Is this really my best angle?
Should I be holding in my tummy?
Does the lighting look alluring?
Will they find my caption funny?

How can I keep up my engagement?
How easily can people find me?
Will they swipe up on my story?
Will they comment on this kindly?

Why does being social feel so lonely?
Why does it leave me wanting more?
When did the DM lose its C?
How did I turn so Instacure?

– “Instacurities” by Tomfoolery

Social media has become part of a great many people’s lives in the 21st century – from the teen keeping up with his friends, all the way to the great-grandmother keeping up with hers.

Just check out these stats. Among some of the top sites worldwide:

• Facebook claims over 2 billion monthly active users…
• Instagram has over 1 billion…
• Twitter, over 4.5 million…
• Snapchat, over 2.5 million…
• TikTok, over 1 million.

Needless to say, these sites see a lot of traffic. And though I have my grievances with each and every one of these social media pages (some more than others, but all of these 5 come with their own ills, including privacy/data security risks that I would strongly urge you to research) I am not here today to either condone or condemn any particular platform. My aim, rather, is to point out the spiritual dangers that can befall us in any social media setting – not because of the platforms themselves, but because of our own human nature.

Facebook Icon, Tomfoolery, pointed out in the poem above how social media can fuel “instacurities” – the tendency to get sucked into the comparison trap. This is one of numerous considerations we must take into account if we are to navigate through the worldwide web while keeping our spiritual purity intact.

Today, I want to dive into 5 additional dangers we need to be aware of when using social M.E.D.I.A. You guessed it – Danger # 1 starts with M! One danger of social media is that it can feed…

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All things are lawful for me, but not all things are profitable. All things are lawful for me, but I will not be mastered by anything. – 1 Corinthians 6:12

For many, social media is an addiction of sorts. Checking apps becomes more of an irresistible compulsion than a conscious choice. Instead of using their sites, their sites use them – drawing their attention again and again to that which lacks any real substance. Whether it’s the white f on a blue background, the rainbow camera, the white bird on a blue background, the white ghost on a yellow background, or the white music symbol on a black background (users will know exactly what I’m talking about); their app of choice draws them in like a moth to the light. When navigating social media, it is always wise to ask oneself: is this app feeding mania in my life?

Here are 5 tips that may help you to avoid mania when using social media:

• 1. Go to your phone settings and set “screen time limits” for apps that are time-suckers. Once the time you have set for that app runs out for the day, be faithful to set it aside until tomorrow. (Allow flexibility in important circumstances, but not for trite excuses…you know the difference)

• 2. Leave your phone stationary (like a landline) as opposed to carrying it with you everywhere you go. Check it as needed/wanted, but put it back down and walk away when you are through using it. I like to leave my phone in our home office, which causes me to be intentional with my phone use rather than habitual.

• 3. Resist the urge to pick up your phone every time you are waiting for something in a public setting. At the doctor’s office? Bring a book with you to fill your time in the waiting room. At a restaurant? Pay attention to the one(s) dining with you, and enjoy the ambiance. At the check-out line in the grocery store? Make conversation with the employees and/or your fellow shoppers. Don’t allow your phone to serve as a crutch for impatience…much of life occurs in times of waiting.

• 4. Pursue a variety of hobbies for a well-balanced existence. Indulge in a little social media, and a little reading. A little social media, and a little tennis. A little social media, and a little piano. You get the picture. Spreading out your interests will help you to become a more cultured individual, while also preventing you from being enslaved to any one hobby.

• 5. Last, but certainly not least: know what is truly important in life, and set that high above social media in your heart. As a Christian woman, it is your distinct duty to serve God by loving your husband, loving your children, being sensible, being pure, working at home, being kind, and subjecting yourself to your husband. (see Titus 2:4-5) If social media has become so important in your life that it is causing you to neglect or diminish these duties, then has it not become an idol?

If you use social media, be aware of the danger of mania.

Danger #2 starts with E! A second danger of social media is that it can feed…

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Then he said to them, “Beware, and be on your guard against every form of greed; for not even when one has an abundance does his life consist of his possessions.” – Luke 12:15

For many, social media sucks them in to the comparison trap. When they observe the happiness, accomplishments, or belongings of others, their knee-jerk reaction is not genuine pleasure for the success and well-being of that person, but a sense of covetous entitlement that says, “why do they have what I don’t? It’s not fair!” They become so engrossed with other people’s blessings that they fail to recognize their own, thus becoming more bitter and envious with every newsfeed scroll. When navigating social media, it is always wise to ask oneself: is this app feeding envy in my life?

