Once upon a time there was a father who had two daughters. Calling them to him one day he said to them, “What is the sweetest thing in the world?”

“Sugar,” said the elder daughter.

“Salt,” said the younger.

The father was angry at this last answer. But his daughter stuck to it, and so her father said to her, “I won’t keep a daughter in my house who believes that salt is the sweetest thing in the world. You must leave me and seek another home.”

So the younger daughter left her father’s house and wandered here and there, suffering much hunger and cold, until at last she was befriended by the fairies. As she walked through a wood one day listening to the songs of the birds, a prince came hunting for deer, and when he saw her he fell in love with her at once. She agreed to marry him, and a great banquet was prepared at the prince’s house. To this banquet the bride’s father was bidden; but he did not know that the bride was his own daughter.

Now, at the wish of the bride, all the dishes were prepared without salt. So when the guests began to eat they found that the food was tasteless. At last one of them said, “There is no salt in the meat!”

And then all the guests said, “There is no salt in the meat!”

And the bride’s father spoke the loudest of all. “Truly, salt is the sweetest thing in the world,” he said, “though, for saying so, I sent my own daughter away from my house, and shall never see her face again.”

Then the bride made herself known to her father, and fell on his neck and kissed him.

– “Sugar and Salt”, an English folk tale

Source: Sidney Oldall Addy, Household Tales, with Other Traditional Remains Collected in the Counties of York, Lincoln, Derby, and Nottingham, no. 50, pp. 48-49

All’s well that ends well in this old folk tale! The father recognized the true value of salt, his daughter was back in his good graces, the wedding went on peacefully, everyone lived happily ever after, salt is sweeter than sugar, and so on and so forth.

“Wait, hold on just a minute…salt is sweeter than sugar?! In what alternate universe is this the case?”

Okay, okay…If we are using “sweet” in the general and literal usage of the word, I would have to agree with the father and elder daughter in the story: sugar is definitely sweeter than salt. However, when the younger daughter claimed that salt was the sweetest thing in the world, she was speaking in an unorthodox and figurative way. Salt is “sweet” in that it brings out the flavor in everything it touches – from savory dishes to desserts. Salt has a wide range and can bring out the best in all foods, while sugar is limited to flavoring a much smaller range of dishes. Salt is an exceedingly useful mineral, and you’ve got to admit – that’s pretty sweet.

In the last few years, the word “salty” said in a certain context has taken on a slang meaning. To be “salty” in the modern vernacular is to be upset, offended, aggravated, or just in a downright crabby mood. One might say, “the lady in the checkout line got all salty when the clerk informed her that her coupon had expired” or “I was feeling pretty salty when that car cut me off on my morning commute”. In this vein, we don’t want to be salty, or be around others who are salty. Alternatively, there is a certain kind of “salty” that we definitely want to be and be around. You know where this is headed…I am of course referring to us being the “salt of the earth” as per Jesus’ words from Matthew 5:13. If we’re talking biblically vs slang, then I want my Lord to say of me: she’s so salty. Because in His eyes, that will mean I’m sweeter than sugar.

What’s so good about a “salty” kinda gal? I’ll tell you three reasons why such a one is “worth her salt” (pardon the pun). First of all, a salty gal will have others…

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Can something tasteless be eaten without salt, or is there any taste in the white of an egg? My soul refuses to touch them; they are like loathsome food to me. – Job 6:6-7

Salt can take the blandest food from mundane to mouthwatering. To illustrate this, Job used the humble egg. Egg whites certainly are pretty tasteless, but add a little salt and voila – you have a delicious snack. Various other treats, such as popcorn, peanuts, and pretzels, wouldn’t be half as craveable without their added sodium content. Within reason, the more salt, the better!

As Christians, being salty means that we add flavor and flair to that which is tasteless, dull, or even unappetizing. We should be a zealous and zesty lot…a people who stir up the appetite for a wholesome, nutritious diet. We ought to be so salty, that when others look for a treat, they choose to reach for us.

