Do you believe in magic in a young girl’s heart?
How the music can free her whenever it starts
And it’s magic if the music is groovy
It makes you feel happy like an old-time movie
I’ll tell you about the magic, and it’ll free your soul
But it’s like trying to tell a stranger ’bout a rock ‘n’ roll

If you believe in magic, don’t bother to choose
If it’s jug band music or rhythm and blues
Just go and listen, it’ll start with a smile
That won’t wipe off your face no matter how hard you try
Your feet start tapping, and you can’t seem to find
How you got there, so just blow your mind

If you believe in magic, come along with me
We’ll dance until morning ’til there’s just you and me
And maybe if the music is right
I’ll meet you tomorrow sorta late at night
And we’ll go dancing baby, then you’ll see
How the magic’s in the music, and the music’s in me

Yeah, do you believe in magic?
Yeah, believe in the magic of a young girl’s soul
Believe in the magic of a rock ‘n’ roll
Believe in the magic that can set you free
Ahh, talking ’bout magic

Do you believe in magic?
(Do you believe like I believe?) Do you believe, believer?
(Do you believe like I believe?)
Do you believe in magic?
(Do you believe like I believe?)
Do you believe in magic?

– “Do You Believe in Magic?” by The Lovin’ Spoonful

I’m of the opinion that this is one of the happiest oldies there is. I would venture to guess that anyone who doesn’t “believe in magic” (the magic of music, that is) will start believing post haste once they listen to this heartwarming classic. [In case there’s any question, no I am not in support of singles meeting late at night and dancing into the wee hours of morning – but hey, it’s a great idea for married couples! These song lyrics are quite wholesome within the innocent and appropriate context of marriage.]

I’ll put to you the same question that The Lovin’ Spoonful put before their audience:

Do you believe, believer? Do you believe in magic?

There is certainly a “magical” element to music. Music is powerful – it has the power to evoke strong feelings in the listener. Feelings of joy, feelings of sorrow…feelings of motivation, feelings of lethargy…feelings of goodwill, feelings of angst…and the list goes on. The world is full of songs:

Christian songs. Worldly songs. Romance songs. Breakup songs. Songs for a friend. Songs for an enemy. Songs about Heaven. Songs about Hell. Songs about cats. Songs about dogs. Wedding songs. Funeral songs. Happy songs. Sad songs. Songs about sports cars. Songs about pickup trucks. Songs with meaningful lyrics. Songs with nonsensical lyrics. Fast songs. Slow songs. I can go on all night, but I think you get the point. You’d be hard pressed to find any style or subject that hasn’t been utilized by an artist in the music industry.

Considering how affecting music can be on the soul (both melodically and lyrically), we would do well to take account of what kind of musical content we consume. Today, I want us to realize two spellbinding facts about The Magic of Music. First, we should know that there is…

Music has charms to soothe a savage breast, / To soften rocks, or bend a knotted oak.

– William Congreve, The Mourning Bride (1697)

The melody of a song can have a mighty influence over our emotions…for better or worse.

If you’ve ever been in one of these situations, you were likely being influenced by the magic in the melody. A song’s melody can greatly affect our mood. With that being said, doesn’t it stand to reason that the melody we choose should be aligned with the mood we choose? If I want to turn my frown upside down, listening to some cheery music just might do the trick. If I want to embrace a reflective mood, listening to some somber music may help me to do so. Music can be a tool to help us pursue the right feelings when we need a push in one direction or another. There is a time for all kinds of melodies, because there is…

A time to weep and a time to laugh; A time to mourn and a time to dance. Ecclesiastes 3:4

Happy songs are not inherently superior to sad songs, or vice versa…rather, each style has its place. Melodies, in and of themselves, can be neither good nor bad. But sometimes, a melody that’s appropriate at one time, may not be appropriate at another time (i.e. Playing the celebratory “Pomp and Circumstance” is uplifting at a graduation, but would be grossly out of place at a funeral.) Or sometimes, a melody that’s appropriate for one person, may not be appropriate for another (i.e. A happy-go-lucky person may benefit from listening to a heart wrenching song every now and again in order to expand their empathy and emotional depth, but a person who battles depression indulging in such would most likely only be taking a downward spiral emotionally.) We can use melodies to help us light up the right neural pathways in our brains, whether the moment calls for grief or glee. Sow seeds of melancholy music to reap a melancholy mood, and sow seeds of merry music to reap a merry mood – a time for everything, and everything in its time.

