Destress the Damsel


“Never, never get married, my friend! This is my advice to you. Do not marry until you have come to the conclusion that you have done all it is in your power to do, and until you have ceased to love the woman whom you have chosen, until you have seen clearly what she is; otherwise you will make a sad and irreparable mistake. When you are old and good for nothing, then get married….Otherwise, all that is good and noble in you will be thrown away.

…Don’t look at me in such amazement. If ever you have any hope of anything ahead of you, you will be made to feel at every step that, as far as you are concerned, all is at an end, all closed to you, except the drawing-room, where you will rank with court lackeys and idiots. That’s a fact!

…What I would not give at this moment if I were not married!

…Tie yourself to a woman and you are like a prisoner in chains, your whole freedom is destroyed.

…Egotism, ostentations, stupidity, meanness in every respect–such are women when they show themselves as they are. You see them in society and think they amount to something, but they are nothing, nothing, nothing! No, don’t marry, old fellow, don’t marry.”

Such were the dismal musings on marriage of Prince Andrei Bolkonsky to his bosom friend, Count Pierre Bezukhov. (These being two male protagonists in Leo Tolstoy’s crowning literary achievement, War and Peace.) For those of us who love the institution of marriage as well as our own marriages, we may feel that Prince Andrei’s words sound awfully harsh. For those of us who strive to be suitable helpers for our men, we would sooner die than hear our husbands speak of us the way Andrei spoke of his Lisa. Nonetheless, for those of us who know that virtuous wives are few and far between, we probably aren’t all that shocked that a man would regret hitching his wagon to a woman that makes him feel like a “prisoner in chains”.

Speaking of chains, many of you are probably familiar with the term, “The Old Ball and Chain“. This is an expression that used to be quite popular in the baby-boomer generation to refer to one’s wife. It’s one of those playful (yet a little bit derogatory), joking (yet a little bit serious), teasing (yet a little bit sad-but-true) ways people talk about their marriage that frankly smacks of a couple that’s a little (or maybe a “lottle“) bit out of sync with God’s will for husbands and wives. If Tolstoy’s hapless, 19th century Prince Bolkonsky had known the term, “The Old Ball and Chain“, he would have undoubtedly adopted this moniker for “The Little Princess”, Mrs. Bolkonsky. Indeed, Lisa had a lot to learn about being a help meet.

Though Prince Andrei’s soliloquy may have had a touch of the melodramatic, I can’t help but sympathize with him in his marital plight. Any man (of the 19th century, 21st century, or any century) ought to be pitied when he wakes up one day to find that his sweet young bride with a blushing smile for him has – over years of marriage – transformed into a miserable old hag with a bone to pick with him. Such a husband rightfully feels that he has been jilted. “How did the girl of my dreams become the woman of my nightmares?!“

Bolkonsky, like many a sucker before and after him, was a victim of bait-and-switch: courtesy a la femme fatale. He began his romance being pitifully captivated by Lisa, and ended up being her pitiful captive. “The Little Princess” was a charming young lady, but her loveliness was only skin-deep. It wasn’t long after she settled into married life that her true colors came out, revealing her for the shallow window-dressing that she was. When push came to shove, Lisa was neither supportive nor sympathetic as a wife, causing her poor husband to eagerly depart from their home and enter the war – without giving so much as a backward glance toward the bewildered woman he had left behind. Care to know how their story ends? Guess you’ll have to pick up a copy of War and Peace to find out, as I won’t spoil the classic tale for you!

Now, what does the rocky marriage of Prince and Princess Bolkonsky have to do with today’s article?

I believe it would serve us well to consider how we Damsels can be better help meets to our husbands than the fictional Princess Lisa was to hers, lest our husbands grow bitter like Prince Andrei and come to view their wives and marriages with regretful disdain. Today, we will identify three steps that are sure to make a sweet young bride slowly morph into a miserable old hag. If we can avoid stumbling over these roadblocks, then we can avoid devolving into our husband’s worst nightmare: The Old Ball and Chain.

Wives, beware! The first step towards becoming The Old Ball and Chain is…


“Why isn’t my husband being the godly and masculine leader I desire for him to be?”