Here are 5 tips that may help you to avoid envy when using social media:

• 1. Realize that in viewing someone’s social media page, you are only viewing their “highlight reel”. As a general rule, people don’t broadcast the negativity in their life on social media (sidenote: that’s a good thing). You are unlikely to see a photograph of the unexpected bill someone just got in the mail, a video of the gross diaper they just changed, or a transcribed version of the argument they just had with their spouse. No one’s life is rainbows and butterflies all the time, but if you only go by what they post on social media, you might believe that to be so. Perhaps you think you want someone else’s life, but would you covet their low points as well as their high points?

• 2. Count your blessings. It’s pretty hard to obsess over someone else’s blessings when you are busy being grateful for your own. When your friend posts a loving photo of her and her husband, revisit a loving photo of you with yours. When she records a cute saying from her kiddo, reminisce on a cute saying from your own kiddo. When she shares about her latest vacation, think about the last time you went on vacation. Chances are, a lot of what your friend is enjoying has been enjoyed by you at one time or another. Don’t be so quick to forget.

• 3. Cultivate empathy. Instead of being envious of another’s blessings, why not celebrate them? It’s all about shifting your mindset, and rewriting the narrative of your heart. Every time you are tempted to envy someone else’s success, replace your envy with empathy. When that other girl is happy, allow yourself to feel happy with her. When she makes an accomplishment, congratulate her. When she portrays a loving family, or a beautiful home, or a new car, or whatever the case may be…celebrate her success. Would you not want her to do the same for you?

• 4. Be inspired by the achievements of others, rather than indignant. Envy strikes when we see someone else enjoying what we are not, but feel entitled to be enjoying. We can turn envy on its head when we use our sense of “entitlement” as a motivator to achieve our dreams instead of growing bitter. For example: when an overweight woman looks at a slender woman, she can either a) choose to get salty because she herself is not slender, or b) get inspired to lose weight so she can likewise enjoy a healthy and attractive physique. Many of the blessings of others could be our own if we simply made the same choices they did and worked equally as hard. Don’t get mad, get motivated.

• 5. Understand that there is glory in diversity. You may not have the exact same blessings as someone else, but neither do they have the same exact blessings as you. I have heard this idea referred to as the “roses and tulips” principle. Another woman may be a “rose” while you are a “tulip” – in other words, you both express beauty, but in different ways. Scripture compares diversity to the human body – different parts working together in unique capacities. (i.e. Our eyes and our ears serve different purposes, but they are both needed.) Embrace what makes you YOU, and be okay with the fact that your life is not a carbon copy of someone else’s. You both have value in your own right.

If you use social media, be aware of the danger of envy.

Danger #3 starts with D! A third danger of social media is that it can feed…

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Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, because many false prophets have gone out into the world. – 1 John 4:1

For many, social media can be a vast source of information. On the flip side, it can also be a vast source of misinformation. Anyone can put anything out there at any time…from solid truth to blatant lies, and all manner of “in-between”. It is important to take everything we read online with a grain of salt, but it is all too easy for a brain to become twisted when taking in untruths on a regular basis. If we are not careful, we can fall prey to deceit and find ourselves drifting from the truths found in God’s word. When navigating social media, it is always wise to ask oneself: is this app feeding doubt in my life?

Here are 5 tips that may help you to avoid doubt when using social media:

• 1. Be mindful and focused when viewing your newsfeed. Try to avoid newsfeed surfing/mindless scrolling, which puts us at risk of ingesting “junk food” without even realizing it. If your brain constantly sees a message without stopping to analyze the truth or error thereof, it starts to believe that message simply by way of repeated exposure. This is brain-grooving at its finest. If you don’t have time to ponder what is flashing before your eyes, set your phone aside until you can come back to it with a more present state of mind.

• 2. Feed on God’s word daily. When it comes to curing doubt, there is no tonic quite so strong as the Words of Life. Truth is a shield that protects us from worldly deception. The more scripture we hide in our hearts, the more easy it is to spot error when we see it on social media. We all are familiar with the famous “it is written” statements of Jesus when faced with temptation in the wilderness. We would be wise to follow in the footsteps of our Lord – arming ourselves with scripture so that we can likewise resist the wiles of the devil.