Consider how David used the magic in the melody to elevate Saul’s moods:

Now the Spirit of the Lord left Saul, and an evil spirit from the Lord terrified him. Saul’s servants then said to him, “Behold now, an evil spirit from God is terrifying you. May our lord now command your servants who are before you. Have them search for a man who is a skillful musician on the harp; and it shall come about whenever the evil spirit from God is upon you, that he shall play the harp with his hand, and you will become well.” So Saul said to his servants, “Now select for me a man who can play well, and bring him to me.”

…So it came about whenever the evil spirit from God came to Saul, David would take the harp and play it with his hand; and Saul would feel relieved and become well, and the evil spirit would leave him. – 1 Samuel 16:14-17,23

David’s music made Saul 1.) feel relieved, 2.) become well, and 3.) be left alone by the evil spirit that terrified him. Now that’s some kind of magic in the melody! Unfortunately, music’s power only goes so far. It can help us change our mood, but it cannot make us change our mind. Ultimately, Saul’s jealousy and hatred consumed him to the point that he tried to murder David on more than one occasion even while the harp was being played. (1 Samuel 18:10-11, 19:9-10) Saul was on the right track with his positive musical selections, but he needed to do the positive inner work also. May we learn from his mistake, and better both our moods and our minds – using music as a tool to help us reach our destination.

Do you believe in magic? There is indeed magic in the melody. You should also know that there is…

Music is a part of us, and either ennobles or degrades our behavior.

– Boethius, De Institutione Musica (6th C. A.D.)

The message of a song can have a mighty influence over our thoughts…for better or worse.

If you’ve ever been in one of these situations, you were likely being influenced by the magic in the message. A song usually hooks us with an entrancing melody, and then traps us with an engaging message. Musical artists can use this technique for good or evil. A catchy song will have you memorizing every word…and those words can be anywhere from the books of the Bible to words about drunkenness, drug addiction, or illicit sex. We have to be careful what we allow into our minds, because once a message has been cemented, it’s hard to remove. The songs we indulge in not only get stuck in our brains, but also get sunk in our hearts. I suspect Moses had a grasp on this idea when he shared his “favorite song”:

The Lord is my strength and my song, and He has become my salvation… – Exodus 15:2a

Songs get in us and become a part of us. This is one reason why God directs us to sing in worship…it not only exonerates Him, but it writes the message into our own heart and the hearts of others.

Let the word of Christ richly dwell within you, with all wisdom teaching and admonishing one another with psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with thankfulness in your hearts to God. – Colossians 3:16

I encourage you to take stock of your music list and reject songs that don’t align with Christian virtues and values. Not only does listening to ungodly music line the pockets of degenerate musical artists, but it will slowly chip away at your moral integrity until your conscience is seared with a hot iron. No catchy song is worth that kind of trade-off.

For what good will it do a person if he gains the whole world, but forfeits his soul? Or what will a person give in exchange for his soul? – Matthew 16:26

Not music, surely. My soul over my songs all day, every day!

It is better to listen to the rebuke of a wise man than for one to listen to the song of fools. – Ecclesiastes 7:5

If we choose to “listen to the song of fools”, we become fools ourselves. As wrong as it is to participate in sin, let us not forget that to approve of sin is wrong as well. (Romans 1:28-32) We may not be women who lie, steal, drink, do drugs, fornicate, commit adultery, etc. – but if we jam out to songs that boast of such, we are in essence saying, “I approve this message”. While melodies cannot be inherently good or bad, a message certainly can be. Pay heed to the manner of lyrics you stream into your noggin!

Do you believe in magic? There is indeed magic in the message.

In conclusion…

Do you believe, believer? (Do you believe like I believe?) Do you believe in magic?

When it comes to our musical selections, we must remember The Magic of Music. There is magic in the melody, and there is magic in the message. May each of us be careful to choose songs that make us pleased to say, “the magic’s in the music, and the music’s in me!” For, as the great musician once said:

All music should have no other end and aim than the glory of God and the soul’s refreshment; where this is not remembered there is no real music but only a devilish hub-bub.

– Johann Sebastian Bach

For God’s glory,
Mrs. Dustin Bolks

Chaste Bolks is a church of Christ preacher’s wife, and the home educating mother of two children. She and her family currently reside in Northwest Iowa.

On January 8, 2014, I published my very first “welcome” post on Destress the Damsel. It hardly seems possible that time has flown by so fast, but here I am 10 years later, bringing to you my 123rd article!

