Destress the Damsel

Ladies, I want each of you to remember as you are reading this that our hormones are a natural part of all of us. —BUT— just like anything that comes naturally to us, our hormones can get us in a world of trouble. We need to realize that 1. We are more than flesh and bones. 2. We are more than our feelings, and 3. We belong to a faithful God, and He is able to provide an escape for every temptation we might face – if only we will turn to Him. (1 Corinthians 10:13)

“So if hormones are just a natural part of life, how do I know if they have gotten out of control? How do I know when to say NO to this part of my flesh? ”

I need to say NO when….

1. My hormones CONSOLE me (emotionally)

Sometimes we allow our feelings to get the best of us, and what’s more…sometimes we find this rather enjoyable. Admit it, we all enjoy a good pity party every now and again! {insert sarcasm here} Okay – while we might not think we particularly thrill in sorrow, let’s be honest…if we didn’t find some enjoyment in feeling sorry for ourselves, why would we do it? Girls, when we feel consoled by our hormones, we are letting ourselves be caught up in a dangerous addiction that leads right down the road to nowhere. Our Lord doesn’t look too kindly on those who choose to be in a perpetual state of misery, but rather reproves them! (Think Jonah, Martha, and The Israelites to name only a few!)

In Ecclesiastes 7:3 it says that sorrow is better than laughter, and by sadness our heart is actually made better! Keeping that thought in mind, let us ponder 2 Corinthians 7:10. This passage teaches us that there is a godly sorrow that brings forth repentance; on the other hand, there is a worldly sorrow that brings forth death.

Our emotions should be spent on Godly things like:

Sorrow for our sins – leading us to a repentant response.

-or-

Feeling pity for others – leading us to a compassionate response.

Galatians 6:8 …He that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting. 9 And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.

Let us ask ourselves whether or not our hormonal woes are leading us towards Godly responses in life!

I need to say NO when…

2. My hormones CONTROL me (physically)

What does a hormonal response to worldly sorrow look like?

I’ll tell you….it looks carnal, savage, and out of control! Once we have let our hormones console us, the next step in the addiction is to let our hormones control us. Ladies, when we are following our flesh rather than God’s Spirit, if we feel upset we are going to act out in ways that a Christian should never act. If we feel hurt, we’re automatically going to get spiteful. Ungoverned, our hormones can have us swearing at the neighbors, screaming at the kids and essentially going through life ready to fly off the handle at anyone who looks at us wrong. This is not the way God expects His children to handle life.

Let us look at Ephesians 2:2, taking care to pay special attention to the emphasized words.

“In times past we….walked according to the course of this world; walked according to the prince of the power of the air….our conversations were in the lusts of the flesh; we fulfilled the desires of the flesh and mind; we were by nature the children of wrath.”

Notice how these were all things we used  to do. Now that we are Christians, we are held to a higher standard of holiness than non-believers. We will not be held unaccountable if we continue in sin without repentance!

Galatians 5:24 …They that are Christ’s have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts.

I need to say NO when…

3. My hormones TAKE A TOLL on me (spiritually)

Finally, we will know and be known by our fruits. Every tree that does not bring forth good fruit will be cut down and cast into the fire. (Matthew 7:19) Does a woman led by her hormones bring forth good fruit? I’m afraid not.

It is true that at times we might feel hopeless. We might be asking ourselves how we will ever be able to restrain ourselves from worldly responses when our hormones are encouraging us to pity ourselves, lash out at others, etc. The answer is in these two passages:

Romans 13:14 …Put ye on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make not provision for the flesh, to fulfil the lusts thereof.

Galatians 5:16 …Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh.

– Excerpt from Louis Armstrong & Bing Crosby’s “Gone Fishin”

When I read these lyrics for the first time, it painted a picture in my mind of an unfruitful Christian. The story applies to all of us on occasion: we should be hoeing, but we’re out fishing instead…”we aint got no ambition”! This could vaguely apply to so many areas of our lives, but let us consider how it ties in to the sin of gossip.

