The Road goes ever on and on Down from the door where it began. Now far ahead the Road has gone, And I must follow, if I can, Pursuing it with eager feet, Until it joins some larger way Where many paths and errands meet. And whither then? I cannot say.
– J.R.R. Tolkien
Hearth and home are the hallowed haunts of a humble housewife. (Note to self: must stop alliterating!) There are times, however, when it is apropos for the housewife to emerge from her haven, and “pursue [the Road] with eager feet…where many paths and errands meet.” One of these times is on “errand day”.
Errands: love ’em or hate ’em, somebody’s gotta do ’em. If you are a wife, that “somebody” will likely be you. Like any housewifely job, running errands can be viewed as a menial chore, or a meaningful charter. I’ll cast my vote for the latter perspective. A worker at home can aid her husband tremendously by taking responsibility for the household errands, thus fulfilling her role as his suitable helper. A simple errand day may seem insignificant, but the enactment thereof reveals much about a homemaker’s character. Blessed is the man whose heart safely trusts in his wife to handle such tasks as shopping and paying the bills…with equal parts diligence and dignity. You can learn a lot about a woman just by the way she runs her errands.
How is your character on “errand day”? Do you accomplish your tasks in a diligent and dignified manner? Are you striving to avoid folly? Can your husband honestly say he is well-pleased by your performance?
If you are a housewife who desires to consecrate every last part of her life to the Lord, that means even something as unremarkable as an “errand day” should be examined and adjusted for His good purpose. In today’s lesson, we are going to hop into the cute little vintage car of a foolish housewife as she goes about her day running A Fool’s Errands. “Huh?! Why would we do this?” Well, in order to learn what one ought to be, sometimes it’s helpful to see what one ought not to be. Women of wisdom are often made the wiser by observing women of folly; our natural repulsion at their lack of virtuous femininity and good sense guards us against following in their footsteps. In this way, a fool teaches. As Ecclesiastes 10:3 says:
Even when the fool walks along the road, his sense is lacking, and he demonstrates to everyone that he is a fool. (emphasis added)
One might say, “even when the foolish housewife drives around town running errands, her sense is lacking, and she demonstrates to everyone that she is a fool”. Yikes! We don’t want that to be said of us. So, let’s hop in the car with Little Mess Suzy Homemaker and make sure we avoid her foolish mistakes.
Firstly, she’s heading…
When Little Mess S.H. fills her car up with gasoline, she has gallivanting on the brain. The reason she gets out of the house on errand day isn’t to further her household, but to get further from her household. Like many a foolish wife throughout the ages, “her feet do not remain at home” (Proverbs 7:11), and neither does her heart. To such a woman, her home is not perceived as a loved palace, but a loathed prison. Her family is considered a burden; housework a drudgery. Gasoline in the tank means getting out from under the stifling thumb of her husband’s authority, the incessant demands of her little ones’ needs, and the maddeningly unending list of chores. Running errands means leaving all this behind in favor of “me time”. Getting out in public means gathering a juicy tidbit of gossip, and letting the mouth flow freely with bitter complaints. Fueling her car serves to fuel her desire to abandon her domain and dwelling place. (Jude 6) Oh foolish housewife, it would be better not to fuel at the filling station at all than to run A Fool’s Errands.
A wise man is cautious and turns away from evil, but a fool is arrogant and careless. – Proverbs 14:16
Secondly, she’s heading…
When Little Mess S.H. visits the supermarket, she allows her stomach and eyes to guide her food selections, rather than the brain the good Lord gave her. She only picks out items that will pleasure the home, without picking any items that will prepare the home. Instead of thinking ahead by stocking the larder with items the family will surely need down the road, she only thinks as far ahead as days…never weeks or months. Everything she purchases is ready-to-eat/grab n’ go, and her children take that mission to heart – storming the pantry with a vengeance, leaving not a crumb. After all, there’s nothing in there that has to be made from scratch – nutritious, home-cooked meals take too much time and energy. Why would one go to the trouble of making her family’s food, when the warehouse can fill their dining needs just as easily as she can? (Never mind the chemicals!) Plus: bargains are boring; big-box is better. Oh foolish housewife, it would be better not to shop at the grocery store at all than to run A Fool’s Errands.
