The Mission of Mankind

09.30.2018 by Chaste Bolks // Leave a Comment

Tell me not, in mournful numbers,
Life is but an empty dream!
For the soul is dead that slumbers,
And things are not what they seem.

Life is real! Life is earnest!
And the grave is not its goal;
Dust thou art, to dust returnest,
Was not spoken of the soul.

Not enjoyment, and not sorrow,
Is our destined end or way;
But to act, that each tomorrow
Find us farther than today.

Art is long, and Time is fleeting,
And our hearts, though stout and brave,
Still, like muffled drums, are beating
Funeral marches to the grave.

In the world’s broad field of battle,
In the bivouac of Life,
Be not like dumb, driven cattle!
Be a hero in the strife!

Trust no Future, howe’er pleasant!
Let the dead Past bury its dead!
Act, – act in the living Present!
Heart within, and God o’erhead!

Lives of great men all remind us
We can make our lives sublime,
And, departing, leave behind us
Footprints on the sands of time;-

Footprints, that perhaps another,
Sailing o’er life’s solemn main,
A forlorn and shipwrecked brother,
Seeing, shall take heart again.

Let us, then, be up and doing,
With a heart for any fate;
Still achieving, still pursuing,
Learn to labor and to wait.

“A Psalm of Life”
What the heart of the young man said to the Psalmist
by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow (1807-1882)

Who am I?
What is my purpose?
When is this all going to make sense?
Where am I going with my life?
Why was I created?

These are the 5 W’s that humans have continually asked themselves from Adam’s generation, to Jesus’ generation, to Longfellow’s generation, to our generation. I suspect all of mankind will ask these, and similar questions, until the end of time as we know it.

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow did an outstanding job of answering these age old questions. Time and space will not allow me to pick apart every passage of this poetic piece in great detail, but allow me to briefly summarize the heart of it:

– Wake up! There is a purpose to life on earth.
– This temporal existence is not all there is.
– Life is more than a meaningless series of ups and downs…we are made to grow and flourish through these.
– We are all going to die a physical death no matter how hard we try to escape it.
– Don’t go along with the worldly herd. Be a soldier for Christ!
– Don’t live in the past or future. Live in the here and now.
– Let us take heart from the ones who have gone on before us and succeeded.
– No matter how hard life gets, let us use our trials to bring others to victory.
– Work hard and never give up…it will all be worth it in the end.

Friend, you may at times feel like you are just a drop in the ocean…small, insignificant, and unnoticed. Yet you are a vital part of God’s story…the one He has been unfolding since the dawn of creation. You have a mission…you just may not realize it yet.

Who are you?
What is your purpose?
When is this all going to make sense?
Where are you going with your life?
Why were you created?

You don’t have to guess the answers, and you don’t have to figure it all out on your own. Let us look to God’s word to unveil the three-fold Mission of Mankind.

He hath shewed thee, O man, what is good; and what doth the Lord require of thee, but to…
Do justly.
(From Micah 6:8)

The first mission of mankind we will look into is the mission to Glorify God.

Glorifying God with our lives sounds great in theory, but how do we accomplish such a feat? What glorifies the Lord, anyway? In Micah 6:8, we discover that God is glorified when we “do justly“. This makes a lot of sense, because our God is a God of justice…

We find in Job 37:23 that the Lord has “justice in plenty“. Psalm 89:14 calls justice the “habitation of God’s throne“. Believe it or not, justice is even “more acceptable to the Lord than sacrifice“, according to Proverbs 21:3.

Just as “God is love” (1 John 4:8), God is also justice. When we as God’s children do justly, we are acting in accordance with our Father’s image, which we were made to represent. Thus, God is glorified.

But…

What exactly is justice? How might one go about “doing justly“? When we think of the word justice, we might visualize a criminal being apprehended and locked behind bars. They have been “brought to justice” for the crimes they have committed. This is indeed one aspect of justice. Yet in a more complete sense, justice is godly equality. Justice is a righteous equation. Are you seeing a pattern here? Justice is moral mathematics…

A just weight and balance are the Lord’s: all the weights of the bag are his work. – Proverbs 16:11

By contrast, “Divers weights are an abomination unto the Lord; and a false balance is not good. – Proverbs 20:23

As a teacher of mathematics, reading these well-known verses recently hit me anew like a ton of bricks. Weight? Balance? Why, those are mathematical terms! We all know that justice is when bad guys get bad things, and good guys get good things. This is easy to see in a practical sense. Yet how do we know these things are just? Because, with justice, just like with mathematics: one plus one will always equal two, and two plus two will always equal four. Justice is unchanging every bit as much as these sums are. We can know that a criminal going to prison is just, because all we have to do is check the equation: Person + Crime = Punishment. If the sum is correct, then we know that the outcome is just.