Too often we are in a situation where, given the opportunity to bless with our mouth, we choose rather to use our words for cursing; for slandering; for gossiping! Gossip is a sin frequently looked over, because on the surface it seems somewhat harmless. Let me put this quite plainly. Gossip is NEVER harmless. Gossip always hurts the person gossiping, the person being gossiped about, and more often than not, both parties.
What exactly is gossip? Gossip is relaying one person’s personal business to another without their consent. Gossip typically – though not always – puts the first person in a bad light.

“Gossip is putting two and two together and making it five” – Ivan Panin

Gossip may be true, partially true, or completely untrue, but the fact of the matter remains: gossiping has no part in the life of the Christian. Gossip hurts.
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Gossip hurts ME

– It has been said that “What Susie says of Sally says more of Susie than of Sally”, and in most cases, I believe this statement to be quite true. When we speak, we are opening a door for others to see right into our hearts. Proverbs 10:11 states that “The mouth of a righteous man is a well of life”. Let us ask ourselves honestly: Can words of gossip be a well of life? If the answer is no, then how can we continue in this sin, claiming the name of Christ “in whom there is no unrighteousness”? (Ps. 92:15, Rom. 9:14) 

He that utters a slander is a fool. (Proverbs 10:18b)

A talebearer revealeth secrets: but he that is of a faithful spirit concealeth the matter. (Proverbs 11:13 )

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Gossip hurts OTHERS

– Leviticus 19:16 says: Thou shalt not go up and down as a talebearer among thy people: neither shalt thou stand against the blood of thy neighbour; I am the Lord.

Do you notice how talebearing (gossiping, slandering) is lumped together with “standing against the blood of thy neighbor”? This verse illustrates perfectly how detrimental gossip really is. When we speak ill against our neighbor, it is one and the same as if we had killed him. Consider the “murder” caused by unsavory speech: Gossip can put a damper on friendships and marriages, it can divide churches – ultimately gossip KILLS reputations and burns everyone in it’s path.

An ungodly man diggeth up evil: and in his lips there is as a burning fire. A froward man soweth strife: and a whisperer separateth chief friends. (Proverbs 16:27-28)

He that goeth about as a talebearer revealeth secrets: therefore meddle not with him that flattereth with his lips. (Proverbs 20:19)

How great a matter a little fire kindleth! (James 3:5b)

Remember: whether gossip is true or not matters little in the sight of our holy God…It is a shame even to speak of those things done in secret (Ephesians 5:12)
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Gossip hurts THE CHURCH

Where there is no talebearer, the strife ceaseth. (Proverbs 26:20)

1 Thessalonians 4:11 “…study to be quiet, and to do your own business, and to work with your own hands, as we commanded you; 12 That ye may walk honestly toward them that are without, and that ye may have lack of nothing.”

– Gossip puts a bad light on Christ’s church. If the world hears us speaking evil against our neighbors, do you think they want to become a part of us? How can people see the love of Christ in us if we act just as dysfunctional as those who are lost? My mother-in-law is known to say that “If we can’t get along here on earth, how do you think we’ll get along in heaven?” – and it is so true! If we don’t have LOVE for one another we are nothing (1 Cor. 13:2), and gossip is certainly not loving! In fact, love as described in 1 Corinthians 13 is partially defined as “thinking no evil” and “rejoicing not in iniquity, but rejoicing in the truth!” (v 5b-6) A far cry from everything that gossip is…

– Gossip keeps us from doing the work of the church:

2 Thessalonians 11 For we hear that there are some which walk among you disorderly, working not at all, but are busybodies.

1 Timothy 5:13 And withal they learn to be idle, wandering about from house to house; and not only idle, but tattlers also and busybodies, speaking things which they ought not.

If we are spending our time focusing on and talking about the faults of others, we have far too much time on our hands….time that should be being used to further God’s kingdom! Gossip only serves to further Satan’s purposes, and does nothing but harm to ours.
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Conclusion:

A good rule of thumb is that if we are not part of the solution to the problem, it is best to keep silent. Always run any hint of gossip through these filters: What is my goal in sharing this? Is my involvement in this situation needed, or am I meddling in things that are no concern of mine? Talking just for the sake of talking is idle speech. An old saying applies: “idle hands are the devil’s workshop”. Every time we gossip, we open up the door for many more sins to enter our hearts and minds.