Salt is the difference between eating in Technicolor and eating in black and white.

– Jay Rayner

·         Salty Christians are craveable because they are kind. In a cruel, dog-eat-dog world, people are drawn to those who have a genuine warmth about them. People are more likely to want to be around you if you wear a smile when others wear a scowl, if you are an active listener rather than an active interrupter, if you value discussion over debate, and if you add calm in the midst of chaos. This world is feeling hungry for kindness.

·         Salty Christians are craveable because they are influential. In a world filled with depression, divorce, disunity, disorder, and the like, people are drawn to those who lead functional lives. When people observe our lives and they see positive traits such as joy, harmonious marriages, unity, order, etc. it sets a stark contrast to the bleak lifestyles many lead. They want to know how to get a hold on stability for their own life. This world is feeling hungry for influence.

·         Salty Christians are craveable because they are trustworthy. In a world where promises are easily made and easily broken, people are drawn to those whose word is their bond. When others know that they can rely on us, that we say what we do and do what we say, that we always come through for them even when it inconveniences us, they will know that there is no better friend than a Christian. This world is feeling hungry for trustworthiness.

Are you carrying salt in your k.i.t.? Be kind, be influential, and be trustworthy…be a salty kinda gal and you’ll have others feeling hungry in no time. Additionally, a salty kinda gal will have others…

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Let your speech always be with grace, as though seasoned with salt, so that you will know how you should respond to each person. – Colossians 4:6

People “feeling hungry” (as per our previous point) should subsequently lead to them “feeling thirsty”. Just as a salty treat such as a pretzel will quickly have us seeking a drink to quench our thirst, so too will a salty Christian inspire people’s thirst for the Living Water that comes from God. As Paul pointed out in Colossians, our “speech” – the message we preach with our words and actions – should always be motivated by the grace that is found in Christ Jesus. Our salty character will point others to Him.

“You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink.” That may be true. But it’s also true that you can feed a horse salt and make him thirsty.

– John C. Maxwell

·         Salty Christians show God to be craveable because they are kindred. Jesus tells us in John 17:21 that one of the primary ways the world can be convinced to believe in Him is by observing the unity that His followers have with one another. When we serve our brethren, when we “speak the same things”, when our bond in Christ outweighs any diversity we might have, it shows that there is one powerful force holding us together. This world is feeling thirsty for kinship.

·         Salty Christians show God to be craveable because they are intellectual. Many in the world mock Christianity…they say that the Lord is just our “imaginary friend in the sky” and that His word is merely “a book of fairy tales”. Sadly, it’s not hard to understand why they feel this way when so many who claim Christ base their belief in Him solely on feelings of inspiration and romanticism. We need to show the world that our faith is not just fluff, but has basis in reason and logic. This world is feeling thirsty for intellect.

·         Salty Christians show God to be craveable because they are tactful. Social media has done much damage in that it allows people to become “keyboard warriors”: arguing and bickering back and forth with those who don’t share their views. Our salty character compels us to teach with the Bible in love, not thump with it in order to prove a point. We want to show God’s word to be palatable to the lost. Just as a little salt helps a child to tolerate their vegetables and ingest some nutrition, a little salt helps the world tolerate the Bible and ingest some truth.  This world is feeling thirsty for tact.

Are you carrying salt in your k.i.t.? Be kindred, be intellectual, and be tactful…be a salty kinda gal and you’ll have others feeling thirsty in no time. Additionally, a salty kinda gal will have others…

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Salt is good; but if the salt becomes unsalty, with what will you make it salty again? Have salt in yourselves, and be at peace with one another. – Mark 9:50

In our first world country, we are accustomed to thinking of salt as only something found in a shaker on the kitchen table. However, in Bible times, and in more primitive areas of the world today, a vital use of salt was/is to preserve food and delay decay sans refrigeration. Consider this: salt preserves other foods, but nothing preserves salt. In other words, you can’t “salt” salt…it is salt. Jesus’ words in Mark point out that we have a responsibility toward others to stay salty. We can salt the world, but the world can’t salt us. The body of Christ is on a solo mission to preserve some goodness in this world and save souls from rot. 