Want to glorify God? You have to do justly. Want to do justly? You need to be a good math student. Want to be a good math student? You must master the skill of solving spiritual math problems.

Does our spiritual life add up with God’s word? Do we rightly divide the word of truth? Do we subtract sin from our life and multiply godly attributes?

Let me be weighed in an even balance, that God may know mine integrity. – Job 31:6

A just man or woman provides all things equal in the sight of God. A just person knows they can never deceive God into accepting faulty equations! Consider a math teacher asking their student to recite the sum of two plus two, and the student answers “three”. Will a learned teacher accept three as the appropriate answer? Of course not. The answer always has been, and always will be, four. The answer three is a false balance…it doesn’t add up. The student only has two options: change their answer to the answer that is true, or continue to be wrong. So it is with us as students of God’s word. We can accept that the sum of His word is truth (Psalm 119:60) and follow it obediently, or we can do things our own way…continuing to be the class dunce and ultimately failing. Which do you think will glorify God?

Glorify God and so fulfill the Mission of Mankind.

If ye will not hear, and if ye will not lay it to heart, to give glory unto my name, saith the Lord of hosts, I will even send a curse upon you, and I will curse your blessings: yea, I have cursed them already, because ye do not lay it to heart. – Malachi 2:2

Who shall not fear thee, O Lord, and glorify thy name? For thou only art holy: for all nations shall come and worship before thee: for thy judgments are made manifest. – Revelation 15:4

He hath shewed thee, O man, what is good; and what doth the Lord require of thee, but to…
Love mercy.
(From Micah 6:8)

The second mission of mankind we will look into is the mission to Edify others.

What does it mean to edify? Edification is the act of bettering another person…to improve their present state and encourage growth.

Edification is a primarily Christian attribute. I say this because it is not an altogether natural instinct to take interest in the betterment of others. It is natural to look out for yours truly, but it is only Christ’s spirit in us that compels us to look beyond ourselves to edify another! Our main text (Micah 6:8) says that the Lord requires us to “love mercy”. When we love mercy, we don’t want to see those we love being eternally punished for their sins…rather, we want to see them repent and turn their lives over to the Lord so He doesn’t have to take such measures. A Christian is not content to wash their hands of others with an apathetic “not my problem” sort of attitude. Lovers of mercy take the salvation of others seriously, and therefore place a high priority on edification.

Why should we love mercy? Well, just as we want to be just because God is just…we want to be merciful because God is merciful.

The Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and plenteous in mercy. – Psalm 103:8

Be ye therefore merciful, as your Father also is merciful. – Luke 6:36

Another reason to love mercy is the fact that God has made it impossible to receive mercy unless we are willing to give mercy!

With the merciful thou wilt shew thyself merciful… – 2 Samuel 22:26a

The merciful man doeth good to his own soul: but he that is cruel troubleth his own flesh. – Proverbs 11:17

Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy. – Matthew 5:7

Like I mentioned previously, we can show God’s mercy to others by edifying them. We show mercy when we gently speak the truth in love while correcting error…when we attempt to keep passive church members involved…when we engage in personal ministry…when we aren’t overly sensitive and choose instead to believe the best about our brethren. Lovers of mercy know that there’s more to life than simply looking out for yours truly…we have a responsibility to edify another guy!

Edify others and so fulfill the Mission of Mankind.

Let us therefore follow after the things which make for peace, and things wherewith one may edify another. – Romans 14:19

Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others. – Philippians 2:4

He hath shewed thee, O man, what is good; and what doth the Lord require of thee, but to…
Walk humbly with thy God.
(From Micah 6:8)

The final mission of mankind we will look into is the mission to Sanctify ourselves.

