Destress the Damsel

Thankful In Theory

10.31.2019 by Chaste Bolks // 1 Comment

I stepped in something yucky
As I walked by the crick.
I grabbed a stick to scrape it off,
The yuck stuck to my stick.
I tried to pull it off the stick,
The yuck stuck to my hand.
I tried to wash it off – but it
Stuck to the washin’ pan.
I called my dog to pull me loose,
The yuck stuck to his fur.
He rubbed himself against the cat,
The yuck got stuck to her.
My friends and neighbors came to help –
Now all of us are stuck,
Which goes to show what happens
When one person steps in yuck.

“Yuck” by Shel Silverstein

Have you ever “stepped in yuck” during the holiday season? I guarantee most of us have. I’m not referring to a rotten banana peel, a chewed-up piece of gum, or some far grosser substance on the ground. I’m talking about stepping into a yucky attitude. Been there, done that, right?

The holidays are touted up as being “the most wonderful time of the year”, but all it takes is for one person to step in yuck, and chaos quickly ensues. Oftentimes, it’s the stressed-out lady in the kitchen who steps in it first. We’ve all heard the expression, “if Mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy”…the Bible affirms this unfortunate reality. (Proverbs 21:19; 14:1) Women have a powerful influence over their family’s emotions, and we can choose whether to build up or tear down our homes by our attitudes.

Thanksgiving is meant to be a time of giving thanks for all the many blessings that we have in Christ. However, when we allow ourselves to get stuck in yuck, I’m afraid we are only thankful in theory. Our words are saying “thank you”, but our actions prove otherwise.

So what’ll it be, Ladies? What kind of wife and mother will you be this Thanksgiving 2019? The way I see it, there are two choices. Would you prefer to be…

Thanksgiving dinner’s sad and thankless. Christmas dinner’s dark and blue. When you stop and try to see it from the turkey’s point of view.
– Shel Silverstein

A step-by-step guide for the aspiring turkey:

Step 1: Stay up too late on Thanksgiving Eve.
If you want to be a tired out turkey this Thanksgiving, make sure not to get an adequate amount of rest the night before. Make sure all of your prepping is done last minute so that you feel completely overwhelmed and unprepared for the task before you. (Extra points if you stay up all night!)

Step 2: Stress out over every single detail.
If you want to be a tired out turkey this Thanksgiving, demand perfection. Your husband began thawing the turkey an hour later than necessary? Freak out. Your child mixed up the forks and spoons when setting the table? Freak out. You misplaced your Great Aunt’s heirloom gravy dish and were forced to use something else? Freak out. Nothing shows thankfulness like a good old fashioned pity party.

Step 3: Stick to your expectations at all costs.
If you want to be a tired out turkey this Thanksgiving, idolize your expectations. If you have a plan for how the day will look, follow that plan to the letter. Do not allow anything to get in the way of your ideal schedule, including your husband and children. Allow yourself to lash out in anger if when something inevitably goes awry.

Step 4: Stew over any and all grievances.
If you want to be a tired out turkey this Thanksgiving, hold on to your frustrations for dear life. If someone in the family ruffles your feathers, don’t let that go! Milk it as long as possible and let everyone know just how put off you are. After all, since they upset your Thanksgiving, it’s only fair to upset theirs right back!

Step 5: Stop focusing on what the day is about.
If you want to be a tired out turkey this Thanksgiving, make the holiday more worldly than spiritual. Focus on your wants, first and foremost. How much you want to enjoy the feast, how good you want to look to company with your lavish setup, the good time you want to have. As long as you say one thing you are thankful for, it will erase all the selfishness of the day.

And there you have it, Friends! As long as you follow this simple five step program, you will be a tired out turkey for sure. I’ll even let you in on a little secret…faithfully following even one of these five steps will help you achieve the desired results!

