Destress the Damsel


All things bright and beautiful,
All creatures great and small,
All things wise and wonderful,
The Lord God made them all.

…

He gave us eyes to see them,
And lips that we might tell
How great is God Almighty,
Who has made all things well.

These two verses bookend the classic hymn, “All Things Bright and Beautiful”. The 19th century poet, Cecil Frances Alexander, asserted herein that the animal kingdom plays a significant role in teaching mankind of and bringing glory to God. Scripture affirms his belief in Old Testament passages, such as Job 12:7-10:

But now ask the beasts, and let them teach you; and the birds of the heavens, and let them tell you. Or speak to the earth, and let it teach you; and let the fish of the sea declare to you. Who among all these does not know that the hand of the Lord has done this, in whose hand is the life of every living thing, and the breath of all mankind?

As well as in New Testament passages, such as Romans 1:20:

For since the creation of the world His invisible attributes, His eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly seen, being understood through what has been made, so that they are without excuse.

While animals, unlike men, do not possess spirits, they do possess somas and souls. Animals boast a physical and emotional makeup. Through these two shared elements between man and beast, “all creatures great and small” communicate truths to us about our Creator…if we take the time to look in and listen in on their world.

One practical way to learn from animals is by observing our own pets. The Job passage above says that we can learn from beasts, birds, and fish. Proverbs 6:6 goes so far as to add insects to that list: Go to the ant, O sluggard, observe her ways and be wise. Whether you have a cat, a dog, a parakeet, a goldfish, or a praying mantis, you will find yourself inadvertently learning more about God through your pet ownership.

Currently, my husband and I have the privilege of owning four wonderful cats. Nearly ten years ago, our sister gave us one of the most cherished gifts we have ever received: a darling tabby cat by the name of “Luna”. At our nearest approximation, we have enjoyed around 40 of Luna’s direct descendants over the last decade. As we have seen our beloved farm-cat population wax and wane over time, we continue to be astonished by the fact that every single cat is so different, so unique, so special. They haven’t merely differed in fur patterns, but in their distinctive “personalities” (or, “animalities” as we like to say…considering that a cat is not a “person”).

Just like people and snowflakes, no two pets are exactly alike. However, just like people and snowflakes, there are certain glaring similarities between every cat…or dog…or parakeet…or goldfish…or praying mantis. (i.e. they all are born…or hatched; they all eat food; they all get sick sometimes; they all eventually die, etc.) In today’s article, My Creature, My Teacher, we will consider three truths that our treasured pets can teach us about the Lord. And though I appreciate all animals–snakes being one very notable exception–I will be using my own favorite animal to illustrate these truths. The message can easily be applied to any animal in your possession.

The following three points derive from Isaiah 41:10. First of all, My Creature, My Teacher teaches me…


In my December 2023 article, Never Send a Woman to Do a Man’s Job, I wrote about the three primary duties of husbands and fathers: to protect, to provide, and to promote their families. Isaiah 41:10 tells us that our Lord (being both husband and father over His family) serves as our protector, provider, and promoter.

Our topical verse starts out by saying, “do not fear, for I am with you” – that’s protection!

One thing I’ve learned from our cats is this: there will always be a bully in the bunch. Even the very toughest tomcat will eventually be dethroned by somebody bigger and stronger than him…whether it’s the new kitten on campus that’s grown a little too big for his britches, or a stray cat moving in on the original tom’s territory. Females can be just as competitive–sometimes more so–mercilessly growling and swatting at the other girls. The funny thing is, the underdogs (undercats?) get bolder when Master and Mistress are around. If a beta cat cannot see us, it will tremble, cower, and sometimes even run away from the alpha cat. But if our presence is detected, the threatened cat will simply hiss a good “leave me alone” sort of hiss at the bully, then slink over to us to be petted and crooned over. A pet’s fear is greatly diminished when in the presence of his protector!

If an animal, possessing only a soma and a soul, has enough sense to relax when his master is around, would not we humans who possess a soma, a soul, and a spirit do well to let our own Master quell our fears? While we can’t see Him, we can surely detect His presence through this powerful assurance in Isaiah: I am with you!

Next time you are harassed by “the bully in the bunch”, slink on over to Master…for He is your protector.

To every cat I’ve ever loved: thank you, My Creature, My Teacher, for teaching me Of God’s Protection!

Second of all, My Creature, My Teacher teaches me…


Our topical verse goes on to say, “do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God” – that’s provision!

