Destress the Damsel

I am an American Soldier.

I am a warrior and a member of a team.

I serve the people of the United States, and live the Army Values.

I will always place the mission first.

I will never accept defeat.

I will never quit.

I will never leave a fallen comrade.

I am disciplined, physically and mentally tough, trained and proficient in my warrior tasks and drills.

I always maintain my arms, my equipment and myself.

I am an expert and I am a professional.

I stand ready to deploy, engage, and destroy, the enemies of the United States of America in close combat.

I am a guardian of freedom and the American way of life.

I am an American Soldier.

Source: https://www.army.mil/values/soldiers.html

These touching words are copied from The Soldier’s Creed – a bold promise to the American people from our men in uniform.

“Sure, it’s a nice read, but what does it have to do with me – a feminine woman?“, you might be wondering. Allow me to explain:

While the average wife is not out fighting for freedom on the front lines (in fact, I would argue that to do so would not be in her family’s best interest), still, she can prove to be a soldier in her own right. Wives are distinctly called to be “subject to their own husbands”. (Ephesians 5:22; Titus 2:5) Did you know that this word, “subject”, literally means “to rank under”? When I made this connection, my mind immediately went to the American soldier. A soldier gives respect to his superior officer…unfailingly. A soldier obeys orders…unquestioningly. A soldier is committed to his mission…unreservedly. Sounds a lot like a Christian wife to me!

Study the soldier’s creed in light of your role as a help meet:

Are you on your husband’s team? Do you serve him, and live out the values of a godly wife? Do you place your marital mission first? Do you shun feelings of defeat? Are you committed never to quit your mission? Are you devoted to never leaving your marriage, even should your husband fall? Are you a tough, disciplined, and proficient helper to him? Do you maintain yourself with excellent composure? Are you an expert at serving your man, a professional in your field? Do you fight against the wiles of the enemy – Satan – on a daily basis? Are you an advocate and faithful guardian of God’s pattern for marriage? Are you as straight as a soldier?

I am reminded of the classic children’s song: “I may never march in the infantry, ride in the cavalry, shoot the artillery…I may never fly o’er the enemy, but I’m in The Lord’s Army!” This chorus is most true of the Christian wife. If you are a married woman, the unique way you serve as a member of “The Lord’s Army” is by faithfully ranking under your superior officer (your husband). Even in the midst of our topsy-turvy culture, we would do well to remember that women are not to be the “mean and mighty” of the species, but rather the “meek and mild”. We serve from the home front. If you need help in this area, consider this your Basic Combat Training!

Today, we are going to look at “The Seven Core Army Values”. These values serve as a code of conduct for our US military, and I hope you will see the uncanny parallel between being a good soldier and being a good wife. Shall we begin? Core Army Value #1 is…

Bear true faith and allegiance to the U.S. Constitution, the Army, your unit and other Soldiers. Bearing true faith and allegiance is a matter of believing in and devoting yourself to something or someone. A loyal Soldier is one who supports the leadership and stands up for fellow Soldiers. By wearing the uniform of the U.S. Army you are expressing your loyalty. And by doing your share, you show your loyalty to your unit.

Source: army.mil/values/#

Loyalty is essential in the heart of an American soldier. Should it not be even more so in the heart of a Christian wife? Exhibit loyalty in your role as a help meet, and be as straight as a soldier.

He who pursues righteousness and loyalty finds life, righteousness and honor. – Proverbs 21:21

Core Army Value #2 is…

Fulfill your obligations. Doing your duty means more than carrying out your assigned tasks. Duty means being able to accomplish tasks as part of a team. The work of the U.S. Army is a complex combination of missions, tasks and responsibilities — all in constant motion. Our work entails building one assignment onto another. You fulfill your obligations as a part of your unit every time you resist the temptation to take “shortcuts” that might undermine the integrity of the final product.

Source: army.mil/values/#

Duty is essential in the heart of an American soldier. Should it not be even more so in the heart of a Christian wife? Exhibit duty in your role as a help meet, and be as straight as a soldier.