Be salt, and a little bit of salt keeps the whole society from going rancid.

– Philip Yancey

·         Salty Christians make others craveable because they are kosher. Just as Jesus’ example of the beam and mote goes (see Matthew 7 and Luke 6), one can only help preserve others when they themselves have a love for that which is pure and wholesome. When we lead by example with our upright behavior, it shows that it’s possible to abandon a rotten existence and cling to that which is fresh and good.  This world is feeling fresh for kosher living.

·         Salty Christians make others craveable because they are invincible. The longer one lives on this earth, they tend to become more sober about the brevity of life. Questions such as “is this all there is?” and “what is the point of the life I’ve lived?” often plague the mind of the lost as they age, for they sense that the clock of their life is ticking. Christianity offers hope to a dying world: there’s more to life than this earthly plane…you can be preserved…you can live forever! This world is feeling fresh for invincibility.

·         Salty Christians make others craveable because they are tenacious. We are patient when trying to reach others, and don’t give up too quickly on people. Some people, like some foods, need a little salt for their preservation…and some need a lot of salt. The trick is learning to discern one from the other. We apply as much salt as needed before ever dreaming of leaving someone to decay and wither away to nothing. This world is feeling fresh for our tenacity.

Are you carrying salt in your k.i.t.? Be kosher, be invincible, and be tenacious…be a salty kinda gal and you’ll have others feeling fresh in no time.

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In conclusion…

Are you salty? Every Christian needs to carry salt in their k.i.t:

• Salty Christians are craveable, because they are kind, influential, and trustworthy.

• Salty Christians show God to be craveable, because they are kindred, intellectual, and tactful.

• Salty Christians make others become craveable, because they are kosher, invincible, and tenacious.

Be a salty kinda gal…and may the Lord ever say of you, “she’s so salty”. For salt is the sweetest thing in the world.

However much the world degenerates, man shall never find worms in salt.

– Nigerian Proverb

For God’s glory,
Mrs. Dustin Bolks

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Chaste Bolks is a church of Christ preacher’s wife, and the home educating mother of two children. She and her family currently reside in Northwest Iowa.

Where cross the lines of forty north
And fifty-fourteen west
There rolls a wild and greedy sea
With death upon its crest.
No stone or wreath from human hands
Will ever mark the spot
Where fifteen hundred men went down,
But Manhood perished not.

Old Ocean takes but little heed
Of human tears or woe.
No shafts adorn the ocean graves,
Nor weeping willows grow.
Nor is there need of marble slab
To keep in mind the spot
Where noble men went down to death,
But Manhood perished not!

Those men who looked on death and smiled,
And trod the crumbling deck,
Have saved much more than precious lives
From out that awful wreck.
Though countless joys and hopes and fears
Were shattered at a breath,
‘Tis something that the name of Man
Did not go down to death.

‘Tis not an easy thing to die,
E’en in the open air,
Twelve hundred miles from home and friends,
In a shroud of black despair.
A wreath to crown the brow of man,
And hide a former blot
Will ever blossom o’er the waves
Where Manhood perished not.

– “Where Manhood Perished Not”, a poem about the Titanic by Harvey F. Thew (1883-1946)

Manhood is a virtue. It was manhood that caused the noble men on the Titanic to say, “women and children first”. It was manhood that compelled them to fearlessly face death in the icy waters of the Atlantic. It was manhood that made them choose the ill-fate of sacrifice over selfishness. Men are a remarkable lot, but this is too soon forgotten – by men and women alike – who have bought into the feminist narrative of this world. “Toxic Masculinity”, as the powers-that-be call it, is considered a blight on society and an enemy of humankind. I beg to differ. If masculinity is to blame for the ills of society, it is not the toxicity of said masculinity, but the absolute lack thereof. This world needs manhood.

