Destress the Damsel

Some dummy built this pencil wrong –
The eraser’s down here where the point belongs.
And the point’s at the top – so it’s no good to me.
It’s amazing how stupid some people can be.

– Shel Silverstein

I find the irony of this nonsensical poem well defines the attitude of the “often offended” person…this person will always be able to find fault with others, no matter how innocent the other party may be. This is because they are convinced that their own way is best in any and every situation. The often offended person sees matters in extremes – to them, all things are either black or white – with little to no flexibility for any shades in between.

Now I would like to make a disclaimer: there is a time and a place to be “offended”…..that is, we should never take sin lightly. If we see a brother overtaken in a fault it is our spiritual duty to our brother to help him back on his feet. (Galatians 6:1)

Rather, what I am talking about today is unsolicited nitpicking and fault-finding. The way we see things in life will inevitably at some point clash with a brother – and when it is not a matter of morals but of opinion – we do well to give grace and overlook such matters of differing personal preference.

An excellent christian quote that I think is quite fitting is this:

“In essentials, unity; In non-essentials, liberty; In all things, charity.”

My interpretation:

1. We must never compromise God’s word, or “wink” at sin. There are non-negotiables.

2. We must extend grace to others who may share different preferences than us – whenever the matter is a flexible one.

3. Love how God loves – that means dealing with both essentials and non-essentials in a way befitting of a christian. (Good measure, pressed down, shaken together….Luke 6)

It is sometimes hard to see the lines between “It’s not what I like” and “it’s wrong”. Sisters, there is a huge difference! We can not risk turning people away from the faith because of our lack of understanding. We must be shrewd in our discernment of others, and if we find ourselves offended over non-essentials/gray areas, we had best check ourselves. Better to err on the side of love and mercy than to be a hard-nosed prude who turns many away from God’s kingdom.

We must realize that it truly “takes all kinds” to build up Christ’s church. Not everyone is going to be exactly like us in every way, and that’s okay! It is desirable to have a diversity of personalities within a congregation. Though it can make for tension at times among us, it is ultimately a blessing for reaching many kinds of people outside the faith.

If the whole body were an eye, where were the hearing? If the whole were hearing, where were the smelling? But now hath God set the members every one of them in the body, as it hath pleased him. And if they were all one member, where were the body? (‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭12‬:‭17-19‬ KJV)

There were many disputes in Paul’s day about such matters as cultural holidays or the consumption of meat offered to idols. (see Romans 14) Christians often point out that we are not to put a stumbling block in our brother’s way….(and sisters, this is a truth!)…but I would also like to point out that it is not a compliment from God to be considered “weak in the faith”, as He calls those who will find offense in matters best left to their brother’s discretion. Will we choose to put a stumbling-block in a christian’s path by cruelly dictating his life in the name of offense?

Who art thou that judgest another man’s servant? to his own master he standeth or falleth. Yea, he shall be holden up: for God is able to make him stand. (‭Romans‬ ‭14‬:‭4‬ KJV)

Contrary to popular belief, I do not think this verse at all implies that each person may do as they please, or that God will select some sinners into His kingdom without repentance. Not at all. In fact, you will note that this verse speaks of God’s “servant”…a person who is already living for God. What the verse is saying is not to have disagreements and needless offenses over trivial matters, such as appearances, personality quirks, likes, dislikes, etc.

We should find unity with our brethren based on the facts that we both have a) been baptized into the Lord’s church (Galatians 3:27; Romans 6:3), and b) we respect His sovereign authority by obeying His biblical statutes. (John 15:10; Psalms 103:17,18) Remember, we should always align our priorities with God’s, never upon our own perceived ideas of right and wrong.

Before we ever judge another as sinning, we ought to always be sure to use God’s standard as a measuring stick, and not our own! We may be ignorantly passing on prejudices passed down through generations, without ever stopping to think if the offense is based on true moral principle, or personal opinion.

We must not judge people based on their choice of clothing, hair color, jewelry, hobbies, games, movies, music, etc. unless we have clear biblical authority for doing so. Remember, God is our standard, and we draw lines where He draws them….as christians we are not to add to nor take away from His word!

Let it not be said of us that we are “often offended”. May we never be so foolish to be offended at the pencil-maker when we are holding the pencil upside down! Always use proper perspective when dealing with others.

He that diligently seeketh good procureth favour: but he that seeketh mischief, it shall come unto him. (‭Proverbs‬ ‭11‬:‭27‬ KJV)

God bless, and take a chill pill!
Mrs. Dustin Bolks

“Oh! why should the spirit of mortal be proud?
Like a swift-fleeting meteor, a fast-flying cloud
A flash of the lightning, a break of the wave
He passeth from life to his rest in the grave….”

…and so the classic poem begins.

Whitman goes on to impress upon the reader how short life really is, and how we all will meet the same judgment regardless of wealth or social status. It is quite provoking.

In light of the poetry, today I would like to impress upon YOU, my reader…the value of living a God-fearing life with: Next to Nothing.