Our text in Micah 6:8 goes on to say that we are to “walk humbly with our God”. What does it mean to walk humbly? To do something in a humble manner is to do it with an attitude of servitude/submission. When we walk humbly, we are in essence saying, “my position is lower than yours, Lord. YOU are the master, and I the slave”. It is sometimes said of a female who has given her virginity over to her husband, that she has been “humbled”. While this analogy may come across as crude, it’s not all that different from what should happen to us as the bride of Christ (in a symbolic sense, you understand). When we commit our life to Him, as a bride does to her husband, it is only fitting that we should be stripped bare and exposed to our “groom” who now owns the right to every bit of us. We become humbled the selfsame day that we give ourselves to Him, imperfections and all. Furthermore, as a husband should have the right to his wife on a daily basis, so should the Lord enjoy the right of us “walking humbly” with Him daily – a continual, ongoing act on our parts!

If we want to “walk humbly” with God, we have to sanctify ourselves. To sanctify something is to set it apart – to cleanse and purify it for a holy use. When a bride declares to her husband through the act of marriage, “I am yours and yours alone”, she is sanctifying herself for her man. She is giving a message to the world that she is not available, and that she will only be humbled by her husband. In a marriage, we sanctify ourselves with a wedding ceremony…in Christianity, we sanctify ourselves with a baptism.

Know ye not, that so many of us as were baptized into Jesus Christ were baptized into his death? Therefore we are buried with him by baptism into death: that like as Christ was raised up from the dead by the glory of the Father, even so we also should walk in newness of life. For if we have been planted together in the likeness of his death, we shall be also in the likeness of his resurrection. – Romans 6:3-5

Many reject the idea that one must do anything for their own sanctification. The world is saturated with denominations teaching that all one must do is believe to be saved, and God will take care of all the other details. This concept is simply not in alignment with God’s word! We are told to save ourselves (Acts 2:40)…and scripture tells us repeatedly how we are to do so. Salvation is a free gift, that much is true…but just as a bride may have an all-expenses-paid wedding ceremony, if she does not show up and follow through with the ceremony and each rite it entails, she is no bride at all…but remains a single woman. In like manner, a bride who does not consummate her marriage by giving her body over to her man is no wife…but an impostor. To be a true wife, first she must sanctify herself, and then she must continue to walk humbly (in a humbled fashion). Will our heavenly “groom” expect any less?

Sanctify yourself and so fulfill the Mission of Mankind.

Sanctify now yourselves, and sanctify the house of the Lord God of your fathers, and carry forth the filthiness out of the holy place. – 2 Chronicles 29:5b

For both he that sanctifieth and they who are sanctified are all of one: for which cause he is not ashamed to call them brethren. – Hebrews 2:11

In conclusion…

What is the mission for mankind? It’s no mystery! With God’s word as our guide, we don’t even have to guess. On second thought, though, you might say that we do have to “G.E.S.” – for all of us are here on this earth with the mission to Glorify, Edify, and Sanctify. Are you with me?

He hath shewed thee, O man, what is good; and what doth the Lord require of thee, but to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with thy God? – Micah 6:8

For God’s Glory,
Mrs. Dustin Bolks

Mrs. Dustin Bolks is a church of Christ preacher’s wife, and the home educating mother of two children. She and her family currently reside in Northwest Iowa.

The Significance of Solitude

08.31.2018 by Chaste Bolks // 1 Comment

I wandered lonely as a cloud
That floats on high o’er vales and hills,
When all at once I saw a crowd,
A host, of golden daffodils;
Beside the lake, beneath the trees,
Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.

Continuous as the stars that shine
And twinkle on the milky way,
They stretched in never-ending line
Along the margin of the bay:
Ten thousand saw I at a glance,
Tossing their heads in sprightly dance.

The waves beside them danced, but they
Out-did the sparkling waves in glee:
A poet could not but be gay,
In such a jocund company:
I gazed – and gazed – but little thought
What wealth the show to me had brought:

For oft, when on my couch I lie
In vacant or in pensive mood,
They flash upon that inward eye
Which is the bliss of solitude;
And then my heart with pleasure fills,
And dances with the daffodils.

– William Wordsworth, “I Wandered Lonely As A Cloud”

Here is a peek into the mind of one who has just learned the significance of solitude. When we first find the poet taking a solitary stroll, we find him lonely. He wanders, a bit dazed and confused, without a friend to accompany him. However, in his lonely state, he notices something that he would not have otherwise noticed (had he been occupied in conversation): a beautiful field of flowers. Something in his solitude that day struck a chord in him and inspired him for ages to come. He realized that there is treasure to be found in solitude as well as camaraderie, and that his loneliness turned out to be a blessing in disguise.

