Destress the Damsel

Has your husband grown cold and distant towards you? Are you in a perpetual state of unhappiness? Do your kids know “If Mama aint happy, aint nobody happy”? If this sounds like your home life…you just may be the contentious wife.

5 verses on the contentious wife:

A continual dropping in a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike. (Proverbs 27:15 KJV)

A foolish son is the calamity of his father: and the contentions of a wife are a continual dropping. (Proverbs 19:13 KJV)

It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house. (Proverbs 21:9 and Proverbs 25:24 say this same thing)

It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman. (Proverbs 21:19)

The theme here is apparent: No husband wants to be in the company of a contentious wife! 

It starts out with the wife nagging: the obnoxious, continual dripping of the faucet.This leads the husband to seek refuge to another room in the house. After a while, her nagging can lead to him finding solace outside the home: “The wilderness”! Let us make our homes a joyful place to live….may my husband never wish to head to the wilderness because I have made our home miserable to him.

We wives must remember our proper place in the home, and adjust our behavior accordingly. Compare the contentious wife to the submissive wife:

The contentious wife finds ways to make light of her husband’s weaknesses and belittle his talents – whether in the public eye or at home…..the submissive wife knows this is not honorable.

A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband: but she that maketh ashamed is as rottenness in his bones. (Proverbs 12:4 KJV)

The contentious wife complains about lack of funds/special treatment/material items….but the submissive wife remembers that her treasure is in heaven.

But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal: (Matthew 6:20 KJV)

The contentious wife will yell, swear, criticize, whine, or roll her eyes at her husband when angered….while the submissive wife treats her husband as her Lord.

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. (Ephesians 5:22 KJV)

A contentious wife goes against her husbands wishes if she disagrees with him….but the submissive wife knows that if she disobeys her husband, she blasphemes the word of God!

To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed. (Titus 2:5 KJV)

A contentious wife denies her husband of sex, whether out of spite or because she is disinterested….a submissive wife knows that her body belongs to her man, and is his own flesh.

The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. (1 Corinthians 7:4 KJV)

So how are we measuring up? Are we being the submissive, peaceable wives the Lord calls us to be? Or are Christian women evolving into women of the world, who disrespect their husbands vehemenently? It’s time to stop the contention, and treat our husbands with HONOR!

Contention isn’t cute, Girls. Be a Titus 2 kinda wife.

Your husband will be happier. You will be happier. Your kids will be happier. The world will see what a christian marriage should look like. Most importantly, God will be glorified.

And when it’s all over at the end of the day, your husband can say in all truth:

Thou art all fair, my love; there is no spot in thee. (Song of Solomon 4:7 KJV)

God bless, and take a chill pill!
CA Bolks

“Nothing ever works out the way I want it to”

“My husband is so rude and insensitive, I can hardly stand him”

“These little brats will be the death of me”

Any of these phrases sound familiar? You guessed it…if you are Bent on Bellyaching – you’re a complainer! 

Complaining…for most of us, if we had a dollar for every time we complained, we’d be living in a multi-million dollar mansion with a Lamborghini parked in the garage. 

Just like arguing, complaining is an addiction. Take hope, though! Complaining, just like any addiction, can be overcome. If we are really serious about giving it up, that is. Do we have what it takes to quit this sin addiction? Let’s take a look at why we should put a lock on our complaining lips…for good.

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If we complain, we are NOT thankful.

For everything we do, whether it be good or bad, there is always a “rather”. We are tempted to hate, but rather, we show love. We are tempted towards greed, but rather, we give. We are tempted to fight, but rather, we choose kind words. Just in the way that a smoker takes up gum chewing or nicotine patches after quitting their nasty habit, we can ease out of our nasty complaining habit by taking on a new habit…and the “rather” to complaining is thanksgiving!

How can we grumble and moan if we have a heart full of gratitude? How can we have time to complain in the midst of rejoicing? Instead of focusing solely on “not complaining”, focus on giving God the praise He deserves. There will be no room to bellyache, because thanksgiving is a full time job!

In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you. (1 Thessalonians 5:18 KJV)

By him therefore let us offer the sacrifice of praise to God continually, that is, the fruit of our lips giving thanks to his name. But to do good and to communicate forget not: for with such sacrifices God is well pleased. (Hebrews 13:15, 16 KJV)

And said, Naked came I out of my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return thither: the Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord. (Job 1:21 KJV)

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If we complain, we are NOT edifying.

How many of us want to be around someone who is continually talking about what’s wrong with their life? You don’t want to be around them, nor do I want to be around them! Remember ladies, as Christians, we are the light of the world; a city on a hilltop that cannot be hidden! (Matt. 5:14) The world is watching and listening. If we are showing them how “bad” our life is, will they want to become a part of us? Of course not. Let us be careful not to turn others away by bellyaching. 

Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers. (Ephesians 4:29 KJV)

Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: (Ephesians 4:31 KJV)


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If we complain, we ARE tempting God.

When we complain, not only do we neglect to give thanks, not only do we neglect to edify, but we show dishonor to our King! Consider these phrases from the verses below: “they tempted God”…”It displeased The Lord”…”His anger was kindled”…”The Lord smote the people with a very great plague”. I don’t know about you, but those lines hit me hard…I have dealt this way toward my God far too many times! Let us not take complaining lightly…for “it is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God”. (Heb 10:31)

And they tempted God in their heart by asking meat for their lust. (Psalms 78:18 KJV)

And when the people complained, it displeased the Lord : and the Lord heard it; and his anger was kindled; and the fire of the Lord burnt among them, and consumed them that were in the uttermost parts of the camp. (Numbers 11:1 KJV)

And while the flesh was yet between their teeth, ere it was chewed, the wrath of the Lord was kindled against the people, and the Lord smote the people with a very great plague. And he called the name of that place Kibroth–hattaavah: because there they buried the people that lusted. (Numbers 11:33, 34 KJV)

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If we complain, we ARE risking spiritual death.

As we read below in 1 Cor 10:10-11, the written happenings of the Israelites are for our example and admonishment. Consider the destruction that befell them – when they murmured against The Lord. Consider how they were kept from the promised land – when they murmured against The Lord. This is a very serious wrong we do when we complain. This addiction is not worth staying out of our promised land for. I would rather bite my tongue and complain no more than have Heaven’s gate closed to me. Who is with me?

Neither murmur ye, as some of them also murmured, and were destroyed of the destroyer. Now all these things happened unto them for ensamples: and they are written for our admonition, upon whom the ends of the world are come. (1 Corinthians 10:10, 11 KJV)

How long shall I bear with this evil congregation, which murmur against me? I have heard the murmurings of the children of Israel, which they murmur against me. Say unto them, As truly as I live, saith the Lord, as ye have spoken in mine ears, so will I do to you: Your carcases shall fall in this wilderness; and all that were numbered of you, according to your whole number, from twenty years old and upward, which have murmured against me, Doubtless ye shall not come into the land, concerning which I sware to make you dwell therein, save Caleb the son of Jephunneh, and Joshua the son of Nun. (Numbers 14:27-30 KJV)

God bless, and take a chill pill!
CA Bolks