The Lady of Laissez-Faire
by 
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
– Reinhold Niebuhr
Commonly referred to as “The Serenity Prayer”, these famous words have been in circulation for nearly 100 years. When Reinhold Niebuhr composed the prayer in the early 1930’s, he could have had no idea that these three lines would come to be printed on countless posters, pillows, and purses, let alone become a mantra for members of Alcoholics Anonymous and the Young Women’s Christian Association (YWCA). His words have resonated with many hearts over the last century, inspiring resolve and renewal. I don’t see references to The Serenity Prayer as often as I did when I was a child; believe me, this prayer used to be everywhere. Though Mr. Niebuhr’s words seem to be fading into relative obscurity, I still find his message to be as meaningful as I ever did (if not more so, after coming into contact with “the world forces of this darkness” — Ephesians 6:12)
In this month’s article, The Lady of Laissez-Faire, we’re bringing The Serenity Prayer back! If you are unfamiliar with the term, “laissez-faire”, it is a French phrase that means “let it be” or “leave it alone”. It is primarily used in Social Studies to describe an economic system in which transactions between private individuals are free from any form of economic interventionism (i.e. when you shop at a garage sale, or sell an item to a friend, or make use of the local farmer’s market – free from government involvement – this is thanks to the capitalist principle of laissez-faire.) A free market economy, such as the one we find in the USA, will always utilize this approach to some degree. Laissez-faire is a free market economy in its purest form; it is the philosophy of live and let live. And now that we have gotten our Economics lesson in for the day, we come to the point. “Live and let live” is a significant mindset to adopt, both economically and emotionally. If one aspires to become The Lady of Laissez-Faire, she must determine to focus only on what is in her own power, and let the rest go. Sounds a lot like the message of The Serenity Prayer, doesn’t it? Be bold enough to change what you can, make peace with what you can’t, and avoid mixing up the two. Today, using The Serenity Prayer to guide us, we will ponder the threefold journey one must make before she can transform into The Lady of Laissez-Faire.
On the first leg of this journey, she will be called…
“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change…”
What are some of the “things I cannot change“?
First of all, I cannot change other people. Sure, I can influence them. I can inspire them. I can coax them. I can compel them. I can teach them. I can train them. But at the end of the day, I cannot change them. Ask any parent of a wicked and rebellious child, and this is what you’ll learn: you cannot change another person, for they can only change themselves. Those who invest all their time and energy into trying to change others are chronically unhappy, because their efforts are fruitless. Serenity is found when we accept that others have the free will to choose their own way…for better or for worse, for good or for bad, for salvation or for damnation.
Second of all, I cannot change my lot. Sure, I can ask. I can seek. I can knock. But I cannot break down the door. I can’t force my circumstances to change (unless I am the ongoing cause of my own misfortune). If I have prayed (this is asking), and I have researched solutions (this is seeking), and I have put a plan into action (this is knocking), yet I still find myself unable to crawl out from under the crushing weight of my trial? I know it’s time to let go and let God. I played my last card, now I need to sit back and let Him make the next move. Serenity is found when we accept that waiting on the Lord is quite characteristic of the Christian condition.
Third of all, I cannot change the world. Sure, I can use my voice. I can stand for truth. I can join a cause. I can volunteer my time. I can perhaps even make a difference in my sphere of influence. But I cannot totally expel the darkness, I can only help keep it at bay. The fact is that our current world system is run by Satan, or “the prince of the power of the air, of the spirit that is now working in the sons of disobedience“. (Ephesians 2:2) Until Christ’s second coming, there will always be some evil man with an evil plan wreaking havoc on society. Serenity is found when we accept that Satan is going to continue to celebrate many of his victories…for now.
Lady of Acceptance, you must come to terms with the fact that you can’t change other people, you can’t change your lot, and you can’t change the world. May God grant you the serenity to accept these things.
Shall we indeed accept good from God and not accept adversity? – Job 2:10b
On the second leg of this journey, she will be called…
“…The courage to change the things I can…”
What are some of the “things I can change“?
First of all, I can change my person. I may not have the ability to change other people, but there is one unique person I do have the ability to change, and that is me. Every day I have the choice to level up and become a better version of myself. I can polish my appearance. I can learn new skills. I can educate myself. I can control my spending. I can monitor my nutrition. I can take unhealthy thoughts captive. I can improve my social interactions. I can deepen my relationship with God. I can be a trailblazer, and do all of the things I wish others would do! Courage is stepping out of our comfort zones and embracing our new and improved selves.
