My glass shall not persuade me I am old,
So long as youth and thou are of one date;
But when in thee time’s furrows I behold,
Then look I death my days should expiate.
For all that beauty that doth cover thee,
Is but the seemly raiment of my heart,
Which in thy breast doth live, as thine in me:
How can I then be elder than thou art?
O! therefore love, be of thyself so wary
As I, not for myself, but for thee will;
Bearing thy heart, which I will keep so chary
As tender nurse her babe from faring ill.
Presume not on thy heart when mine is slain,
Thou gav’st me thine not to give back again.
– “Sonnet 22”, William Shakespeare
This year (2022) on August 17, marks 10 years of being in covenant with the one person who I find myself perfectly fitted to in soma, soul, and spirit – my man. Our wedding anniversary gives me the perfect “excuse” to talk about my favorite topic (marriage), and more specifically, My•Delightful May•December.
May-De•cem•ber /mā-də’sembər/ (adj.)source: https://idioms.thefreedictionary.com/May-December
Used to describe a romantic relationship in which one person is much younger than the other. The age of the younger person is likened to May, which marks the beginning of Spring, while the age of the older person is likened to December, which comes late in the year and marks the start of Winter.
I consider it a privilege to be married to a man who is, in every way, my superior…including in age. Being married to an older man has grown me in ways that (I strongly suspect) I would not have grown in had I married one closer to me in years. My older man has brought me from valleys to mountaintops, simply by observing him, learning from him, and being challenged daily by his invaluable mentorship.
Today’s topic is primarily for the single ladies, though I hope it may prove to be an interesting read for all. For those of you looking for a husband, perhaps a bit of anecdotal evidence from my life may broaden your horizons and encourage you to look beyond your peers for the man who will head your home. Perhaps my experience will propel you to seek your man through the lens of hypergamy (the art of marrying up) which may indeed be the most rewarding choice you ever make, like My•Delightful May•December was, and is, for me.
[Disclaimer: I am strongly persuaded that all women ought to be shrewd in their choice of husband and “marry up”. A wise woman will seek a husband who is superior to her spiritually, intellectually, emotionally, physically, etc. It is naturally easier to serve under a superior man than it is to serve under a dud.
Now, are all older men superior? Are all younger men duds? Of course neither extreme is true. One would be foolish to marry a dud based on the fact that he is older, just as one would be foolish to pass up a younger man that is her superior.
There is absolute truth (with no exception to the rule), and then there is general wisdom (which can have exception). I intend to share the latter—a bit of general wisdom—with ladies in search of a husband. I believe that in many cases, marrying an older man will serve a young woman well…but not always. Not every May•December marriage is desirable. Not every marriage between peers (or of older women with younger men) is undesirable. Let my words not offend those unhappily married to older men or happily married to younger men. Take what is applicable to you, and discard the rest.]
Now without further ado, I wish to share with you three reasons why marrying my December has been most delightful…
A woman can take care of the family. It takes a man to provide structure, to provide stability.– Tom DeLay
Are you in search of a husband? I implore you to find a man who is stable.
Older men tend to have more stability than their younger counterparts, because they’ve had more time to put down their roots…
- Older men are seldom “all over the place”, chasing visionary ideas. They are more likely to have a clear view of what they want in life, and either a) already have it, or b) are on a determined path to get it.
- Older men are often able to provide a good living for their families. They typically will have a steady job, a place to call home, and some money set aside for emergency.
- Older men are, in general, less apt to uproot their wives and children (unless dire circumstances call for such). They usually know a good thing when they have it, and are aware that throwing away a comfortable lifestyle would be foolish.
If you desire a man who is financially able to provide for his wife and children, a man who knows what he wants out of life and how to get it, a man who is firmly established…don’t overlook a December. An older man just may fit the bill and offer you the utmost stability. I thank God that my December is stable.
But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. – 1 Timothy 5:8
Do you see a man skilled in his work? He will stand before kings; he will not stand before obscure men. – Proverbs 22:29
Affliction comes to us, not to make us sad but sober; not to make us sorry but wise.– H.G. Wells
Are you in search of a husband? I implore you to find a man who is sober.
Older men tend to have more sobriety than their younger counterparts, because they’ve had more time to live through character-building trials…
- Older men are seldom “goof-offs”, viewing life as a practical joke. They are more likely to take matters seriously, for they have learned that the world is not always kind.