The 17^th of August will bring about another blessed wedding anniversary for my husband and me – and our anniversary month has given me the perfect excuse to express a counter-cultural admiration for my man’s “intoxicating masculinity”. This August installment of Destress the Damsel comes to you in the form of a “listicle”: 15 things I love about my man.

“Um, what can a brag session like that possibly teach me?!” you might be asking.

Don’t worry; this isn’t your normal run-of-the-mill brag session (though I don’t need much prodding to brag about my hubby). Rather, my hope for all wives reading this list is that they are inspired to recognize and celebrate at least some of the following qualities in their own husbands. Ladies: if you are willing to look at your man with eyes of love, you are sure to find some quality to appreciate in him.

A man has many parts, he is virtually everything, and you are free to select in him that part which pleases you.

– Saint-Exupéray, The Wisdom of the Sands (1948)

Genuine appreciation is one of the most beautiful qualities of femininity – it will both aid your husband’s attraction for you, and make you a more joyful woman. Allow me to guide your thoughts toward your own husband as I brag on mine. Here are 5 things I love about…

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I Love His Strength. My feminine psyche is intrigued by the fact that my husband could pick me up and throw me like a sack of potatoes if he wanted to. His muscles are specially designed for strenuous labor. He can lift objects that are too heavy for my girlish frame, he can open any jar without breaking a sweat, and his physical endurance will outlast me every time. His masculine strength is intoxicating.

Where no oxen are, the manger is clean, but much revenue comes by the strength of the ox. – Proverbs 14:4

I Love His Size. When my husband holds me, I feel safe and secure in his protective arms. His size is superior to me in every way. He’s taller, broader; he has larger hands, larger arms, etc. He can fend off enemies far better than I ever could, and it is comforting to know that I have a man watching guard over me day and night. His masculine size is intoxicating.

Until we all attain…to a mature man, to the measure of the stature which belongs to the fullness of Christ. – Excerpt from Ephesians 4:11

I Love His Skin. There is no small difference between my skin and my husband’s. My skin is fair, soft, covered in sparse and light hair, and I tend to be cold. His is tanned, work-roughened, covered in thick and dark hair, and he tends to be warm to the touch. His touch is every bit a man’s. His masculine skin is intoxicating.

His head is like gold, pure gold; his locks are like clusters of dates and black as a raven. – Song of Solomon 5:11

I Love His Sound. Did you know that men have larger voice boxes than women? Just another aspect of God’s perfect design that points to the headship of males in the church and in the home. My husband’s voice commands attention with depth, clarity, and a loud projection. And when he speaks softly, his deep, resonant tones lend to me feelings of security and stability. His masculine sound is intoxicating.

He who has the bride is the bridegroom; but the friend of the bridegroom, who stands and hears him, rejoices greatly because of the bridegroom’s voice. – John 3:29

I Love His Seed. If this idea makes you blush, let’s have a chat. Every wife should know that loving a husband and loving his intimate parts cannot be separated. If you are a woman who ignores or even loathes her husband’s sexuality, you are missing out on a spectacular love that you could be sharing with your man. God’s design is amazing, including his design of the male physique. How could I resist desiring my man, when my body was literally designed to receive his body and join as one flesh? Furthermore, the fact that his body produces seed with the potential to create life inside of me takes my breath away. His masculine seed is intoxicating.

Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest, so is my beloved among the young men. In his shade I took great delight and sat down, and his fruit was sweet to my taste. – Song of Solomon 2:3

I love my husband’s masculine soma. Here are 5 things I love about…

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I Love His Smarts. If the kids and I can’t figure something out, what’s the first thing we do? Ask Dad. Generally speaking, men are experts at problem-solving, have great stores of practical know-how, and make excellent teachers…my man is no exception. Sometimes it seems that he knows the answer to any question: whether it’s a bible question, a question of life advice, a question on car trouble, or a question about a seemingly impossible math equation. His masculine smarts are intoxicating.

