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The Wisdom of Welkin (The W.O.W.)

09.28.2016 by Chaste Bolks // 1 Comment


Welkin…? What is it? What does it mean? This is a bit of an archaic word that we’re not used to hearing in today’s lingo…let me define it for you. Welkin can be described as:

  • a: the vault of the sky,
  • b: the celestial abode of God, or
  • c: the upper atmosphere.

In times past, the word welkin was used much in the same way that we use the word heaven today.

Now that we’ve got that figured out, do we understand what wisdom is? Most of us are familiar with King Solomon, whose wisdom was second to none. Allow me to tell you a little-known story of his wisdom as displayed before some very disgruntled females:

Two women came before wise King Solomon, dragging between them a young man.

“This young man agreed to marry my daughter,” said one.

“No! He agreed to marry MY daughter.” said the other.

And so they began arguing until the king called for silence.

“Bring me the biggest sword,” said Solomon, “and I shall cut the young man in half. Each of your daughters shall receive a half.”

“Sounds good to me,” said the first lady.

But the other woman said, “Oh Sire, do not spill innocent blood. Let the other woman’s daughter marry him.”

The wise king did not hesitate a moment. “The man must marry the first woman’s daughter,” he proclaimed.

“But she was willing to have him cut in two!” exclaimed the king’s court.

“Indeed,” said wise King Solomon. “That shows she is the TRUE mother-in-law.”

– Unknown

Okay, okay…don’t think you’ll find that one in your bibles, but I had to throw it out there for my own loving mother-in-law (who has never tried to have me killed, at least that I’m aware of…) Now let’s get serious.

What is wisdom?

The book of James speaks of two different kinds of “wisdom”. One is the “wisdom” of the world, which consists of bitterness, envy, strife, confusion, and every evil work. (James 3:14-16) The other wisdom James mentions, and the only authentic one…the wisdom from above. The wisdom from above can truly be called The Wisdom of Welkin, for where does wisdom descend except from the very presence of God?

-Do you want to leave the world’s wisdom behind?

-Do you want to have authentic, godly wisdom?

See, the world tells us to “live in the now”.

Our God calls us to live in The WOW!

Every Christian must memorize and put in practice The Wisdom of Welkin…let’s get started!

The WOW is the blending of eight virtues which are listed in James 3:17:

“…the wisdom that is from above is first:

pure,

then peaceable,

gentle,

and easy to be intreated,

full of mercy

and good fruits,

without partiality,

and without hypocrisy.”

Proverbs 4:7 says that: Wisdom is the principle thing; therefore get wisdom: and with all thy getting get understanding.

Whew. If wisdom is so important that we are called to “get it with all our getting“, then I daresay we better start searching for it!

Are you and I Wise Women of Welkin? Let’s put ourselves to the test…


1. The Wise Woman of Welkin is Washed.

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The wisdom that is from above is first…pure.

Purity is defined as being “free of any contamination; not mixed or adulterated with any other substance or material”. Synonyms for “pure” include clean, unpolluted, untainted, wholesome, and flawless.

Ask yourself…would you consider yourself a pure woman in light of this definition? Can you say that you have never sinned, never had a wrong thought in your mind, nor an ugly word escape from your lips? Neither can I. The truth is, while every one of us came into this world pure…over time we have become tainted and twisted by the perversity that is all around us.

One might say it is impossible for a mere human to be free of contamination…to be flawless, yet here in our text we are called to be just that! It is a truth that we are incapable of being pure completely by our own merit. One only has to look at the world outside to see the level of “purity” that man lives in without God…alcoholism, drug addiction, fornication, lying, cheating, stealing, and the list goes on! On our own, we are filthy and contaminated.

Of course, God knew this would be so. That’s why he gave his only son to die, that through His sacrifice we might become pure. When we submit ourselves to Jesus’ sacrifice (by being immersed in water for the forgiveness of our sins), we take on Christ’s very nature and leave the impurity of our old life behind. I won’t spend long on this particular area, but if you have any questions on how to be saved, please refer to my article “Buy Four, Get One Free“.

Notice that our text says that the wisdom from above is first pure. You want to be wise? If you haven’t been purified than you have yet to begin The WOW process. It’s time to get purified…simple as that!

Yet…there is another side of the coin. What if we have been purified, but have since fallen away from God? What if we have allowed ourselves to become re-contaminated by the world?

James 4:8-10 says this:

Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you. Cleanse your hands, ye sinners; and purify your hearts, ye double minded. Be afflicted, and mourn, and weep: let your laughter be turned to mourning, and your joy to heaviness. Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and he shall lift you up.

If we have again become impure…what would God have us to do? Cleanse our hands, and purify our hearts. When he tells us to wash up, He’s not calling us to be baptized again. He’s calling us to change our actions (as symbolized by our hands) and change our desires (as symbolized by our hearts)! He wants to see true humility, a godly sorrow over our sin. Then He wants us to press on!

Psalm 119:9-11 says: “How can a young man keep his way pure? By keeping it according to Your word. With all my heart have I sought You; Do not let me wander from your commandments. Your word I have treasured in my heart, That I may not sin against You.”