Four things are small on the earth, but they are exceedingly wise: the ants are not a strong people, but they prepare their food in the summer. – Proverbs 30:24-25
Thirdly, she’s heading…
When Little Mess S.H. walks – or rather, sprints – into an appointment, she’s running behind schedule as usual. She fails to show consideration for the valuable time of the doctor, tax attorney, dentist, class leader, etc. by arriving to their scheduled meeting in a timely manner. (I speak not of unforeseeable setbacks, but of mere carelessness) The world revolves around her time-table, and if others can’t adjust, then that’s too bad for them. If people must wait because of her inability to leave the house on time or remember to bring along the insurance cards, tax documents, or other needed materials, then they simply must wait. And if she doesn’t feel like going out that day? She’ll cancel at the last minute or just not show up. What’s the big deal if she misses an appointment once in a while? It’s not her loss of time or money! All she has to do is reschedule for another day, and see what mood she’s in when that day rolls around. Oh foolish housewife, it would be better not to set up the appointment at all than to run A Fool’s Errands.
Prepare plans by consultation, and make war by wise guidance. – Proverbs 20:18
Fourthly, she’s heading…
When Little Mess S.H. whips out her library card (if she so much as owns one) she’s checking out tripe. She fills her mind with drivel, because rich literature is beyond the levels of both her interest and intellect. The non-fiction books that catch her attention are those that appeal to her feelings (or as she describes them, “her truth”) – self-magnification, female empowerment, “finding yourself”. The fictional novels she selects are ripe with vulgar language, illicit sex, and all manner of degeneracy. Her kids may read whatever book looks “cool” to them, because Mother is too lazy to research the material that is entering into their impressionable minds. Of course, it’s just as likely that Little Mess S.H. and her children do not read at all. Reading is a revered pastime among the wise, but one often diminished – even detested – in the eyes of fools. The library may instead be a social hangout – the local spot where one gathers to gab rather than to glean. Oh foolish housewife, it would be better not to use the library at all than to run A Fool’s Errands.
The mind of the intelligent seeks knowledge, but the mouth of fools feeds on folly. – Proverbs 15:14
Fifthly and lastly, she’s heading…
When Little Mess S.H. waltzes into her financial institution, she nearly sucks the bank account dry. They say “a fool and his money are soon parted”, or perhaps it may also be said thus: “a fool and her husband’s money are soon parted”. A woman who’s high on shopping and low on self-control is a dangerous mix. Wants are prioritized over needs. Bills are forgotten in the face of desires. Savings are tapped into for trifles. Though her husband reminds her that money doesn’t grow on trees, Little Mess S.H. is always armed and ready with a host of excuses for the mounting expenditures. If her man has to work longer hours to afford her lavish lifestyle, so be it. Sure, time spent with her husband and her children’s father is nice and all – but dining out, sporting new outfits, possessing the latest technology, etc. is even nicer. She and the kids are living their best life, so he should be happy that they are enjoying the fruits of his labors! Oh foolish housewife, it would be better not to withdraw from the bank at all than to run A Fool’s Errands.
There is precious treasure and oil in the dwelling of the wise, but a foolish man swallows it up. – Proverbs 21:10
In conclusion…
What a trip! Little Mess Suzy Homemaker sure can run A Fool’s Errands with the best of them. May none of us resemble this foolish housewife while running our own errands to the filling station, the grocery store, the appointment, the library, or the bank. May we aim to be Little Misses, not Little Messes.
May we wisely fuel our cars, carrying love for hearth and home ever before us. May we wisely grocery shop, possessing a spirit of preparation and prudence. May we wisely plan our appointments, keeping on time and on task. May we wisely borrow from the library, holding reverence for Lord and learning. May we wisely withdraw from the bank, revealing contentedness and control. And in all these things, let us show forth cheer and goodwill, lest we make a fool of ourselves simply by way of a rotten attitude. Nothing screams A Fool’s Errands more than the woman who makes a scene everywhere she goes – finding fault with every clerk, cashier, secretary, volunteer, or teller. You can easily spot one of these unfeminine shrews wherever you go: they are demanding, unyielding, discontented, unreasonable, and hideously arrogant.
The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish tears it down with her hands. – Proverbs 14:1
None of that folly for us damsels, please and thank you. Our errands are for building, not for breaking.
For God’s glory, Mrs. Dustin Bolks
Chaste Bolks is a church of Christ preacher’s wife, and the home educating mother of two children. She and her family currently reside in Northwest Iowa.