My hope is that every “damsel” who has visited my blog has come away in some regard a better wife, a better mother, a better woman. If one lady learned one thing from Destress the Damsel that she implemented into her life for good, this work has not been in vain. If one lady learned to love her husband or children a little bit more, if one lady learned to be a little bit more sensible or pure, if one lady learned to be a little bit better of a worker at home, or to be a little bit more kind, or a little bit better at subjecting to her husband…I say “mission accomplished”. (Titus 2:4-5)

For today’s article, I want to share a brief highlight reel of the last ten years with you. There will be a “Chaste’s Choice Award” for my personal favorite article from each year. (Yes, I went back and read all 122!) Sometimes it was incredibly hard to pick a favorite (whether because that year’s articles were so good or so bad, I’ll let you be the judge) but this list is about as definitive as it’s gonna get. At the end, I will reveal my #1 all-time favorite article. Are you ready for some nostalgia? Let’s take it back to 2014…

Chaste’s Choice: Erroneous Equality

In this early blog, Lil’ Baby Chaste shares about the importance of being a submissive wife in a world that demands “equality” for men and women. While I had a long way to go with my writing and organization skills 10 years ago, the scriptural truths found in Erroneous Equality stand the test of time.

Chaste’s Choice: Sporadic Surrender

This article cites several reasons why we should obey God on His terms, and at all times. Many proclaim their love for God, but those who are accepted are not those who engage in Sporadic Surrender, but those who live their lives in full surrender to God each and every day.

Chaste’s Choice: Father Knows Best

Light-years ahead of my first two years of blogging material, by this time I was using illustrations, introductions, conclusions, outlines, and photos in my articles. Father Knows Best addresses 5 significant ways that mothers can encourage their children to honor their fathers.

Chaste’s Choice: Working With Winter

Seasons come and seasons go, and Winter is no exception. In Working With Winter, I compare the trials of this life to the Winter season. Read to learn 3 encouraging facts about Winter that are applicable for both a dismal season of year and a dismal season of life.

Chaste’s Choice: A Mary Heart

Mary, the Mother of Jesus: was she just an ordinary lady, or did she have a touch of the extraordinary? One thing we know, she was a woman of virtue that we would do well to emulate. A Mary Heart focuses on 3 special attributes of Mary that made her an exceptional choice for being the mother of our Lord.

Chaste’s Choice: Thankful in Theory

The Thanksgiving holiday can be a joyous time of celebration, or a stressful time of chaos…and we women have a lot to do with setting the tone for the home. Thankful in Theory gives 5 practical tips on how to be a pumpkin to your family on Thanksgiving. (That is, unless you’d rather follow the 5 tongue-in-cheek tips on how to be a turkey!)

Chaste’s Choice: H.O.W. A Man-Eater Is Made

What do crocodiles, lions, sharks, and angry women have in common? They all have the propensity for being a man-eater! There are 3 options for H.O.W. A Man-Eater Is Made that are revealed in this article. Check them out so you can avoid becoming the most dangerous “man-eater” of all!

Chaste’s Choice: Intoxicating Masculinity

“Toxic Masculinity” is a favored phrase of 21st century feminists…but is masculinity really toxic? For those of us who love our husbands and God’s design for manhood, Intoxicating Masculinity is more like it! “15 things I love about my man” is the theme of this blog that encourages wives to look for and praise the good in their own husbands.

Chaste’s Choice: Lopsided Love – Living Like Leah

Do you ever feel unloved by your husband? Jacob’s wife, Leah, knew all about the sorrow of unrequited love. Lopsided Love – Living Like Leah shares 9 unique ways that she dealt with her pain. Take another look at this underrated Bible figure – I bet you’ll never see her in the same way again!

Chaste’s Choice: Meme, Myself, and I

In today’s digital age, access to social media can be both a blessing and a curse. For some, it leans far more on the curse side of things. How healthy is your usage of social media? In Meme, Myself, and I, we consider 5 dangers to be aware of when using online platforms.

Before my #1 all-time favorite article is revealed, allow me to share with you 3 honorable mentions

On Account of Angels – learn 3 things that wives have in common with these heavenly beings.

How to “Merry” a Married Man – discover 3 foolproof ways to make your husband wild for you.

My Future is Female – gather 22 tips and tricks that are guaranteed to level up your femininity.

Don’t sleep on these three eye-opening articles…they will put your God-given feminine energy into overdrive and make a queen out of you.

Now, without further ado, my #1 Chaste’s Choice Award goes to…

Is there any surprise here? Anyone who knows me, knows that my husband is my superhero…and Intoxicating Masculinity exonerates him both as the head of my home and the love of my life. But my love for my man is not the only reason I fancy this article. I chose Intoxicating Masculinity as my #1 Chaste’s Choice Award because it is a frank and fearless representation of the two (inseparable) topics I am most passionate about: Godly Marriage and Biblical Gender Ethics. This no-holds-barred article that honors the masculinity of men will certainly make any feminist’s head spin, yet it will ignite a fervent flame of love in the hearts of truth-seeking, feminine wives. If you are a wife who strives to be a lover and not a fighter, this one’s for you.