—————————————————————————–

Sisters, we’ve heard it all before…”godliness with contentment is great gain”; “I have learned in whatsoever state I am in, therewith to be content”; “thou shalt not covet”, etc. etc. These verses are nothing new to our ears, but like anything we’ve heard several times, we are constantly needing to re-evaluate whether or not we mindlessly graze over the passages, or if we will purpose to live out the words daily.

Covetousness is a sin I greatly struggled with in my earlier years, although I never even KNEW that I WAS coveting, or being discontent. It is only in the past year or so that I have come to understand more clearly what God expects from me (from all of us) in this area. Naturally, I feel compelled to share it with you!

See friends, covetousness is not always about things. Now don’t get me wrong, it can be about things and oftentimes is! But what I think covetousness truly is at the very root, is a sense of entitlement. It is an attitude that says “because I am, I desire – and because I desire, I shall have”. This covetousness can apply to many areas in our life – perhaps you covet things, perhaps you covet attention, or perhaps you struggle with coveting life’s best – and I’ll explain what I mean by that shortly.

We will begin with an example of the coveting of things.

——————————————————————————

Introducing Melissa, a woman who covets material items…

“I really wish I had a new phone. It sure would be nice; I can’t stand the one I have. Why should I be expected to use last year’s technology in the clothes I’ve worn for the last five years while living in a small-town hovel of a home? I just know my husband could make more money if he just worked harder, but he’s so lazy. Besides, why does my friend Tracy always have what she wants? I work hard while just scraping by, but yet someone like her has always had life handed to her on a silver platter. It’s just not fair!”

Do you see how sneaky the sin of covetousness is? It almost always seems to have a snowball effect – feeding upon unhappiness while causing more sin to creep into Melissa’s life — and anyone else’s who will fall prey to this sin sickness.

What started out for Melissa as seemingly harmless dreaming about a new phone brought out her deeper feelings of unhappiness and discontentedness, while also encouraging dishonoring and rebellious thoughts towards her husband, bitterness and jealousy towards her friend, and a sense of entitlement. Melissa played around with sinful thoughts, and the sin won.

Sin – <1>

Melissa – <0>

1 Timothy 6:7-8 For we brought nothing into this world, and it is certain we can carry nothing out. And having food and raiment let us be therewith be content.

——————————————————————————-

Jodi, a covetor of attention….

“I don’t understand why Ashley didn’t say hi to me earlier! It’s not like she didn’t see me, I mean hello – I was right there. I just hate being ignored. I’m sure she did it on purpose, too. You know it’s pretty obvious that she’s got a problem with me, seeing that she’s not been quite as nice ever since Lance took an interest in me. Seriously though, it’s not my problem that he has better taste than to pick a mediocre girl like her. Whatever…next time we’ll just see if she likes getting ignored…who needs friends like her anyway”

SNOWBALL EFFECT MUCH?

Covetousness has a huge effect on everything in life, because let’s face it…if we’re being discontent we are not being thankful, we are not being dicreet, we are not being soberminded….we are not being any of the beautiful things that a christian woman needs to be to keep her spirit in check.

Because of Jodi’s covetousness to be noticed she very possibly unrighteously judged her friend, became puffed up with pride, and finally ended up with a vengeful heart. She played around with sinful thoughts, and the sin won.

Sin – <1>

Jodi – <0>

Proverbs 29:23 A man’s pride shall bring him low: but honour shall uphold the humble in spirit.

——————————————————————————

Then we have Keisha, who always seems to be coveting life’s best….

“Whenever I was a child, I always dreamed of the full, exciting life I would have. I just knew I would have a beautiful house with beautiful furnishings, a career that I love, a husband who cherishes me, and a houseful of kids running around the yard. But nothing EVER turns out the way I envision. Here I am in a rinky-dink two-bedroom apartment, stuck in my dead-end job. Oh and my “cherishing” husband? Cherish is hardly the word I would use to describe the feelings Derek has for me….maybe friendly toleration, at best. Besides, I know he blames me for the fact that we still don’t have even one child to speak of after 8 years of marriage. I don’t deserve this. I would have probably been better off if I would have stayed single. At least I wouldn’t have to pick up after the messes my husband leaves for me to take care of. Ugh, I wish somebody would just take me out of my misery. I am so done.”

Girls, as cliche as it may sound, contented people really are the happiest. I used to think that I “deserved” the most loving husband, the most obedient children, the most jovial employer, etc. But then a couple years ago my husband said something to me that I will never forget – “Babe, none of us deserve anything, for we are all so vile and wicked”. I have heard it said that the only thing we “deserve” is hell, and if the only good thing that we ever received were Jesus Christ’s pardon for our sin, that would be enough. (Hebrews 13:5) May God give us the grace to remember this each day.

Keisha’s careless dreaming let her mind go to sinful places it shouldn’t have gone – and yep, you guessed it. The sin won out again.

Sin – <1>

Keisha – <0>

James 2:5 Hearken, my beloved brethren, hath not God chosen the poor of this world rich in faith, and heirs of the kingdom which he hath promised to them that love him?