Another thing I’ve learned from our cats is this: they are always counting on Master to deliver the goods. Our pets have an internal alarm clock that alerts them when it’s getting close to chow time. Right before lunch and supper every day, our cats can be found waiting patiently on the front stoop for a meal. The moment they hear the door unlock, they all stand at attention, meow expectantly, and rush upon Master for some kibbles. Even during those rare occasions when we are running behind with mealtimes, our cats aren’t prone to wander far from the stoop. Because of our consistency, they have developed an unwavering expectation that Master will eventually come to fill their hungry tummies…and they want to be first in line when he arrives!

If an animal, possessing only a soma and a soul, has enough sense to rely on his master for his needs, would not we humans who possess a soma, a soul, and a spirit do well to trust in our own Master? Surely we can practice as much patience as a hungry farm-cat when we remember Who we’re waiting on: I am your God!

Next time you wonder if God is ever going to “deliver the goods”…exercise a little more faith in your provider.

To every cat I’ve ever loved: thank you, My Creature, My Teacher, for teaching me Of God’s Provision!

Third (and last) of all, My Creature, My Teacher teaches me…


Our topical verse concludes with a bang: “I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, surely I will uphold you with my righteous right hand” – that’s promotion!

Yet another thing I’ve learned from our cats is this: their lives always bring us immense joy. Last month, I saw a cute graphic on social media that said, “my cat does this amazing thing where he just exists and makes my whole life better.” I smiled from ear to ear, because it’s so true! The precious little lives of our animals matter to us a great deal. When new kittens are born, we are elated. We delight in each and every one as they grow and mature. And when they die (or are chased off by another cat), we feel a keen loss. Those of us who have a soft spot for our pets often find ourselves investing time and money to keep them in tip-top shape. The little runt kitten finds itself at the end of a bottle. The old mother cat with the bad tooth finds herself being swept away to the vet. The scrawny young tom finds himself scarfing down a can of tuna. Why? What makes us care so much? We care because these pets belong to us…and we desire to see what is ours surviving and thriving.

If an animal, possessing only a soma and a soul, has enough worth to delight his master, would not we humans who possess a soma, a soul, and a spirit be considered immeasurably valuable to our own Master? Small as we are, those who belong to Christ are counted worthy to be strengthened, helped, and upheld!

Next time you feel like your existence doesn’t matter…remind yourself that you have an adoring promoter.

To every cat I’ve ever loved: thank you, My Creature, My Teacher, for teaching me Of God’s Promotion!

In conclusion…

There is much that we can observe about our Creator simply by observing His creation. Whether you have a cat, a dog, a parakeet, a goldfish, or a praying mantis…or whether you simply appreciate animals from a distance…there are spiritual truths to be discovered in every corner of the animal kingdom. Today, the humble farm-cat has served to remind us Of God’s Protection, Of God’s Provision, and Of God’s Promotion. Purr-ty cool, huh?

All things bright and beautiful,
All creatures great and small,
All things wise and wonderful,
The Lord God made them all.

…

He gave us eyes to see them,
And lips that we might tell
How great is God Almighty,
Who has made all things well.

Thank you, Father, for our creatures…our teachers.

A righteous man has regard for the life of his beast. – Proverbs 12:10b

For God’s glory,
Mrs. Dustin Bolks

Chaste Bolks is a church of Christ preacher’s wife, and the home educating mother of two children. She and her family currently reside in Northwest Iowa.

L’Enfant L’Enchante: Madness & Sadness

by


She is not fair to outward view
As many maidens be,
Her loveliness I never knew
Until she smiled on me;
O, then I saw her eye was bright,
A well of love, a spring of light!

But now her looks are coy and cold,
To mine they ne’er reply,
And yet I cease not to behold
The love-light in her eye:
Her very frowns are fairer far
Than smiles of other maidens are.

– Hartley Coleridge

What unique quality does Mr. Coleridge’s sweetheart possess that leaves him so captivated? It certainly isn’t her good looks, as he freely admits to the plainness of her features in the opening line of his poem. A beauty queen this woman is not! Yet in spite of a nondescript appearance, she has a powerful hold over her man’s heart. Whether she smiles or frowns, he is smitten by her. Why is this?

