Damsel of Dignity
by 
Fat man looking in a blade of steel
Thin man looking at his last meal
Hollow man looking in a cotton field
For dignity
Wise man looking in a blade of grass
Young man looking in the shadows that pass
Poor man looking through painted glass
For dignity
Somebody got murdered on New Year’s Eve
Somebody said dignity was the first to leave
I went into the city, went into the town
Went into the land of the midnight sun
Searching high, searching low
Searching everywhere I know
Asking the cops wherever I go
“Have you seen dignity?”
Blind man breaking out of a trance
Puts both hands in the pockets of chance
Hoping to find one circumstance
Of dignity
…
The chilly wind sharp as a razor blade
House on fire, debts unpaid
Gonna stand at the window, going to ask the maid
“Have you seen dignity?”
Drinking man listens to the voice he hears
In a crowded room full of covered up mirrors
Looking into the lost forgotten years
For dignity
…
Sick man looking for the doctor’s cure
Looking at his hands for the lines that were
And into every masterpiece of literature
For dignity
An Englishman stranded in the black-heart wind
Combing his hair back, his future looks thin
Bites the bullet and he looks within
For dignity
Someone showed me a picture and I just laughed
Dignity never been photographed
I went into the red, went into the black
Into the valley of dry bone dreams
So many roads, so much at stake
Too many dead ends, I’m at the edge of the lake
Sometimes I wonder what it’s going to take
To find dignity
– Excerpt from Bob Dylan’s song, “Dignity”
Dignity is as elusive today as it was when this song was recorded in 1989. Not a whole lot has changed in the last 35 years. As a matter of fact, dignity has always been hard to find among creatures of dust. Long before Christ became flesh, a mother of old taught her son about the ethereal woman of virtue…one who clothed herself with strength and that exceeding rare quality of dignity. (Proverbs 31:25) I sure hope King Lemuel found his “far above jewels” lady. Many men (throughout the ages) never find a wife like that.
Damsels of Dignity really are few and far between – unless you count all the self-proclaimed “Proverbs 31” ladies. I have seen many a woman in many a church pew, sporting a bit of that ancient oracle of King Lemuel’s mother. From the “virtuous woman” Bible cases…to the “she smiles at the future” notebook covers…to the “charm is deceitful and beauty is vain” tee shirts, you’d think every female was that dream daughter-in-law of King Lemuel’s mom. While I commend the aspiration – and likewise aspire to be like that legendary damsel of dignity – I can’t help but wonder if all the cute paraphernalia isn’t more-or-less a sign of thinking of ourselves more highly than we ought. Did not King Lemuel’s mother say, “an excellent wife, who can find“? (Proverbs 31:10) Let me re-emphasize: Who can find? Who can find? Who can find? Many of us long to be like her, but how many of us really are like her? Excellent? Strong? Dignified? Few.
Bob Dylan’s question begs to be asked: “have you seen dignity“? Can we look into the mirror of scripture and see a dignified damsel looking back? Can we be a dignified damsel for our husbands, and to our children? Can we show a dignified damsel to a world that is “hoping to find one circumstance of dignity“? What even is dignity? How can we know whether or not we are dignified damsels, or merely wannabes?
Between the exemplary descriptions of femininity found in Proverbs 31 and Titus 2, there is a lesser-known passage that describes a damsel of dignity. This passage is 1 Timothy 3:11. It reads as follows:
Women must likewise be dignified, not malicious gossips, but temperate, faithful in all things.
What is a damsel of dignity? She is not a malicious gossip. She is temperate. She is faithful in all things. It’s funny, but I have yet to see a Bible case, notebook cover, or tee shirt adorned with any of these words. I wonder, is it because the 1 Timothy passage is not well-known? Or is it rather that these qualities are too far removed from the average woman to be regarded as stylish? After all, conviction is never in fashion!
However…
Are you up to the challenge of being convicted? Are you willing to go “searching high, searching low, searching everywhere you know” for dignity? Are you ready to become a dignified damsel? If so, today’s article is for you. Let’s look into the three primary characteristics of a damsel of dignity. Firstly, she has a:
Women must likewise be dignified: not malicious gossips. – 1 Timothy 3:11a
A damsel of dignity has a dignified word.
The term “malicious gossips” is a translation of the Greek word, “diabolos”, A.K.A. “devil”, A.K.A. “the accuser”. You might be reminded of a similar English word, “diabolical”, which the dictionary defines as “pertaining to or actuated by a devil; fiendish; outrageously wicked; excruciatingly bad”. What a definition! But none too severe. Women who indulge in the devilry of gossip are following in the footsteps of our fell enemy, the father of lies, Satan himself. Can you name a less dignified role model than that old serpent?