If we want to keep ourselves pure, it’s going to take efforts on our part! We each must identify exactly what our sin struggles are, and look for ways to replace that sin with an alternative behavior that is righteous. Are you a woman who struggles with gossip? Start looking for encouraging things to say about people, and say them – unabashedly! Maybe you battle with complaining. Search for silver linings in each and every situation! It’s not enough to say “I’m going to stop doing such-and-such starting today”…if you don’t find something positive to do with your leanings, you’re going to fall right back into temptation.

Romans 12:21 says: Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

It doesn’t say overcome evil by willing yourself to! It says overcome evil with good. We must be pro-active and determine how we are going to react to tempting situations before they arise. Then when the situation comes, we will be prepared, which ultimately means we will be much more apt to win out against our sin.

Surround yourself with those who will help you to abstain from evil. Pray, and ask God to help you to truly want a pure lifestyle. Lastly (and I can not stress this enough) – READ YOUR BIBLE. It contains the vital nutrients we need so that we can have the strength to persevere.

When wisdom entereth into thine heart, and knowledge is pleasant unto thy soul; Discretion shall preserve thee, understanding shall keep thee. – Proverbs 2:10-11

If you want to “W.O.W.” the Lord, then be washed.


2. The Wise Woman of Welkin is Withdrawn.

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The wisdom that is from above is then…peaceable.

Usually when we think of the word withdrawn we think of it as a description for a reclusive person…someone who keeps to themselves. However, the “withdrawn” that I am referring to is the past tense of the base word “withdraw” (to remove or take away something from a particular place or position).

If we wish to be wise, we must know when to withdraw ourselves from a particular place or position. Many times in life we might find ourselves in a predicament where someone is angry with us, or we are angry with them. There is such a thing as a justified, righteous anger, but let’s face it – most of the time we’re just plain mad because we didn’t get our way, or someone else’s wants clashed with our own. This leads us to all kinds of foolish behavior.

James 1:20 warns us that…The wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God.

If you are a woman given to anger – watch out! Situations that will try the hostile temper are around every corner. Now who do we ladies tend to take our anger out on most often? That’s right – our husband…our kids…those of our home. Yet this is not how it should be! If we are wise, we will make our homes the place where we practice peace on a daily basis.

He that troubleth his own house shall inherit the wind: and the fool shall be servant to the wise of heart. – Proverbs 11:29

Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands. – Proverbs 14:1

The crucial first step to having peace within the home is to cultivate a spirit of patience. If we truly love others, we will be slow to be angry with them. We will give the benefit of the doubt when we don’t know all the facts. Lastly (and this is a big one, ladies) – we will close our mouths if our mouths are being ungodly.

The words of a wise man’s mouth are gracious; but the lips of a fool will swallow up himself. The beginning of the words of his mouth is foolishness: and the end of his talk is mischevious madness. – Ecclesiastes 10:12-13

The mouth of the just bringeth forth wisdom: but the *froward tongue shall be cut out. The lips of the righteous know what is acceptable: but the mouth of the wicked speaketh *frowardness. – Proverbs 10:31-32 (*froward = difficult to deal with, contrary)

If you want to “W.O.W.” the Lord, then withdraw yourself.


3. The Wise Woman of Welkin is Winsome.

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The wisdom that is from above is…gentle.

When I first started looking into our James 3:17 passage, I had a bit of a hard time differentiating between “peaceable” and “gentle”. They seem at face value to be nearly identical, but they are in fact virtues all their own.

While being peaceable is described as being “inclined to avoid argument or violent conflict”, gentleness goes the extra mile. Gentleness doesn’t only avoid negativity, but also seeks positivity. A gentle woman will be a winsome one…(cheerful…pleasant…appealing.)

One must know peace before they can know gentleness. First, we learn how to subdue our attitudes by self-control. Then when we have practiced this, we will begin to move on to even greater things. Remember earlier when we talked about overcoming evil with good? Withdrawal is the removal of evil in our hearts, while winsomeness is the replacement of that evil!

When a wise woman is inclined to dishonor her husband, she quickly finds a way to honor him instead. When a wise woman is inclined to belittle her son or daughter for a shortcoming, she quickly finds a way to praise a strength of theirs instead. When a wise woman is inclined to give someone a piece of her mind, she gives them a piece of her heart instead!

Gayle D. Erwin, author of “Spirit Style” says this on the virtue of gentleness:

Gentleness is not apathy, but is an agressive expression of how we view people. We see people as so valuable that we deal with them in gentleness, fearing the slightest damage to one for whom Christ died. To be apathetic is to turn people over to mean and destructive elements, to truly love people causes for us to be agressively gentle.

There is that speaketh like the piercings of a sword: but the tongue of the wise is health. – Proverbs 12:18

Pleasant words are as an honeycomb, sweet to the soul, and health to the bones. – Proverbs 16:24

If you want to “W.O.W.” the Lord, be winsome.


4. The Wise Woman of Welkin is Won Over.

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The wisdom that is from above is…easy to be intreated.

What is your response to constructive criticism, and/or rebuke? A wise woman knows that she doesn’t have the corner on perfection. She wants to be told when she is out of line! If we are wise, we will be “easy to be intreated”. In other words, we won’t have to be begged to listen to sound judgment, but will be easily won over.

