Destress the Damsel

“20 Great Reasons You Homeschool” by Jim Erskine

1. The only “gang” your kids belong to is your family.
2. The teacher-pupil ratio is great.
3. You don’t need security guards or metal detectors.
4. Your kids enjoy socializing with people of all ages.
5. You don’t have to run to catch the school bus.
6. You can sleep in on rainy days.
7. School prayer is encouraged.
8. You don’t have to buy “back-to-school” clothes.
9. You don’t have to develop a taste for cafeteria food.
10. You can celebrate your birthday with a school holiday.
11. Vacations can be called “extended field trips”.
12. You get to read more books than you ever realized existed.
13. The latest fads usually never make it to your house.
14. You don’t have to worry about what your kids learned in school today.
15. You don’t have to raise your hand to go to the bathroom.
16. You can wear pajamas to class and not be kicked out.
17. Chores may be called “home ec. projects”.
18. There’s always time to bake cookies.
19. Learning becomes contagious.
20. Your family is right where they ought to be…home!

Some of these “20 great reasons you homeschool” are petty and silly, some of them pertinent and serious. If you home educate your children, chances are that a few of them resonate with you. My personal favorites are #’^s 1, 2, 7, 12, 13, 14, and, of course…20!

My husband and I have been home educating our children since preschool, and our oldest will be in his freshman year this Autumn. His younger brother is trailing close behind him as he moves into 8th grade. Though homeschooling has never been exactly what you’d call a stress-free experience in the Bolks home (we are raising energetic boys, after all); it has been a privilege to keep our family close together over the years. If we had it to do over again, we would stand resolved in our decision to teach our children at home. For us, home is where the start is.

I realize that home education is not a plausible option for every household (i.e. homes where a parent is single/widowed, etc.), but for those who have opportunity to homeschool, I exhort you to not dismiss the idea. As parents, we have a relatively short 18 years that our child is under our direct sphere of influence. These years are vital for instilling values that will stick with that child for all of his/her days. While, in their free will, a child may ultimately reject what they have been taught, they will have a foundation that continues speaking to their conscience all through life…whether to confirm or to condemn.

Today, I want to share with you the two main reasons why we are convicted that home education is best for our family. Perhaps you will take a second glance at homeschooling and consider what is best for yours. We believe in home education because we believe in…

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Home education is no new invention. In fact, it’s been around since the beginning (that is, if the Garden of Eden counts as a “home” school! Or would that be called “garden-schooling”?) Kidding aside, countless students through the ages have emerged from home education with great success…

• Of the first 32 presidents, 17 were homeschooled. These include such great men as George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, James Madison, Abraham Lincoln, and Theodore Roosevelt.
  

• A myriad of scientists and inventors were homeschooled. Thomas Edison, Alexander Graham Bell, Orville & Wilbur Wright, and George Washington Carver all got their start in life behind the four walls of their parents’ homes.

• Many famous authors received a home education. C.S. Lewis, Charles Dickens, Laura Ingalls Wilder, Louisa May Alcott, and Hans Christian Anderson are a few that only scratch the surface.

Some balk at home education, because they are under the impression that homeschoolers are weird, antisocial, and backward. Are there some homeschool students that exude these negative qualities? Certainly! The truth is, I have observed weird, antisocial, and backward children in public, private, and home schools. There are people with a variety of personalities in every type of school. One’s characteristics (positive or negative) speak far more to their individual personality than it does to their mode of education.

We would be remiss to lump all homeschoolers into a negative category on account of “that one kid” we know! We can clearly find many examples of successful, friendly, well-rounded homeschooled individuals from the famous people I highlighted above (not to mention the countless praiseworthy students I have encountered firsthand). Parents teaching and raising their own children is a time-tested and worthy pursuit.

Hear, O Israel! The LORD is our God, the LORD is one! You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. These words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up. – Deuteronomy 6:4-7

Home education has long been tried. For us, home is where the start is.

There is no school equal to a decent home and no teacher equal to a virtuous parent.

– Gandhi

We believe in home education because we believe in…

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Home education (as a general rule) protects children from the lies that are prevalent in the modern public school system and society as a whole.

• My children are not being taught the lie of evolution from the public school system. As a homeschool mom, I have the freedom to teach my children the truth that God ”brings forth living creatures after their kind“, and that ”God created man in his own image”. (see Genesis 1:24-27)

• My children are not being taught the lie of transgenderism from the public school system. As a homeschool mom, I have the freedom to teach my children the truth that “He who created them from the beginning made them male and female”. (see Matthew 19:4)

• My children are not being taught the lie of critical race theory from the public school system. As a homeschool mom, I have the freedom to teach my children the truth that there are ”devout men from every nation under heaven”. (see Acts 2:5)

I have a duty to teach my children about these topics from a Biblical perspective. How could I turn a blind eye and allow them to have misinformation presented before them as truth for hours on end over a span of 13 years? That would not only be irresponsible, but furthermore, wrong.