• 3. Choose your online friends with care. To keep a clear mind that is grounded in truth, it’s important to surround yourself with other people who have a Biblical worldview. Don’t feel compelled to accept every friend request that comes your way, and don’t be afraid to click that “delete” button when a friend’s posts are trashy and offensive. Remember that deleting someone from your friend’s list does not equate to deleting them from the planet. Being “in the world” but not “of the world” may look like showing love to that messy person in face-to-face settings, but not letting them have constant access into your home by way of an online friendship.

• 4. Become a hide-and-seek master. “Hide” pages, groups, and posts that are detrimental to a godly mindset, and “seek” out pages, groups, and posts that are uplifting and truth-filled. It’s not only online friends that can be detrimental to our spiritual health, but the numerous pages, groups, and posts that pop up in our newsfeeds certainly can be, too. Most social media sites give you the option to curate your newsfeed to meet your needs. Make good use of those handy features.

• 5. Use both truth and error as springboards for testing your knowledge of right and wrong. When you see a post that either affirms or challenges your convictions, be like one of those “noble Bereans”…study the scriptures to prove whether or not you are correct in your current line of reasoning. If you are in the right, no time is wasted. Reinforcing and strengthening your beliefs by God’s word will serve you well. If you are in the wrong, no time is wasted. Realigning your path and assimilating new truths from God’s word will serve you well also. Either way, you win.

If you use social media, be aware of the danger of doubt.

Danger #4 starts with I! A fourth danger of social media is that it can feed…

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Through insolence comes nothing but strife, but wisdom is with those who receive counsel. – Proverbs 13:10

For many, social media is an outlet for pent-up anger. The ease of being able to type anything from the comfort of one’s own home with little accountability or repercussion makes it all too easy to be a keyboard warrior. Social media becomes a free-for-all where everyone does what is right in their own eyes. Anyone can say what they want, when they want, how they want, and in a most cowardly fashion (read: with the click of a button). When navigating social media, it is always wise to ask oneself: is this app feeding insolence in my life?

Here are 5 tips that may help you to avoid insolence when using social media:

• 1. Don’t type anything on social media that you wouldn’t say in “real life”. Does your online presence align with your in-person presence? If the words you are typing are too rude and insulting to say to someone’s face, then they are too rude and insulting to say online…the keyboard you are hiding behind is merely giving you a false sense of security. Though out of sight, we must remember that the person reading our words is another human being that has worth. Treating others according to the golden rule is just as significant in our online communications as it is when speaking to them face-to-face.

• 2. Avoid getting entrapped in futile debates. Proverbs warns of the senselessness of arguing with fools. Such arguments never lend themselves to a fruitful outcome – to argue with a fool is to waste precious time, and will only serve to make us look every bit as foolish as our adversary. It is usually fairly easy to discern when it’s time to discontinue a conversation. When the person you are talking to is diametrically opposed to your position, when the “tone” of their writing implies pride rather than humility, or when the replies keep going around in circles without ever reaching any sort of common ground or agreement: abort mission.

• 3. Keep your dirty laundry off the internet. If you have a problem with someone, posting about it on social media is not the answer. If anything, such methods will only exacerbate the problem and further isolate the relationship. The all-too common passive-aggressive route of vaguely alluding to what “someone” did to offend you is a poor substitute for a heart-to-heart conversation with that person. If you feel you have suffered an offense, either talk to the offender about it, or forgive and forget. Don’t broadcast the offense for all to see…it is a glory to overlook a transgression.

• 4. If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all. This rule of thumb, or should I say “rule of Thumper”, is important to keep in mind when reacting to people’s posts. Repeatedly sharing your unsolicited advice and opinions (in response to matters of personal liberty, not moral wrongdoing) is a sure-fire way to make someone cringe every time they see a new notification from you. Is it really that important to tell your online friend that you don’t like the shirt they are wearing in their latest photo, or that the recipe they shared sounds repulsive, or that they spelled a word incorrectly? If your comments are not uplifting and encouraging, then they are best kept to yourself.

• 5. Use your social media account for the purpose of being salt and light. Whether you are sharing a post, making your own post, or commenting on someone else’s post, be intentional with the message you are putting out there. Wherever a Christian goes, that place should be all the brighter for their presence…not only in their physical location, but in their social media location as well. In an online world that is overwhelmingly negative, make it your goal to bring nothing but positivity and joy – to be a shining example to those around you.