Charles Caleb Colton is quoted to have said:

There is this difference between happiness and wisdom: he that thinks himself the happiest man, really is so; but he that thinks himself the wisest, is generally the greatest fool.

How true that is! God’s word urges those who would be wise to listen to the wisdom of other christians.

My son, attend unto my wisdom, and bow thine ear to my understanding. – Proverbs 5:1

Bow down thine ear, and hear the words of the wise, and apply thine heart unto my knowledge. – Proverbs 22:17

To “bow the ear” indicates that we are to humble ourselves in the face of wisdom. Only a foolish woman gets angry and defensive when reprimanded. Consider this contrast between the worldly and the wise:

Speak not in the ears of a fool: for he will despise the wisdom of thy words. – Proverbs 23:9

A wise man will hear, and will increase learning; and a man of understanding shall attain unto wise counsels. – Proverbs 1:5

It’s nothing to be ashamed of to realize that we don’t know it all! In fact, the more we are willing to learn, the wiser we will be.

Reprove not a scorner, lest he hate thee: rebuke a wise man, and he will love thee. Give instruction to a wise man, and he will be yet wiser: teach a just man, and he will increase in learning. – Proverbs 9:8-9

If you want to “W.O.W.” the Lord, be won over.


5. The Wise Woman of Welkin is a Waiver.

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The wisdom that is from above is…full of mercy.

Are you a merciful woman? The act of showing mercy has been defined this way: “it is compassion or forgiveness shown toward someone whom it is within one’s power to punish or harm”.

That hits the nail on the head, doesn’t it? Mercy (or waiving) is an act that says “I could really lay it on you, but I’m going to rise above”.

We girls are strange creatures…we can be the most merciful people you’d ever meet, but we could also stab someone in the back without much prompting. Why is this? I believe it is because we view mercy as a feeling instead of a choice. (I’m in a good mood today, you know what? I’m going to let you slide this time…but don’t mess with me if I’m in crazy mode)

What if God showed us mercy the same way we show to others? (I’ll let you in on a little secret: He will)

The first portion of James 2:13 warns: He shall have judgment without mercy, that hath shewed no mercy…

The merciful man doeth good to his own soul: but he that is cruel troubleth his own flesh. – Proverbs 11:17

The fact of the matter is that we are to forgive in the same way as the Lord forgives…and when He forgives, it is completely.

For I will be merciful to their unrighteousness, and their sins and their iniquities will I remember no more. – Hebrews 8:12

This goes against our worldly nature to hold grudges and get even. We are called to give grace and this involves letting things go!

Now there is a balance to this. We are not to show mercy in the sense that we make ourselves a waiver of unrepented sin. God Himself does not turn a blind eye to those who would wish to be forgiven while still in the wrong. There must be a proper application of mercy and truth. Give mercy, yes. Forgive, and let dead dogs lie. Yet make it clear that grace requires change. Godly forgiveness says “your sin is in the past, it’s forgotten. Now go thy way, and sin no more“…

By mercy and truth iniquity is purged: and by the fear of the Lord men depart from evil. – Proverbs 16:6

Mercy and truth are met together, righteouesness and peace have kissed each other. – Psalms 85:10

If you want to “W.O.W.” the Lord, be a waiver.


6. The Wise Woman of Welkin is a Worker.

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The wisdom that is from above is…full of good fruits.

If we wish to be wise, we will be diligent in working for the Lord. The wise woman is no couch potato. While there is a time for a healthy recharge, I think most of us tend to lean towards the unhealthy extreme of spending too much time relaxing. I don’t mean by sitting in front of the tube all day scarfing down bon bons…(because really, who does that?!) I mean that maybe we’re not using our time in ways that build our faith or the faith of others. If we have five minutes to ourselves, do we…

A. Catch up on some Bible reading?

B. Pen some encouraging words to a friend who’s having a hard time?

or C. Mindlessly surf Facebook?

We all would like to say A or B, but what is the reality in our days? I’m not saying these things to condemn. In fact, Facebook and other social media can be productive tools for interacting with others and sharing the Lord with people. Let’s just consider our motives. I know it’s not fun to hear, but life is not all about having fun. We must keep our priorities in the right order: God first, others second, self last.

We all know Proverbs 6:6: Go to the ant, thou sluggard; consider her ways and be wise.

He also that is slothful in his work is brother to him that is a great waster. – Proverbs 18:9

Being slothful in our christian walk is a great waste. A waste of our time and a waste of our talents. God has given us each gifts that are to be used to further His kingdom! We only have so much time in which to put them to use. Let’s not spend our time on things that amount to little value.

So teach us to number our days, that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom. – Psalms 90:12

Consider the implications of the word “apply”. One definition is to give full attention to, or work hard towards an intended goal. To apply can also mean to “put on”, as in applying a band-aid to a wound. (In other words, we are to be sticking our hearts on wisdom.)

Who then is a faithful and wise servant, whom his lord hath made ruler over his household, to give them meat in due season? Blessed is that servant, whom his lord when he cometh shall find so doing. Verily I say unto you, That he shall make him ruler over all his goods. – Matthew 24:45-47

If you want to “W.O.W.” the Lord, be a worker.


7.The Wise Woman of Welkin is (not) Withheld

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The wisdom that is from above is…without partiality.

