Destress the Damsel

Hey Chicas! Today I bring to you a subject that is very close to my heart…and that subject is the role of a Christian wife. While for thousands of years women have served their husbands with honor and submission, today we live in a time when being a christian help meet is considered inferior and primitive. Women’s rights activists demand “equality” of men and women in every way. “We can do anything a man can do….no one will rule over us!” is the feminist’s cry. Unfortunately, this line of thinking is grasped onto by so many…by people who do not understand what true equality really is. See, in a spiritual sense men and women are equal. Being a man or a woman does not win one special favor with God; our Lord pays no respect to gender when one becomes His child. What is misunderstood is that men and women have 100% equal value as a person, while having 100% different roles as a person!Very few would argue with these statements:A child must submit to a parent.
A student must submit to a teacher.
A civilian must submit to a police officer.
An employee must submit to an employer.

Now, in lieu of the examples mentioned, why then is it considered out of the question for a wife to submit to her husband? Does a parent have more value than a child; a teacher more value than a student, etc? Of course not! We recognize that the value is the same, but that a proper hierarchy needs to be in place for the particular relationship to function well.

Unlike what the feminists would have us believe, submitting to one’s husband is not oppressive or degrading. On the contrary, it can give security, peace and freedom! Above all, it is God’s plan for us. Even if we don’t fully understand His will, He truly does know best! We simply cannot choose to live in a way that we believe “suits us” better than God’s design. After all, how can the clay say to the potter “why have you made me this way”? (Rom 9:20)

Let us think on our Lord Jesus Christ. Did you ever consider that if He failed to submit to God the Father, we would have no propitiation for our sins?

Jesus says in John 6:38 “For I came down from heaven, not to do mine own will, but the will of him that sent me.”

Has your husband ever asked you to be nailed to a cross for filthy, undeserving sinners? Perhaps your husband has denied something menial, such as a request to have a girls’ day out…but has he ever denied your request to live? If we were in Jesus’ place, could we say “not my will, but yours”? I think it is far more likely that we would say “nice try buddy, but I call the shots in my life”. This attitude stems from pride. We all think we can do better on our own, but God made each person in need of authority.

Jesus recognized that He and His Father shared equal value.
(John 10:30 I and my Father are one.)

He also recognized that He would be successful in this life only if He took on the submissive role to His Father.
(John 5:30 I can of mine own self do nothing: as I hear, I judge: and my judgment is just; because I seek not mine own will, but the will of the Father which hath sent me.)

Our husbands are an earthly depiction of Jesus to us; we the picture of Christ’s bride. Jesus tells us in John 14:15 that if we love Him, we will keep His commandments. We also read in 1 John 5:3 that His commandments are not burdensome! We cannot say that we love our husbands and yet continue in disobedience….we will only be fooling ourselves.

Hebrews 13: 17 Obey them that have the rule over you, and submit yourselves: for they watch for your souls, as they that must give account, that they may do it with joy, and not with grief: for that is unprofitable for you.

While this verse is typically used in reference to elders, are not our husbands also counted among “those that have the rule over us”? Scripture teaches us we are to honor, obey, revere, and submit to our husbands – and certainly they will have to give God a report on the behavior we have exhibited! What will our husbands say about us? Have we been peaceable, or difficult to live with? Have we delighted in our work, or have we grumbled? Have we humbly taken the passenger’s seat through life, or have we tried to take the wheel? These are all things that we are going to have to answer for. I don’t want to be known as the wife who had her husband on a ball and chain. I want my husband to say of me that I was a servant; that I was lovely, meek, humble, understanding and eager to please. I want my children to remember me as a wife and mother who always put her husband first.