I suggest to you now that Mr. Coleridge’s “intended” is in possession of a childlike spirit. Now, if you have yet to read last month’s article, L’Enfant L’Enchante: Wonder & Whimsy, I strongly encourage you to do so before proceeding with this month’s article (the second installment of a two-part series). I won’t be reviewing much of what we discussed previously, so it’s important to get some background on this potentially controversial topic before going full steam ahead. Read Part I here.

I’ll wait…

Did you read Part I? Great! Now we’re on the same wavelength. Allow me to remind you that the French phrase, L’Enfant L’Enchante (a rhyme that is pronounced: lahn-fahnt lahn-shahnt), is translated in English as “the child enchants him”. As we talked about in Part I of our series, a childlike spirit is enchanting to God and husbands alike. Childlikeness activates the manful drive to provide, protect, and promote the vulnerable. When we tap into our inner child, we can capture the hearts of our husbands in the way no “battle-axe”, “old-ball-and-chain”, or “strung-out and washed-out old harpy” ever could. We can, like Mr. Coleridge’s beloved, have the power to enchant with a smile or frown.

While last month’s article focused on enchanting our husbands with a smile (i.e. wonder & whimsy), this month’s article will focus on enchanting our husbands with a frown (i.e. madness & sadness). Sounds a little counterintuitive, doesn’t it? But it really works…if you go about it the right way! (The trick is to lean into childlikeness, not childishness. Remember: it’s all about emulating those positive features of children, rather than the negative features.) Next time you feel angry, let yourself be a…

What is childlike anger? It is the charming, expressive anger, spunk or sauciness of a little girl. There is no better school for learning childlike anger than watching the antics of little children, especially little girls who have been given an abundance of love. They are so trusting, so sincere, and so innocent, and yet so piquant and outspoken that they are often teased into anger. They are too innocent to feel hate, jealousy, resentment and the uglier emotions. When such a child is teased, she does not respond with some hideous sarcasm. Instead, she stamps her foot and shakes her curls and pouts. She gets adorably angry at herself because her efforts to respond are impotent. Finally, she switches off and threatens never to speak to you again, then glances back at you over her shoulder to see if you thought she really meant it, only to stomp her foot in impatience when she sees that you are not the least bit fooled.

A scene such as this will invariably make us smile with amusement. We feel an irresistible longing to pick up such a child and hug it. We would do anything rather than permit such an adorable little thing to suffer danger or want; to protect and care for such a delightfully human little creature would be nothing less than a delight. This is much the same feeling that a woman inspires in a man when she expresses anger in a childlike way. Her ridiculous exaggeration of manner makes him suddenly want to laugh; makes him feel, in contrast, stronger, more sensible and more of a man. This is why women who are little spitfires–independent and saucy–are often sought after by men. This anger, however, must be the sauciness of a child, and not the intractable stubbornness of a woman well able to ‘kill her own snakes.’

– Helen Andelin, Fascinating Womanhood

Learning to be a mad little wife when you are angry (as opposed to being a bitter, resentful shrew) will do wonders for diffusing the tension in your marriage. The rageful wife who rants and raves at her husband will be hard-pressed to get the response out of him that she desires. More often than not, a woman’s wrath only escalates the problem at hand, until husband and wife are both sorely at odds. A masculine man will typically respond in one of two ways to a raging woman: 1) show her who is boss, or 2) remove himself from her presence. Neither result is very satisfactory for that wife!

Childlike anger is a little-known, yet highly-effective method for maintaining marital harmony in the midst of injuries and offenses. Now, there are certainly times when this approach is inappropriate to the matter at hand (i.e. in response to marital infidelity, physical abuse, or other extremely injurious acts). It would be ludicrous to employ childlike anger in response to diabolical offenses such as these. I am not addressing extremes, but how to deal with your everyday, run-of-the-mill squabbles.

Notice some of the childlike tactics that Mrs. Andelin recommended in her quote above. One tactic is employing a visible response to anger. Stamping your feet, shaking your curls, pouting, etc. are all very childlike behaviors that will disarm your husband rather than put him on the defensive. A man who feels that he is being challenged will tend to view his wife as a rival, leading to a “fight or flight” response (put her in her place or evacuate the premises). It is in a man’s very nature to fend off an “enemy”…even if she is his lawfully wedded wife! It is also in a man’s nature to provide, protect, and promote. If he sees you as vulnerable rather than threatening, he will be more sensitive towards you.