Are you allowing human bias to hinder your voice of wisdom? Don’t. God’s wisdom knows no partiality. The wise woman will not be withheld! I have heard time and time again people scoffing at wisdom because they are prejudiced against the source. Some people will try to squash your light because of your race, your financial status, your age, or something else that they regard as inferior. This has literally been going on since the dawn of creation. (Think Cain and Abel. Cain regarded his younger brother as inferior when in reality he should have been listening to him!)

Need I mention The Good Samaritan, who regardless of his race was wise? (Think about it: he was peaceable, gentle, easy to be intreated, full of mercy, full of good fruits, etc!) There would be those in his day that would scoff at him and say a Samaritan could not be wise. Yet his actions speak for themselves.

How about financial status? There are those that think poor equals foolish and ignorant. Is this true? Not in God’s eyes!

Better is a poor and a wise child than an old and foolish king, who will no more be admonished. – Ecclesiastes 4:13

Ecclesiastes 9:14-16 records this touching story: There was a little city, and few men within it; and there came a great king against it, and besieged it, and built great *bulwarks against it (a *bulwark is a defensive wall): Now there was found in it a poor wise man, and he by his wisdom delivered the city; yet no man remembered that same poor man. Then said I, Wisdom is better than strength: nevertheless the poor man’s wisdom is despised, and his words are not heard.

How sad it is that some can not recognize wisdom when they see it.

I have also often heard people talk about how age and experience alone bring wisdom. It is commonly believed that the younger you are, the more foolish you must be. Is this true? Not in God’s eyes!

Let no man despise thy youth, but be thou an example of the believers, in word, in conversation, in charity, in spirit, in faith, in purity. – 1 Timothy 4:12

And Elihu the son of Barachel the Buzite answered and said, I am young, and ye are very old; wherefore I was afraid, and durst not shew you mine opinion. I said, Days should speak, and multitude of years should teach wisdom. But there is a spirit in man, and the inspiration of the Almighty giveth them understanding. Great men are not always wise: neither do the aged understand judgment. Therefore I said, Hearken to me; I also will shew mine opinion. – Job 32:6-10

Wisdom comes from God’s word. I have known in my own lifetime people who were old and foolish, and I have met young people that showed remarkable wisdom. Don’t let your age define you. Rather let God’s word live through you no matter how old you are!

…God hath chosen the foolish things of the world to counfound the wise; and God hath chosen the weak things of the world to confound the things which are mighty; And base things of the world, and things which are despised, hath God chosen, yea, and things which are not, to bring to nought things that are: That no flesh should glory in his presence. – 1 Corinthians 1:27-29

If you want to “W.O.W.” the Lord, don’t be withheld.


8. The Wise Woman of Welkin is (not) Wishy-Washy.

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The wisdom that is from above is…without hypocrisy.

Now we come to our last virtue, which is in a way the summation of all other virtues. If we have passed every single test, yet fail in this one respect…well, we’ve got a problem.

Hypocrisy is “a pretense of having a virtuous character, religious beliefs, morals, principles, etc. that one does not really possess.” It’s essentially being two-faced. It’s acting one way in public while another behind closed doors. I’m pretty sure we’re all guilty of this one…

Here’s the heart of the matter. What is the purpose for the righteousness that we’re working towards? Is it so we can “feel good about ourselves”? Is it to impress other people? Or is it for the glory of God? If it is truly for God that we are trying to attain a better life, then we will be consistent in our behavior.

Thus saith the Lord, Let not the wise man glory in his wisdom, neither let the mighty man glory in his might, let not the rich man glory in his riches: But let him that glorieth glory in this, that he understandeth and knoweth me, that I am the Lord which exercise lovingkindness, judgment, and righteousness, in the earth: for in these things I delight, saith the Lord. – Jeremiah 9:23-24

What glory is it to God if I am peaceable to the cashier at Wal-Mart, but a bitter nag towards my husband?

What glory is it to God if I am gentle with the children in Sunday School, but always yelling at my own?

Draw me not away with the wicked, and with the workers of iniquity, which speak peace to their neighbors, but mischief is in their hearts. – Psalms 27:3

The wisdom of the prudent is to understand his way: but the folly of fools is deceit. – Proverbs 14:8

It’s very easy to fool others and even ourselves into believing that we’re living for God…but are we? The proof will be in how we act when we think no one is watching. (Yet God is)

Remember Ephesians 6:6: Not with eyeservice as menpleasers; but as the servants of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart.

Let us be like David, who says this in Psalms 101:2: I will behave myself wisely in a perfect way. O when wilt thou come unto me? I will walk within my house with a perfect heart.

If you want to “W.O.W.” the Lord, don’t be wishy-washy.


In conclusion: today is the day to start living in The WOW.

Be washed.

Be withdrawn.

Be winsome.

Be won over.

Be a waiver.

Be a worker.

(Don’t) be withheld.

(Don’t) be wishy-washy.

Let us seek wisdom with all our being, so that we might reflect The Lord’s character as noted in Proverbs 8:14:

Counsel is mine, and sound wisdom: I am understanding; I have strength.