“Why isn’t he exercising more self-control over his thoughts, words, and actions?”

“Why doesn’t he step up and do more cleaning and tidying around the house?”

“Why can’t he be a more romantic and spontaneous husband?”

“Why can’t he be a more present and attentive father?”

Internal questions such as these are symptoms of a critical brain. When we allow ourselves to focus on our husband’s shortcomings (whether these are real or perceived), our love for him is sorely diminished. Why?

[Love] does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. – 1 Corinthians 13:5b-7a

A woman with a critical brain is the antithesis to this passage. She takes every wrong into account. She has a twisted pleasure in faultfinding. She neglects to notice the praiseworthy in her man. She is unwilling to bear with her husband. She is unwilling to believe in her husband. She is unwilling to hope in her husband. She is unwilling to endure her husband. It only stands to reason: She does not truly love him.

When we consider our husbands to be: not godly enough, not masculine enough, not self-controlled enough, not clean and tidy enough, not present enough, not attentive enough, not romantic enough, not spontaneous enough, etc., we are rewiring our brains to see our men in a distinctly negative light: they are not enough. When we see another person as not enough, our natural tendency is to consider ourselves as above and beyond their caliber. (Cue the underlying, subconscious belief: “While he is not enough, I however, am the perfect picture of godliness, self-control, cleanliness, and so forth”) When we consider ourselves to be above and beyond another person, it makes it nigh to impossible – almost laughably ludicrous – to place ourselves under them with submission and reverence. This presents a dilemma: we as wives are commanded to submit to and revere our husbands. So what’s a girl to do? Unfortunately, most women will much sooner lay aside God’s word than lay aside their criticism of their husbands. Such women harden their hearts, excuse themselves from obedience to scripture, utterly ignore their roles as women (while ironically expecting their husbands to fulfill their roles as men), continue their cycle of seeking and finding faults, and move one step closer every day to becoming The Old Ball and Chain.

Damsels, take great care that you do not give place to a critical brain.

Wives, beware! The second step towards becoming The Old Ball and Chain is…


“I am sick and tired of my husband not being the godly and masculine leader he ought to be!”

“I am sick and tired of him not exercising self-control over his thoughts, words, and actions!”

“He never so much as lifts a finger to clean and tidy around this house!”

“He is pathetically unromantic and unspontaneous as a husband!”

“He is never present with the kids nor pays them any attention!”

Internal complaints such as these are symptoms of a cross heart. Notice the progression from our last point. We may start out with seemingly harmless questions about our husbands’ behaviors, but if we let such questions dominate our minds, the former questions of our brain become the current complaints of our heart. We become angry and bitter = cross. And our love for our husband is diminished further. Why?

Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous… – 1 Corinthians 13:4a

A woman with a cross heart is the antithesis to this passage. She is impatient with her husband, expecting him to master areas of growth and maturity on her timetable. She is unkind in her assessment of him, choosing to view him as a flawed man with a few virtues that don’t amount to much, rather than a virtuous man with a few flaws that don’t amount to much. She is jealous of him, thinking that she is the one who puts forth all the effort, and that he has it pretty easy compared to her. It only stands to reason: She does not truly love him.

An important truth in life is this: What you focus on grows. If you stare into a mirror every day and think to yourself how much you loathe your big nose, pretty soon that undesirable feature will be all you’re able to see when you gaze at your reflection. On the flip side, if you stare into a mirror every day and admire your beautiful eyes, pretty soon that attractive feature will be what seems prominent to you. Shifting our focus from negative features to positive ones can have great results when it comes to building self-esteem, and the same is true for building husband-esteem. What you focus on about your husband grows! If you dwell on what is undesirable about his spiritual walk with the Lord, or his role as head of the home, or his habits of cleanliness, or his performance as a husband or father, guess what? Pretty soon that is all you will be able to see. Never mind his good qualities! After all, if you don’t see them, does he really have any? (I’m being facetious, of course) The more we focus on what we find as undesirable and unlovable in our men, the less we will be able to discern what is desirable and lovable in them. We allow old wounds to fester, warm hearts to grow cold, and we move one step closer every day to becoming The Old Ball and Chain.

Damsels, take great care that you do not give place to a cross heart.