Fat man looking in a blade of steel Thin man looking at his last meal Hollow man looking in a cotton field For dignity
Wise man looking in a blade of grass Young man looking in the shadows that pass Poor man looking through painted glass For dignity
Somebody got murdered on New Year’s Eve Somebody said dignity was the first to leave I went into the city, went into the town Went into the land of the midnight sun
Searching high, searching low Searching everywhere I know Asking the cops wherever I go “Have you seen dignity?”
Blind man breaking out of a trance Puts both hands in the pockets of chance Hoping to find one circumstance Of dignity
…
The chilly wind sharp as a razor blade House on fire, debts unpaid Gonna stand at the window, going to ask the maid “Have you seen dignity?”
Drinking man listens to the voice he hears In a crowded room full of covered up mirrors Looking into the lost forgotten years For dignity
…
Sick man looking for the doctor’s cure Looking at his hands for the lines that were And into every masterpiece of literature For dignity
An Englishman stranded in the black-heart wind Combing his hair back, his future looks thin Bites the bullet and he looks within For dignity
Someone showed me a picture and I just laughed Dignity never been photographed I went into the red, went into the black Into the valley of dry bone dreams
So many roads, so much at stake Too many dead ends, I’m at the edge of the lake Sometimes I wonder what it’s going to take To find dignity
– Excerpt from Bob Dylan’s song, “Dignity”
Dignity is as elusive today as it was when this song was recorded in 1989. Not a whole lot has changed in the last 35 years. As a matter of fact, dignity has always been hard to find among creatures of dust. Long before Christ became flesh, a mother of old taught her son about the ethereal woman of virtue…one who clothed herself with strength and that exceeding rare quality of dignity. (Proverbs 31:25) I sure hope King Lemuel found his “far above jewels” lady. Many men (throughout the ages) never find a wife like that.
Damsels of Dignity really are few and far between – unless you count all the self-proclaimed “Proverbs 31” ladies. I have seen many a woman in many a church pew, sporting a bit of that ancient oracle of King Lemuel’s mother. From the “virtuous woman” Bible cases…to the “she smiles at the future” notebook covers…to the “charm is deceitful and beauty is vain” tee shirts, you’d think every female was that dream daughter-in-law of King Lemuel’s mom. While I commend the aspiration – and likewise aspire to be like that legendary damsel of dignity – I can’t help but wonder if all the cute paraphernalia isn’t more-or-less a sign of thinking of ourselves more highly than we ought. Did not King Lemuel’s mother say, “an excellent wife, who can find“? (Proverbs 31:10) Let me re-emphasize: Who can find? Who can find? Who can find? Many of us long to be like her, but how many of us really are like her? Excellent? Strong? Dignified? Few.
Bob Dylan’s question begs to be asked: “have you seen dignity“? Can we look into the mirror of scripture and see a dignified damsel looking back? Can we be a dignified damsel for our husbands, and to our children? Can we show a dignified damsel to a world that is “hoping to find one circumstance of dignity“? What even is dignity? How can we know whether or not we are dignified damsels, or merely wannabes?
Between the exemplary descriptions of femininity found in Proverbs 31 and Titus 2, there is a lesser-known passage that describes a damsel of dignity. This passage is 1 Timothy 3:11. It reads as follows:
Women must likewise be dignified, not malicious gossips, but temperate, faithful in all things.
What is a damsel of dignity? She is not a malicious gossip. She is temperate. She is faithful in all things. It’s funny, but I have yet to see a Bible case, notebook cover, or tee shirt adorned with any of these words. I wonder, is it because the 1 Timothy passage is not well-known? Or is it rather that these qualities are too far removed from the average woman to be regarded as stylish? After all, conviction is never in fashion!
However…
Are you up to the challenge of being convicted? Are you willing to go “searching high, searching low, searching everywhere you know” for dignity? Are you ready to become a dignified damsel? If so, today’s article is for you. Let’s look into the three primary characteristics of a damsel of dignity. Firstly, she has a:
Women must likewise be dignified: not malicious gossips. – 1 Timothy 3:11a
A damsel of dignity has a dignified word.
The term “malicious gossips” is a translation of the Greek word, “diabolos”, A.K.A. “devil”, A.K.A. “the accuser”. You might be reminded of a similar English word, “diabolical”, which the dictionary defines as “pertaining to or actuated by a devil; fiendish; outrageously wicked; excruciatingly bad”. What a definition! But none too severe. Women who indulge in the devilry of gossip are following in the footsteps of our fell enemy, the father of lies, Satan himself. Can you name a less dignified role model than that old serpent?