Lest there be any question, I must point out that there is no differentiation between “malicious gossip” and plain old “gossip”. The term “malicious gossips”, though read as two distinct words in our English Bibles, are translated together from that one sobering Greek word, “diabolos”. Malice and gossip go hand in hand, and you cannot separate the twain. Indeed, all gossip is malicious at its core, being of Satan, and even the seemingly harmless gossip (“phluaros” = babbling) of idle busybodies is condemned by God:
At the same time they also learn to be idle, as they go around from house to house; and not merely idle, but also they become gossips and busybodies, talking about things not proper to mention. – 1 Timothy 5:13
Dignified damsels neither spread gossip, nor listen to it. An elegant lady never indulges in the “improper”.
There are several questions we would do well to ask ourselves before we open our mouths to speak about another person. These include, but are not limited to, such questions as:
Would I say these things if the person I am speaking of was standing right here beside me? Have I been given license to speak about this aspect of the person’s life? Do I know with certainty that this topic is approved for sharing? Are the words I’m speaking about this person positive in nature, or negative? Would I want someone else talking about me this way? Are the things I’m saying proven fact? Even if they are proven fact, is it right for me to use someone’s personal life as fodder for my twisted entertainment?
Opening our ears for gossip is just as harmful as opening our mouths for gossip. When we allow someone to speak freely in gossip before us, not only are we providing them a safe space for committing diabolical sin, but we are failing to show integrity by standing up for the one being gossiped about. When someone begins spouting their negative speech, it is our responsibility to nip it in the bud, or evacuate.
When another woman starts unloading her husband’s “many faults” before you, nip it in the bud. Gently remind her that she is commanded to submit to her husband as unto the Lord, and to win him without a word. When a child complains about how “unfair” his parents’ rules are, nip it in the bud. Gently remind him that it is his duty to honor and obey his father and mother. When your neighbor wants to share a bit of “juicy information” with you about their distant relation, nip it in the bud. Gently remind them that it is a glory to overlook a transgression, and that love covers a multitude of sins. Don’t wait around and listen to these folks until they “take it too far”. End it right where it begins, and do not allow Satan a foothold.
Gossip has become such a socially “acceptable” sin in our society – even practiced among church members – that many no longer see this diabolical act for what it is. Gossip is a crime against Heaven and Earth. When will we daughters of Eve say “no more”? Where are the dignified damsels who know that they will give an account for every careless word they speak? (Matthew 12:36) Where are the dignified damsels who will not give ear to – or associate with – a gossip? (Proverbs 20:19) Where are the dignified damsels who would not be so disgraceful to even speak about things done in secret? (Ephesians 5:12)
Let your word be dignified. Don’t be a slave to the malice. Clean your mouth.
Be a damsel of dignity, not a daughter of devilry.
Secondly, a damsel of dignity has a…
Women must likewise be dignified: temperate. – 1 Timothy 3:11b
A damsel of dignity has a dignified will.
The word “temperate” is a translation of the Greek word, “nephalios”, which also means “sober; self-controlled; self-restrained; vigilant”. It carries, too, a connection with sobriety from intoxicating drink (at least in immoderate consumption). In fact, a parallel passage to our theme text, found in Titus 2:3, reads:
Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips or enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good. (emphasis added)
Dignified damsels are women of moderation. An elegant lady is disciplined and free from addiction.
We live in an addicted world. There’s addiction to mind-altering substances such as drugs and alcohol. There’s addiction to unhealthy habits such as smoking cigarettes and chewing tobacco. But these “big, bad” addictions that so easily come to mind are really only scratching the surface. There’s also addiction to food and beverage. Addiction to smartphones. To social media. Video games. Television. Sex. Fashion. Sleeping. Talking. Receiving compliments. Biting nails. The list could go on and on. My point is, you name it, someone out there is probably addicted to it. While not all of these things are evil in and of themselves, the danger we face is in allowing any of them to become an addiction (or using them in an evil manner).
Being temperate means “one more chip” doesn’t evolve into “two more chips”. It means checking your smartphone out of intention, not out of habit. It means not feeling the need to share every little thing you do on your favorite social media platform. It means not looking up at the clock and realizing you threw half your day away because you got so sucked into your brand new video game. It means putting a limit on how many hours of film blares through your TV screen. It means finding satisfaction in the marriage bed, and not going out looking for the next new fling. It means being prudent with your clothing budget. It means not pressing “snooze” on your alarm 25 times. It means controlling your tongue. It means not craving affirmation from everyone and their brother. It means getting a hold on your nervous habits.