Wives, beware! The third and final step towards becoming The Old Ball and Chain is…


“I am sick and tired of you not being the godly and masculine leader you ought to be!”

“I am sick and tired of you not exercising self-control over your thoughts, words, and actions!”

“You never so much as lift a finger to clean and tidy around this house!”

“You are pathetically unromantic and unspontaneous as a husband!”

“You are never present with the kids nor pay them any attention!”

External cut-downs such as these are symptoms of a cruel mouth. Again, notice the progression from our last point. The questions that burden our brains, and the complaints that poison our hearts, soon become the cut-downs that spew from our mouths. Our love for our husband is diminished considerably. Why?

Love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked… 1 Corinthians 13:4b-5a

A woman with a cruel mouth is the antithesis to this passage. She brags arrogantly of her (self-proclaimed) superiority over her husband – in matters spiritual, emotional, or physical. She acts unbecomingly as she insults and berates him in private or public settings, to his face or behind his back. She seeks her own, foolishly believing that her negative words will produce the positive effect in him that she desires (spoiler alert: this never happens. Men – by God’s design – will not be conquered by a woman’s show of force. A man is won over by chaste and respectful behavior. A soft, feminine lady will always hold more sway over her husband than a hard, feminist shrew.) She is easily provoked and lashes out at her husband when she feels he is not measuring up. It only stands to reason: She does not truly love him.

If your goal is to have your husband rue the day he took you as his wife, the best way to do it is to cut him down. A husband hates nothing so much as that which removes his manhood and puts him in the rank of “court lackeys and idiots”, as Prince Andrei so eloquently put it. For a man, maintaining his self-respect and the respect of others is paramount. Women know this instinctively, which is why we are so often tempted to spew words that “go for the jugular”. If we can hit a home run in the insult department, it will wake our husband up and make him want to kowtow to our wishes, right? Wrong! All men – good men and bad men alike – share one thing in common: they will remove anything from their path that diminishes their sense of masculine dignity. Sometimes this means a drastic measure, such as divorce…but for your average Joe who loves his wife (even if she’s a regular nightmare to live with), he will probably take a less final approach – he will simply distance himself from her and her abusive speech. Of course, the more he distances himself, the more critical and cross she gets. The more critical and cross she gets, the more cruel she gets. The more cruel she gets, the more he distances himself from her presence. Around and around they go, and pretty soon he hates her and she hates him, and the marriage is a wreck. All because she allowed herself to move one step closer every day to becoming The Old Ball and Chain.

Damsels, take great care that you do not give place to a cruel mouth.

In conclusion…

How does a sweet young bride morph into a miserable old hag? One step at a time. First, she gives place to a critical brain. She is full of questions. Then, she gives place to a cross heart. She is full of complaints. Finally, she gives place to a cruel mouth. She is full of cut-downs. As she follows this vicious cycle over the years, her love for her man dwindles away to nothing. One day her husband wakes up to find that the girl of his dreams became the woman of his nightmares. This is what happened to Lisa Bolkonsky. This is what made her husband, Andrei Bolkonsky, say: “Never, never get married my friend!” Don’t let it happen to you. Stay soft, stay forgiving, stay loving. Love of a man is what keeps a woman from becoming The Old Ball and Chain. Be a 1 Corinthians 13 kind of wife, and watch your marriage flourish. Of this you can be sure:

Love never fails. – 1 Corinthians 13:8a

For God’s glory,
Mrs. Dustin Bolks

Chaste Bolks is a church of Christ preacher’s wife, and the home educating mother of two children. She and her family currently reside in Northwest Iowa.


The world has enough women who are tough; we need women who are tender.
There are enough women who are coarse; we need women who are kind.
There are enough women who are rude; we need women who are refined.
There are enough women of fame and fortune; we need more women of faith.