The second tactic Mrs. Andelin recommended is that of an audible response to anger. A childlike exaggeration such as “I’m never speaking to you again!” will get your husband’s attention without getting his ire up. (If not spoken in earnest, of course) The sheer ridiculousness of such a statement denotes a certain “helplessness” or “impotence” that makes you appear more of a woman, and he, more of a man. If you combine visible and audible responses to anger, your husband will be so much more receptive than if you “fly off the handle” as so many women make the grave mistake of doing.

Fascinating Womanhood is chock-full of practical ideas for expressing childlike anger. One of my favorite tips is this: when describing your husband’s treatment of you, use expressions and words that compliment his masculinity. In her book, Mrs. Andelin suggested expressions such as, “you big, tough brute!” or “you stubborn, obstinate man!”, and words such as unyielding, determined, difficult, hard-hearted, inflexible, unruly, stiff-necked, indomitable, and invincible. (These examples can be adjusted to fit a more modern vocabulary if you wish. The point is to appeal to your husband’s maleness.) Many wives, when angry, will demean and belittle their husbands. I have yet to see a husband won over by such a nasty approach! But a cute, childlike, soft answer can turn away wrath.

We all get angry from time to time, but it’s how we choose to respond that makes all the difference. When we were little girls, we were “too innocent to feel hate, jealousy, resentment and the uglier emotions“. Why don’t we return to that childlike innocence? We can show fervor without ferocity. We can get our point across without blowing our top. We can get mad at our husbands without sinning against them. We can learn to release steam in a way that is innocent, healthy, and even delightful.

Let yourself be a mad little wife. You will be happier and better for it, and your husband will be happier and better for it. Childlike anger will wrap your husband around your finger. L’Enfant L’Enchante…the child enchants him!

Be angry, and yet do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not give the devil an opportunity. – Ephesians 4:26-27

Now let’s discuss another reason wives frown: sadness. Next time you feel hurt, let yourself be a…

The second way of being childlike is that of being hurt. The feeling of being hurt is a crushing or cutting sensation as being cut with a knife, only the wound is in the spirit rather than the flesh. When hurt, one does not feel the emotion of anger, or feel tempted to lose one’s temper. Instead, there are two tendencies–one to cry and the other withdraw. The trouble is that when tempted to cry, women usually over-react, displaying deeply wounded feelings and emotional turmoil. This can be frustrating to a man. He is often at his wits’ end to know how to comfort her. I have known men who, in their desperation, walk away and leave a woman alone due to a feeling of inadequacy as to how to handle the situation. Or when a woman reacts in an opposite way–withdrawing into her shell, she forms resentments and breaks communications. In either case there is harm to the marriage relationship.

The best way to express ourselves when hurt is to again copy the mannerisms of little children. When children are hurt, the lips quiver and a tear or two trickles down the cheeks. Or they look with downcast eyes, pout, mumble a few broken words, tremble, rub their foot along the carpet and look rather helpless in their predicament. Or, if the occasion merits it, the cry can be more expressive, with exaggerations and heaving of the breast, but with an absence of bitterness. Childlike crying is amusing and charming and arouses tenderness in men. It is a marvelous way to handle human frailties and build good marriage relationships.

When a woman reacts in a childlike way, however, she must be certain that her actions resemble the showy outbreak of a child and not the emotional turmoil of a deeply disturbed woman.

– Helen Andelin, Fascinating Womanhood

Learning to be a sad little wife when you are hurt (as opposed to becoming an emotional wreck) will do wonders for drawing the tenderness from your marriage. Most men can’t tolerate the sight of a blubbering, bawling woman. On the flip side, most men can’t resist the sight of a pitiful, pouting child. What accounts for the difference? The latter scenario, in a way, begs for a man’s help. The former scenario is, in a way, beyond a man’s help. Men are not apt to embark upon a hopeless enterprise. When a man perceives a problem as being beyond his ability to solve, he will typically respond by leaving that “unsolvable situation” alone in order to invest time and efforts elsewhere.

If you are that “unsolvable situation” in your husband’s life, you will probably find yourself unable to inspire the comfort and consolation out of him that you desire. Many men don’t attempt to soothe their inconsolable wives, because their wives are simply, well…inconsolable! Lost causes, if you will. A husband will often leave his wife to her emotions until she “comes around”, and such a man can hardly be blamed. There’s not much a guy can do for a gal who chooses to wallow in her misery!

In the quote above, Mrs. Andelin again recommended a visible response to hurt feelings. The quivering lip, the shedding of one or two tears, the downcast eyes, the pout, the tremble, the dragging foot…each one of these examples is a subtle “cry for help” meant to elicit a tender male response. Childlike hurt reveals a level of vulnerability that appeals to a man’s protective nature.

