Hey Chicas! Today we are going to be touching on a slightly taboo subject;”the birds and the bees”….”the facts of life”, in other words….SEX. Or, more accurately…the lack thereof. Between chasing after little Johnny all day long, cooking meals, and washing enough dishes to stock the shelves of Wal-Mart….you’re exhausted. At the end of the day all you want to do is catch some shut-eye, but the guy next to you has other plans. “Are you serious?” you mumble, “How can you possibly have the energy for this?”I understand that like many girls, sex may be near the bottom of your to-do list. You are not alone. But have you ever stopped to think that marital sex is actually a command?

Now if you, like me, have been blessed with a high sex drive, or choose to sacrificially give your body out of love, good for you. Read on anyway and “amen” the article as you deem appropriate. 🙂

Through conversations with other women, it has been made quite clear to me that the average woman does not even begin to comprehend the sex drive of the average man. We, as selfish carnal people, often cannot see past the end of our own noses, far less understand what anyone else (specifically our husbands) could possibly want, need, or dream of. We tend to think he should want sex only when WE want it, that if WE don’t need it, he doesn’t need it, and if WE don’t dream of it surely he should restrain himself! Regardless of our feelings, have we forgotten that marriage is not for the purpose of “self”-gratification? Many view marriage as a 50/50 relationship, but that is simply not the way we are meant to live! We are called to give 100% to our spouse, even when they give nothing in return.

A fair amount of women could be categorized as one of the following:

-Those who are completely ignorant of their husband’s sexual needs.

– Those who know about, yet brush aside their husband’s needs.

-Those who are well aware of their husband’s needs, and choose to use their feminine body as a cruel weapon.

Ladies, if we forsake to be very sexually active with our husbands, have we not become like the backslidden Christian who only attends worship every once in a while? Remember, the husband/wife relationship is a picture of Christ and His Church! (Eph 5:32) How can the head be severed from the body? Or in other words, how can we be “one flesh” when we are only intimate “every once in a while”? God did not put us on this earth to please ourselves, but rather to be a help “meet” (a help suitable) for our husbands! We simply cannot serve two masters…. We cannot fulfil our husband’s desires if we are buying into the “it’s all about me” mentality. As a wife, I must ask myself honestly who it is that I am in love with. Is it the man I married? Or am I really in love with myself?

In 1 Corinthians 7:3, it says:

3 Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. 

This verse shows that sex is DUE to our spouse — it is something that should be given freely, without argument. Only by mutual consent are we allowed to withhold sex…and even that is only permissible for a short time. (1 Cor 7:5) Let us consider what it is to “render our dues”:

In Mark 12:17, Jesus told the people to render unto Caesar the things that belonged to him. They were very surprised at this teaching. (Think of giving anything to awful Caesar!) Nonetheless, Jesus made it very clear that we should freely give to people the things that belong to them.

Additionally, Romans 13:7 tells us to:

“Render therefore to all their dues: tribute to whom tribute is due; custom to whom custom; fear to whom fear; honour to whom honour.”

Consider the wife who is “too tired for lovemaking” or “just not in the mood”. She brushes her husband off with a shallow promise of “maybe tomorrow”, but how does this attitude compare against Proverbs 3:27-28?

“27 Withhold not good from them to whom it is due, when it is in the power of thine hand to do it. 28 Say not unto thy neighbour, Go, and come again, and to morrow I will give; when thou hast it by thee.”

Read Matthew 5:40 -42 with me:

 “And if any man will sue thee at the law, and take away thy coat, let him have thy cloak also. And whosoever shall compel thee to go a mile, go with him twain. Give to him that asketh thee, and from him that would borrow of thee turn not thou away.”

This verse teaches us that we ought to give our clothes to a begging stranger, and always go the extra mile for a brother. Now if these things are what Christians are commanded to do, think how much more we are expected to give to our own spouse! How can we rightly justify saying “no” to our husband’s plea for love, especially when we are to submit to him as unto the Lord? (Ephesians 5:22)

Many women make excuses for their sexual infrequency based on their husband’s actions. Perhaps he doesn’t do enough around the house, perhaps he is rude and insensitive, perhaps he is not very godly at all! While all of these things are very unfortunate, please do not fool yourself into thinking your husband has to “earn” the right to make love with his wife. The wife’s body is the husband’s property from the moment she says “I do”. (1 Cor 7:4) We must give our husbands our bodies for the Lord’s sake….not because the man is deserving!

(Proverbs 24:29 Say not, I will do so to him as he hath done to me: I will render to the man according to his work.)

Lastly, adhering to the husband’s standard of sexual frequency will help him to avoid a multitude of sins. I hear many women try to argue that if a man commits adultery against his wife, he is solely to blame. “He should be able to control himself” they say, “he is not an animal ruled by his flesh!” While it is true that as Christians, we should not let our fleshly desires dictate our actions….I ask you to consider the weight we put on a man’s shoulders when we deny him one of his most basic desires. Remember: the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak!

(Proverbs 30:8 Remove far from me vanity and lies: give me neither poverty nor riches; feed me with food convenient for me:

9 Lest I be full, and deny thee, and say, Who is the Lord? or lest I be poor, and steal, and take the name of my God in vain.)

When we realize that sex is an appetite….we understand that without food, a man will be driven to steal what does not belong to him! For example, even a vegetarian fully committed to stay away from meat, would start to consider “the steak walking by” if they got hungry enough! By the same token, have you ever been so full that even the thought of your very favorite food turned your stomach? This is how our husbands will be when they are so full of our love that they want nothing else. Take care of your man, sisters, and help keep a brother from falling!

As a mother of two active young boys, I understand what a struggle it can be to manage one’s time and priorities. But take heart, an active sex life with your husband is possible! On certain days lovemaking might be rushed. Sure, it’s not always going to be fireworks, but even 15 minutes of intimacy a day will bring you and your spouse so much closer together.
I sincerely wish this blessing on each and every one of your marriages:

Proverbs 5:18 Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. 19 Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love.

God bless, and take a chill pill!
Mrs. Dustin Bolks