– Margaret D. Nadauld

Tender…kind…refined…I agree wholeheartedly with Miss Margaret that these lovely words encapsulate a “woman of faith”. More specifically, they define a feminine woman of faith. See, there are many women who believe in the Lord Jesus Christ and have confessed, repented, and been baptized, yet they remain tough, coarse, and rude. Why is this? I believe that often we put an emphasis on being a good person, but put little-to-no emphasis on being a good woman – that is, leaning into our feminine attributes and living out our faith in accordance with our God-ordained gender. The modern church operates under the false notion that we all live out our faith exactly alike, but this is simply untrue. Men and women are different, period. Our Christian walk should reflect these differences. (i.e. A man lives out his faith in a masculine way, while a woman lives out her faith in a feminine way) Let us consider the following examples:

Can a man be godly while being tough, coarse, and rude? I suggest to you that he can! This world needs tough, coarse – and yes, sometimes even rude (read: direct, blunt) – military personnel, police officers, CEOs, lawyers, store managers, husbands, fathers, etc. Tough, coarse, “rude” men toe the line – keeping the bad guys at bay and the good guys on the straight ‘n narrow. Long live the John Waynes of the world.

Can a woman be godly while being tough, coarse, and rude? I suggest to you that she cannot. This world does not need any more tough, coarse, and rude daughters, wives, mothers, homemakers, etc. Rather, it is the tender, kind, refined woman that is needed in the field, bedroom, nursery, kitchen, ad nauseam. We, unlike men, are not designed as rock-hard protectors, providers, and promoters…but as silk-soft nurturers.

Here at Destress the Damsel, our mission is not merely learning to be good people. We damsels are also interested in leveling up our femininity, and learning to be good women – tender, kind, and refined. Each of these words can be summed up in one beautiful, distinctly feminine quality: softness. A true woman of faith ought to be as soft as silk. If you want to learn more about being a soft woman, join us for today’s article, where I will share three blessings that the womanly trait of softness will offer to those around us.

Firstly, a woman who is soft as silk blesses others with…


A feminine woman is as soft as silk in the tone of her words.

Have you ever had the misfortune to be in the presence of a woman who spoke in a sharp, shrill, shriek? With loud and obnoxious intonation, she garners the attention of everyone in the room…but not in a good way. Typically, the unbecoming “shrieks” come in the form of demands, commands, and reprimands. Whether it’s her husband, her children, or her restaurant server, there always seems to be someone on the receiving end of her marked fury, made known by the tone of her words. The sharp, shrill, shrieking woman relies on dominance and authority (distinctly masculine traits) to wield those around her like pawns on a chess board. When my brother was a lad, he comically referred to this sort as the “loud mouth schnook”. May we never be described in such a way! There is nothing submissive and docile (distinctly feminine traits) about a woman whose larynx resembles a foghorn. Remember: tender, kind, refined…soft.

It’s not so much what you say, as the manner in which you say it;
It’s not so much the language you use, as the tone in which you convey it;
Words may be mild and fair, but the tone may pierce like a dart;
Words may be soft as the summer air, but the tone may break my heart.
– Anonymous

A feminine woman blesses others with the silken sound. She does not emasculate and place her husband under her by speaking down to him. She honors him with a tone of humility fit for a king…even if her man is more along the lines of a court jester. She does not fume, fuss, and bark orders at her children. She guides them with a tone of gentility…even if they happen to be “Sons of Belial” like Hophni and Phineas of old. She does not speak in clipped tones of exasperation to her restaurant server. She maintains a tone of civility…even if they have poor customer service or make mistakes. No matter the situation, damsels show themselves to be soft as silk. May the tone of our words fall delicately upon our listeners, like soft music.

Let me hear your voice; for your voice is sweet… – Song of Solomon 2:14c

Secondly, a woman who is soft as silk blesses others with…


A feminine woman is as soft as silk in the taste of her words.

Have you ever had the misfortune to be in the presence of a woman who constantly belittled, derided, and criticized those around her? Such a woman resembles a porcupine: all pins and needles. Rather than looking for the good and praiseworthy in others, she thrives off of their shortcomings…for she is at her “happiest” when she’s griping and groaning, or ranting and raving. If her husband gets a fact wrong while telling a story, she cannot discreetly signal the mistake to him or let it slide…she considers it her duty to correct him in the presence of all (to his embarrassment). If her child disobeys, she cannot simply chide him or dish out a suitable consequence…she gives full vent to her anger by way of droning lectures and rash punishments. If her restaurant server messes up her order, she cannot sweetly ask for a remake or contentedly roll with the error…she complains vehemently to management and let’s everyone know that she won’t be visiting the dining establishment again. Her words (or rather: her barbs, stings, and jabs) say nothing of a tender, kind, refined, soft lady. Prickly words don’t go down easy, nor are they sweet to taste.