See to it that no one takes you captive through philosophy and empty deception, according to the tradition of men, according to the elementary principles of the world, rather than according to Christ. – Colossians 2:8

In an age where truth is in short supply, I am more convinced than ever that the godless “establishment” is the last place I want my children to be. I want their minds to be transformed by God’s word, not by the liberal agenda of today’s public school system.

But evil men and impostors will proceed from bad to worse, deceiving and being deceived. You, however, continue in the things you have learned and become convinced of, knowing from whom you have learned them, and that from childhood you have known the sacred writings which are able to give you the wisdom that leads to salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus.- 2 Timothy 3:13-15

In addition to protecting our children from the liberal indoctrination of modern curriculum, we are protecting them from:

• Peer pressure by worldly youth
• Perverse sexual education
• Inoculation against their will
• Inappropriate library materials on LGBTQ+, masturbation, etc.
• Teachers who encourage withholding of information from parents
• Child predators
• School shootings

…and the list goes on. In the last few months alone, children in countless schools across America have been dealing with these issues. I urge you to find out for yourself what is going on behind the scenes while Father and Mother work and the government’s school system raises the children. It is truly frightening, and I’m afraid it’s not getting any better. Children need brave parents who are willing to do what it takes to make sure their kids are learning truth in a safe environment.

Home education has long been true. For us, home is where the start is.

To educate a man in mind and not in morals is to educate a menace to society.

– Theodore Roosevelt

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In conclusion…

We believe in home education because it is tried and true.

I implore you to do all in your power to guard the children that God has entrusted you with. Godly offspring are our only hope for the future of this nation and the world. We need Christian soldiers who value truth, freedom, and liberty. I have seen countless youth emerge from the modern-day public school system believing lies, their love of Christ snuffed out, just another brick in the worldly wall. Don’t let this be your child. If you are able, parents, get those kids out of the world system and into God’s system. Home is where the start is.

I am as sure as I am of Christ’s reign that a comprehensive and centralized system of national education, separated from religion, as is now commonly proposed, will prove the most appalling enginery for the propagation of anti-Christian and atheistic unbelief, and of anti-social nihilistic ethics, individual, social and political, which this sin-rent world has ever seen.

– A.A. Hodge

On the flip side…

Education is a better safeguard of liberty than a standing army.

– Edward Everett

For God’s glory,
Mrs. Dustin Bolks

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Chaste Bolks is a church of Christ preacher’s wife, and the home educating mother of two children. She and her family currently reside in Northwest Iowa.

I know how father’s strap would feel,
If ever I were caught,
So mother’s jam I did not steal,
Though theft was in my thought.
Then turned fourteen and full of pitch,
Of love I was afraid,
And did not dare to dally with
Our pretty parlour maid.

And so it is and always was,
The path of rectitude
I’ve followed all my life because
The Parson said I should
The dread of hell-fire held me straight
When I was wont to stray,
And though my guts I often hate,
I walk the narrow way.

I might have been a bandit or
A Casanovish blade,
But always I have prospered for
I’ve always been afraid;
Ay, fear’s behind the best of us
And schools us for success,
And that is why I’m virtuous,
And happy – more or less.

So let me hail that mighty power
That goads me to be good,
And makes me cannily to cower
Amid foolhardihood;
Though I be criminal in gain,
My virtue a veneer,
I thank the God who keeps me sane,
And shields me from distress and pain,
And thrifts me on to golden gain,
Almighty Fear.

– “Fear” by Robert William Service

Fear, I’m afraid, is an unsung hero in the 21st century. But why? Fear is the virtue that safeguards against all vices. Fear is the virtue that constrains one to the straight and narrow path. Fear is the virtue that keeps one from making and meeting their own demise. Fear is the virtue.

The world hates fear. Why? Because fear would: a) imply that there is something/Someone bigger than us that we must subject ourselves to, b) imply that we cannot simply live however we please, and c) imply that we will reap the consequences of unrepentant behavior.

Some Christians water down fear. Why? Because they mistakenly believe that: a) fear is just another word for “admiration”, b) fear equals weak faith, and c) fear will cause the unbeliever to recoil from conversion.