God bless, and take a chill pill!
Mrs. Dustin Bolks


Mrs. Dustin Bolks is a church of Christ preacher’s wife, and the home educating mother of two children. She and her family currently reside in Northwest Iowa.

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Father Knows Best

08.31.2016 by Chaste Bolks // Leave a Comment

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“It’s just like a TV remote control,

Except that it works on fathers.

You just push the thing that you want him to do

And he does it – without any bother.

You want him to dance? Push number five.

You want him to sing? Push seven.

You want him to raise your allowance a bit?

You simply push eleven.

You want him quiet? Just hit Mute.

Fourteen will make him cough.

You want him to stop picking on you?

Yelling and telling you what not to do?

And stop bossing you for an hour or two?

Just push Power – Off.”

– Remote-A-Dad by Shel Silverstein

Can you imagine if this device were truly on the market? Every child in town would be racing to the store, cash in tow to get his hands on one! What joy to be free of rules and regulations!

Of course we know that this kind of power in the hands of a child would be detrimental. Children lack the maturity to make their own way; they need continual guidance as they grow and learn how to make the right choices according to God’s plan.

The whole purpose of parenting is this – to train our children up to a point of thriving on their own! By the time they “fly the coop”, we want to know that our kids can handle life with wisdom and understanding. Yet how can we get from Point A to Point B? How can we train our children up to be men and women of God?

If we are going to successfully train our children up to spiritual maturity, we must above all teach them how to honor their fathers. I am convinced that a father holds the most valuable role in a child’s life – he is to his child the very picture of God Himself. If a child can not learn to honor his father, he will almost inevitably have no honor for The Lord when he is grown. That is why we as mothers must place the utmost priority upon our children’s respect for their Daddy.

Today I want to present five steps of child training that will encourage your children to honor their father. These methods are intended to push children towards the ultimate goal – honoring The Lord.


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1. Teach your child to…

Honor his father’s title.

How can we honor God unless we acknowledge Him for Who He is?

And this is life eternal, that they might know thee the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom thou hast sent. – John 17:3

We can not expect our children to honor their dad unless it is established in the home that Dad is boss.

Children must be trained to understand and acknowledge their father’s position in the home as well as their own. Help your child to recognize the God-ordained order of the family. (The Lord, Husband/Father, Wife/Mother, Children) This will take efforts from you, Mom! Don’t talk it if you won’t walk it. Model humble submission to your husband daily. Hypocritically telling your kids to obey and honor Father while you disobey and dishonor him will do little but build resentment and confusion in their young minds.

Do your best to help your kids see obedience as a blessing, and not a curse. Our goal is to get them to a point where they want to do right – out of their own desires and not by force.

Every child should be taught this passage from an early age –

Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise;) That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. – Ephesians 6:1-3

Children should know that honor is beneficial all around – it makes their life easier, it makes yours easier, and best of all it glorifies God. Of course on the flip side, dishonor brings about nothing but trouble.

A foolish son is a grief to his father, and bitterness to her that bare him. – Proverbs 17:25

Whoso curseth his father or his mother, his lamp shall be put out in obscure darkness. – Proverbs 20:20

A wise son maketh a glad father: but a foolish man despiseth his mother. – Proverbs 15:20

Honor or dishonor is a matter of life or death. Train them to honor their Daddy’s title now, so that they will honor God’s as an adult.


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2. Teach your child to…

Honor his father’s timing.

How can we honor God unless we obey Him on His schedule?

Ye did run well; who did hinder you that ye should not obey the truth? – Galatians 5:7

Our children must learn to obey Dad with haste, even when it’s not convenient or desirable.

In our house we strongly discourage the use of the term “just a minute”. Barring the occasional valid reason to say this (the child is in the shower, using the restroom, or being trapped in a corner by a herd of water buffalo…) this term is usually disrespectful. By saying “just a minute” your child is placing undue authority in his own hands: (he will come, but when he’s ready). This is not the way we respond to the Lord, and we ought to train our children to submit right away when Dad has called them or commissioned a task.

Every child ought to be in the habit of obeying on Dad’s terms instead of their own. This will set them up for absolute submission to God’s authority as an adult. There are many adults who shamefully approach christianity with a “not your will, but mine” attitude. They pervert God’s will by dismissing it, adding to it, or taking away from it. Any such person can not inherit God’s kingdom, for we can only make it there on His terms! Do you suppose that people who only obey God on their own time or by their own standard never learned to obey their father as a child? If you love your son/daughter, set him or her on a path of salvation through prompt obedience to their dad.

Hear, ye children, the instruction of a father, and attend to know understanding. – Proverbs 4:1

My son, hear the instruction of thy father, and forsake not the law of thy mother. – Proverbs 1:8

Hearken unto thy father that begat thee, and despise not thy mother when she is old. – Proverbs 23:22


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3. Teach your child to…

Honor his father’s tools.

How can we honor God unless we place a significance on that which belongs to Him?

The silver is mine, and the gold is mine, saith the Lord of hosts. – Haggai 2:8

Will a man rob God? Yet ye have robbed me. But ye say, Wherein have we robbed thee? In tithes and offerings. – Malachi 3:8

We must train our children to have respect for Dad’s property, differentiating their belongings from his.