To belittle, you have to be little. – Kahlil Gibran

A feminine woman blesses others with the silken snack. Her tasteful words build up her husband’s self-worth and masculine ego, rather than tear them down. She is his lover, not his mother. She is his cheerleader, not his critic. She is his subordinate, not his superior. Her tasteful words are like sweet treats for her children. She encourages right behavior with gladness and discourages wrong behavior with sadness. She sometimes uses words of scolding, but never words of scalding. She does not return evil for evil, or insult for insult. Her tasteful words are gracious and polite to her restaurant server. She acts as customer, rather than slaveholder. She expresses thanksgiving, rather than entitlement. She makes requests, rather than demands. No matter the situation, damsels show themselves to be soft as silk. May the taste of our words be easily and cheerfully swallowed down by our listeners, like soft ice cream.

Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones. – Proverbs 16:24

Thirdly and lastly, a woman who is soft as silk blesses others with…


A feminine woman is as soft as silk in the tithe of her words.

Have you ever had the misfortune to be in the presence of a woman who talked from the moment her feet hit the floor, to the moment her head hit the pillow? One feels they can’t get a moment’s peace when she’s around, and her mindless blathering is nauseating. If only she spoke a tenth of what she does, perhaps others would not tune her out or take little interest in her one-sided conversation. Her husband is wearied by her neediness, grasping for his undivided attention. Her children are wearied by her self-centeredness, boring them with personal anecdotes. Her waiter is wearied by her unawareness, keeping him from tending to other customers. Rather than her presence allowing others a calm place to rest, she makes others wish she would give it a rest! She doesn’t know when enough is enough, and pays little attention to social cues such as her listener saying “oh…that’s interesting” for the 50th time, or staring wistfully off into the distance, wishing they were anywhere but in her clutches. She has not learned to be a tender, kind, refined, soft lady…she never stopped yapping long enough to receive instruction and better herself.

It makes your words really expensive if you don’t talk that much. – Lisa Glamour

A feminine woman blesses others with the silken sheet. She tithes her words toward her husband. She is always available and accessible to him, but she also allows him the necessary space to get work done, have time for personal reflection, or simply enter into his “nothing box”. She tithes her words toward her children. She closes her mouth, while opening her ears to their hopes and dreams, taking interest in their hobbies, and seeking to understand their little world. She tithes her words toward her restaurant server. She is friendly but not overly forward, is honest with herself about how much clucking an acquaintance really cares to hear, and is sensitive of his duty to carry on with his job. No matter the situation, damsels show themselves to be soft as silk. May the tithe of our words give our listeners a rest, like soft bedding.

…The dream comes through much effort and the voice of a fool through many words. – Ecclesiastes 5:3

In conclusion…

Would you be a feminine woman of faith: a tender, refined, kind woman who is soft as silk?

Then you must seek to bless others with the silken sound, the silken snack, and the silken sheet.

Seek to make the tone of your words like soft music, the taste of your words like soft ice cream, and the tithe of your words like soft bedding. Others will be able to recline, relax, and retire in your soft, silken, feminine presence when you bless them with a soothing melody, a delightful treat, and a cozy lounge.

By forbearance a ruler may be persuaded, and a soft tongue breaks the bone. – Proverbs 25:15

For God’s glory,
Mrs. Dustin Bolks

Chaste Bolks is a church of Christ preacher’s wife, and the home educating mother of two children. She and her family currently reside in Northwest Iowa.

A Fool’s Errands

by


The Road goes ever on and on
Down from the door where it began.
Now far ahead the Road has gone,
And I must follow, if I can,
Pursuing it with eager feet,
Until it joins some larger way
Where many paths and errands meet.
And whither then? I cannot say.

– J.R.R. Tolkien

Hearth and home are the hallowed haunts of a humble housewife. (Note to self: must stop alliterating!) There are times, however, when it is apropos for the housewife to emerge from her haven, and “pursue [the Road] with eager feet…where many paths and errands meet.” One of these times is on “errand day”.