Second of all, I can change my outlook. I may not be able to change my lot in life, but I can change my outlook on my circumstances. You know what they say: pessimists see the glass as half empty, but the optimist sees it as half full. Both observations are true, but the one I choose to dwell on will either hamper my happiness, or grow my gratitude. Being a “glass-half-full” kinda girl doesn’t mean pretending that my trials don’t exist, but it does mean that I choose to focus on everything that is going right in my life, rather than on everything that is going wrong. Courage is bearing up under sorrows and pressing on in spite of suffering.
Third of all, I can change my destination. I may not be capable of stopping the old world from going to hell in a hand basket, but I am capable of ensuring I will be a resident of the new world that extends beyond this life. I am capable of believing on the Lord Jesus Christ, and confessing His name before men. I am capable of recognizing where my sin leads, and repenting before it’s too late. I am capable of being baptized (immersed in water) for the remission of my sins. I am capable of walking in newness of life and allowing God to work in and through me. Courage is living as a pilgrim on foreign soil, as we patiently await the return of the King.
Lady of Courage, you must remember that you have the power to change your person, to change your outlook, and to change your destination. May God grant you the courage to change these things.
For God has not given us a spirit of timidity, but of power and love and discipline. – 2 Timothy 1:7
On the third and final leg of this journey, she will be called…
“…And the wisdom to know the difference.“
What is “the difference“…
…between changing other people vs. changing my person? A woman who purposes to change other people is all about badgering, while a woman who purposes to change her person is all about bettering. The former points her finger. The latter checks her mirror. The former criticizes others from a spirit of pride. The latter critiques herself from a spirit of humility. The former makes demands of others. The latter takes command of her own spirit. The former languishes. The latter flourishes. Don’t be the sort of woman who makes people her projects. If you must work on someone, work on yourself! You’ll quickly find this to be a full-time job.
…between changing my lot vs. changing my outlook? A woman who purposes to change her lot tests the Lord, while a woman who purposes to change her outlook trusts the Lord. The former asks, “why me?”, as she counts her burdens. The latter asks, “why me?”, as she counts her blessings. The former throws her hands up in despair. The latter folds her hands up in prayer. The former dwells on the negative. The latter dwells on the positive. The former believes God is unfair. The latter believes God is unfailing. Don’t be the sort of woman who allows her present view to frame her point of view. Guard your mind. Stay the course. This too shall pass.
…between changing the world vs. changing my destination? A woman who purposes to change the world is fearful, while a woman who purposes to change her destination is faithful. The former frets over the state of affairs. The latter is busy with her own affairs. The former says, “the sky is falling“. The latter says, “the Son is coming“. The former is anxious about the bad news. The latter is excited about the Good News. The former attempts to conquer the battlefront. The latter attempts to secure the home front. Don’t be the sort of woman who takes the weight of the world on her shoulders. Eyes on the prize. A new world order is coming.
Lady of Wisdom, you must use careful discernment to differentiate between what is in your power, and what is in the power of others. May God grant you the wisdom to know the difference between these things.
But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all men generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him. – James 1:5
In conclusion…
She is called Lady of Acceptance. She is called Lady of Courage. She is called Lady of Wisdom.
She is The Lady of Laissez-Faire.
She accepts that she cannot change other people, while garnering the courage to change her person. She accepts that she cannot change her lot, while garnering the courage to change her outlook. She accepts that she cannot change the world, while garnering the courage to change her destination. Her wisdom helps her to distinguish between what she can and cannot change, and this gives her the serenity to walk through life in a world that is often cold and cruel to its inhabitants. May The Lady of Laissez-Faire be you; may she be me.
Years after Reinhold Niebuhr penned The Serenity Prayer, an anonymous writer added this lovely ending, with which we will close:
Living one day at a time,
Enjoying one moment at a time,
Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace,
Taking, as He did,
This sinful world as it is,
Not as I would have it,
Trusting that He will make all things right,
If I surrender to His will,
That I may be reasonably happy in this life,
And supremely happy with Him forever in the next.
Amen.
For God’s glory,
Mrs. Dustin Bolks
Chaste Bolks is a church of Christ preacher’s wife, and the home educating mother of two children. She and her family currently reside in Northwest Iowa.