In conclusion…

It has been a joy and privilege to serve you “damsels” from this humble little corner of the World Wide Web. Destress the Damsel has afforded me much purpose and personal growth over the last ten years. I must admit, not every blogging day was rainbows and butterflies. There have been days when I battled every blogger’s worst enemy: writer’s block, days when I felt like throwing in the towel, days when I asked myself, “what’s the point, does anyone even read this old thing?”. My blog has never exactly been a booming website with a large audience. Frankly, there is little interest these days in being a Titus 2 woman. However, what keeps me writing is that one lady I referenced back in the intro. The one lady who I could maybe, just maybe, encourage and inspire to be a better human being. Maybe that one lady is a past reader, a present reader, or even a future reader. Maybe that one lady is you. Sometimes, that one lady is me…because when I teach, I learn. Whoever you are, wherever you are, Destress the Damsel is a labor of love for you…and I hope I have the opportunity to serve you for another ten years, and beyond.

Do you have a favorite article you’d like to share? It would make my day to find out in the comment section below.

For God’s glory,
Mrs. Dustin Bolks

Chaste Bolks is a church of Christ preacher’s wife, and the home educating mother of two children. She and her family currently reside in Northwest Iowa.

Never Send a Woman to Do a Man’s Job

Pamela Purse yelled, “Ladies first,”
Pushing in front of the ice cream line.
Pamela Purse yelled, “Ladies first,”
Grabbing the ketchup at dinnertime.
Climbing on the morning bus
She’d shove right by all of us
And there’d be a tiff or a fight or a fuss
When Pamela Purse yelled, “Ladies first.”

Pamela Purse screamed, “Ladies first,”
When we went off on our jungle trip.
Pamela Purse said her thirst was worse
And guzzled our water, every sip.
And when we got grabbed by that wild savage band,
Who tied us together and made us all stand
In a long line in front of the King of the land-
A cannibal known as Fry-‘Em-Up Dan,
Who sat on his throne in a bib so grand
With a lick of his lips and a fork in his hand,
As he tried to decide who’d be first in the pan-
From back of the line, in that shrill voice of hers,
Pamela Purse yelled, “Ladies first.”

– “Ladies First” by Shel Silverstein

When Miss Purse found herself in the clutches of Fry-‘Em-Up Dan, one can’t help but wonder: did she find being “first” to be such a privileged position after all? Or did she wish someone else (a gentleman perhaps) would step in and take her place before she got gobbled up? I suppose one will never know!

Like many women of folly, Pamela Purse had a notion that “ladies first” was an intrinsic right of females that would bring her happiness. However, her self-exalting mindset did not bring about happiness in the end, but rather sorrow…even death. I propose that this very same mindset of “ladies first” will ultimately bring sorrow and (spiritual) death to all who believe in and practice it.

Now when I say “ladies first”, I do not refer to such chivalrous acts as a man opening a door for a woman, or offering her his chair, or encouraging her to go ahead of him in the grocery line. Rather, I am referring to the feminist concept of “ladies first”: that women should be the apex gender…that women can be everything, do everything, and have everything…that they “don’t need a man!” This worldview is diametrically opposed to God’s system. In fact, Scripture asserts just the opposite, that women do need men (and they need us)…

…in the Lord, neither is woman independent of man, nor is man independent of woman. – 1 Corinthians 11:11b

“Independent” is just what feminists wish to be, but it is to their own detriment. Whenever one steps outside of God’s perfect system, it results in chaos…chaos in the home, chaos in the church, chaos in the nation. Thanks to decades of rampant feminism, our nation has become a moral wreck. For years, many could not determine and live according to their own gender roles, leading to today, when many cannot even determine and live according to their own gender, period.

I am here today to denounce the concept of “ladies first”. Women were not created to be the apex gender – we were created to be helpmeets for our husbands. Women can not be everything, do everything, and have everything – we shine in areas of femininity. Women aren’t to be independent of men – we are one half of the marital equation, completing the glorious picture of Christ and His church.

A favorite saying among feminists is, “never send a man to do a woman’s job”. It’s a smug, self-important way to mock men for not thriving in the role of a woman. Women may use this rude phrase if their husbands do not perform with 100% accuracy such tasks as changing a diaper, folding the laundry, or loading the dishwasher. (Interestingly enough, I have never once heard a man mock his wife for not knowing how to perform an oil change, fix a leaky pipe, or file a tax return, but I digress…) It is in parody of this phrase that I bring today’s lesson before you: “never send a woman to do a man’s job“…because humanity thrives when we women do our jobs, and men do theirs.