I share Robert William Service’s attitude toward fear…I believe that it is meant to be a positive, healthy motivator in the life of a Christian. In Mr. Service’s poem, the fear of a father propelled one young man to fear his heavenly Father when he came of age. The young man grew to applaud this fear that prohibited him from giving in to sinful desires, allowing him to make right choices instead. I am convinced that The Fear of a Father should likewise be present with each of us.

“What exactly does this fear of a father look like?” you may be asking. I will propose that fearing the Lord is a two-sided coin. One side of that coin is…

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God is spirit, and those who worship Him must worship in spirit and truth. – John 4:24 (emphasis added)

God’s truth incites my reverence. Reverence is defined as: (1) A feeling or attitude of deep respect tinged with awe; veneration. (2) The outward manifestation of this feeling. (3) A gesture indicative of deep respect; an obeisance, bow, or curtsy.

To fear God with my reverence is to acknowledge Who is boss, to bow my knee before Him, and to wholly subdue myself to His authority. To fear God is to be grounded in and obedient to His truth: the truth. It is a common occurrence to hear of “your” truth or “my” truth in today’s vernacular…but be warned, such speech is idolatrous. If “your” truth or “my” truth is not God’s truth, then this so-called “truth” is not truth at all. There is only one truth – the sum of God’s word – and we must revere it or we are none of His. Let’s learn the value of reverence through the 5 W’s:

1. Who do we reverence in fear?

I say to you, my friends, do not be afraid of those who kill the body and after that have no more that they can do. But I will warn you whom to fear: fear the One who, after he has killed, has authority to cast into hell; yes, I tell you, fear Him! – Luke 12:4-5

2. What is reverence in fear?

The fear of the Lord is to hate evil; pride and arrogance and the evil way and the perverted mouth, I hate. – Proverbs 8:13

3. When do we reverence in fear?

If you address as Father the One who impartially judges according to each one’s work, conduct yourselves in fear during the time of your stay on earth… – 1 Peter 1:17

4. Where do we reverence in fear?

Let all the earth fear the Lord; let all the inhabitants of the world stand in awe of Him. – Psalm 33:8

5. Why do we reverence in fear?

...by the fear of the Lord one keeps away from evil. – Proverbs 16:6b

Reverence requires us to (1) fear God and (2) hate evil (3) all our life (4) on earth (5) to keep away from said evil. Reverence saves one from oneself. It is blessed security. Let’s not water down fear, but rather embrace it for the gift of protection that it is.

Now remember, the fear of the Lord is a two-sided coin. Fear involves my reverence, yet it also includes…

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God is spirit, and those who worship Him must worship in spirit and truth. – John 4:24 (emphasis added)

God’s spirit inspires my reverie. Reverie is defined as: (1) A state of dreamy meditation or fanciful musing. (2) A daydream. (3) A fantastic, visionary, or impractical idea.

To fear God is to be linked in spirit to a heavenly dimension, even while our body remains linked to this earthly dimension. To fear God is to be largely unaffected by negative and unpleasant surroundings, for our head is always “in the clouds”, as it were. I am not implying oblivion, but rather a form of lucid dreaming. We are to be awake and aware in this world, while simultaneously keeping our eye on that “dreamworld” beyond. Let’s learn the value of reverie through the 5 W’s:

1. Who finds reverie in fear?

The secret of the Lord is for those who fear Him, and He will make them know His covenant. – Psalms 25:14

2. What is reverie in fear?

In the fear of the Lord there is strong confidence, and his children will have refuge. – Proverbs 14:26

3. When do we find reverie in fear?

If you seek her [wisdom] as silver and search for her as for hidden treasures; then you will discern the fear of the Lord and discover the knowledge of God. – Proverbs 2:4-5 (context clarification added)

4. Where is there reverie in fear?

…I most certainly understand now that God is not one to show partiality, but in every nation the man who fears Him and does what is right is welcome to Him. – Acts 10:34b-35

5. Why is there reverie in fear?

The fear of the Lord leads to life, so that one may sleep satisfied, untouched by evil. – Proverbs 19:23

Reverie allows us to (1) access God’s secret place (2) with strong confidence (3) when we seek His wisdom (4) in any and every nation (5) leading to life, peace, and refuge. Reverie is having a mind set on things above. It is seeing the bigger picture amidst a chaotic world. Ironically, the fear of God makes us quite unafraid of all else. Those who sow seeds of reverence will reap blooms of reverie.

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In conclusion…

Fearing the Lord is a two-sided coin. We must worship our God in spirit (reverie) and in truth (reverence). Those who embrace both will come to echo Mr. Service’s sentiments:

“I thank the God who keeps me sane,
And shields me from distress and pain,
And thrifts me on to golden gain,
Almighty Fear.“

The bravest souls are those who choose to live by The Fear of a Father.