I have heard many say that the New Testament put away dominance/submission in the marriage relationship. Friends, this could not be further from the truth! There are in fact many verses that illustrate God’s plan for a woman’s part in marriage. We are to submit to our husbands as it is fit in the Lord, (Colossians 3:18), as unto the Lord, (Ephesians 5:22) see that we reverence our husbands (Ephesians 5:23) be subject to our husbands as the church is to Christ, (Ephesians 5:24), be in subjection to our husbands even if they are not Christians, (1 Peter 3:1) obey our husbands as our Lord, (1 Peter 3:6) and love and obey our husbands! (Titus 2:4-5). We read in 1 Corinthians 11:3 that: “the head of every man is Christ, the head of the woman is the man, and the head of Christ is God.” Will we be so bold as to go against this natural order? If we fail to submit to our husbands, we have put away our natural function in God’s kingdom! (Deuteronomy 22: 5 The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man, neither shall a man put on a woman’s garment: for all that do so are abomination unto the Lord thy God.) Spiritually speaking, to wear one’s garment is to take on one’s character. This is an abomination, girls….we MUST be women, and not men.

Some women try to argue that their husband in particular is not deserving of reverence. They claim that his unholy behavior, etc would deny him the right to be treated as a king. “When he straightens up his act, then and only then will I submit to him” is the attitude of many women I know, but submission is not a reward for good behavior! It is a gift we are obliged to give regardless of the recipient’s merit points. I know it is completely possible to submit to an undeserving husband, because I have seen it. I knew a dear woman who found herself in a very unfortunate life situation. Her husband was not measuring up to God’s standards, had no desire to cherish his wife, and was utterly in chaos mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. One might say that her husband deserved little to no respect, yet time and again I would see this woman yielding her own needs to his in the most selfless of ways. When she spoke of him it was without disrespect or contempt, but her speech was holy and chaste. By her humble honor of her husband, she has instilled in her children love for the unlovable, and shown all who know her how to “overcome evil with good”. (Romans 12:21)

Performing God’s will is not always an easy task. If it was easy, everybody and their brother would be a Christian. Being a godly wife is not for the faint of heart, but it does have immense rewards; if not always evident in this life, certainly in the world to come. If you have not been the submissive wife you should be, it is not too late to start! The best place to begin would be to talk with your husband about the truth God has revealed to you from His word. Pray together, and find ways that help him to be a better leader, and that help you to be the loving bride God created you to be. Your submission will be one crucial step towards a God-honoring marriage. May God be with you along this journey, and may you and your husband grow deeper in love as “heirs together of the grace of life”.

God bless, and take a chill pill!
Mrs. Dustin Bolks

Romans 13 Let every soul be subject unto the higher powers. For there is no power but of God: the powers that be are ordained of God. 2 Whosoever therefore resisteth the power, resisteth the ordinance of God: and they that resist shall receive to themselves damnation.

1 Peter 2:3 Submit yourselves to every ordinance of man for the Lord’s sake: whether it be to the king, as supreme; 14 Or unto governors, as unto them that are sent by him for the punishment of evildoers, and for the praise of them that do well.

1 Peter 2: 18 Servants, be subject to your masters with all fear; not only to the good and gentle, but also to the froward. 19 For this is thankworthy, if a man for conscience toward God endure grief, suffering wrongfully. 20 For what glory is it, if, when ye be buffeted for your faults, ye shall take it patiently? but if, when ye do well, and suffer for it, ye take it patiently, this is acceptable with God.

Hey Chicas! Today we are going to be touching on a slightly taboo subject;”the birds and the bees”….”the facts of life”, in other words….SEX. Or, more accurately…the lack thereof. Between chasing after little Johnny all day long, cooking meals, and washing enough dishes to stock the shelves of Wal-Mart….you’re exhausted. At the end of the day all you want to do is catch some shut-eye, but the guy next to you has other plans. “Are you serious?” you mumble, “How can you possibly have the energy for this?”I understand that like many girls, sex may be near the bottom of your to-do list. You are not alone. But have you ever stopped to think that marital sex is actually a command?

