bud…she takes constructive criticism seriously and adjusts her work ethic and attitude accordingly.

Unfortunately, not everyone can and not everyone will eradicate to their betterment. Such individuals don’t see anything wrong with the way they’ve always done things. They lack the ability to ditch their negative traits, and this hinders their personal growth. You, however, have the character of a chameleon. You are at an advantage, because you are repulsed by all that is lesser within you. You don’t feel at rest until you remove the wrong and make it right.

Eradication is a key element to our Christian faith. Ezekiel 18:31 gives this admonition:

Cast away from you all your transgressions which you have committed and make yourselves a new heart and a new spirit! For why will you die, O house of Israel?

Chameleons have a stark advantage toward removing sin from the heart – let it not be wasted on us. We can not allow ourselves to be complacent when it comes to wrongs in our spirit, but continually work hand-in-hand with God to weed them out. We must replace negative traits with positive ones. Let us capture our prey (our sin) with lightning speed and devour it…before it devours us.

Still ashamed of being a chameleon? Don’t let this escape your notice. #3: The Character of a Chameleon is one of…

• Chameleons don’t disappear; they change colors to blend into their environment.
• Most species change color; some can even change the pattern and mix of colors.
• Chameleons change colors as a defense mechanism from predators, a signal to other chameleons, and as a technique to regulate body temperature.

– Chameleon Facts & Worksheets: https://kidskonnect.com – KidsKonnect, November 7, 2018

If you are a “chameleon”, you have been given excellent adaptation skills. You are able to become what others cannot. You can transform into something far more beautiful and refined than your first form.

• Adaptation allows a wife to morph into the woman of her husband’s dreams…she adapts to the qualities her man finds attractive in a woman and win his favor.
• Adaptation allows a mother to bond with her child…she adapts to tried-and-true parenting techniques and becomes a better mom.
• Adaptation allows an employee to rise in her company’s ranks…she adapts to the business model of her superiors and impresses her boss.

Unfortunately, not everyone can and not everyone will adapt to their betterment. When such individuals reach the end of their natural ability, they find themselves unable to progress further in life. They lack the ability to become more than what they are, and this hinders their personal growth. You, however, have the character of a chameleon. You are at an advantage, because you can copy what you see. You have the very real gift of becoming what you admire.

Adaptation is a key element to our Christian faith. We are called to:

…be imitators of God, as beloved children. – Ephesians 5:1

Chameleons have a stark advantage toward transforming into God’s image – let it not be wasted on us. We have the perfect example to follow in our Messiah, Jesus Christ. We must pick up our cross and follow in His footsteps daily. We must find Him worthy of our imitation. Let us blend into our Savior and model our every color after Him.

Still ashamed of being a chameleon? Surely not, my friend. Chameleons are truly one-of-a-kind among God’s creation.

In conclusion…

This message is for me as well as for all of my fellow “chameleons”. No longer will I be ashamed of my God-given design. I used to think that I had no special qualities of my own, that I was merely a cheap imitation of those I considered to be “better” than myself…the naturals. Now I realize that others are not better than me, nor vice versa…we are merely different.

If it were possible for a chameleon to voice a lament in my ear, perhaps it would say: “I am a worthless creature. I have no abilities of my own! All I am is a cheap imitation…a copy. I’m nothing special.”

“Silly lizard,” I would reply, “you are a lion on the earth. Your very strength lies in your ability to adapt. This is the quality that makes you unique. Not everyone can be a chameleon, you know.” And this is what I am telling you also. Are you a skilled observer, eradicator, and adapter? Then you have the character of a chameleon. You have no cause for shame. Stand tall, and embrace your distinctive expertise…painting yourself in a beautiful array of colors.

“Living in the skin of a chameleon requires the ability to adapt and change on a dime, every single day, multiple times a day – while continuing to keep an eye on the big picture.”

http://www.thechameleoncompany.com/

For God’s glory,
CA Bolks

Chelsea Bolks is a church of Christ minister’s wife, and the home educating mother of two children. She and her family currently reside in Northwest Iowa.