If you use social media, be aware of the danger of insolence.

Danger #5 starts with A! A fifth danger of social media is that it can feed…

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…love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own… – 1 Corinthians 13:4b-5a

For many, social media is one gigantic memorial to their favorite superstar: their own self! In a world where one has a ready platform to brag about their accomplishments, paste countless selfies, and display the glamorous aspects of their personal life to the watching world, social media is an egotist’s dream. Every like, comment, and share further reinforces their delusions of grandeur. When navigating social media, it is always wise to ask oneself: is this app feeding arrogance in my life?

Here are 5 tips that may help you to avoid arrogance when using social media:

• 1. Take (at least) as much interest in other people as you do in yourself. Social media interactions should be a two-way street. If you want people to take an interest in your posts, it is only right and fair to take an interest in theirs. Using social media for the sole purpose of getting others to praise and compliment you is selfish and, frankly, narcissistic. Adopt a servant’s heart that places a high importance on the interests of others. Have you praised and complimented someone else today? How can you make another feel seen and appreciated?

• 2. Question your motives with each post. Ask yourself, “is what I’m sharing meant to be an inspiration to others, or am I just out fishing for compliments?” Make sure that what you post is not merely for the goal of attention-grabbing. Is the main reason you are sharing that photo of you and your husband a) so that others can get a positive outlook on godly marriages, or b) is it to hear how fantastic you both look? Is the main reason you are sharing that political write-up a) to keep others informed, or b) is it to get a pat-on-the-back about your stellar writing skills? Is the main reason you are giving details about your mission trip a) to help inspire others to get on fire about sharing Jesus, or b) to hear how pious you are? Be careful to do nothing out of selfish ambition.

• 3. Reject displays of false humility. Sympathy-seeking posts are just another round-about way of boasting. This technique may fool others, but it doesn’t fool God. Venting about how mean your husband is, how unmanageable your kids are, how tough your job is, etc., all with the pitiful tone of “oh, woe is me…I don’t know how I do it, but by God’s grace” are all fine examples of playing the martyr. Those who are truly suffering seek help, but those who are simply lusty for comforting words revel in the old sainthood game. How shameful to feed on people’s sympathies! Christian women don’t put their troubles on neon display…they hold their heads high and bear up under sorrows.

• 4. Remember that the Lord will one day reward openly what is done in private. Posting every spiritual accomplishment we make or every good deed we do on social media is akin to the Pharisees sounding a trumpet when they gave to the poor. Such attention-seeking may garner the praise of others, but it robs us of the eventual praise of God. I’d rather lead a behind-the-scenes sort of life that stores up heavenly treasures, rather than cash in early for a cheap “you-go-girl!” from my fellow man. What about you?

• 5. Find your worth in Christ, not in the approval of others. Know that your true value is not in how many “likes”, “comments”, and “shares” you get on social media, but in who you are as an obedient follower of the King of Kings. The acceptance of people ebbs and flows, but He is a friend who loves at all times. Focus on pleasing God in your roles as a Christian woman…wife…mother…lean into those roles, and the hunger to find your satisfaction in others’ approval will quickly diminish.

If you use social media, be aware of the danger of arrogance.

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In conclusion…

One woman may read this article and come away realizing that social media is not for her. Perhaps the tendency to mania, envy, doubt, insolence, or arrogance proves to be too much of a temptation in her life. She elects to flee temptation and “remove herself from the premises”.

Another woman may read this article and choose to remain on social media, but with a renewed sense of awareness. She understands the dangers of social m.e.d.i.a. and decides to proceed with caution.

Which response is correct?

I will suggest that there is no one-size-fits-all answer. Why? Because social media is merely a tool. Like any tool, it can be used in a way that brings about health or harm. It is your responsibility to figure out whether it is bringing health or harm to your life (and that of others) and respond accordingly. If you decide to use social media, remember the 5 dangers to look out for. If you decide not to use social media, you must also remember the dangers…for they can crop up in other areas of our lives. Whatever you do, don’t read this article and look the other way. Social media or no social media, may you walk in purity, because:

Digital behavior is just a replication of human behavior.

– Paul Papadimitriou, Digital Intelligence Analyst

For God’s glory,
Mrs. Dustin Bolks

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Chaste Bolks is a church of Christ preacher’s wife, and the home educating mother of two children. She and her family currently reside in Northwest Iowa.