Every family is going to be different as far as boundaries, but whatever restrictions Dad has placed on what can and can not be handled must be heeded. Maybe it’s Dad’s office that is allowed by invite only. Maybe it’s an item that he has advised is not for kids. Whatever the case may be, children need to learn to respect the difference between what is Dad’s, and what is theirs. Children who are unrestrained and in a habit of handling things that don’t belong to them might someday find themselves in a sore predicament with the law, and furthermore God!

Teach your child reasonable boundaries. Lack of self control with other’s belongings can be breeding grounds for covetousness, property damage, and theft. Subdue those cute little fingers now, so they won’t be apt to do harm later.

Whoso robbeth his father or his mother, and saith, It is no transgression; the same is the companion of a destroyer. – Proverbs 28:24


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4. Teach your child to…

Honor his father’s taste.

How can we honor God unless we seek to love what He loves?

And he that sent me is with me: the Father hath not left me alone; for I do always those things that please him. – John 8:29

Our children must learn self-sacrifice by being a servant to their dad.

Cultivate a heart of cheerful service in your sons and daughters by having them practice on their Daddy! Point out things that make their father happy, and encourage them to do it! Daddy likes a certain dessert? Help them make it! Daddy prefers a certain movie for family night? Encourage them to choose that movie. Daddy is needing some peace and quiet? Train them to look for calm activities at that time.

Encourage your sons to walk in Dad’s shoes. It sets them up for a future of imitating God! Encourage your daughters to be Dad’s cheerful little servant. It will set them up to be a submissive wife one day – a virtuous woman of God!

For I have not spoken of myself; but the Father which sent me, he gave me a commandment, what I should say, and what I should speak. – John 12:49

Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect. – Matthew 5:48


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5. Teach your child to…

Honor his father’s techniques.

How can we honor God unless we endure his discipline with patience?

For whom the Lord loveth he correcteth; even as a father the son in whom he delighteth. – Proverbs 3:12

We must train our children to see the importance of their father’s administration of godly discipline.

Nobody that I know of enjoys punishment. It’s not supposed to be fun! It’s meant for instruction, betterment, and reflection. Our goal is not to be unreasonable with our children, but if we truly love them we will not let them rebel without consequence. The loving approach is neither abuse nor permissiveness. Rather there must be a balance. We must be firm with our children, while maintaining a controlled and tender demeanor…always with love and the child’s best interests in mind.

When your child is undergoing or has undergone discipline by their father, we mothers must never coddle. Our kids must know that Dad and Mom are on the same page, and that the punishment was needed (not that Dad is a big, mean, bad guy from which to seek refuge).

Don’t let any punishment go without godly training! This is important so as not to destroy the very purpose. Always help your child to understand how they have dishonored GOD by misbehavior, so their hearts will be moved and not resentful. Help them to see how they can handle things differently in the future!

Train your young one to have a healthy respect for discipline while he is small. This way when he is an adult, God’s discipline will humble him and not turn him bitter and rebellious.

A wise son heareth his father’s instruction: but a scorner heareth not rebuke. – Proverbs 13:1

A fool despiseth his father’s instruction: but he that regardeth reproof is prudent. – Proverbs 15:5

Furthermore we have had fathers of our flesh which corrected us, and we gave them reverence: shall we not much rather be in subjection unto the Father of spirits, and live? – Hebrews 12:9


Bottom line: How you train your little man or little woman now can help set them on a path for christian adulthood, or it can do just the opposite. Mothers, take your job seriously! Parenting can be exhausting, but it is also a joyful blessing that has great rewards.

  • Love your child as God loves you.
  • Be firm, but merciful.
  • Praise more than you scold.
  • Point out your child’s unique talents and teach him/her to use them for God’s purposes.
  • Turn everything back to God.
  • Don’t neglect to spend time together in God’s word.
  • Practice what you preach.
  • Be kind, be lovely, be there!
  • Teach your child to honor his father’s title, timing, tools, taste, and techniques.
  • Train him to love righteousness, and you will have no greater joy.

The father of the righteous shall greatly rejoice: and he that begetteth a wise child shall have joy of him. – Proverbs 23:24

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God bless, and take a chill pill!
Mrs. Dustin Bolks


Mrs. Dustin Bolks is a church of Christ preacher’s wife, and the home educating mother of two children. She and her family currently reside in Northwest Iowa.

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From Bitter Water To Betty Botter

07.30.2016 by Chaste Bolks // Leave a Comment

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Betty Botter bought a bit of butter;

But, she said, this butter’s bitter!

If I put it in my batter

It will make my batter bitter

But a bit of better butter

Will but make my batter better.”

so she bought a bit of butter

Better than her bitter butter,

Made her bitter batter better.

So twas better Betty Botter

Bought a bit of better butter.

– Carolyn Wells

Who remembers this impossible tongue twister? I remember thinking Peter Piper was difficult to recite as a child, as well as the infamous “Sally Sells Seashells by the Seashore”, but I do believe this little poem puts all other tongue twisters to shame! I won’t ask you to say “Betty Botter” five times fast, but rather I want to point out the spiritual truth the rhyme contains: if bitter butter goes in – bitter batter comes out! In other words, if we “buy” into bitterness and allow it to reside inside of us, it most assuredly will find its way out to rear its ugly head.