Though it’s easier to miss, Mrs. Andelin did recommend an audible response to hurt feelings, just as she did with anger. This time, she mentioned “mumbling a few broken words”. It is so important to be sparing with the words we say when our heart is hurting. Otherwise, complaints, bitterness, and resentment tend to enter the conversation…and such talk is a surefire way to repel our husbands.

Some of the childlike approaches in dealing with anger are applicable for dealing with hurt feelings, as well. Playing the victim (in a mild manner) can be charmingly childlike. Some cute phrases from the book include this one from Helen herself: “how can a great big man like you pick on a poor little helpless girl like me?” And one from a reader: “just because you’re bigger and stronger than I am you think you can push me around.” Gently reminding your man that you are the weaker vessel will not only help him remember to employ his sensitivity, but make him feel like a MAN in the process!

We all feel hurt from time to time, but it’s how we choose to respond that makes all the difference. When we were little girls, we were “expressive…but with an absence of bitterness“. Why don’t we return to that childlike innocence? We can show pain without inflicting punishment. We can feel sorrow without sinking into the depths of despair. We can have a hard moment without having a hard day. We can learn to reveal our emotions in a way that is innocent, healthy, and even delightful.

Let yourself be a sad little wife. You will be happier and better for it, and your husband will be happier and better for it. Childlike hurt will wrap your husband around your finger. L’Enfant L’Enchante…the child enchants him!

Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. Blessed are the gentle, for they shall inherit the earth. – Matthew 5:3-5

In conclusion…

If you would diffuse the tension in and draw the tenderness from your marriage, I encourage you to reclaim the madness & sadness of your childhood. Practice showing childlike anger and childlike hurt when you are upset, and watch the hostility in your marriage become a thing of the past. To learn more about childlikeness and other groundbreaking marriage concepts found in Fascinating Womanhood, do yourself a favor and snag a copy of this very special book! You’re never too old to be a mad little wife; a sad little wife.

Cultivate a childlike spirit for your husband. L’Enfant L’Enchante…the child enchants him!

And cultivate a childlike spirit for your God. L’Enfant L’Enchante…the child enchants Him!


For God’s glory,
Mrs. Dustin Bolks

Chaste Bolks is a church of Christ preacher’s wife, and the home educating mother of two children. She and her family currently reside in Northwest Iowa.

L’Enfant L’Enchante: Wonder & Whimsy

by


If I could see the world
Through the eyes of a child
What a wonderful world this would be
There’d be no trouble and no strife
Just a big happy life
With a bluebird in every tree

I could see right, no wrong
I could see good, no bad
I could see all the good things
In life I’ve never had
If I could see the world
Through the eyes of a child
What a wonderful world this would be

If I could see the world
Through the eyes of a child
Smiling faces would greet me all the while
Like a lovely work of art
It would warm my weary heart
Just to see through the eyes of a child

I could see right, no wrong
I could see good, no bad
I could see all the good things
In life I’ve never had
If I could see the world
Through the eyes of a child
What a wonderful world this would be

– “If I Could See The World (Through The Eyes Of A Child)” as sung by Patsy Cline (1957)

The legendary Patsy Cline, in her trademark contralto style, paid tribute to the Wonder & Whimsy of childhood. These two innocent and childlike qualities – Wonder & Whimsy – are often discarded in adulthood, having been snuffed out by the cares and toils of this world. By the time many reach middle age, they are disillusioned, weary, downtrodden, and embittered. (Goodbye pediatric joy, hello geriatric joints!) Yet Patsy reminds us that if we could only recapture some traits of our childhood, we would be happier and better for it.

One of the greatest marriage secrets I have ever learned, and the one I am going to share with you today, has to do with a wife cultivating a childlike spirit. (A childlike spirit is not to be confused with a childish spirit, which is a very different story. When someone is being childish, they are emulating the negative features of children. When someone is being childlike, they are emulating the positive features of children.) In Helen Andelin’s book, Fascinating Womanhood (a must-read!), she encourages wives to get reacquainted with the fanciful, playful, youthful parts of themselves – their inner child, if you will. She and countless women across the globe (myself included) attest to the disarming power of childlikeness on husbands. (Note for critics: this concept has nothing to do with pedophilia. I’m talking about being a childlike bride, not a child bride!) To be frank, no man wants a disillusioned, weary, downtrodden, and embittered wife. No husband is attracted to the “battle-axe”, the “old-ball-and-chain”, the “strung-out and washed-out old harpy”. But a wife who is as sweet and adorable as a little girl? Now that’s delightful. That can make a man’s heart of stone melt right into butter.