Now…tongue-in-cheek language aside, surely this is not the wife and mother you want to be this Thanksgiving. Yet it can quickly happen to any of us if we allow ourselves to step in yuck. Watch your step, Ladies! Don’t allow your idea of a grand Thanksgiving to become a stumbling block to you…it’s not worth it:

Better is a dry morsel and quietness with it than a house full of feasting and strife. – Proverbs 17:1 (NASB)

Instead of being a tired out turkey this Thanksgiving, wouldn’t you rather be…

Being a Christian is like being a pumpkin. God picks you from the patch and brings you in. Then He washes all of the dirt off of you. He opens you up and scoops out all of the yucky stuff. He removes the seeds of doubt, hate, and greed. Then he carves you a new smiling face. He puts His light inside you to shine for all the world to see.
– Unknown

A step-by-step guide for the aspiring pumpkin:

Step 1: Get the rest that your soma, soul, and spirit needs.
If you want to be a pepped up pumpkin this Thanksgiving, take care of yourself beforehand by getting an appropriate amount of sleep. Prepare for the big day as much as you can in the days leading up to it, but don’t panic if you have to let some things fall by the wayside in order to turn in for the night. If you run out of time, call it a loss and keep moving right along. A meal is not a life-or-death situation, and a side dish is not worth your sanity.

Step 2: Give grace to yourself and others.
If you want to be a pepped up pumpkin this Thanksgiving, calm your spirit. So he was a little late in thawing out the turkey, big deal. It will be that much more delicious after the wait. Honor your man and bite your tongue. So the silverware’s a little wonky, big deal. Show your child the way you want it done, fix it yourself, or roll with it. So you had to use a different gravy dish, big deal. Be thankful you have gravy, and determine to have your Great Aunt’s heirloom dish in its place next year. Peace reigns when we learn to roll with the punches.

Step 3: Grin and bear the setbacks.
If you want to be a pepped up pumpkin this Thanksgiving, have a sense of humor. Life rarely works out the way we think it will, even on a day-to-day basis. Be flexible and don’t lose heart if something in the day doesn’t go as planned. A child gets sick…people show up late…no one’s interested in the family game you picked out…these little disturbances are all part of life. Lower those expectations and enjoy the day for what it is; not what you had hoped it would be.

Step 4: Grow a backbone.
If you want to be a pepped up pumpkin this Thanksgiving, come equipped with a forgiving heart. It’s almost inevitable that someone will rub you the wrong way at some point during the holiday. Whether it’s your husband that insulted your green bean casserole, your overbearing uncle who wants to argue politics, or your moody teenage daughter who is giving you the cold shoulder; let it go. Don’t take everything so personally and choose to act out in anger. Be the blessing you wish others would be to you; be like Jesus.

Step 5: Guide the way to thankfulness.
If you want to be a pepped up pumpkin this Thanksgiving, remember why you are celebrating in the first place. Sure, we all like the delicious food, the beautiful decor, and the chance to gather for a special occasion with loved ones. Yet in and of themselves, these things are quickly fleeting. True meaning is given to the occasion only when viewed through the lens of a thankful heart towards the Lord. Teach this to your children, and emulate it in a submissive spirit towards your husband. Make the day count.

A pumpkin of a woman can turn even the most humble Thanksgiving table to a feast of blessing with her cheerful and lovely disposition. How much better Thanksgiving (and our lives) will be if we all aspire each and every day to be pumpkins rather than turkeys!

Better is a dinner of herbs where love is, than a stalled ox and hatred therewith. – Proverbs 15:17

In conclusion…

Let each and every one of us commit to being thankful people this year. Not only thankful in theory, but truly thankful in word and in deed. Let us watch our steps carefully so we don’t go “stepping in yuck” this holiday season. Remember, we want to be pumpkins, not turkeys. Let us keep these words ever before our minds so we remember what’s truly important:

Better is little with the fear of the Lord than great treasure and trouble therewith. – Proverbs 15:16

For God’s Glory,
Mrs. Dustin Bolks

Mrs. Dustin Bolks is a church of Christ preacher’s wife, and the home educating mother of two children. She and her family currently reside in Northwest Iowa.

Missing the Man in the Mirror

09.30.2019 by Chaste Bolks // Leave a Comment

“A teacher asked a small boy what lesson he got from the story of the Good Samaritan (Luke 10:30-37). He replied, ‘The lesson I got from it is that when I’m in trouble, my neighbors ought to help me.'”

– Excerpt from Some Do’s and Don’ts For the Christian by Leroy Brownlow, chapter 12

This snippet from Brother Brownlow’s book gave me a chuckle…but it also contains an important message: don’t go missing the man in the mirror.