The conclusion, when all has been heard, is: fear God and keep His commandments, because this applies to every person. – Ecclesiastes 12:13

For God’s glory,
Mrs. Dustin Bolks

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Chaste Bolks is a church of Christ preacher’s wife, and the home educating mother of two children. She and her family currently reside in Northwest Iowa.

A young Hound started a Hare, and, when he caught her up, would at one moment snap at her with his teeth as though he were about to kill her, while at another he would let go his hold and frisk about her, as if he were playing with another dog. At last the Hare said, “I wish you would show yourself in your true colours! If you are my friend, why do you bite me? If you are my enemy, why do you play with me?”

Moral: He is no friend who plays double.

– “The Hound and the Hare”, a fable of Aesop

We’ve all probably known her at one point or another: the friend that can’t decide whether to go or stay; the friend that can’t decide whether she loves me, or she loves me not. Such a friend slowly detaches herself from your life until at last, the friendship that once was becomes nothing but a bittersweet memory, never to be enjoyed again.

Even my close friend in whom I trusted, who ate my bread, has lifted up his heel against me. – Psalm 41:9

One of the most underrated heartbreaks one can experience is the heartbreak of a fractured friendship. The slow loss of a friend is a pain that we mourn in silence, for a friendship’s end is not marked by an obituary, a writ of divorce, or a termination notice. Fractured friendships leave behind no tangible evidence, but only an invisible wound to the heart.

For it is not an enemy who reproaches me, then I could bear it; nor is it one who hates me who has exalted himself against me, then I could hide myself from him. But it is you, a man my equal, my companion and my familiar friend; we who had sweet fellowship together walked in the house of God in the throng. – Psalm 55:12-13

If you have ever had to ask yourself if your friend “loves you” or “loves you not”, if you have ever been hit with the painful realization that she is pulling away from your camaraderie, if you have ever felt the bitter sting of betrayal because she didn’t hold your friendship in the same esteem that you did…I understand your ache, and I am truly sorry. I can’t make your disloyal friend come back; but what I can do is extend a loyal hand of friendship to you, and I can share a few things I have learned through my own injurious experience.

There are three facts about a fractured friendship that need to be accepted before proper healing can take place in your heart. The first fact is:

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“Well this sounds nice, doesn’t it? She loves me!”

But did you notice the comma? A sad reality with some friends is that they are not in it for the long haul, but will only love you for a time. While you were seeing a kindred spirit reflected in your friend, a real bosom buddy that you connected with and wanted to hang onto forever; she only saw you as a temporary bit of cheer. She viewed you as disposable.

King David acquired a fair-weather friend such as this when he was a young man. In 1 Samuel 16, we learn that Saul, the first king of Israel, had been contending with “an evil spirit” that “terrorized” him. Saul’s servants advised him to find a skilled harpist to soothe him whenever he found himself in distress. Saul agreed with this idea and commanded, “provide for me now a man who can play well and bring him to me.” (v. 17) We all know the famous harpist who was chosen: David. Notice Saul’s strong emotional reaction upon their meeting:

Then David came to Saul and attended him; and Saul loved him greatly, and he became his armor bearer. Saul sent to Jesse, saying, “Let David now stand before me, for he has found favor in my sight.” – 1 Samuel 16:21-22 (emphasis added)

David was in with the king! He had risen from his lifestyle as a common shepherd boy and become Saul’s personal entertainer and armor bearer. Saul was crazy about this kid and made quick friends with him. Unfortunately, Saul was not committed to be a forever friend to David. Saul was a “he loves me comma” kinda pal. Now, with a true friend, there is no comma after “he/she loves me”. In fact, Proverbs 17:17a says that, “A friend loves at all times”. Saul certainly did not love David at all times or for all time. In fact, this new “friend” of David’s would one day be transformed into his number one enemy.

If your gal pal is as fickle in heart as Saul was toward David, then you’ll need to accept that “she loves me comma” will soon be exchanged for the bitter fact that:

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If you are a true friend, it’s hard to swallow that not everyone has a loyal heart like yours. You think, “how could someone just walk away without so much as a parting glance, when they meant so much to me?” If you allow your mind to dwell on your friend’s departure, questions such as these will plague your thoughts and the injustice of it all will drive you mad. Painful as it is, you have to realize that she’s not like you. Perhaps your friend never truly cared for you to begin with, or something happened that turned her away; but the fact remains that she doesn’t share your sense of loyalty…when she is done with you, she is done. You can try to hold onto the friendship with all your might, but if your friend doesn’t return your love, the tightest grasp will not keep her. Let her go, allow yourself to mourn the fellowship that is lost, and keep your heart soft so that you can be a loyal friend to others who will return your devotion.