Errands: love ’em or hate ’em, somebody’s gotta do ’em. If you are a wife, that “somebody” will likely be you. Like any housewifely job, running errands can be viewed as a menial chore, or a meaningful charter. I’ll cast my vote for the latter perspective. A worker at home can aid her husband tremendously by taking responsibility for the household errands, thus fulfilling her role as his suitable helper. A simple errand day may seem insignificant, but the enactment thereof reveals much about a homemaker’s character. Blessed is the man whose heart safely trusts in his wife to handle such tasks as shopping and paying the bills…with equal parts diligence and dignity. You can learn a lot about a woman just by the way she runs her errands.

How is your character on “errand day”? Do you accomplish your tasks in a diligent and dignified manner? Are you striving to avoid folly? Can your husband honestly say he is well-pleased by your performance?

If you are a housewife who desires to consecrate every last part of her life to the Lord, that means even something as unremarkable as an “errand day” should be examined and adjusted for His good purpose. In today’s lesson, we are going to hop into the cute little vintage car of a foolish housewife as she goes about her day running A Fool’s Errands. “Huh?! Why would we do this?” Well, in order to learn what one ought to be, sometimes it’s helpful to see what one ought not to be. Women of wisdom are often made the wiser by observing women of folly; our natural repulsion at their lack of virtuous femininity and good sense guards us against following in their footsteps. In this way, a fool teaches. As Ecclesiastes 10:3 says:

Even when the fool walks along the road, his sense is lacking, and he demonstrates to everyone that he is a fool. (emphasis added)

One might say, “even when the foolish housewife drives around town running errands, her sense is lacking, and she demonstrates to everyone that she is a fool”. Yikes! We don’t want that to be said of us. So, let’s hop in the car with Little Mess Suzy Homemaker and make sure we avoid her foolish mistakes.

Firstly, she’s heading…

When Little Mess S.H. fills her car up with gasoline, she has gallivanting on the brain. The reason she gets out of the house on errand day isn’t to further her household, but to get further from her household. Like many a foolish wife throughout the ages, “her feet do not remain at home” (Proverbs 7:11), and neither does her heart. To such a woman, her home is not perceived as a loved palace, but a loathed prison. Her family is considered a burden; housework a drudgery. Gasoline in the tank means getting out from under the stifling thumb of her husband’s authority, the incessant demands of her little ones’ needs, and the maddeningly unending list of chores. Running errands means leaving all this behind in favor of “me time”. Getting out in public means gathering a juicy tidbit of gossip, and letting the mouth flow freely with bitter complaints. Fueling her car serves to fuel her desire to abandon her domain and dwelling place. (Jude 6) Oh foolish housewife, it would be better not to fuel at the filling station at all than to run A Fool’s Errands.

A wise man is cautious and turns away from evil, but a fool is arrogant and careless. – Proverbs 14:16

Secondly, she’s heading…

When Little Mess S.H. visits the supermarket, she allows her stomach and eyes to guide her food selections, rather than the brain the good Lord gave her. She only picks out items that will pleasure the home, without picking any items that will prepare the home. Instead of thinking ahead by stocking the larder with items the family will surely need down the road, she only thinks as far ahead as days…never weeks or months. Everything she purchases is ready-to-eat/grab n’ go, and her children take that mission to heart – storming the pantry with a vengeance, leaving not a crumb. After all, there’s nothing in there that has to be made from scratch – nutritious, home-cooked meals take too much time and energy. Why would one go to the trouble of making her family’s food, when the warehouse can fill their dining needs just as easily as she can? (Never mind the chemicals!) Plus: bargains are boring; big-box is better. Oh foolish housewife, it would be better not to shop at the grocery store at all than to run A Fool’s Errands.