By “mirror”, of course, I am referring to the mirror of all mirrors: the holy scriptures. Like the boy in the joke, it’s far too easy to read our Bibles through a lens of what others should be doing rather than what we ourselves should be doing. James 4:11 warns against this kind of arrogance:

Speak not evil one of another, brethren. He that speaketh evil of his brother, speaketh evil of the law, and judgeth the law: but if thou judge the law, thou art not a doer of the law, but a judge.

Judging + not doing = hypocrisy. When we are too busy sitting in judgment of others, we leave little room to improve ourselves. Now don’t misunderstand – is there a time and place to give a word of caution to a brother or sister who is in error? Most definitely…but I speak not of loving rebuke; rather, a holier-than-thou, high-horse, attitude of condemnation.

Imagine looking in a mirror and forgetting what you look like within moments (we can read about that in James 1:23-24). How about looking in a mirror and not seeing any reflection at all? Furthermore, imagine looking in a mirror and not seeing your own face reflected back at you, but seeing someone else’s reflection?! All of these notions sound utterly ridiculous; yet they’re not too far removed from how we can read scripture at times.

When we look into the mirror of God’s word, there are two opposing ways in which we can use the view. The first is…

Jessica desperately needs help with her marriage. When her husband is at work, she opens up her Bible to try to find the answers for a more loving union. She turns to Ephesians 5:25 and reads:

Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it.

She chuckles sarcastically to herself. “Yeah right, as if! I only wish Josh loved me like Christ loved the church…he only cares about himself. He’d rather watch television than spend time with his own wife. He’s indifferent towards me and the kids. And don’t even get me started on this ‘gave himself for the church’ bit…the only sacrifice the man’s ever made is throwing away his entire paycheck on his hobbies. He’s a pitiful excuse for a husband.”

Allison has had an especially trying day with her children. Once her kids are tucked in bed, she sits down to a cup of tea and some time in God’s word to calm her frazzled nerves. She turns to Ephesians 6:1 and reads:

Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right.

“Boy, wouldn’t that be the life for a change…having kids that actually obey me (without being bribed, nagged, or reminded a hundred times!) If I had a dollar for every correction I had to dole out to Aidyn and Aspyn, I’d be living in Beverly Hills! These brats will be the death of me for sure.”

Claire is struggling at work with a hard-to-please boss. Exhausted after another day under scrutiny at the office, she climbs into bed to read some scripture before dozing off. She opens her Bible to Colossians 4:1 and reads:

Masters, give unto your servants that which is just and equal; knowing that ye also have a Master in heaven.

“I sure wish I had a job where my boss treated his employees with fairness! Like that’d ever happen, though. I just know Chris shoots down all my ideas because he dislikes me personally. He shuts me down before I even get a chance to explain myself. I’m so sick of this dead-end job.”

I have given you three examples of ways we might use the mirror of God’s word to deflect blame. Each and every one of these fictional characters used their Bible time as an excuse to look down on others and stress even more over problems they had no control over. What kind of result does this approach bring? They close their Bibles feeling worse than before, and their lives continue on in a downward spiral. Now, what if each of them decided to look in the mirror a different way? Perhaps instead, they use the mirror…

Jessica desperately needs help with her marriage. When her husband is at work, she opens up her Bible to try to find the answers for a more loving union. She turns to Ephesians 5:22 and reads:

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.

“Wow,” she humbly admits to herself, “‘as unto the Lord?’ I’ve not been treating my husband as I’d like to think I would treat Christ. It’s no wonder Josh spends so much time avoiding me, I’ve been so irritable and negative lately. I haven’t been training the kids to reverence their Daddy, so I guess it makes sense that he doesn’t want to hear more disrespect from them, either. Maybe he spends so much on his hobbies because he wants an escape…something that makes him feel joy and purpose – a role I used to fill. Boy, do I have some serious work to do. Even so, the Lord is my strength; and He’s not asking the impossible. I can be the wife that I was created to be!”

And, ye fathers (re: parents), provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. (clarification added)

“That’s my problem. I’ve been so busy yelling and shrieking at Aidyn and Aspyn’s misbehavior all the time that I haven’t stopped to nurture them and admonish them like the loving mother I’m called to be. My rebukes are falling on deaf ears because my children don’t feel love from me…my constant wrath is provoking them to wrath. This has got to stop. I’m the adult in the relationship, I must be the one to end this vicious cycle!”