Lest there be any question, I must point out that there is no differentiation between “malicious gossip” and plain old “gossip”. The term “malicious gossips”, though read as two distinct words in our English Bibles, are translated together from that one sobering Greek word, “diabolos”. Malice and gossip go hand in hand, and you cannot separate the twain. Indeed, all gossip is malicious at its core, being of Satan, and even the seemingly harmless gossip (“phluaros” = babbling) of idle busybodies is condemned by God:
At the same time they also learn to be idle, as they go around from house to house; and not merely idle, but also they become gossips and busybodies, talking about things not proper to mention. – 1 Timothy 5:13
Dignified damsels neither spread gossip, nor listen to it. An elegant lady never indulges in the “improper”.
There are several questions we would do well to ask ourselves before we open our mouths to speak about another person. These include, but are not limited to, such questions as:
Would I say these things if the person I am speaking of was standing right here beside me? Have I been given license to speak about this aspect of the person’s life? Do I know with certainty that this topic is approved for sharing? Are the words I’m speaking about this person positive in nature, or negative? Would I want someone else talking about me this way? Are the things I’m saying proven fact? Even if they are proven fact, is it right for me to use someone’s personal life as fodder for my twisted entertainment?
Opening our ears for gossip is just as harmful as opening our mouths for gossip. When we allow someone to speak freely in gossip before us, not only are we providing them a safe space for committing diabolical sin, but we are failing to show integrity by standing up for the one being gossiped about. When someone begins spouting their negative speech, it is our responsibility to nip it in the bud, or evacuate.
When another woman starts unloading her husband’s “many faults” before you, nip it in the bud. Gently remind her that she is commanded to submit to her husband as unto the Lord, and to win him without a word. When a child complains about how “unfair” his parents’ rules are, nip it in the bud. Gently remind him that it is his duty to honor and obey his father and mother. When your neighbor wants to share a bit of “juicy information” with you about their distant relation, nip it in the bud. Gently remind them that it is a glory to overlook a transgression, and that love covers a multitude of sins. Don’t wait around and listen to these folks until they “take it too far”. End it right where it begins, and do not allow Satan a foothold.
Gossip has become such a socially “acceptable” sin in our society – even practiced among church members – that many no longer see this diabolical act for what it is. Gossip is a crime against Heaven and Earth. When will we daughters of Eve say “no more”? Where are the dignified damsels who know that they will give an account for every careless word they speak? (Matthew 12:36) Where are the dignified damsels who will not give ear to – or associate with – a gossip? (Proverbs 20:19) Where are the dignified damsels who would not be so disgraceful to even speak about things done in secret? (Ephesians 5:12)
Let your word be dignified. Don’t be a slave to the malice. Clean your mouth.
Be a damsel of dignity, not a daughter of devilry.
Secondly, a damsel of dignity has a…
Women must likewise be dignified: temperate. – 1 Timothy 3:11b
A damsel of dignity has a dignified will.
The word “temperate” is a translation of the Greek word, “nephalios”, which also means “sober; self-controlled; self-restrained; vigilant”. It carries, too, a connection with sobriety from intoxicating drink (at least in immoderate consumption). In fact, a parallel passage to our theme text, found in Titus 2:3, reads:
Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips or enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good. (emphasis added)
Dignified damsels are women of moderation. An elegant lady is disciplined and free from addiction.
We live in an addicted world. There’s addiction to mind-altering substances such as drugs and alcohol. There’s addiction to unhealthy habits such as smoking cigarettes and chewing tobacco. But these “big, bad” addictions that so easily come to mind are really only scratching the surface. There’s also addiction to food and beverage. Addiction to smartphones. To social media. Video games. Television. Sex. Fashion. Sleeping. Talking. Receiving compliments. Biting nails. The list could go on and on. My point is, you name it, someone out there is probably addicted to it. While not all of these things are evil in and of themselves, the danger we face is in allowing any of them to become an addiction (or using them in an evil manner).
Being temperate means “one more chip” doesn’t evolve into “two more chips”. It means checking your smartphone out of intention, not out of habit. It means not feeling the need to share every little thing you do on your favorite social media platform. It means not looking up at the clock and realizing you threw half your day away because you got so sucked into your brand new video game. It means putting a limit on how many hours of film blares through your TV screen. It means finding satisfaction in the marriage bed, and not going out looking for the next new fling. It means being prudent with your clothing budget. It means not pressing “snooze” on your alarm 25 times. It means controlling your tongue. It means not craving affirmation from everyone and their brother. It means getting a hold on your nervous habits.