Proverbs 18:7 A fool’s mouth is his destruction, and his lips are the snare of his soul. 8 The words of a talebearer are as wounds, and they go down into the innermost parts of the belly.

Ladies, let us not be likened unto the foolish man, but let our speech always be seasoned with salt, that it might minister grace unto the hearers!

God bless, and take a chill pill!
Mrs. Dustin Bolks

If cornered with no possible escape a scorpion will sting itself to death with that flexible stinger on the back end of its body.

I’m ashamed to say I have met scorpion Christians during my ministry.”

(Quote by Ron C. Carlson)

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Bitter. Jealous. Resentful. Vindictive. Scornful. Unkind. Unloving. Hostile.                                                    Venomous.

These are all synonyms of one cute little word: Catty.
Maybe you’ve never asked yourself if you are a catty female, but let’s be honest – all of us girls have at least a bit of cat-like ferocity inside. In fact, if we are to be completely real with ourselves, we might realize that we tend to take pleasure in slighting and spurning others if we are “in a mood”. Well, cattiness is quite adorable and befitting of the Virtuous Woman, right??

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One of the defining characteristics of the catty woman (or ferocious feline) is maliciousness. Malice can be defined as a wrongful intention, spite, revenge, or ill-will toward others. A malicious person will say or do anything they feel, with no concern as to how it might hurt someone else. They will prove themselves to be cruel with their words and actions. Maliciousness can show it’s ugly face in many forms.

Maybe you’re the unmerciful customer yelling at a waiter because your hamburger doesn’t have enough mayo. Maybe you’re the hostile driver honking because the guy in front of you waited 3 seconds to go on green. Maybe you’re  the jealous wife snooping through your husband’s stuff because you just know he can’t be trusted. We hardly recognize these things as being ungodly in comparison to the “big, bad, ugly sins”…but if LOVE is the greatest commandment, are we not sinning by showing these day-to-day displays of malice?

In Romans 1, a few of the words to describe those with a reprobate mind include malicious, full of envy, without understanding, without natural affection, unmerciful…v. 32 says that those who do these things are worthy of death! Also read Galatians 5:19-21: “Now the works of the flesh are manifest…hatred…wrath, strife…envyings…they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God.” My friends, this is not to be taken lightly.

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Perhaps you struggle with a barbed tongue; or maybe you are one who always loves to have the last word. I have often heard women boast “You should have seen the look on his/her face. I sure told them off!”. God regards this attitude as very foolish and wicked.

Read James 3:14-16 with me:

“But if ye have bitter envying and strife in your hearts, glory not, and lie not against the truth. This wisdom descendeth not from above, but is earthly, sensual, devilish. For where envying and strife is, there is confusion and every evil work.”
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Scripture warns us that we have not become mature christians if we continue to walk in envy and strife!

1 Corinthians 3:3 For ye are yet carnal: for whereas there is among you envying, and strife, and divisions, are ye not carnal, and walk as men?

Ladies, Let us walk honestly, as in the day….not in strife and envying. For wrath killeth the foolish man, and envy slayeth the silly one.Wrath is cruel, and anger is outrageous; but who is able to stand before envy? Surely he scorneth the scorners: but he giveth grace unto the lowly. (Romans 13:13 , Job 5:2, Proverbs 27:4, Proverbs 3:34)

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Consider what kind of women we could be if we exchanged our

debates                 for           gentleness?
envyings            for           peace?
wraths                   for           love?
strifes                    for           joy?
backbitings          for           meekness, temperance?
whisperings        for            goodness?
swellings              for            longsuffering?
tumults                 for            faith?

2 Cor. 12:20       for           Galatians 5:22-23?

Proverbs 20:22 Say not thou, I will recompense evil; but wait on the Lord, and He shall save thee.
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The world tells us we come first…God’s word says to put others first. (Philippians 2:3)
The world says let our voices be heard….God’s word says lowliness is wisdom.
(Proverbs 11:2)
The world says insult with a comeback….God’s word says not to avenge ourselves.
(Romans 12:19)
The world says “nice guys finish last”. Sisters, take heart – God’s word says that those who are last shall be FIRST!
(Mark 10:31)

Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: 32 And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you. – Ephesians 4:31 

God bless, and take a chill pill!
Mrs. Dustin Bolks