Wise men store up knowledge… – Proverbs 10:13a

I Love His Sense. My husband is cool and collected 99% of the time….more than I can say of myself. Admittedly, I let my feminine hormones get the better of me far more than I should. Thankfully, the Lord only made one gender that’s given to frequent mood swings! Men are more sensible by nature, and not as prone to let their emotions swing from one direction to the other. My husband’s calm balance and stable moods keep our home in harmony even when my moody attitude needs an adjustment. His masculine sense is intoxicating.

For if we are beside ourselves, it is for God; if we are of a sound mind, it is for you. For the love of Christ controls us… – 2 Corinthians 5:13-14a

I Love His Skill. My husband is a preacher. Many people jest that a preaching career is only a “two hour a week job”, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. The majority of his work is behind the scenes…laboring in his office to create lessons worthy of the Christian’s attention. He works steadily and faithfully through sickness, headache, or stress. Not only does he take his preaching career seriously, but he’s always willing to drop what he’s doing at a moment’s notice to help his father on the farm. My man works hard to provide for our family. His masculine skill is intoxicating.

Do you see a man skilled in his work? He will stand before kings; he will not stand before obscure men. – Proverbs 22:29

I Love His Scope. My husband is not a gullible man. He is able to logically reason through all that is set before him: whether it be entertainment like books and movies, or media like political news or social platforms. He sees the big picture, and this equips him to form accurate assessments. He is not easily swayed by emotional persuasion, but looks at all angles before forming an opinion on a matter. His masculine scope is intoxicating.

The naïve believes everything, but the sensible man considers his steps. – Proverbs 14:15

I Love His Spine. Courage is an admirable trait in a man, and I am proud to say that my husband is no coward. He is not afraid to defend himself or his family when the need arises. He stands tall and self-assured in the face of opposition, and boldly carries the torch of truth. His masculine spine is intoxicating.

When a strong man, fully armed, guards his own house, his possessions are undisturbed. – Luke 11:21

I love my husband’s masculine soul. Here are 5 things I love about…

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I Love His Say. Submitting to my husband is liberating. With him calling the shots for our family, it takes the pressure off of me. Metaphorically speaking, he can drive the car and I can take the passenger’s seat. Being a passenger is not oppressive like some make it out to be. A passenger is free to enjoy the little things in life like beautiful scenery, free to focus on other tasks the driver delegates, free even to take a nap and relax at times! Even if he “makes a wrong turn” now and again, the burden will fall on his shoulders to “turn the car around”, as it were. I am thankful to have my man in the driver’s seat. His masculine say is intoxicating.

For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. – Ephesians 5:23

I Love His Search. My man is not content with “that’s the way I’ve always thought about this”, or “that’s the way I’ve always done that”. He is not afraid to say that he was wrong and change his mind on a matter. He is always rethinking his positions, making sure he has a solid foundation for his convictions, testing that our family is doing things the best way. He wants to be right before God. His masculine search is intoxicating.

It is the glory of God to conceal a matter, but the glory of kings is to search out a matter. – Proverbs 25:2

I Love His Stance. When my husband has studied a matter out, and is convicted to respond to scripture in a certain way, he will not be easily swayed by emotional appeals to the contrary. Popular opinion will not affect his decisions for our family. He would rather be disliked, snubbed, and even ridiculed, than to lower his standards. His masculine stance is intoxicating.

Be on the alert, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong. – 1 Corinthians 16:13

I Love His Sage. If I have a bible question, I can guarantee that my husband will either a) know the answer, or b) help me to figure out the answer. He is well-learned in the scriptures and is gifted with discernment. I always come away from our bible discussions a little wiser, a little more convicted, even a little humbled at how much I have to learn to catch up to him! His masculine sage is intoxicating.