Solitude sharpens awareness of small pleasures otherwise lost. – Kevin Patterson

Do you and I know the significance of solitude? In today’s modern world, it would appear that solitude is a fast-fading memory of times past. Today, we are constantly surrounded by entertainment, interaction, and activity…constantly plugged in to the hustle and bustle of our easily bored society. If we aren’t checking Facebook, we’re staring at a television set. If we aren’t staring at a television set, we’re planning our next outing. If we’re not planning our next outing, we’re calling up a long-distance friend to catch up on the latest news. The list goes on. These are just a few of the myriad of ways that we distract ourselves from…ourselves. We, as a society, have forgotten how to be alone. How to be still. How to ponder. How to reach for God in the silence. We are running from solitude…

Why?

I believe Satan has a hand in our drifting away from solitude. In fact, I believe Satan has had a hand in our drifting away from solitude since The Garden of Eden. He is a devil of distraction. If he can distract us from the truth and fill our head with his own nonsense like he did with Eve, then the battle for our spirits is all but won. In the garden, he used flowery words and big promises to distract Eve…he may be using social media, recreation, and idle chit chat to distract us, but the intent of his scheme is much the same as it always has been: to move us further away from God.

So where am I going with all this? Am I saying that ~~all social media is the devil’s playground~~? Am I trying to prove that ~~all friendship is a waste of time~~? Am I suggesting ~~everybody move to their own private island and live like hermits~~? Of course not. However, I am strongly advising that we seek a healthy balance…somewhere in the middle of being a recluse and beaming entertainment in front of our noggin all day and night. Camaraderie is important, but so is solitude. Both should be sought after for a moderate Christian lifestyle…but one is neglected more often than the other. Let us not forget the value of time spent “wandering lonely as a cloud”, where our heart “dances with the daffodils”.

Today I would like to share three reasons why I believe in the significance of solitude…

#1: Because of the Silence

Solitude is significant to the life of a Christian because silence is significant to the life of a Christian. When we neglect solitude, we neglect silence.

Many people, especially us females, tend to spend much more time speaking than we do in silence. When we are speaking with others, it fills a void in us that longs for communication, connection, and camaraderie. Our speech is not a negative thing in and of itself. In fact, speech is a gift of the Lord! However, like all gifts, it can be abused if not used in moderation.

In the famous chapter of Ecclesiastes 3, we learn that there is an appropriate and inappropriate season for all things in life. Let us not forget that while there are times in our life for speaking, there should also be times in our life for silence…

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven…a time to keep silence, and a time to speak. – Ecclesiastes 3:1, 3:7b

When our mouth is in a perpetual state of movement, it hinders our growth both mentally and spiritually. We can only speak about what we already know. Therefore when we are speaking, no new information is coming into the mind – only old information is coming out! If we take time for silence, it encourages our mind to process new ideas and new thought processes. It encourages our mind to expand beyond its present limitations! The silence of solitude brings growth. Consider these words of the Psalmist:

I was dumb with silence, I held my peace, even from good; and my sorrow was stirred. My heart was hot within me, while I was musing the fire burned: then spake I with my tongue, Lord, make me to know mine end, and the measure of my days, what it is, that I may know how frail I am. Behold, thou hast made my days as an handbreadth; and mine age is as nothing before thee: verily every man at his best state is altogether vanity. Selah. – Psalm 39:2-5

There are times to “hold our peace, even from good” – to just shut the old talk box completely down. At times, we need to give our tongue a rest so that we can give ourselves over to thoughtful, meditative communion with God alone. When we are musing in such a way, “the fire burns”…this silence can excite us and ignite us! When the Psalmist gave himself over to silence, it provoked him to consider the truly important things in life. Would we not be wise to do the same? We all know the popular phrase, “be still, and know that I am God…” (Psalm 46:10a)…but do we ever stop talking long enough to pursue this kind of solitude?

Conversation enriches the understanding, but solitude is the school of genius. – Edward Gibbon

It is often in times of silence that we find our sense of awe in the Lord. It’s easy to get so caught up in the daily grind of this life, that we find ourselves losing the ability to wonder. When was the last time you looked around and considered your miniature size in this great big world? Has it been a while since you had a heart-to-heart with God (outside of the old standby rote prayer routine you so often find yourself in)? Do you ever take time anymore to get out into nature (and leave the cell phone behind)? Such simple moments can be liberating…just what is needed to rewire the mind toward a more worshipful existence.