Now if you, like me, have been blessed with a high sex drive, or choose to sacrificially give your body out of love, good for you. Read on anyway and “amen” the article as you deem appropriate. 🙂

Through conversations with other women, it has been made quite clear to me that the average woman does not even begin to comprehend the sex drive of the average man. We, as selfish carnal people, often cannot see past the end of our own noses, far less understand what anyone else (specifically our husbands) could possibly want, need, or dream of. We tend to think he should want sex only when WE want it, that if WE don’t need it, he doesn’t need it, and if WE don’t dream of it surely he should restrain himself! Regardless of our feelings, have we forgotten that marriage is not for the purpose of “self”-gratification? Many view marriage as a 50/50 relationship, but that is simply not the way we are meant to live! We are called to give 100% to our spouse, even when they give nothing in return.

A fair amount of women could be categorized as one of the following:

-Those who are completely ignorant of their husband’s sexual needs.

– Those who know about, yet brush aside their husband’s needs.

-Those who are well aware of their husband’s needs, and choose to use their feminine body as a cruel weapon.

Ladies, if we forsake to be very sexually active with our husbands, have we not become like the backslidden Christian who only attends worship every once in a while? Remember, the husband/wife relationship is a picture of Christ and His Church! (Eph 5:32) How can the head be severed from the body? Or in other words, how can we be “one flesh” when we are only intimate “every once in a while”? God did not put us on this earth to please ourselves, but rather to be a help “meet” (a help suitable) for our husbands! We simply cannot serve two masters…. We cannot fulfil our husband’s desires if we are buying into the “it’s all about me” mentality. As a wife, I must ask myself honestly who it is that I am in love with. Is it the man I married? Or am I really in love with myself?

In 1 Corinthians 7:3, it says:

3 Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. 

This verse shows that sex is DUE to our spouse — it is something that should be given freely, without argument. Only by mutual consent are we allowed to withhold sex…and even that is only permissible for a short time. (1 Cor 7:5) Let us consider what it is to “render our dues”:

In Mark 12:17, Jesus told the people to render unto Caesar the things that belonged to him. They were very surprised at this teaching. (Think of giving anything to awful Caesar!) Nonetheless, Jesus made it very clear that we should freely give to people the things that belong to them.

Additionally, Romans 13:7 tells us to:

“Render therefore to all their dues: tribute to whom tribute is due; custom to whom custom; fear to whom fear; honour to whom honour.”

Consider the wife who is “too tired for lovemaking” or “just not in the mood”. She brushes her husband off with a shallow promise of “maybe tomorrow”, but how does this attitude compare against Proverbs 3:27-28?

“27 Withhold not good from them to whom it is due, when it is in the power of thine hand to do it. 28 Say not unto thy neighbour, Go, and come again, and to morrow I will give; when thou hast it by thee.”

Read Matthew 5:40 -42 with me:

 “And if any man will sue thee at the law, and take away thy coat, let him have thy cloak also. And whosoever shall compel thee to go a mile, go with him twain. Give to him that asketh thee, and from him that would borrow of thee turn not thou away.”

This verse teaches us that we ought to give our clothes to a begging stranger, and always go the extra mile for a brother. Now if these things are what Christians are commanded to do, think how much more we are expected to give to our own spouse! How can we rightly justify saying “no” to our husband’s plea for love, especially when we are to submit to him as unto the Lord? (Ephesians 5:22)

Many women make excuses for their sexual infrequency based on their husband’s actions. Perhaps he doesn’t do enough around the house, perhaps he is rude and insensitive, perhaps he is not very godly at all! While all of these things are very unfortunate, please do not fool yourself into thinking your husband has to “earn” the right to make love with his wife. The wife’s body is the husband’s property from the moment she says “I do”. (1 Cor 7:4) We must give our husbands our bodies for the Lord’s sake….not because the man is deserving!

(Proverbs 24:29 Say not, I will do so to him as he hath done to me: I will render to the man according to his work.)

Lastly, adhering to the husband’s standard of sexual frequency will help him to avoid a multitude of sins. I hear many women try to argue that if a man commits adultery against his wife, he is solely to blame. “He should be able to control himself” they say, “he is not an animal ruled by his flesh!” While it is true that as Christians, we should not let our fleshly desires dictate our actions….I ask you to consider the weight we put on a man’s shoulders when we deny him one of his most basic desires. Remember: the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak!