In this month’s article, L’Enfant L’Enchante: Wonder & Whimsy, we are going to learn how to tap into two childlike characteristics that may be as dusty as your old dollhouse. The French phrase, L’Enfant L’Enchante (a rhyme that is pronounced: lahn-fahnt lahn-shahnt), is translated in English as “the child enchants him”. See, men are designed by God to be protectors, providers, and promoters. As such, they are deeply attracted to the vulnerability of those under their wing…the vulnerability that activates their innate masculine heroism. Since men are created in the image of God, it is no surprise that Jesus Himself said, “unless you are converted and become like children, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven“. (Matthew 18:3) There is something about a vulnerable child that “disarms” the Lord of Creation. L’Enfant L’Enchante…the child enchants Him!

Do you seek to be the light of your husband’s life? Do you long for your man to treat you with the utmost tenderness? Do you yearn for your marriage to be filled with liveliness, laughter, and love? Let yourself be a…


Whimsy is defined as “the trait of acting unpredictably and more from whim or caprice than from reason or judgment”. Whimsy is what makes little girls twirl around in their dresses until they fall down. Whimsy is what makes little girls pick daisies and weave them into flower crowns. Whimsy is what makes little girls skip and jump and cartwheel. Whimsy is what makes little girls sing their newly-invented songs as they play pretend.

To be a whimsical wife, one must have a little more levity and a little less gravity. Men are often burdened with full workloads, financial stresses, and familial concerns. When a man comes home to find a frazzled wife, it only adds more burden upon his shoulders. He finds no respite in “home sweet home”; he has no oasis in which to find relief from his labors. Many marriages rip apart at the seams on account of bleak scenarios such as this.

But what happens when a woman breaks the mold, and provides the gift of whimsy to her weary man? What happens when he sighs and she sings? What happens when she brings him out of his head and into her heart? She becomes his peace. She becomes his best friend. She becomes someone he can’t live without.

If you’re unsure of how to become more whimsical, try to remember what it was like to be a little girl. Little girls are the exact opposite of frazzled…they have happy-go-lucky attitudes and greet each day with a smile. Think of how a sweet little girl treats her father, and channel that energy towards your husband. When a little girl needs help with something, she doesn’t demand, nag, or cram a honey-do-list in her father’s face. She says, “Daddy will you help me? I don’t know how to do it! I’m confused!”, giving an adorable little pout. When a little girl sees her father returning home from work, she doesn’t tense up and turn away from his embrace. She says, “Daddy, will you pick me up? Give me a piggy-back ride! Spin me around!”, and squeals with delight. When a little girl sees her father’s shoulders slink after a heavy day, she doesn’t scoff at his stress and attempt to compare her plight with his. She says, “Daddy, are you okay? Don’t be sad! I love you very much!”, as she throws her arms around him in a big hug. It’s no wonder little girls have their fathers wrapped around their fingers! Their carefree spirits chase away the clouds. A whimsical wife does much the same for her husband.

Some may argue that whimsy feels disingenuous. “I am frazzled! I am strung-out and worn-out! How do you expect me to flit around like a frivolous little faerie when that’s not even close to what I’m feeling?” When I was a child, my mother was wont to say, “fake it ’til you make it”. This teaching has followed me all my life and served me well. For the non-believer, behavior follows feelings. But for the believer, feelings follow behavior! Adjust your behavior, and feelings will surely follow. Spin around with your arms out, like you did when you were a child, and see if you don’t feel a little more fanciful. Skip from one room to the next, like you did when you were a child, and see if you don’t feel a little more playful. Sing little made-up songs to yourself as you go about your day, like you did when you were a child, and see if you don’t feel a little more youthful. As you act more whimsical, you will feel more whimsical, and again start to “see the world through the eyes of a child”.

Let yourself be a whimsical wife. You will be happier and better for it, and your husband will be happier and better for it. Whimsy will wrap your husband around your finger. L’Enfant L’Enchante…the child enchants him!