Servants, obey in all things your masters according to the flesh; not with eyeservice, as menpleasers; but in singleness of heart, fearing God.

“I’ve been getting so wrapped up in despising Chris, I haven’t realized that I play a huge role in his openness to my ideas. The truth is, I’ve been a little envious that he got the promotion to head of our department instead of me…after all, didn’t we go through training together?! Maybe if I stopped strutting around like a peacock and started showing some respect for his new role, he’d take me more seriously. I have been acting childish.”

Each of our three characters have made it a point not to miss the man in the mirror. They have seen that they have improvement to make in their lives, and have shifted their focus from examining others to examining themselves. They realize that, though the other parties can stand to improve themselves also, ultimately that remains in the other parties’ control. When Jessica, Allison, and Claire use their mirrors to reflect shame, they will close their Bibles with newfound determination, because the easiest person to change is one’s own self.

In Conclusion…

Do you use the mirror of God’s word to deflect blame, or to reflect shame? Friends, I implore you to release yourself from the impossible burden of trying to change everyone around you, when the man in the mirror is in serious need of a makeover. Don’t miss him. Check your mirror today!

As in water face reflects face, so the heart of man reflects man.
– Proverbs 27:19 (NASB)

For God’s Glory,
Mrs. Dustin Bolks

Mrs. Dustin Bolks is a church of Christ preacher’s wife, and the home educating mother of two children. She and her family currently reside in Northwest Iowa.

The Hypothetical Hereafter

08.31.2019 by Chaste Bolks // Leave a Comment

This is your hour – creep upon it!
Summon your power, leap upon it!
Grasp it, clasp it, hold it tight!
Strike it, spike it, with full might!
If you take too long to ponder,
Opportunity may wander.
Yesterday’s a bag of sorrow;
No man ever finds Tomorrow.
Hesitation is a mire –
Climb out, climb up, climb on higher!
Fumble, stumble, risk a tumble,
Make a start, however humble!
Do your best and do it now!
Pluck and grit will find out how.
Persevere, although you tire –
While a spark is left, there’s fire.
Distrust doubt; doubt is a liar.
Even if all mankind jeer you,
You can force the world to cheer you.

“This is Your Hour” by Herbert Kaufman

Today. Today is the most underrated part of life…we long for yesterday and lust for tomorrow, and all the while the time that is now passes away. Friends, this is our hour! “Now” is the only time we have within our grasp.

The quote commonly attributed to Bill Keane may sound cliché, but its wisdom rings true:

“Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift of God, which is why we call it the present.”

Do we treat every “today” as a gift, using each one graciously for the Giver’s intended purpose? Or are we rather, like spoiled children, tossing them aside with no more than an apathetic glance? We’ve all probably seen the scene at one time or another: a greedy child opening presents. Such a child rummages through his packages with lightning speed, furiously ripping off the wrapping paper…he shakes his gift bags upside down and says with an air of impertinence, “Well, is there anything else for me or isn’t there?!” It’s a sad sight to behold, and certainly doesn’t inspire future generosity from his elders.

If immature childhood ingratitude can be so ugly to behold, how much more do you suppose our adulthood ingratitude displeases the Lord? He gives us each day as a gift, and what do we as His greedy children reach for?

The Hypothetical Hereafter.

“Well, is there anything else for me or isn’t there?!” This is our attitude when we reach for another day than the one we’ve been given. Stop shaking that proverbial gift bag, Friends. It’s empty. Today is all we have – in fact, today is all we will ever have. God has set the boundary of time in such a way that it is never yesterday or tomorrow from our frame of reference.