The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. – 1 Corinthians 7:3-4

Core Army Value #3 is…

Treat people as they should be treated. In the Soldier’s Code, we pledge to “treat others with dignity and respect while expecting others to do the same.” Respect is what allows us to appreciate the best in other people. Respect is trusting that all people have done their jobs and fulfilled their duty. And self-respect is a vital ingredient with the Army value of respect, which results from knowing you have put forth your best effort. The Army is one team and each of us has something to contribute.

Source: army.mil/values/#

Respect is essential in the heart of an American soldier. Should it not be even more so in the heart of a Christian wife? Exhibit respect in your role as a help meet, and be as straight as a soldier.

…the wife must see to it that she respects her husband. – Ephesians 5:33b

Core Army Value #4 is…

Put the welfare of the nation, the Army and your subordinates before your own. Selfless service is larger than just one person. In serving your country, you are doing your duty loyally without thought of recognition or gain. The basic building block of selfless service is the commitment of each team member to go a little further, endure a little longer, and look a little closer to see how he or she can add to the effort.

Source: army.mil/values/#

Selfless service is essential in the heart of an American soldier. Should it not be even more so in the heart of a Christian wife? Exhibit selfless service in your role as a help meet, and be as straight as a soldier.

She looks well to the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness. – Proverbs 31:27

Core Army Value #5 is…

Live up to Army values. The nation’s highest military award is The Medal of Honor. This award goes to Soldiers who make honor a matter of daily living — Soldiers who develop the habit of being honorable, and solidify that habit with every value choice they make. Honor is a matter of carrying out, acting, and living the values of respect, duty, loyalty, selfless service, integrity and personal courage in everything you do.

Source: army.mil/values/#

Honor is essential in the heart of an American soldier. Should it not be even more so in the heart of a Christian wife? Exhibit honor in your role as a help meet, and be as straight as a soldier.

Marriage is to be held in honor among all… – Hebrews 13:4a

Core Army Value #6 is…

Do what’s right, legally and morally. Integrity is a quality you develop by adhering to moral principles. It requires that you do and say nothing that deceives others. As your integrity grows, so does the trust others place in you. The more choices you make based on integrity, the more this highly prized value will affect your relationships with family and friends, and, finally, the fundamental acceptance of yourself.

Source: army.mil/values/#

Integrity is essential in the heart of an American soldier. Should it not be even more so in the heart of a Christian wife? Exhibit integrity in your role as a help meet, and be as straight as a soldier.

…I will walk within my house in the integrity of my heart. – Psalm 101:2b

Core Army Value #7 is…

Face fear, danger or adversity (physical or moral). Personal courage has long been associated with our Army. With physical courage, it is a matter of enduring physical duress and at times risking personal safety. Facing moral fear or adversity may be a long, slow process of continuing forward on the right path, especially if taking those actions is not popular with others. You can build your personal courage by daily standing up for and acting upon the things that you know are honorable.

Source: army.mil/values/#

Personal courage is essential in the heart of an American soldier. Should it not be even more so in the heart of a Christian wife? Exhibit personal courage in your role as a help meet, and be as straight as a soldier.

Just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear. – 1 Peter 3:6

In conclusion…

Do you aim to be as straight as a soldier? Then you must carefully demonstrate the seven core army values toward your husband each day:


This foolproof guide to following your husband’s “ldrship” is not only unapologetically American, but unapologetically Biblical. May you be as straight as a soldier, my fellow help meets.

Therefore, take up the full armor of God, so that you will be able to resist in the evil day, and having done everything, to stand firm. – Ephesians 6:13


For God’s glory,
Mrs. Dustin Bolks

Chaste Bolks is a church of Christ preacher’s wife, and the home educating mother of two children. She and her family currently reside in Northwest Iowa.

When you feel like saying something
That you know you will regret,
Or keenly feel an insult
Not quite easy to forget,
That’s the time to curb resentment
And maintain a mental peace,
For when your mind is tranquil
All your ill thoughts simply cease.