Whatever aspect of life you fail to gain control of, be certain that it will not fail to gain control of you.
By what anyone is overcome, by this he is enslaved. – 2 Peter 2:19b
Addiction is slavery. Yet we who are in Christ can claim victory over vices and break free from bondage!
It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery. – Galatians 5:1
When we repent and are baptized, we receive the gift of the Holy Spirit. (Acts 2:38) With the Holy Spirit dwelling within us, we can activate the fruit of the Spirit – which is, in part, self-control. (Galatians 5:22-23) When we exercise self-control, one vital aspect of “temperance”, we become leveled up in perseverance, godliness, brotherly kindness, and love. (2 Peter 1:6-7) So much of our existence is touched by the choice to be temperate! Like the drunkard who kicks his addiction to the curb and finds a job, a family, and self-respect, we turn our whole life around when we “sober up” and wriggle out from the chains that bind us.
Let your will be dignified. Don’t be a slave to the chalice. Clear your brain.
Be a damsel of dignity, not a daughter of devilry.
Thirdly, a damsel of dignity has a…
Women must likewise be dignified: faithful in all things. – 1 Timothy 3:11c
A damsel of dignity has a dignified way.
The word “faithful” is a translation of the Greek word, “pistos”, which also means “trustworthy” or “reliable”. The dictionary defines “faithful” as “true to one’s word; steady in allegiance or affection; strict or thorough in the performance of duty; loyal; constant”. A knightly sort of character, one might say.
I have chosen the faithful way; I have placed your ordinances before me. – Psalm 119:30
“Faithful” is an adjective that warms the heart, isn’t it? A faithful Christian. A faithful husband. A faithful wife. A faithful son. A faithful daughter. A faithful friend. A faithful employee. Etc. Add “faithful” before anyone’s title, and you know you’re describing someone truly special. We love the faithfulness of others. We desire the faithfulness of others. We even expect the faithfulness of others. And so does our Father in Heaven expect faithfulness from us. We are to be “faithful in all things“. Wow! Isn’t that quite a tall order?
Well, in reality it’s quite easy to be faithful to that which holds our affection. How tall is the order to keep faithfully returning to your favorite restaurant? How tall is the order to faithfully show up on time to the movie you’ve been dying to see? How tall is the order to faithfully hone the skill that interests you? And those are just the niche hobbies. How tall is the order to faithfully keep your wedding vows when you love your husband? How tall is the order to faithfully change diapers when you love your baby? How tall is the order to faithfully put food in the dish when you love your pet? Where there is love, faithfulness is natural.
So the more we love, the more faithful we will be. The more we love God and cleave to Him, the more faithful we will be to the Way. Loving and cleaving makes us faithful Christians, faithful wives, faithful mothers, faithful friends…faithful women in every single area of our lives. Faithfulness is another part of that spiritual fruit we can tap into when we get into Christ and take on the Holy Spirit. (Galatians 5:22-23)
Dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness. – Psalm 37:3b
Dignified damsels are loyal and true. An elegant lady is reliable and can always be counted upon.
Will you always follow through on your word, even though “the faithful disappear from among the sons of men“? (Psalm 12:1) Will you be God’s image-bearer, being one who “remains faithful” even when others “are faithless“? (2 Timothy 2:13) Will you commit to being “faithful until death“, no matter what trials may come your way? (Revelation 2:10) Being a dignified damsel demands this level of constancy.
Let your way be dignified. Be a slave to the palace. Cleave your heart.
Be a damsel of dignity, not a daughter of devilry.
In conclusion…
Like Bob Dylan, do you ever wonder “what it’s going take to find dignity“? Not only can you find dignity itself, but you can find a dignified damsel in yourself by following the pattern laid out in 1 Timothy 3:11!
Are you ready to become a “semnos” (Greek word for “dignified”) lady: august, venerable, honorable?
To fully embody a spirit of dignity, you must possess a cleaned mouth, a cleared brain, and a cleaved heart. You must not be a slave to the malice or a slave to the chalice, but be a slave to the palace. You must shun malicious gossip, embrace temperance, and embrace faithfulness. You must become dignified in your word, in your will, and in your way. This is how you transform into a legendary damsel of dignity.
Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she smiles at the future. – Proverbs 31:25
For God’s glory, Mrs. Dustin Bolks
Chaste Bolks is a church of Christ preacher’s wife, and the home educating mother of two children. She and her family currently reside in Northwest Iowa.