He has made everything appropriate in its time. He has also set eternity in their heart, yet so that man will not find out the work which God has done from the beginning even to the end.
– Ecclesiastes 3:11 (NASB)

Let us remember three important truths about our life here on earth…

“Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away. Now it looks as though they’re here to stay. Oh, I believe in yesterday”
– excerpt from “Yesterday” by The Beatles

Ironically, part of reaching for The Hypothetical Hereafter includes longing for yesterday. What do I mean by that? Well, when most of us long for the “good old days”, we probably aren’t planning on building a time machine to reverse our life to days of yore. I think what we are really saying, in essence, is that we want tomorrow to be like yesterday. We want to exchange what “was” for what “will be”. We want to create our future by cloning our past. Yet God’s word warns against this line of thinking:

Say not thou, What is the cause that the former days were better than these? for thou dost not enquire wisely concerning this. – Ecclesiastes 7:10

While it is wise to learn from the past, it is not wise to live in the past. Constantly looking back keeps us from moving forward. This is not God’s will for our life, for He is a God of new beginnings:

Remember ye not the former things, neither consider the things of old. Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it? – Isaiah 43:18-19a

Don’t diminish God’s gift of today by rummaging through yesterday’s trash.

“Tomorrow, tomorrow! I love ya tomorrow! You’re always a day away!”
– excerpt from “Tomorrow”, Annie: The Musical

Why is it so hard to love what we have, but so easy to fall in love with that which we lack? I suppose this is how Satan lures people into adulterous relationships…by making what is tangible and at the fingertips seem dull, while making the mystery of the unknown seem exciting. Yet what happens to those who chase after extra-marital relationships? They are never satisfied, for the new relationship loses its newness, too. Then they are off chasing the next person, and it is a never-ending chase of disappointment. In much the same way, we are never truly satisfied who attempt to chase down The Hypothetical Hereafter. He who is not satisfied with today would not find himself satisfied with tomorrow.

Boast not thyself of tomorrow; for thou knowest not what a day may bring forth. – Proverbs 27:1

Go to now, ye that say, Today or tomorrow we will go into such a city, and continue there a year, and buy and sell, and get gain: Whereas ye know not what shall be on the morrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapour, that appeareth for a little time, and then vanisheth away. For that ye ought to say, If the Lord will, we shall live, and do this, or that. But now ye rejoice in your boastings: all such rejoicing is evil. Therefore to him that knoweth to do good, and doeth it not, to him it is sin. – James 4:13-17

It is so easy to “boast” about the future. We may not use that terminology, but we surely do it often. We talk about how giving we will be…when we have more money. We talk about the work we will accomplish for the Lord…when the kids move out. We talk about what kind people we will be…when that irritable person starts treating us right. You see, who we are is made up of the choices we make every single day…not what we would do if our circumstances were different.

Withhold not good from them to whom it is due, when it is in the power of thine hand to do it. Say not unto thy neighbor, Go, and come again, and tomorrow I will give; when thou hast it by thee. – Proverbs 3:27-28

Don’t diminish God’s gift of today by running to tomorrow’s treasure.

“This is your life, and today is all you’ve got now. And today is all you’ll ever have. Don’t close your eyes. This is your life, are you who you want to be?”
– excerpt from “This is Your Life” by Switchfoot

May each and every one of us please the Giver by using His gift of today to the fullest. Don’t spend all your time looking behind you, nor all your time looking ahead into the distance. Our time is NOW.

Let thine eyes look right on, and let thine eyelids look straight before thee. Ponder the path of thy feet, and let all thy ways be established. – Proverbs 4:25-26

Whatever it is that you need to make a priority in your life, why not make today the day to begin? Maybe it’s reading God’s word regularly, or being warmer to others…maybe it’s investing in a life skill, or being more intentional in your marriage and parenting. Whatever the case may be, don’t say “I did it yesterday”, or “I will do it tomorrow”. Yesterday is dead and gone, and tomorrow may never come. This is your life, are you who you want to be? Are you who God wants you to be?

I must work the works of him that sent me, while it is day: the night cometh, when no man can work. – John 9:4

But exhort one another daily, while it is called Today. – Hebrews 3:13a

In conclusion…

Yesterday: Learn From It.
Tomorrow: Look Forward To It.
Today: LIVE IN IT!

Let us follow in the footsteps of our Savior, who proclaimed:

…I must walk today, and tomorrow, and the day following: for it cannot be that a prophet perish out of Jerusalem. – Luke 13:33b

For God’s Glory,
Mrs. Dustin Bolks

Mrs. Dustin Bolks is a church of Christ preacher’s wife, and the home educating mother of two children. She and her family currently reside in Northwest Iowa.