Whatever aspect of life you fail to gain control of, be certain that it will not fail to gain control of you.
By what anyone is overcome, by this he is enslaved. – 2 Peter 2:19b
Addiction is slavery. Yet we who are in Christ can claim victory over vices and break free from bondage!
It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery. – Galatians 5:1
When we repent and are baptized, we receive the gift of the Holy Spirit. (Acts 2:38) With the Holy Spirit dwelling within us, we can activate the fruit of the Spirit – which is, in part, self-control. (Galatians 5:22-23) When we exercise self-control, one vital aspect of “temperance”, we become leveled up in perseverance, godliness, brotherly kindness, and love. (2 Peter 1:6-7) So much of our existence is touched by the choice to be temperate! Like the drunkard who kicks his addiction to the curb and finds a job, a family, and self-respect, we turn our whole life around when we “sober up” and wriggle out from the chains that bind us.
Let your will be dignified. Don’t be a slave to the chalice. Clear your brain.
Be a damsel of dignity, not a daughter of devilry.
Thirdly, a damsel of dignity has a…
Women must likewise be dignified: faithful in all things. – 1 Timothy 3:11c
A damsel of dignity has a dignified way.
The word “faithful” is a translation of the Greek word, “pistos”, which also means “trustworthy” or “reliable”. The dictionary defines “faithful” as “true to one’s word; steady in allegiance or affection; strict or thorough in the performance of duty; loyal; constant”. A knightly sort of character, one might say.
I have chosen the faithful way; I have placed your ordinances before me. – Psalm 119:30
“Faithful” is an adjective that warms the heart, isn’t it? A faithful Christian. A faithful husband. A faithful wife. A faithful son. A faithful daughter. A faithful friend. A faithful employee. Etc. Add “faithful” before anyone’s title, and you know you’re describing someone truly special. We love the faithfulness of others. We desire the faithfulness of others. We even expect the faithfulness of others. And so does our Father in Heaven expect faithfulness from us. We are to be “faithful in all things“. Wow! Isn’t that quite a tall order?
Well, in reality it’s quite easy to be faithful to that which holds our affection. How tall is the order to keep faithfully returning to your favorite restaurant? How tall is the order to faithfully show up on time to the movie you’ve been dying to see? How tall is the order to faithfully hone the skill that interests you? And those are just the niche hobbies. How tall is the order to faithfully keep your wedding vows when you love your husband? How tall is the order to faithfully change diapers when you love your baby? How tall is the order to faithfully put food in the dish when you love your pet? Where there is love, faithfulness is natural.
So the more we love, the more faithful we will be. The more we love God and cleave to Him, the more faithful we will be to the Way. Loving and cleaving makes us faithful Christians, faithful wives, faithful mothers, faithful friends…faithful women in every single area of our lives. Faithfulness is another part of that spiritual fruit we can tap into when we get into Christ and take on the Holy Spirit. (Galatians 5:22-23)
Dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness. – Psalm 37:3b
Dignified damsels are loyal and true. An elegant lady is reliable and can always be counted upon.
Will you always follow through on your word, even though “the faithful disappear from among the sons of men“? (Psalm 12:1) Will you be God’s image-bearer, being one who “remains faithful” even when others “are faithless“? (2 Timothy 2:13) Will you commit to being “faithful until death“, no matter what trials may come your way? (Revelation 2:10) Being a dignified damsel demands this level of constancy.
Let your way be dignified. Be a slave to the palace. Cleave your heart.
Be a damsel of dignity, not a daughter of devilry.
In conclusion…
Like Bob Dylan, do you ever wonder “what it’s going take to find dignity“? Not only can you find dignity itself, but you can find a dignified damsel in yourself by following the pattern laid out in 1 Timothy 3:11!
Are you ready to become a “semnos” (Greek word for “dignified”) lady: august, venerable, honorable?
To fully embody a spirit of dignity, you must possess a cleaned mouth, a cleared brain, and a cleaved heart. You must not be a slave to the malice or a slave to the chalice, but be a slave to the palace. You must shun malicious gossip, embrace temperance, and embrace faithfulness. You must become dignified in your word, in your will, and in your way. This is how you transform into a legendary damsel of dignity.
Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she smiles at the future. – Proverbs 31:25
For God’s glory,
Mrs. Dustin Bolks
Chaste Bolks is a church of Christ preacher’s wife, and the home educating mother of two children. She and her family currently reside in Northwest Iowa.