When from our better selves we have too long been parted by the hurrying world, and droop. Sick of its business, of its pleasures tired, how gracious, how benign is solitude. – William Wordsworth

Solitude is significant because silence is significant. The second reason I believe solitude is significant is…

#2: Because of the Study

Solitude is significant to the life of a Christian because study is significant to the life of a Christian. When we neglect solitude, we neglect study.

Before I begin, I want to make one thing abundantly clear about this point: group study with the collective body of Christ is a must. To seek after only solitary study would be to disregard God’s command not to forsake the assembly. That, however, is a topic for a different time. Understand that the solitary study I am encouraging is to be in harmony with (and not to the neglect of) your studies with your congregation. Both are essential, but today we will only be focusing on solitary study…

With that being said, this solitary study of which we speak is absolutely vital not only to the Christian lifestyle of an individual, but even to the very salvation of said individual! It is a sad but common occurrence that many people will base their faith solely upon the teachings of man, while never checking their bibles to see if what they are hearing is the truth. This blind trust, this act of placing one’s salvation into the hands of another, is so very dangerous! While assembling with other Christians is a blatant command, so too is the command to “work out our own salvation with fear and trembling” (Philippians 2:12b). Salvation is something we can not afford to be flippant about, and so we must make time in our busy lives for personal study. We must be like the “more noble” Berean brethren, who “searched the scriptures daily” to find out whether or not the things they were being taught were the whole truth, the twisted truth, or a total sham. (see Acts 17:10-11) They were praised because of their wisdom in taking salvation into their own hands, and not allowing themselves to be led astray by false doctrine.

Now aside from studying in solitude to prevent believing heresy, solitary study is important because it is personalized. You could belong to the most sound congregation on earth, with no false doctrine whatsoever, and you could still fail to grow in your faith because the lessons are not suitable to your individual needs. It is almost impossible for one, two, or even three or more teachers/preachers to touch on every single circumstance each individual member might be going through. However, thanks be to God, we all have personal access to the scriptures. This means that we have the privilege to let the “quick and powerful word of God” (Hebrews 4:12a) speak to us in our times of solitude…to fill in the gaps of what we are missing in our group studies.

Just as we recognized in our previous point that there is a time to speak and a time for silence; there is also a time to study in the assembly with other Christians and a time to study alone…

To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven…a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together… – Ecclesiastes 3:1; 3:5a

Remember that we as Christians are “living stones” (1 Peter 2:4-5). Sometimes we gather together with other stones to study the scriptures, and sometimes we study on our own. Bottom line, we need both for a complete and balanced diet of our spiritual meat.

Have you had your study with the Lord today? Have you met in sweet solitude with your friend that “sticketh closer than a brother”? (Proverbs 18:24b)

There is a fellowship more quiet even than solitude, and which, rightly understood, is solitude made perfect. – Robert Louis Stevenson

Solitude is significant because study is significant. The third reason I believe solitude is significant is…

#3: Because of the Self-Reflection

Solitude is significant to the life of a Christian because self-reflection is significant to the life of a Christian. When we neglect solitude, we neglect self-reflection.

Who am I? Am I living for God, or am I living for myself? Am I progressing, or regressing? Is my faith growing, or shrinking?

These are the types of questions each of us should be asking ourselves on a regular basis. Are we? Or have we filled our lives with so much interaction that we no longer check our spiritual mirrors? True self-reflection can only be found in the midst of solitude. Among friends, family, and social media, we only see ourselves through the eyes of others. This sort of external view is a little foggy at best and a total facade at worst! Others can be quick to tell us what we want to hear rather than the truth. Want a confidence boost? Just post about something you are proud of on social media, and watch the comments pour in, telling you how fabulous you are! The public sees us at our best, but Christ sees us at our worst. Who do we think we’re fooling? We may confuse the crowd, but we can’t kid the King!

Examine yourselves, whether ye be in the faith; prove your own selves. – 2 Corinthians 13:5a

Aside from the Lord, only we know the true and complete state of our individual hearts. It is our responsibility to frequently (and honestly) evaluate our spiritual condition. Solitude allows us to see ourselves as we truly are, aside from pretense and pride.