​A joyful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit dries up the bones. – Proverbs 17:22

Do you seek to be the light of your husband’s life? Do you long for your man to treat you with the utmost tenderness? Do you yearn for your marriage to be filled with liveliness, laughter, and love? Let yourself be a…


Wonder is defined as “a feeling of great surprise and admiration caused by seeing or experiencing something that is strange and new”. Wonder is what makes little girls gasp with apparent surprise when opening gifts. Wonder is what makes little girls pore over storybooks for hours. Wonder is what makes little girls take their fathers’ and mothers’ hands, leading them to observe squirrels in the branches of trees. Wonder is what makes little girls recount their daily activities with wide eyes, uninhibited smiles, and expressive hand motions.

To be a wonderful wife, one must spend a little more time on reflection and a little less reflection on time. The renowned genius, Albert Einstein, once said, “He who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead; his eyes are closed.” In adulthood, life so often becomes “go, go, go” and “gotta do this, gotta do that”. Everything is a deadline, a target, a race. We are so hurried and harried that we stop taking the time to smell the flowers or feel the sun on our face. In consequence, our sense of wonder goes out the window. A woman who cannot wonder cannot experience delight. She cannot feel gratitude. Ultimately, she cannot receive. “Her eyes are closed”. Nothing stimulates her emotions; she might as well be a walking corpse.

If you know even a little about Biblical Gender Ethics, you know that one of the primary functions of a man is to give, and one of the primary functions of a woman is to receive. Our very biology reflects this foundational truth among the sexes. When a wife receives, and subsequently responds in wonder, this nurtures delight, which nurtures gratitude, which nurtures more reception. But take wonder out of the equation, and you will block the flow of masculine giving and feminine receiving that makes a marriage flourish. Face it, nobody likes giving to a sourpuss! When you respond with indifference to your husband’s gifts (whether it be compliments, or literal presents, or acts of service, etc.) he will be discouraged by your lack of appreciation and stop trying. And though it is wrong to do so, many men will abandon their wives for someone who will appreciate them. It’s not always the low blouse and short skirt that invites a man into another woman’s arms, but simply that woman’s girlish wonder, her delight, her gratitude, her reception, and marked appreciation of his good points.

If you’re unsure of how to become more wonderful, try to remember what it was like to be a little girl. Little girls are the exact opposite of indifferent…to them everything is fresh, exciting and a cause for celebration. When a little girl is complimented by her father, she doesn’t point out her flaws, tell him he needs a new pair of glasses, or accuse him of ulterior motives. She says, “Thank you, Daddy! I picked out this outfit all by myself! Today I’m being a princess.” as she offers him a low curtsy. When a little girl is presented with a gift from her father, she doesn’t say he really shouldn’t have bought it, ask if it was in the budget, or claim she could have gone without. She says, “For me?! Why you’re the best daddy in the whole wide world! It’s just what I always wanted!” with eyes lit up like so many stars. When a little girl is told a story by her father, she doesn’t watch the clock, say she’s heard it all a thousand times, or contradict the details. She says, “Daddy, tell it to me again! And don’t forget my favorite part! You tell the best stories.” while nestling into his firm chest. Receiving with a spirit of wonder, like a sweet lass, is a surefire way to keep a man giving to his wonderful wife.

Live life a bit slower and with more observation, like you did when you were a little girl. Take time to enjoy all the blessings in your life, never taking even the little things for granted. Be in awe of the life provided by God and maintained by your husband. Appreciation will help you to “see the world through the eyes of a child”.

Let yourself be a wonderful wife. You will be happier and better for it, and your husband will be happier and better for it. Wonder will wrap your husband around your finger. L’Enfant L’Enchante…the child enchants him!

Many, O Lord my God, are the wonders which You have done, and Your thoughts toward us; there is none to compare with You. If I would declare and speak of them, they would be too numerous to count. – Psalm 40:5

In conclusion…

If you would be the light of your husband’s life; if you would that your man treat you with the utmost tenderness; if you would that your marriage be filled with liveliness, laughter, and love; I encourage you to reclaim the wonder & whimsy of your childhood. You’re never too old to be a whimsical wife; a wonderful wife.

Cultivate a childlike spirit for your husband. L’Enfant L’Enchante…the child enchants him!

And cultivate a childlike spirit for your God. L’Enfant L’Enchante…the child enchants Him!


For God’s glory,
Mrs. Dustin Bolks

Chaste Bolks is a church of Christ preacher’s wife, and the home educating mother of two children. She and her family currently reside in Northwest Iowa.