Allow me to share with you three unique jobs of men that women are (blessedly) exempt from. #1…

…he may not reduce her food... – cf Exodus 21:10

In Exodus, it was commanded that a man supply the three basic needs of his wife. The first need? Food. It is a man’s job to provide for his family by “bringing home the bacon”. This is not only an Old Testament law, but the principle is reiterated in 1 Timothy 5:8:

..if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

While there may at times be a need for a woman to provide supplemental support for the family (if her husband requires and permits such), an able-bodied man is the one who ought to be carrying the lion’s share of his family’s financial burden. When a man is “providing for his own” there is no question as to who is putting the food on the table. Men are uniquely designed by God to be providers for their families.

Some practical ways a wife can support her husband in his job of provision include:

Spending prudently. Bargain hunting. Reselling unwanted/unneeded items. Preparing inexpensive meals. Buying clothing secondhand. And above all, being content with the life he has to offer her on his budget.

Provision is distinctly masculine. Never send a woman to do a man’s job!

Duty is the essence of manhood.

– George S. Patton


…he may not reduce her clothing… – cf Exodus 21:10

According to Exodus, the second basic need a man must supply for his wife is clothing. Both literally and metaphorically, whenever clothes are mentioned in Scripture, it represents a “covering”. It is a man’s job to protect his family in soma, soul, and spirit. This protective nature of males is likewise repeated in Luke 11:21:

When a strong man, fully armed, guards his own house, his possessions are secure.

(Those “possessions” include his most valuable assets – the wife and kids!)

It’s no secret that the physical strength of the average female pales in comparison to the physical strength of the average male. While a mother should do all in her power to defend her children should a perpetrator come along, the chances of her fighting off an offender (unless of course she holds in her hands “the great equalizer”, A.K.A. a gun) are slim to nothing. Men are uniquely designed by God to be protectors for their families.

Some practical ways a wife can support her husband in his job of protection include:

Upholding boundaries. Steering clear of those individuals that her husband deems questionable. Respecting her own feminine intuition. Being ultra-aware in dark or unfamiliar places. Choosing friends wisely. And above all, keeping close to her tough man – physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

Protection is distinctly masculine. Never send a woman to do a man’s job!

It was men who stopped slavery. It was men who ran up the stairs in the Twin Towers to rescue people. It was men who gave up their seats on the lifeboats of the Titanic. Men are made to take risks and live passionately on behalf of others.

– John Eldredge


…he may not reduce her conjugal rights… – cf Exodus 21:10

The third need a man must supply to his wife, pursuant to Exodus 21:10, is sex. Many of you may be thinking, “what…sex?! Ew. That’s one duty my husband can shirk. I don’t need that!”…but God says you do. It is a man’s job to promote his family by making love to his wife. 1 Corinthians 7:4 confirms this idea:

The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise the husband also does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.

Having sex with one’s spouse promotes two of God’s greatest gifts: love and children. When a husband and wife make love, they make love. An active sex life is uniting…it bonds a couple in ways they bond with no other. When a husband has sex with his wife (if she engages as a lover and not a martyr), it will promote jubilant feelings within her..she is confident, she is unique, and she is cherished. Furthermore, sex brings about babies. A husband physically promotes the human race by implanting his seed in his wife. He emotionally promotes the children she bears for him by being a present, loving father. He spiritually promotes them by bringing them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Men are uniquely designed by God to be promoters for their families.

Some practical ways a wife can support her husband in his job of promotion include:

Staying open and available sexually. Being interested and engaged in the bedroom. Bearing children for her husband. Exemplifying honor towards the father of her children. Preserving Dad’s command in and out of his presence. And above all, remembering that she is her husband’s lover and her children’s mother, not the other way around.

Promotion is distinctly masculine. Never send a woman to do a man’s job!

A good father is one of the most unsung, unpraised, unnoticed, and yet one of the most valuable assets in our society.

– Billy Graham

In conclusion…


These three masculine responsibilities belong to husbands. What serenity it is to be a woman and have the distinct privilege to take a supportive role in the home, while our husbands take the lead. Don’t be a Pamela Purse, shrieking “ladies first” all the way to your grave. Don’t you know that God knows best? Husbands are called to provide, protect, and promote – and you never send a woman to do a man’s job!

Real women will always be relieved and grateful when men are willing to be men.

– Elisabeth Elliott

For God’s glory,
Mrs. Dustin Bolks

Chaste Bolks is a church of Christ preacher’s wife, and the home educating mother of two children. She and her family currently reside in Northwest Iowa.