(Proverbs 30:8 Remove far from me vanity and lies: give me neither poverty nor riches; feed me with food convenient for me:

9 Lest I be full, and deny thee, and say, Who is the Lord? or lest I be poor, and steal, and take the name of my God in vain.)

When we realize that sex is an appetite….we understand that without food, a man will be driven to steal what does not belong to him! For example, even a vegetarian fully committed to stay away from meat, would start to consider “the steak walking by” if they got hungry enough! By the same token, have you ever been so full that even the thought of your very favorite food turned your stomach? This is how our husbands will be when they are so full of our love that they want nothing else. Take care of your man, sisters, and help keep a brother from falling!

As a mother of two active young boys, I understand what a struggle it can be to manage one’s time and priorities. But take heart, an active sex life with your husband is possible! On certain days lovemaking might be rushed. Sure, it’s not always going to be fireworks, but even 15 minutes of intimacy a day will bring you and your spouse so much closer together.
I sincerely wish this blessing on each and every one of your marriages:

Proverbs 5:18 Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. 19 Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love.

God bless, and take a chill pill!
Mrs. Dustin Bolks

Has your husband grown cold and distant towards you? Are you in a perpetual state of unhappiness? Do your kids know “If Mama aint happy, aint nobody happy”? If this sounds like your home life…you just may be the contentious wife.5 verses on the contentious wife:

A continual dropping in a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike. (Proverbs 27:15 KJV)

A foolish son is the calamity of his father: and the contentions of a wife are a continual dropping. (Proverbs 19:13 KJV)

It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house. (Proverbs 21:9 and Proverbs 25:24 say this same thing)

It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman. (Proverbs 21:19)

The theme here is apparent: No husband wants to be in the company of a contentious wife!

It starts out with the wife nagging: the obnoxious, continual dripping of the faucet.This leads the husband to seek refuge to another room in the house. After a while, her nagging can lead to him finding solace outside the home: “The wilderness”! Let us make our homes a joyful place to live….may my husband never wish to head to the wilderness because I have made our home miserable to him.

We wives must remember our proper place in the home, and adjust our behavior accordingly. Compare the contentious wife to the submissive wife:

The contentious wife finds ways to make light of her husband’s weaknesses and belittle his talents – whether in the public eye or at home…..the submissive wife knows this is not honorable.

A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband: but she that maketh ashamed is as rottenness in his bones. (Proverbs 12:4 KJV)

The contentious wife complains about lack of funds/special treatment/material items….but the submissive wife remembers that her treasure is in heaven.

But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal: (Matthew 6:20 KJV)

The contentious wife will yell, swear, criticize, whine, or roll her eyes at her husband when angered….while the submissive wife treats her husband as her Lord.

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. (Ephesians 5:22 KJV)

A contentious wife goes against her husbands wishes if she disagrees with him….but the submissive wife knows that if she disobeys her husband, she blasphemes the word of God!

To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed. (Titus 2:5 KJV)

A contentious wife denies her husband of sex, whether out of spite or because she is disinterested….a submissive wife knows that her body belongs to her man, and is his own flesh.

The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. (1 Corinthians 7:4 KJV)

So how are we measuring up? Are we being the submissive, peaceable wives the Lord calls us to be? Or are Christian women evolving into women of the world, who disrespect their husbands vehemenently? It’s time to stop the contention, and treat our husbands with HONOR!

Contention isn’t cute, Girls. Be a Titus 2 kinda wife.

Your husband will be happier. You will be happier. Your kids will be happier. The world will see what a christian marriage should look like. Most importantly, God will be glorified.

And when it’s all over at the end of the day, your husband can say in all truth:

Thou art all fair, my love; there is no spot in thee. (Song of Solomon 4:7 KJV)

God bless, and take a chill pill!
Mrs. Dustin Bolks