——————————————————————————

I’m pretty sure we all can see the error in covetousness, yet we almost all still do it. We know it’s wrong, but since it’s not one of those *big* public sins like say….homosexuality or shacking up with a boyfriend, we tend to let ourselves off the hook from time to time and just go ahead and soothe our wounds with that ever comforting butcher’s knife.

The reality is, no matter how much we like to imagine it’s just a teensy-weensy microscopic sin, it’s not. In fact, in Mark 7:22, 1 Corinthians 6:10, Ephesians 5:3, Colossians 3:5 and Ephesians 5:5 we can find covetousness ranked up there with “the worst of the worst”…..lying, hatred, adultery, fornication…now those are the really bad ones, right? The ones that God assures us that we will not be part of His Kingdom if we will not repent of, and yep – covetousness is right there with them.

Like the words of the poet, we will someday pass from this life to the grave…and how will we be judged thereafter? As we who had joy despite next to no material wealth, next to no attention, next to none of life’s best? Or we who felt like we never had enough, while being blessed daily? I know how I want to be judged.

Psalms 30:11-12 Thou hast turned my mourning into dancing: thou hast put off my sackcloth, and girded me with gladness; To the end that my glory may sing praise to thee, and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give thanks unto thee for ever.

God bless, and take a chill pill!
Mrs. Dustin Bolks

Mrs. Dustin Bolks is a church of Christ preacher’s wife and the home educating mother of two children. She and her family currently reside in Northwest Iowa.

I’m sure many of you know the classic quote: “Are we mice? Or are we MEN?” Today I would like us to address to ourselves this same question.Of course you may be thinking: “Well *technically* we here at Damsel De-Stress are women” but, you know…you get the picture. 🙂 Of course the quote is not meant to be taken literally, but metaphorically: God created mice to be timid, flighty little creatures while men He made to be noble and brave in the face of fear.

-So let’s have it….are we “mice”? Or are we “men”?

-As women of God, where do we stand when it comes to bravery?

-Are our fears holding us back from our full potential?

-So many times in scripture we find phrases like “do not be afraid” or “be courageous”. Do we really take these to heart?

——————————————————————————

FEAR… There are many varieties of fear. Some are negative, while some are positive. We know that there are healthy fears – several of them we learned in childhood; such as the fear of burning our hand on a hot stove, or going beyond our depth in the pool. These kind of fears are for our physical safety and are rational and logical.

Another type of fear is the fear of consequence. As children we learn to fear what might happen if we disobey Mom and Dad, and as we age and mature, hopefully we learn to fear the consequences of disobeying God. These fears are also rational and logical.

On the other hand, there are unhealthy fears that can not be called rational or logical at all. Usually these fears involve other people. Fears of what others might do when we’re not looking. Fears of what others might think of us. Fears of all the ways others might potentially mess up our lives. Our human minds (especially being female minds) are so susceptible to letting our imaginations run wild and take control over reality. We focus in on small things and create mountains from molehills…exaggerated scenarios with very little (if any) truth to them.

Sisters, where do these fears come from? They certainly do not come from our King, because:

a. He did not give us a spirit of fear…but of power, love, and a sound mind,(2 Timothy 1:7)

b. His perfect love casts out fear, (1 John 4:18)

and c. He is our helper so we will not fear what man will do to us! (Hebrews 13:6)

Fears often come, I believe, from a sense of not having control over our circumstances. We people sometimes have a hard time letting someone else take the wheel. Granted, it is a horrifying thing to take the passenger’s seat to…say…a teenager with terrible driving skills!! On the other hand, would we fear getting in the car with someone we trust; someone who has been driving for years?

When did we stop believing that song we used to sing in Bible class: “He’s got the whole world in His Hands”? Girls, our God is a strong and mighty tower!! He is neither an unlearned nor incompetent driver. He is perfectly capable of getting us to our destination without scratches, bruises, or broken bones.

Remember, He works all things together for our good…but here’s the catch: “To them who are called according to His purpose”. (Romans 8:28) In other words, God watches out for His own! When we are keeping our will alligned with our Maker’s, we needn’t be afraid of anything in this world…for even our various trials and temptations will be blessings in disguise. (James 1:2-4)

“The wicked flee when no man pursueth, but the righteous are as bold as a lion.” Proverbs 28:1 “How can this be? I always feel that my enemies have the upper hand, and I am the one shaking in my boots” but remember – this world is not our permanent dwelling, we are only strangers and pilgrims in a foreign land! (1 Peter 2:11) There will come a day when the wicked will pay the penalty for their sins, and the righteous will enjoy all the blessings The Lord has prepared for them. (Psalm 37:1-7)

Ecclesiastes 8:12-13 Though a sinner do evil an hundred times, and his days be prolonged, yet surely I know that it shall be well with them that fear God, which fear before Him: But it shall not be well with the wicked, neither shall He prolong his days, which are as a shadow; because he feareth not before God.Isaiah 41:13 For I the Lord thy God will hold thy right hand, saying unto thee, Fear not; I will help thee.

Friends, may we boldly say: Because of Christ, I am no longer a mouse; but a man!

God bless, and take a chill pill!
Mrs. Dustin Bolks