If I could see the world
Through the eyes of a child
What a wonderful world this would be
There’d be no trouble and no strife
Just a big happy life
With a bluebird in every tree
I could see right, no wrong
I could see good, no bad
I could see all the good things
In life I’ve never had
If I could see the world
Through the eyes of a child
What a wonderful world this would be
If I could see the world
Through the eyes of a child
Smiling faces would greet me all the while
Like a lovely work of art
It would warm my weary heart
Just to see through the eyes of a child
I could see right, no wrong
I could see good, no bad
I could see all the good things
In life I’ve never had
If I could see the world
Through the eyes of a child
What a wonderful world this would be
– “If I Could See The World (Through The Eyes Of A Child)” as sung by Patsy Cline (1957)
The legendary Patsy Cline, in her trademark contralto style, paid tribute to the Wonder & Whimsy of childhood. These two innocent and childlike qualities – Wonder & Whimsy – are often discarded in adulthood, having been snuffed out by the cares and toils of this world. By the time many reach middle age, they are disillusioned, weary, downtrodden, and embittered. (Goodbye pediatric joy, hello geriatric joints!) Yet Patsy reminds us that if we could only recapture some traits of our childhood, we would be happier and better for it.
One of the greatest marriage secrets I have ever learned, and the one I am going to share with you today, has to do with a wife cultivating a childlike spirit. (A childlike spirit is not to be confused with a childish spirit, which is a very different story. When someone is being childish, they are emulating the negative features of children. When someone is being childlike, they are emulating the positive features of children.) In Helen Andelin’s book, Fascinating Womanhood (a must-read!), she encourages wives to get reacquainted with the fanciful, playful, youthful parts of themselves – their inner child, if you will. She and countless women across the globe (myself included) attest to the disarming power of childlikeness on husbands. (Note for critics: this concept has nothing to do with pedophilia. I’m talking about being a childlike bride, not a child bride!) To be frank, no man wants a disillusioned, weary, downtrodden, and embittered wife. No husband is attracted to the “battle-axe”, the “old-ball-and-chain”, the “strung-out and washed-out old harpy”. But a wife who is as sweet and adorable as a little girl? Now that’s delightful. That can make a man’s heart of stone melt right into butter.
In this month’s article, L’Enfant L’Enchante: Wonder & Whimsy, we are going to learn how to tap into two childlike characteristics that may be as dusty as your old dollhouse. The French phrase, L’Enfant L’Enchante (a rhyme that is pronounced: lahn-fahnt lahn-shahnt), is translated in English as “the child enchants him”. See, men are designed by God to be protectors, providers, and promoters. As such, they are deeply attracted to the vulnerability of those under their wing…the vulnerability that activates their innate masculine heroism. Since men are created in the image of God, it is no surprise that Jesus Himself said, “unless you are converted and become like children, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven“. (Matthew 18:3) There is something about a vulnerable child that “disarms” the Lord of Creation. L’Enfant L’Enchante…the child enchants Him!
Do you seek to be the light of your husband’s life? Do you long for your man to treat you with the utmost tenderness? Do you yearn for your marriage to be filled with liveliness, laughter, and love? Let yourself be a…
Whimsy is defined as “the trait of acting unpredictably and more from whim or caprice than from reason or judgment”. Whimsy is what makes little girls twirl around in their dresses until they fall down. Whimsy is what makes little girls pick daisies and weave them into flower crowns. Whimsy is what makes little girls skip and jump and cartwheel. Whimsy is what makes little girls sing their newly-invented songs as they play pretend.
To be a whimsical wife, one must have a little more levity and a little less gravity. Men are often burdened with full workloads, financial stresses, and familial concerns. When a man comes home to find a frazzled wife, it only adds more burden upon his shoulders. He finds no respite in “home sweet home”; he has no oasis in which to find relief from his labors. Many marriages rip apart at the seams on account of bleak scenarios such as this.
But what happens when a woman breaks the mold, and provides the gift of whimsy to her weary man? What happens when he sighs and she sings? What happens when she brings him out of his head and into her heart? She becomes his peace. She becomes his best friend. She becomes someone he can’t live without.
If you’re unsure of how to become more whimsical, try to remember what it was like to be a little girl. Little girls are the exact opposite of frazzled…they have happy-go-lucky attitudes and greet each day with a smile. Think of how a sweet little girl treats her father, and channel that energy towards your husband. When a little girl needs help with something, she doesn’t demand, nag, or cram a honey-do-list in her father’s face. She says, “Daddy will you help me? I don’t know how to do it! I’m confused!”, giving an adorable little pout. When a little girl sees her father returning home from work, she doesn’t tense up and turn away from his embrace. She says, “Daddy, will you pick me up? Give me a piggy-back ride! Spin me around!”, and squeals with delight. When a little girl sees her father’s shoulders slink after a heavy day, she doesn’t scoff at his stress and attempt to compare her plight with his. She says, “Daddy, are you okay? Don’t be sad! I love you very much!”, as she throws her arms around him in a big hug. It’s no wonder little girls have their fathers wrapped around their fingers! Their carefree spirits chase away the clouds. A whimsical wife does much the same for her husband.