I know what you might be thinking. Try as you may to move on, the question still begs to be asked: “why does she love me not“? If you showed yourself to be a good friend, what could have caused the fractured friendship? Sadly, no matter how true of a friend you are, there are numerous reasons a friendship can fracture. Here are just a few that the Bible mentions:

• Friendships can fracture if your friend becomes jealous (as in the case of Joseph’s brothers). Genesis 37:4 says that, “His brothers saw that their father loved him more than all his brothers; and so they hated him and could not speak to him on friendly terms.”

• Friendships can fracture if your friend listens to gossip about you. We learn in Proverbs 16:28 & 17:9 that gossip has an uncanny ability of “separating intimate friends”.

• Friendships can fracture if your friend decides that you’re no longer the life of the party. Proverbs 19:4 reveals that “wealth adds many friends, but a poor man is separated from his friend”. v. 7 goes on to say that “all the brothers of a poor man hate him; how much more do his friends abandon him! He pursues them with words, but they are gone.“

In Saul and David’s case, the reason for their fractured friendship was Saul’s severe jealousy. In 1 Samuel 18:7 (right after David had returned home from killing Goliath) women sang this chant: “Saul has slain his thousands, and David his ten thousands.” Saul was enraged by jealousy at these words, and he allowed this jealousy to grow into hatred. 1 Samuel 18:9 marks the beginning of troubles for David: “Saul looked at David with suspicion from that day on.” What started as a promising friendship would never again be revisited. Saul’s jealousy drove him to deceive David, scheme against David, relentlessly chase after David, and attempt to murder David (on more than one occasion). Saul had foolishly allowed the words of some local fan-girls to have such an impact on him as to permanently fracture a friendship beyond repair.

If your gal pal has pulled a King Saul move and bid your friendship farewell, there is one very significant fact that I want you to remember. You would do well to remind yourself that even though your friendship with her has ended in a resounding “she loves me not“, you have one Friend that will never leave you nor forsake you. Your friendship with God continues with a resounding:

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Even if every person you know should turn their back on you, never will you be truly friendless as long as you have the Lord in your life. He will never turn his back on a friend. He will never show himself to be disloyal. He will never break your heart. His friendship is the real deal.

A man of too many friends comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. – Proverbs 18:24

When David fell out of favor with Saul, he did not fall out of favor with God. Saul saw David as a rival. God saw David as “a man after His own heart”. (Acts 13:22b) Saul inspired David to run from him. God inspired David to run to Him. Saul was David’s fair-weather friend. God was David’s forever friend. And He will likewise be a friend to you and me. We can choose to walk away from God, but He will never choose to walk away from us. Though the loss of human friendship undoubtedly inflicts pain to the heart, one can find comfort in His love.

A word of advice: don’t let a fractured friendship make you bitter. Just because your friend wasn’t willing to stick by you until the end, doesn’t mean that everybody is like her. Faithful hearts are hard to find, but just as sure as one exists in you, such a heart exists in another. Don’t write off future friendships, for our God has a way of “restoring the years that the locusts have eaten”. (Joel 2:25a) It just may be that He sends a true friend into your life that will not abandon you like the one who “loves you not”. This was certainly true for David. He found the truest friend in a man named Jonathan…ironically, this was Saul’s own son. It is said of Jonathan that he “loved David as himself.” (1 Samuel 18:3b) Even with all the troubles that David endured on account of his fractured friendship with Saul, David had faithful comrades in the Lord and Jonathan. David could truly say of them both: “He loves me.”

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In conclusion…

Has your heart been put through the ringer by a friend? Remember: whether she loves you, or she loves you not…He loves you. She may have turned her back on you, but God will do no such thing. Draw near to Him, and He will draw near to you. (James 4:8) Focus on being the kind of friend that you wish your friend would have been. Keep that loyal heart of yours tender, and determine that you, unlike her, “do not forsake your own friend or your father’s friend.” (Proverbs 27:10a)

David’s friendship, your friendship, and mine…fractured, every one. These friendships may be fractured beyond repair, but we are not. We pick up the fragments of our aching hearts and rise as stronger people for the lessons we have learned. We grow from the friends who loved us, and from the friends who loved us not, because we have a Friend who loves.

We are made of all those who have built and broken us.

– Atticus Poetry

For God’s glory,
Mrs. Dustin Bolks

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Chaste Bolks is a church of Christ preacher’s wife, and the home educating mother of two children. She and her family currently reside in Northwest Iowa.