We are rarely proud when we are alone. – Voltaire, “Laughter,” Philosophical Dictionary (1764)

I think that many people, especially those who struggle with depression, wish to avoid self-reflection at all costs. It hurts to reflect on our actions and find ourselves not measuring up. It’s important to remember, though, that self-reflection is not the same as self-deprecation. When we find ourselves being overly hard on ourselves to the point of critical pessimism, it does more harm than good. Self-reflection is meant to grow, not to crush. When you find your spirit being crushed, it is time to move on from what you’ve done and to move on to what you can do to change it! That’s the beauty of self-reflection…it allows God’s grace to grant us a fresh new start. Which brings me to another season, in addition to the seasons of silence and study…

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven…a time to break down, and a time to build up. – Ecclesiastes 3:1; 3:3b

There are times in our life to break down our character and dissect it piece by piece. Times to self-reflect, and find out who we truly are. If you find that you are less than stellar? Welcome to the club. We all fall short, but let’s not leave it at that. This is the time to build ourselves up and out of our present state…and that is truly the core of self-reflection. Find where you lack and then work alongside the Lord to bring you to the very best version of you. Use the self-reflection of solitude as a springboard to propel you to greater heights…

He never is alone that is accompanied with noble thoughts. – Fletcher, Love’s Cure (1647)

Solitude is significant because self-reflection is significant.

In conclusion…

I would like to encourage each and every one of you to find some time this next week for solitude. A little time away from companionship, from running here and there, and from the cell phone will do you a world of good. Don’t be afraid to give yourself over to silence, study, and self-reflection for a little while. Release yourself from the pressures of business – your life is more than a rat race! Moments spent in solitude are never a waste of time…for time in the presence of our God is time well spent.

Then stirs the feeling infinite, so felt in solitude, where we are least alone. – Lord Byron

For God’s Glory,
Mrs. Dustin Bolks

Mrs. Dustin Bolks is a church of Christ preacher’s wife, and the home educating mother of two children. She and her family currently reside in Northwest Iowa.

An Appropriate Apology

07.31.2018 by Chaste Bolks // Leave a Comment

He dreamed of a glunk with a horrible face
And thought he’d better hide someplace.
He tried to hide between the sheets
And found an ogre with two left feet.
He tried to hide in the dresser drawer
And heard a hungry tiger roar.
He tried to hide beneath the bed
And found a body without a head.
He tried to hide behind the door
And heard a sleeping monster snore.
He tried to hide down in the basement
And found a dragon to his amazement.
He tried to hide beneath the stair
And found a mummy grinnin’ there.
He tried to hide behind the drapes
And found a dozen hairy apes.
He tried to hide behind a dresser
And found a murderin’ mad professor.
He tried to hide in a pile of clothes
And found a witch with a warty nose.
He tried to hide under the sink
And found a vampire takin’ a drink.
He tried to hide in the garbage pail
And found a werewolf sharpenin’ his nails.
So he went back to bed, that’s what he did,
And he dreamed of tomorrow,
And there he hid.

– “He Tried To Hide” by Shel Silverstein

We all know the fear of waking from a terrifying nightmare as a child. In the dead of night, during a deep sleep, all the monsters, haunts, spooks, ghouls, and glunks alike came out to play with your mind. If you were like me, you probably went through all the motions of pulling your covers up over your head (only to realize you couldn’t breathe and had to venture back out), turning your lamp on (only to find eerie shadows dancing on the wall), tossing, turning, praying, crying, and trying to think of anything but scary things! Yet, like in the poem, everywhere you turned, more frightening prospects kept popping up, until you eventually got so sleepy that you let sleep overtake you and bring you safely over to the morning light. Once you awoke you probably only faintly remembered the fear of hours ago, because there is something healing about the light of a new day that tends to wipe away the glunks and ghouls of yesterday.

In like manner, wrongs are a lot like glunks and ghouls. When a Christian sins against someone, whether in word or deed, it haunts them. Everywhere they turn, they are confronted with the wrong until they rectify it. They can turn from it, hide from it, try to forget about it, try to think about something else, try to shed a little artificial light on the issue…but when all is said and done, the only thing that will bring peace and healing is “the true light, which lighteth every man that cometh into the world” (John 1:9). The physical light of day can not wipe away sins like it seems to wipe away childish fears. However, the spiritual light of Jesus Christ works through our repentance and rectification to wipe away our wrongs.