Some may argue that whimsy feels disingenuous. “I am frazzled! I am strung-out and worn-out! How do you expect me to flit around like a frivolous little faerie when that’s not even close to what I’m feeling?” When I was a child, my mother was wont to say, “fake it ’til you make it”. This teaching has followed me all my life and served me well. For the non-believer, behavior follows feelings. But for the believer, feelings follow behavior! Adjust your behavior, and feelings will surely follow. Spin around with your arms out, like you did when you were a child, and see if you don’t feel a little more fanciful. Skip from one room to the next, like you did when you were a child, and see if you don’t feel a little more playful. Sing little made-up songs to yourself as you go about your day, like you did when you were a child, and see if you don’t feel a little more youthful. As you act more whimsical, you will feel more whimsical, and again start to “see the world through the eyes of a child”.
Let yourself be a whimsical wife. You will be happier and better for it, and your husband will be happier and better for it. Whimsy will wrap your husband around your finger. L’Enfant L’Enchante…the child enchants him!
A joyful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit dries up the bones. – Proverbs 17:22
Do you seek to be the light of your husband’s life? Do you long for your man to treat you with the utmost tenderness? Do you yearn for your marriage to be filled with liveliness, laughter, and love? Let yourself be a…
Wonder is defined as “a feeling of great surprise and admiration caused by seeing or experiencing something that is strange and new”. Wonder is what makes little girls gasp with apparent surprise when opening gifts. Wonder is what makes little girls pore over storybooks for hours. Wonder is what makes little girls take their fathers’ and mothers’ hands, leading them to observe squirrels in the branches of trees. Wonder is what makes little girls recount their daily activities with wide eyes, uninhibited smiles, and expressive hand motions.
To be a wonderful wife, one must spend a little more time on reflection and a little less reflection on time. The renowned genius, Albert Einstein, once said, “He who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead; his eyes are closed.” In adulthood, life so often becomes “go, go, go” and “gotta do this, gotta do that”. Everything is a deadline, a target, a race. We are so hurried and harried that we stop taking the time to smell the flowers or feel the sun on our face. In consequence, our sense of wonder goes out the window. A woman who cannot wonder cannot experience delight. She cannot feel gratitude. Ultimately, she cannot receive. “Her eyes are closed”. Nothing stimulates her emotions; she might as well be a walking corpse.
If you know even a little about Biblical Gender Ethics, you know that one of the primary functions of a man is to give, and one of the primary functions of a woman is to receive. Our very biology reflects this foundational truth among the sexes. When a wife receives, and subsequently responds in wonder, this nurtures delight, which nurtures gratitude, which nurtures more reception. But take wonder out of the equation, and you will block the flow of masculine giving and feminine receiving that makes a marriage flourish. Face it, nobody likes giving to a sourpuss! When you respond with indifference to your husband’s gifts (whether it be compliments, or literal presents, or acts of service, etc.) he will be discouraged by your lack of appreciation and stop trying. And though it is wrong to do so, many men will abandon their wives for someone who will appreciate them. It’s not always the low blouse and short skirt that invites a man into another woman’s arms, but simply that woman’s girlish wonder, her delight, her gratitude, her reception, and marked appreciation of his good points.
If you’re unsure of how to become more wonderful, try to remember what it was like to be a little girl. Little girls are the exact opposite of indifferent…to them everything is fresh, exciting and a cause for celebration. When a little girl is complimented by her father, she doesn’t point out her flaws, tell him he needs a new pair of glasses, or accuse him of ulterior motives. She says, “Thank you, Daddy! I picked out this outfit all by myself! Today I’m being a princess.” as she offers him a low curtsy. When a little girl is presented with a gift from her father, she doesn’t say he really shouldn’t have bought it, ask if it was in the budget, or claim she could have gone without. She says, “For me?! Why you’re the best daddy in the whole wide world! It’s just what I always wanted!” with eyes lit up like so many stars. When a little girl is told a story by her father, she doesn’t watch the clock, say she’s heard it all a thousand times, or contradict the details. She says, “Daddy, tell it to me again! And don’t forget my favorite part! You tell the best stories.” while nestling into his firm chest. Receiving with a spirit of wonder, like a sweet lass, is a surefire way to keep a man giving to his wonderful wife.
Live life a bit slower and with more observation, like you did when you were a little girl. Take time to enjoy all the blessings in your life, never taking even the little things for granted. Be in awe of the life provided by God and maintained by your husband. Appreciation will help you to “see the world through the eyes of a child”.
Let yourself be a wonderful wife. You will be happier and better for it, and your husband will be happier and better for it. Wonder will wrap your husband around your finger. L’Enfant L’Enchante…the child enchants him!
Many, O Lord my God, are the wonders which You have done, and Your thoughts toward us; there is none to compare with You. If I would declare and speak of them, they would be too numerous to count. – Psalm 40:5
In conclusion…
If you would be the light of your husband’s life; if you would that your man treat you with the utmost tenderness; if you would that your marriage be filled with liveliness, laughter, and love; I encourage you to reclaim the wonder & whimsy of your childhood. You’re never too old to be a whimsical wife; a wonderful wife.
Cultivate a childlike spirit for your husband. L’Enfant L’Enchante…the child enchants him!
And cultivate a childlike spirit for your God. L’Enfant L’Enchante…the child enchants Him!
For God’s glory,
Mrs. Dustin Bolks
Chaste Bolks is a church of Christ preacher’s wife, and the home educating mother of two children. She and her family currently reside in Northwest Iowa.
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