Ask yourself this: how does butter get bitter? It doesn’t mysteriously become that way! No, we know that the bitterness goes all the way back to the source…a cow. Most likely the cow ate something unpalatable, which made its milk taste bitter, thus making the butter bitter also.

In the same way, a bitter attitude is not something that mysteriously comes out of us. A woman’s bitterness has a source…her heart. If we feed our hearts unpalatable thoughts and negative emotions, we are going to have a bitterness to us that results in unsavory behavior. Yet if we are wise like Betty Botter, we will buy into a different kind of butter…a better butter. What is this better butter?

Spiritually speaking, what Carolyn Wells describes as butter, the Bible describes as water. Water (as you well know) makes up a great percentage of us. I once heard of a young man who told his sweetheart:

“If you like water, then you already like 72% of me.”

🙂

All jokes aside, water is what we are made of – literally and figuratively! That being said, it’s no surprise that the book of James uses water to symbolize the speech that flows out of us:

Out of the same mouth proceedeth blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not so to be. Doth a fountain send forth at the same place sweet water and bitter? Can the fig tree, my brethren, bear olive berries? either a vine, figs? so can no fountain both yield salt water and fresh. -James 3:10-11

What kind of water are we made of? Some are bitter but do not recognize it. Some are bitter and only wish they knew how to snap out of it. Still some are bitter and don’t really want to change at all…because they believe it helps them to cope in life. Whatever the case, most of us at one time or another have experienced feelings of bitterness. Is being bitter all that bad? Let us take a look at the damage an embittered woman can do to herself and others, and see if this is a road we should ever travel on…


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1. If I’m bitter…

I can’t think.

Even a worldly phsychiatrist will tell you that bitterness destroys your mental health. Not only is bitterness a non-effective way to cope with problems, but it’s also counter-effective.

A bitter heart may take root for various reasons. It might even be a seemingly innocent reason, such as a response to sin. Maybe someone acts in an immoral way and we are repulsed by it. While it is true that we should be repulsed by sin, we must ask ourselves this: does our repulsion cause us to act in love and try to find a way to help the other person improve their behavior? Or does the repulsion merely serve as a blanket for our own self-righteous hatred towards another (ultimately giving ourselves an excuse to stew and act like a child)?

Bitterness is all about our perspective. Everyone has negative things happen in their life, yet some choose to get bitter and some do not. As much as we don’t want to believe it, we truly have a choice in how we react to each and every situation. To overcome bitterness, we must re-wire our brains to respond to events differently than we are accustomed to.

There is a chart that psychiatrists commonly use to help mental health patients overcome their poor coping skills. It looks something like this:

  • Option 1:         
  • Negative Event (a)
  • Irrational Belief (b)
  • Unhealthy Emotion (c)
  • Option 2:
  • Negative Event (a)
  • Rational Belief (b)
  • Healthy Emotion (c)

Take note that on both sides of the chart, there is a negative event taking place. Yet the belief and emotion following the event may differ. It is a common misconception that our emotions build up prior to thoughts and/or beliefs. Many women believe that they can hardly control their reaction to negative events, because their emotions will dictate how they will respond. This is an inaccurate and dangerous perspective. We must be aware that our thoughts create our emotions. If we can learn to change our thought patterns, our emotions will be conquered.

See how this applies in a real life negative event:

Perhaps your husband comes home from work in a sour mood and begins snapping at you for no apparent reason.

You can choose Option 1:

Think of how rude and unappreciative he is, get angry, and give him the silent treatment for the remainder of the evening, (all the while thinking of how righteous you are and what a horrible person he is)…

Or you can choose Option 2:

Realize he probably had a rough day at work, feel compassion for him, try to make him as comfortable as possible, and give him some time to relax.

Did the original event change? No, the event did not change, but your attitude did. If we approach negative events with negative thoughts, we will feel negative emotions and exhibit negative behavior. On the flip side, if we approach negative events with positive thoughts, we will feel positive emotions and exhibit positive behavior.

He that believeth on me, as the scripture hath said, out of his belly shall flow rivers of living water. – John 7:38

(The belly symbolizes our emotions and affections. This passage is saying that if you truly love God, your emotions and affections will be regenerated, thus causing your attitude to be subdued and the water you send forth to be sweet.)


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2. If I’m bitter…

we can’t link.

Bitterness will do more than destroy your mental health – it will set you at odds against other members in Christ’s church. The longer one dwells in a state of bitterness, the more fault they find in others. They say misery loves company, and I believe that the more bitterness and hatred a spirit contains, the more it despises those who have joy. The bitter person simply can’t believe that anyone with struggles could be so happy, and so they tell themselves that others must have life handed to them on a silver platter. Jealousy takes hold on the heart, and the seeds of strife have begun.

Consider this picture in Judges 7:1-8:

In this chapter, Gideon is preparing his army to fight against the Midianites. The Lord commanded Gideon to thin out his army, for He did not want the Israelites to glory in their own strength, but to trust only in Him. He gives Gideon two methods to weed out the 32,000 (at minimum) recruited for war. The first command, to send home “whoever is afraid and trembling”, which came to a whopping 22,000 men. Now Gideon is left with 10,000 soldiers. Still, the army is too large in the sight of The Lord, so Gideon is offered a second method. This method seems odd…”bring the people down to the water and have them drink. Separate the men who lap the water out of their hands from the ones who bend upon their knees to drink.” The number of those who lapped the water from their hands was 300, while all the rest bent upon their knees and drank from the water. The Lord proclaims that the Israelites will be saved from the Midianites by the 300 who “lapped from their hands”. The others were sent away.