- Older men are often the wise counselors in their wives and children’s ears. They typically have already gone through whatever their families are just now encountering in life, and can show them the right path in which to go (maybe even teaching them to avoid mistakes he made in his youth).
- Older men are, in general, armed with emotional maturity. They usually give no heed to quarreling, head-games, or manipulation. Levelheadedness keeps them in check, and convicts their wives and children to do the same. An older man does not stoop to immaturity, but lifts others to his level.
If you desire a man who takes life seriously, a man who is a fount of sage wisdom and life-lessons, a man who has the maturity and horse-power to take his wife and children in hand…don’t overlook a December. An older man just may fit the bill and offer you the utmost sobriety. I thank God that my December is sober.
Older men are to be temperate, dignified, sensible, sound in faith, in love, in perseverance. – Titus 2:2
The glory of young men is their strength, and the honor of old men is their gray hair. – Proverbs 20:29
I should say sincerity, a deep, great, genuine sincerity, is the first characteristic of all men in any way heroic.– Thomas Carlyle, On Heroes, Hero-Worship and the Heroic in History (1841)
Are you in search of a husband? I implore you to find a man who is sincere.
Older men tend to have more sincerity than their younger counterparts, because they’ve had more time to determine what is truly important in life…
- Older men are seldom out “sowing their wild oats”, a slave to their vices. They are more likely to have realized the emptiness of drug/alcohol addiction, reckless spending, and sex devoid of commitment.
- Older men are often committed to settling down and being a one-woman-man. They typically have gotten a grasp on self-control and thus are more able to resist temptation to stray from the marriage bed. An older man is not so quick to cast aside a faithful union for a fling.
- Older men are, in general, true to their word. They usually have a strong sense of integrity and believe honesty to be the best policy. An older man considers it a privilege to have a family who trusts in him, and is therefore determined not to let his wife and children down.
If you desire a man who rejects worldliness, a man who will look to you for all his sexual needs, a man who says what he means and means what he says…don’t overlook a December. An older man just may fit the bill and offer you the utmost sincerity. I thank God that my December is sincere.
Many a man proclaims his own loyalty, but who can find a trustworthy man? – Proverbs 20:6
He who walks righteously and speaks with sincerity…he will dwell on the heights, his refuge will be the impregnable rock; his bread will be given him, his water will be sure. Your eyes will see the King in his beauty; they will behold a far-distant land. – Isaiah 33:15a,16-17
If you, eligible lady, are looking for a man armed with stability, sobriety, and sincerity, I highly recommend finding yourself an older man…a delightful December.
If you, declared lady, are wondering where you fit into this article, I will give you the same advice I give all wives. Love your man (Titus 2:4). Subject yourself to him (Ephesians 5:22; Colossians 3:18; Titus 2:5). Respect him (Ephesians 5:33b). Be a crown to him (Proverbs 12:4). Do him good all the days of your life (Proverbs 31:12). Submit to him (1 Peter 3:1,5). Obey him (1 Peter 3:6). Whether he is older, younger, or the same age as you, God’s perfect design for wives is universal – be a help meet for your man! Should your man not be stable, sober, and sincere? Work on winning him without a word: with your chaste and respectful behavior, and with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God (1 Peter 3:1-4). Cultivate this biblical womanliness, and over time you just may see a delightful December appear before your very eyes. (But if not? Do what is right just the same…this is the Christian way. Pray for God’s hand with your marriage – He is our very present help in times of trouble.)
Back to the single gals…I strongly encourage you to marry up. You will be doing yourself a great service if you find a high-caliber man, making your burden as a help meet so very light. Is marrying an older man the best way for you to marry up? Maybe…it certainly was for me. I would be remiss not to recommend to you the unique joy of a May•December marriage. Like Abraham & Sarah, and Boaz & Ruth before me, I have found great success in My•Delightful May•December. Perhaps you will find the same.
May you be blessed of the Lord, my daughter. You have shown your last kindness to be better than the first by not going after young men, whether poor or rich. – Ruth 3:10b
For God’s glory,
Mrs. Dustin Bolks
Chaste Bolks is a church of Christ preacher’s wife, and the home educating mother of two children. She and her family currently reside in Northwest Iowa.