Are you guilty of speaking out of turn to your husband? Have you been too harsh towards your son or daughter? Did you ever roll your eyes at your father or mother? How about spilled a friend’s secret? Taken an attitude with the waiter? Given that overbearing family member a piece of your mind? Honked rudely at the car in front of you? Yelled when you should have held your peace? Held your ground when you should have budged? Talked when you should have listened? Left when you should have stayed?

In all truth, who hasn’t been guilty of one or more of these shameful actions? Each of us can be so wicked when we lose sight of our Lord and His call for us to be holy people. It’s true that we all fail at times, but here’s the most important thing: do we make it right? Do we sweep it under the rug like yesterday’s nightmare, or do we do all in our power to make amends with the person we have wronged? Do we avoid, or do we face our fears and apologize?

Sometimes it seems that apologizing is a lost art. Rather than apologize, it’s easier to hide away (and hope the other person forgets about it), or even make excuses for our bad behavior! It’s not easy to humble ourselves and admit we messed up – not even to ourselves, but especially not to someone else. We’d rather pull the proverbial “cover” over our heads and hide from the “monster” that dealing with a confrontational situation appears to be.

While monsters aren’t a reality of life, confrontation is. Apologizing when we’ve sinned against someone isn’t easy, but it doesn’t have to be terrifying. Today we are going to learn three vital tips in giving An Appropriate Apology. Once you implement these three steps into your life, you will be able to face your fears, strengthen your relationships, and rest in the true healing light of tomorrow…

#1. Be Swift

An appropriate apology is swift. A truly apologetic person will not put off until tomorrow what they should do today.

Owe someone an apology? No more hiding, no more procrastinating, no more waiting for that perfect moment that never comes! Delayed apologies encourage bitterness to grow within the other party, and pride to grow within us. Delayed apologies strain fellowship.

Amos 3:3 poses this question: Can two walk together except they be agreed?

One aspect of “agreeing” is to be in fellowship one with another. When one person withholds an apology that another is due, they hinder this fellowship. We are commanded in Hebrews 3:13 to “exhort one another daily, while it is called today“. Can you hear the urgency in the words? The Hebrews writer is saying, “there’s no time like the present! No time to fool around, today is the day for unity!” How can we accomplish this when we’re not even getting along?

Not only do we lose fellowship one with another when we withhold apologies, but we lose fellowship with God. Jesus paints this picture very pointedly in Matthew 5:21-24. I encourage you to read it for yourself, but I will also give a brief recap of His teaching here:

Under the Old Covenant, we learned the commandment, “thou shalt not kill”…but Jesus takes it a step further. If we are getting ticked at our brother or sister in Christ (this can include our own household) without a good reason, watch out – we just may be in hot water with the Lord. Perhaps we lose our cool and call them worthless…this won’t be overlooked on judgment day. Maybe we even tell them they’re a fool…this kind of behavior is worthy of Hell. We shouldn’t think we can delay an apology and keep on going on with life, worshipping the Lord, assembling with the church, etc. None of this is worth a dime if we don’t get our act in gear and go make it right with the other person first. Our worship is vain until we give an appropriate apology.

Many take Matthew 5:21-24 and use it to teach that it is a sin to say the word “fool”. While it is true that Christians should have clean speech, this narrow scope is limiting the true spirit of the passage. Don’t miss the overlying principles at hand…love one another, control your temper, don’t speak out of turn, and when you do fail…apologize swiftly and return into fellowship with God and your brother.

Apologize quickly when you wrong someone, because ‘I’m sorry’ has no value in the grave. – Lakesha Ruise

#2. Be Sympathetic

An appropriate apology is sympathetic. A truly apologetic person will have compassion for the person they have wronged.

One of our founding fathers, Benjamin Franklin, once said:

Never ruin an apology with an excuse.

How right he was! There’s little worse than receiving an apology where the one apologizing justifies the hurt they caused. “I’m sorry, but…” This sort of apology reeks of pride and certainly doesn’t seem repentant whatsoever. An apology such as this can even be the springboard for further disagreement! When we apologize, we don’t want to come across as a know-it-all. We want to be genuine, understanding, and humble.