Four things are small on the earth, but they are exceedingly wise: the ants are not a strong people, but they prepare their food in the summer. – Proverbs 30:24-25

Thirdly, she’s heading…

When Little Mess S.H. walks – or rather, sprints – into an appointment, she’s running behind schedule as usual. She fails to show consideration for the valuable time of the doctor, tax attorney, dentist, class leader, etc. by arriving to their scheduled meeting in a timely manner. (I speak not of unforeseeable setbacks, but of mere carelessness) The world revolves around her time-table, and if others can’t adjust, then that’s too bad for them. If people must wait because of her inability to leave the house on time or remember to bring along the insurance cards, tax documents, or other needed materials, then they simply must wait. And if she doesn’t feel like going out that day? She’ll cancel at the last minute or just not show up. What’s the big deal if she misses an appointment once in a while? It’s not her loss of time or money! All she has to do is reschedule for another day, and see what mood she’s in when that day rolls around. Oh foolish housewife, it would be better not to set up the appointment at all than to run A Fool’s Errands.

Prepare plans by consultation, and make war by wise guidance. – Proverbs 20:18

Fourthly, she’s heading…

When Little Mess S.H. whips out her library card (if she so much as owns one) she’s checking out tripe. She fills her mind with drivel, because rich literature is beyond the levels of both her interest and intellect. The non-fiction books that catch her attention are those that appeal to her feelings (or as she describes them, “her truth”) – self-magnification, female empowerment, “finding yourself”. The fictional novels she selects are ripe with vulgar language, illicit sex, and all manner of degeneracy. Her kids may read whatever book looks “cool” to them, because Mother is too lazy to research the material that is entering into their impressionable minds. Of course, it’s just as likely that Little Mess S.H. and her children do not read at all. Reading is a revered pastime among the wise, but one often diminished – even detested – in the eyes of fools. The library may instead be a social hangout – the local spot where one gathers to gab rather than to glean. Oh foolish housewife, it would be better not to use the library at all than to run A Fool’s Errands.

The mind of the intelligent seeks knowledge, but the mouth of fools feeds on folly. – Proverbs 15:14

Fifthly and lastly, she’s heading…

When Little Mess S.H. waltzes into her financial institution, she nearly sucks the bank account dry. They say “a fool and his money are soon parted”, or perhaps it may also be said thus: “a fool and her husband’s money are soon parted”. A woman who’s high on shopping and low on self-control is a dangerous mix. Wants are prioritized over needs. Bills are forgotten in the face of desires. Savings are tapped into for trifles. Though her husband reminds her that money doesn’t grow on trees, Little Mess S.H. is always armed and ready with a host of excuses for the mounting expenditures. If her man has to work longer hours to afford her lavish lifestyle, so be it. Sure, time spent with her husband and her children’s father is nice and all – but dining out, sporting new outfits, possessing the latest technology, etc. is even nicer. She and the kids are living their best life, so he should be happy that they are enjoying the fruits of his labors! Oh foolish housewife, it would be better not to withdraw from the bank at all than to run A Fool’s Errands.

There is precious treasure and oil in the dwelling of the wise, but a foolish man swallows it up. – Proverbs 21:10

In conclusion…

What a trip! Little Mess Suzy Homemaker sure can run A Fool’s Errands with the best of them. May none of us resemble this foolish housewife while running our own errands to the filling station, the grocery store, the appointment, the library, or the bank. May we aim to be Little Misses, not Little Messes.

May we wisely fuel our cars, carrying love for hearth and home ever before us. May we wisely grocery shop, possessing a spirit of preparation and prudence. May we wisely plan our appointments, keeping on time and on task. May we wisely borrow from the library, holding reverence for Lord and learning. May we wisely withdraw from the bank, revealing contentedness and control. And in all these things, let us show forth cheer and goodwill, lest we make a fool of ourselves simply by way of a rotten attitude. Nothing screams A Fool’s Errands more than the woman who makes a scene everywhere she goes – finding fault with every clerk, cashier, secretary, volunteer, or teller. You can easily spot one of these unfeminine shrews wherever you go: they are demanding, unyielding, discontented, unreasonable, and hideously arrogant.

The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish tears it down with her hands. – Proverbs 14:1

None of that folly for us damsels, please and thank you. Our errands are for building, not for breaking.

For God’s glory,
Mrs. Dustin Bolks

Chaste Bolks is a church of Christ preacher’s wife, and the home educating mother of two children. She and her family currently reside in Northwest Iowa.