It’s easy to be angry
When defrauded or defied,
To be peeved and disappointed
If your wishes are denied;
But to win a worthwhile battle
Over selfishness and spite,
You must learn to keep strict silence
Though you know you’re in the right.

So keep your mental balance
When confronted by a foe,
Be it enemy in ambush
Or some danger that you know.
If you are poised and tranquil
When all around is strife,
Be assured that you have mastered
The most vital thing in life.

– “Stay Calm” by Grenville Kleiser

Then you need to get a handle on your “response ability”!

Our response ability (that is, the art of composure in confrontation) says a lot about our emotional maturity, our powers of self-control, and the sincerity of our devotion to Christ. The way we hold ourselves in difficult situations often reveals the inner woman: is she a collected sage, or a prattling fool?

We should all ask ourselves from time to time, “what is my response ability?” Taking an honest look at our reactions (and adjusting them if need be) is sanctifying. Today, I want to share three points for self-evaluation. Firstly, if I aim to level-up my response ability, then I need to look into…

The heart of the righteous ponders how to answer, but the mouth of the wicked pours out evil things. – Proverbs 15:28

Pondering how to answer takes time, while pouring out evil things takes no time at all. The former is the higher and nobler path, but the latter is the path of least resistance. Any fool can rant and rave in record response time, but a wise woman takes her time in formulating a response. She may even remain silent (as Jesus did before His accusers) if she perceives the conversation to be going nowhere fast. If and when she does respond, it won’t be a lightning strike, but a slow and steady rainfall. A woman of response ability is ordered and methodical, not impetuous and hysterical.

Ask yourself these questions to test your response times:

Check your response times in order to know your response ability!

This you know, my beloved brethren. But everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger; for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God. – James 1:19-20

Secondly, if I aim to level-up my response ability, then I need to look into…

And the work of righteousness will be peace, and the service of righteousness, quietness and confidence forever. – Isaiah 32:17

Quietness and confidence…what a pair. The Bible calls this winning combination the “service of righteousness”. To be quiet and confident simultaneously – it is the perfect blend of standing your ground while keeping your dignity. Most people will applaud confidence, but reject quietness both in themselves and others. The quality of quietness may be underrated by mankind, but it is applauded by God. In fact, He calls the quality of a gentle and quiet spirit in a woman “imperishable”, and “precious” in His sight. (1 Peter 3:4) I’d rather be His kind of lady than a loud-mouth schnook any day of the week!

Ask yourself these questions to test your response tones:

Check your response tones in order to know your response ability!

Let your gentle spirit be known to all men. The Lord is near. – Philippians 4:5

Lastly, if I aim to level-up my response ability, then I need to look into…

Words from the mouth of a wise man are gracious, while the lips of a fool consume him; the beginning of his talking is folly and the end of it is wicked madness. – Ecclesiastes 10:12-13

This proverb hits the bulls-eye! Once we allow our lips to take the reins in heated conversation (as opposed to our spirit), the word-garbage just keeps flowing until we are in a messy heap of our own making. No matter the temptation to “sock it to ’em” and “give ’em what for”, we must filter the words we say…even to the vilest recipient. We Christian women offer words of grace to contentious people – not because they are loving, but because we are. Slow response times and quiet response tones go a long way in aiding gracious response terms.

Ask yourself these questions to test your response terms:

Check your response terms in order to know your response ability!

And while being reviled, He did not revile in return; while suffering, He uttered no threats, but kept entrusting Himself to Him who judges righteously. – 1 Peter 2:23

In conclusion…

When evaluating your response ability, ask yourselves these three vital questions:

How are my response times? How are my response tones? How are my response terms?

In the face of opposition, remember this: it is my responsibility to better my response ability. Don’t stoop to the level of those who have no response ability of their own. Keep your cool and stand tall no matter the refuse being hurled at you, because…

…composure allays great offenses. – Ecclesiastes 10:4b

For God’s glory,
Mrs. Dustin Bolks

Chaste Bolks is a church of Christ preacher’s wife, and the home educating mother of two children. She and her family currently reside in Northwest Iowa.