To him that is afflicted pity should be shewed from his friend. – Job 6:14a

Usually when we think of “affliction” we think of physical pain, yet we should also show pity (sympathy) to those who have an affliction of the heart or emotions. How much more so if we were the cause of that affliction?! This stands true even if we think the other person is overreacting, or even if we didn’t mean to make them upset. It is not our responsibility to determine whether or not their hurt is valid, but it is our responsibility to do our part to alleviate any hurt we have caused.

Finally, be ye all of one mind, having compassion one of another, love as brethren, be pitiful, be courteous… – 1 Peter 3:8

When you apologize, you have to remember that it isn’t all about you. It’s not about making yourself look good, or proving a point. It’s an act of humility…it’s showing the other person that you care more about the relationship you share than you care about “having the last word”. It’s acknowledging that you messed up, and you want a fresh start. It’s saying, “I can’t turn back time, but I can tend your wounds. Show me where it hurts so I can bandage up the painful spots I inflicted.” Try to see the situation through the other person’s eyes. Sympathy goes a long way in patching up problems.

A stiff apology is a second insult…the injured party does not want to be compensated because he has been wronged; he wants to be healed because he has been hurt. – Gilbert K. Chesterton

#3. Be Sincere

An appropriate apology is sincere. A truly apologetic person speaks the truth…not just what others want to hear.

Sincerity may seem to be the most obvious trait of an apology, but it’s definitely not the most common. Too many times apologies are made with the wrong intentions. Maybe an apology is expected, or it just seems like the right thing to do. Maybe we apologize because we want to put the issue behind us without resolving it in our heart. Maybe we want the other person to stop pointing fingers, so we give in and tell them what they want to hear. Maybe we want to look good to others, or maybe we even want to pull the wool over someone’s eyes so that we can prepare for round two of stabbing them in the back. Whatever the case may be, an apology that is not sincere is nothing short of a lie. Better to not apologize at all than to fake an apology…

Whose hatred is covered by deceit, his wickedness shall be shewed before the whole congregation. Whoso diggeth a pit shall fall therein: and he that rolleth a stone, it will return upon him. A lying tongue hateth those that are afflicted by it; and a flattering mouth worketh ruin. – Proverbs 26:26-28

If we try to cover wrong intentions with a fake apology, the outcome does not look good for us. We might think we’re clever and in control of the situation when we “cover our hatred with deceit”. However, “nothing is secret, that shall not be made manifest” (Luke 8:17a). In short, you can’t be a fraud with God. If you can’t muster up any sincere feelings of regret over wronging someone…pray! Ask the Lord to soften your heart and convict you so that you can make things right in a truthful manner. First, apologize in your heart…then go find the person you’ve wronged as soon as possible and make amends.

There’s a world of difference between merely saying sorry, and being sorry. When giving an apology, we may need to take a little time beforehand to test our sincerity. We need to ask ourselves just what it is that we’re sorry about. “Have I sinned?”…”Have I hurt someone’s feelings?”…”Have I caused a misunderstanding?”…what exactly is the problem at hand? If we can’t pin down exactly why we’re apologizing, we have no business apologizing until we figure it out. Generic apologies lack sincerity. Remember to always say what you mean, and mean what you say…and above all, know that actions speak louder than words. Don’t say it if you can’t show it.

But sorry is the Kool-Aid of human emotions. True sorrow is as rare as true love. – Stephen King

In conclusion…

We all have to say we’re sorry at some point in time. We fail…we let our emotions get out of control, we hurt each other, we say things we shouldn’t say, and we do things we shouldn’t do. We are out of line more times than we care to admit, and we must keep humbling ourselves and asking for forgiveness again and again. We shouldn’t be afraid of saying we’re sorry. We shouldn’t run from it. We shouldn’t blow it off. . However, we must all remember that at the end of the day, “sorry” is just another word…easily said and easily forgotten. To test whether our apology is appropriate, we must always ask ourselves these three questions…

Is my apology swift?
Is my apology sympathetic?
Is my apology sincere?

It is then that you will know that you have an appropriate apology; an apology that can open the curtains to a brand new day, to let in the healing light of tomorrow.

For I will declare mine iniquity; I will be sorry for my sin. – Psalm 38:18

For God’s Glory,
Mrs. Dustin Bolks

Mrs. Dustin Bolks is a church of Christ preacher’s wife, and the home educating mother of two children. She and her family currently reside in Northwest Iowa.