What does this unusual story have to do with our ability to link with our brothers and sisters in Christ? Keeping in mind that water is that which we are a fountain of (whether it be bitter or sweet) I would like to propose this: the men who lapped the water from their hands represent those who strive to keep their “water” (thoughts, emotions, and behavior) under control. The men who bent down and drank represent one who’s water is out of control and all over the place.

God’s message here is: SHAPE UP OR SHIP OUT. If you are in a spirit of bitterness, you can not/will not properly fill your role in the church. Don’t let your water get “out of hand” – keep a hold on it.

The beginning of strife is as when one letteth out water: therefore leave off contention, before it be meddled with. – Proverbs 17:14


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3. If I’m bitter…

they can’t drink.

Remember, human hearts are “fountains of water” that send forth either bitter or sweet water. (This is an either/or scenario) When we let bitterness seep into our hearts, we often fool ourselves into thinking that we are only contaminated a wee bit. Perhaps we explain the sin away by blaming our thoughts/behavior on someone else or an event that took place in our lives… or maybe we call our bitterness by a different name entirely. The fact is, if you and I have bitterness within us, we have become contaminated.

Consider this hard truth. We all know what toxic water does, right? It kills. Toxic water kills fish. Remember Matthew 4:19 and Mark 1:17? If we are to follow Jesus, we are called to be fishers of men. How can we fulfill this calling if we’re killing the very fish we are meant to catch? Consider Revelation 8:11…many men died in the “wormwood waters” – why? Because the water there was made bitter.

Be assured that if you let bitter water flow out of you, it will kill fish (ie: the lost) one way or another. We will either turn people away from the Lord and his church by our bad attitudes, or we will influence them to join with us so they can become as unhappy and hardened as we are! Either way, we have foiled God’s plan.


We might like to believe that “under the right circumstances” our hearts would be better, and do better. We must be honest with ourselves – if what it takes to get us on the right track is a different set of circumstances, then what we are looking for is a change of pace, not a change of heart! True christianity is “learning to dance in the rain”, as it were. A christian woman will decidedly be righteous in thought and behavior in times of rain as well as sunshine. She will determine, no matter what to “bring into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ”. (2 Corinthians 10:5)

If you believe that a change in circumstance is what you need to finally let go of the bitterness inside you, consider this:

Water left to a change of circumstance does change, but not for the better. I’m sure most of you are familiar with the term osmosis. Osmosis is the natural tendency of water with a low concentration of solutes to travel through a semi-permeable membrane to an area of water with a higher concentration of solutes. Layman’s terms: water will inevitably become more contaminated over a period of time, not less.

What’s a girl to do? If water tends to get more contaminated over time, what hope is there for us to ever rid ourselves of bitterness?

Take heart, for God has an amazing plan by which we can become purified. Can anyone guess what it’s called?

Reverse Osmosis!

This process couldn’t be more accurately named, for Reverse Osmosis is just what it sounds like – to send contaminated water backwards. How does it work? Reverse Osmosis technology removes small particles from water by forcing it through a filter…a membrane. The necessary tools here are some water, a filter, and a whole lot of pressure. As water is forced out through a membrane, holes in the membrane become smaller and smaller. Eventually, the holes become so small that the only particles that can travel through are water…leaving the contaminated particles trapped on the other side of the membrane/filter.

How fitting this is for us in a spiritual sense! We like to think that to overcome bitterness, plain old osmosis will do the trick. We think “perhaps I will outgrow my bitterness, or maybe if I’m fortunate my life circumstances will improve so that I don’t have to be so unhappy”. Yet this is just the opposite of God’s plan for us.

Just like in the world of science, our bitter water will not naturally flow into a place of sweetness – it has to be forcibly turned around in its very tracks. Sisters, how can we rid ourselves of bitterness unless we welcome the pressure process that serves to make us better? Do we not see that pressure serves to remove bitterness, and push us closer and closer to the living membrane which is Jesus Christ? If we will have it God’s way, negative events in our life can and will push and prod us to Jesus, not away from him as it is with worldly women. Be forewarned, we are in for a bumpy ride. The more pressure used in reverse osmosis, the greater the results. Yet ultimately that’s what we’re after, is it not?

Do not be deceived, water that is contaminated even a small amount is unsafe for anyone to ingest. Bitter water is harmful to you and me as individuals, to the church as a whole, and to the lost. The only way to drink contaminated water is to eliminate the contaminates completely!

Let us remember to always be a Betty Botter. It’s time to search our hearts (and throw out the bitter so we can buy into the better)!

As in water face answereth to face, so the heart of man to man. – Proverbs 27:19

God bless, and take a chill pill!
Mrs. Dustin Bolks

Mrs. Dustin Bolks is a church of Christ preacher’s wife, and the home educating mother of two children. She and her family currently reside in Northwest Iowa.

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