Wisdom strengthens a wise man more than ten rulers who are in a city. – Ecclesiastes 7:19

I Love His Seal. I am so thankful to have a husband who has been redeemed by God, and is on his way to Heaven. My man made the decision as a young man to enter into a covenant with God by believing the word when he heard it, and responding to that belief by confessing, repenting, and being baptized for the remission of his sins. Being equally yoked with my man is blessed assurance. When one of us dies, we know it’s not “goodbye” but merely, “see you later”. His masculine seal is intoxicating.

Now He who establishes us with you in Christ and anointed us is God, who also sealed us and gave us the Spirit in our hearts as a pledge. – 2 Corinthians 1:21-22

I love my husband’s masculine spirit.

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In conclusion…

The God-given masculinity of men is not toxic, but it sure is intoxicating! These are some of my favorite things about my man, but can you see any of these positive characteristics in your own?

Does he have a masculine soma with his strength, size, skin, sound, and seed?

Does he have a masculine soul with his smarts, sense, skill, scope, and spine?

Does he have a masculine spirit with his say, search, stance, sage, and seal?

Surely out of these 15 things you can find at least one thing to admire and praise in your man. When we look for the good in our husbands, we will find it. If we believe that our man is intoxicating, he will seem as transformed before our very eyes! Gratitude brings out the best in others, and it certainly brings out the best in ourselves. I urge you wives to love your husbands, and to laud their intoxicating masculinity.

What a piece of work is man! How noble in reason! How infinite in faculties! In form and moving how express and admirable! In action how like an angel! In apprehension how like a god! The beauty of the world! The paragon of animals!

– Shakespeare, Hamlet (1600)

For God’s glory,
Mrs. Dustin Bolks

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Chaste Bolks is a church of Christ preacher’s wife and the home educating mother of two children. She and her family currently reside in Northwest Iowa.

If you have read my latest article, A Good Name, then you know that today is the day for my name reveal. If you have not yet done so, please visit www.destressthedamsel.com/a-good-name/ to read part I. I believe that it will offer more clarity as to why I finally took the leap to pursue a legal name change as an adult. It’s almost time to share my name with you, if you will allow me just a few more moments of your time to give a brief recap. Why the new name?

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For the Jingle. My new name is music to my ears.

For the Journey. My new name is representative of all that I strive to be.

For the Junction. My new name is a precious gift from the one whom my soul loves.

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Ready? It is henceforth “ordered, adjudged, and decreed” by the great state of Iowa that I can say the following.

If you have learned anything from Destress the Damsel over the years, I hope you have learned how much I treasure God’s beautiful design for marriage (the headship of husbands, the submission of wives, etc.). One of my greatest desires has been to lead other women to a more perfect understanding of their role in the home. A favorite scripture of mine comes from Titus 2, where we find “the great eight” – the primary directives of Biblical Womanhood. It reads:

The aged women likewise, that they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed. – Titus 2:3a,4-5

[Note: The Greek word for Chaste, hagnos, is not to be confused with another Greek word commonly translated as Chaste – parthenos. “Parthenos” carries the idea of being virginal and unmarried – certainly not what Paul was referring to in this passage about wives. To be “chaste” according to Titus 2 is to be pure, morally upright, and faithful to one’s own husband]

When my husband revealed that he had finally chosen the perfect name for me, I would have never dreamed in a million years that it would be Chaste. My mission in life is to be a Titus 2 woman…and now my very name is a reminder of all that I hold dear. Possessing a “virtue” name will certainly compel me to live up to all that it signifies. I can by no means attain this alone…but with God as my help, I am ready to meet the task.

Thank you all for your time, and most of all, for your loving support in a matter that means so much to me.

For God’s glory,
Mrs. Dustin Bolks

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Chaste Bolks is a church of Christ preacher’s wife, and the home educating mother of two children. She and her family currently reside in Northwest Iowa.