Destress the Damsel

The Significance of Solitude

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I wandered lonely as a cloud
That floats on high o’er vales and hills,
When all at once I saw a crowd,
A host, of golden daffodils;
Beside the lake, beneath the trees,
Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.

Continuous as the stars that shine
And twinkle on the milky way,
They stretched in never-ending line
Along the margin of the bay:
Ten thousand saw I at a glance,
Tossing their heads in sprightly dance.

The waves beside them danced, but they
Out-did the sparkling waves in glee:
A poet could not but be gay,
In such a jocund company:
I gazed – and gazed – but little thought
What wealth the show to me had brought:

For oft, when on my couch I lie
In vacant or in pensive mood,
They flash upon that inward eye
Which is the bliss of solitude;
And then my heart with pleasure fills,
And dances with the daffodils.

– William Wordsworth, “I Wandered Lonely As A Cloud”

Here is a peek into the mind of one who has just learned the significance of solitude. When we first find the poet taking a solitary stroll, we find him lonely. He wanders, a bit dazed and confused, without a friend to accompany him. However, in his lonely state, he notices something that he would not have otherwise noticed (had he been occupied in conversation): a beautiful field of flowers. Something in his solitude that day struck a chord in him and inspired him for ages to come. He realized that there is treasure to be found in solitude as well as camaraderie, and that his loneliness turned out to be a blessing in disguise.

Solitude sharpens awareness of small pleasures otherwise lost. – Kevin Patterson

Do you and I know the significance of solitude? In today’s modern world, it would appear that solitude is a fast-fading memory of times past. Today, we are constantly surrounded by entertainment, interaction, and activity…constantly plugged in to the hustle and bustle of our easily bored society. If we aren’t checking Facebook, we’re staring at a television set. If we aren’t staring at a television set, we’re planning our next outing. If we’re not planning our next outing, we’re calling up a long-distance friend to catch up on the latest news. The list goes on. These are just a few of the myriad of ways that we distract ourselves from…ourselves. We, as a society, have forgotten how to be alone. How to be still. How to ponder. How to reach for God in the silence. We are running from solitude…

Why?

I believe Satan has a hand in our drifting away from solitude. In fact, I believe Satan has had a hand in our drifting away from solitude since The Garden of Eden. He is a devil of distraction. If he can distract us from the truth and fill our head with his own nonsense like he did with Eve, then the battle for our spirits is all but won. In the garden, he used flowery words and big promises to distract Eve…he may be using social media, recreation, and idle chit chat to distract us, but the intent of his scheme is much the same as it always has been: to move us further away from God.

So where am I going with all this? Am I saying that all social media is the devil’s playground? Am I trying to prove that all friendship is a waste of time? Am I suggesting everybody move to their own private island and live like hermits? Of course not. However, I am strongly advising that we seek a healthy balance…somewhere in the middle of being a recluse and beaming entertainment in front of our noggin all day and night. Camaraderie is important, but so is solitude. Both should be sought after for a moderate Christian lifestyle…but one is neglected more often than the other. Let us not forget the value of time spent “wandering lonely as a cloud”, where our heart “dances with the daffodils”.

Today I would like to share three reasons why I believe in the significance of solitude…

#1: Because of the Silence

Solitude is significant to the life of a Christian because silence is significant to the life of a Christian. When we neglect solitude, we neglect silence.

Many people, especially us females, tend to spend much more time speaking than we do in silence. When we are speaking with others, it fills a void in us that longs for communication, connection, and camaraderie. Our speech is not a negative thing in and of itself. In fact, speech is a gift of the Lord! However, like all gifts, it can be abused if not used in moderation.

In the famous chapter of Ecclesiastes 3, we learn that there is an appropriate and inappropriate season for all things in life. Let us not forget that while there are times in our life for speaking, there should also be times in our life for silence…

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven…a time to keep silence, and a time to speak. – Ecclesiastes 3:1, 3:7b

When our mouth is in a perpetual state of movement, it hinders our growth both mentally and spiritually. We can only speak about what we already know. Therefore when we are speaking, no new information is coming into the mind – only old information is coming out! If we take time for silence, it encourages our mind to process new ideas and new thought processes. It encourages our mind to expand beyond its present limitations! The silence of solitude brings growth. Consider these words of the Psalmist:

I was dumb with silence, I held my peace, even from good; and my sorrow was stirred. My heart was hot within me, while I was musing the fire burned: then spake I with my tongue, Lord, make me to know mine end, and the measure of my days, what it is, that I may know how frail I am. Behold, thou hast made my days as an handbreadth; and mine age is as nothing before thee: verily every man at his best state is altogether vanity. Selah. – Psalm 39:2-5

There are times to “hold our peace, even from good” – to just shut the old talk box completely down. At times, we need to give our tongue a rest so that we can give ourselves over to thoughtful, meditative communion with God alone. When we are musing in such a way, “the fire burns”…this silence can excite us and ignite us! When the Psalmist gave himself over to silence, it provoked him to consider the truly important things in life. Would we not be wise to do the same? We all know the popular phrase, “be still, and know that I am God…” (Psalm 46:10a)…but do we ever stop talking long enough to pursue this kind of solitude?

Conversation enriches the understanding, but solitude is the school of genius. – Edward Gibbon

It is often in times of silence that we find our sense of awe in the Lord. It’s easy to get so caught up in the daily grind of this life, that we find ourselves losing the ability to wonder. When was the last time you looked around and considered your miniature size in this great big world? Has it been a while since you had a heart-to-heart with God (outside of the old standby rote prayer routine you so often find yourself in)? Do you ever take time anymore to get out into nature (and leave the cell phone behind)? Such simple moments can be liberating…just what is needed to rewire the mind toward a more worshipful existence.

When from our better selves we have too long been parted by the hurrying world, and droop. Sick of its business, of its pleasures tired, how gracious, how benign is solitude. – William Wordsworth

Solitude is significant because silence is significant. The second reason I believe solitude is significant is…

#2: Because of the Study

Solitude is significant to the life of a Christian because study is significant to the life of a Christian. When we neglect solitude, we neglect study.

Before I begin, I want to make one thing abundantly clear about this point: group study with the collective body of Christ is a must. To seek after only solitary study would be to disregard God’s command not to forsake the assembly. That, however, is a topic for a different time. Understand that the solitary study I am encouraging is to be in harmony with (and not to the neglect of) your studies with your congregation. Both are essential, but today we will only be focusing on solitary study…

With that being said, this solitary study of which we speak is absolutely vital not only to the Christian lifestyle of an individual, but even to the very salvation of said individual! It is a sad but common occurrence that many people will base their faith solely upon the teachings of man, while never checking their bibles to see if what they are hearing is the truth. This blind trust, this act of placing one’s salvation into the hands of another, is so very dangerous! While assembling with other Christians is a blatant command, so too is the command to “work out our own salvation with fear and trembling” (Philippians 2:12b). Salvation is something we can not afford to be flippant about, and so we must make time in our busy lives for personal study. We must be like the “more noble” Berean brethren, who “searched the scriptures daily” to find out whether or not the things they were being taught were the whole truth, the twisted truth, or a total sham. (see Acts 17:10-11) They were praised because of their wisdom in taking salvation into their own hands, and not allowing themselves to be led astray by false doctrine.

Now aside from studying in solitude to prevent believing heresy, solitary study is important because it is personalized. You could belong to the most sound congregation on earth, with no false doctrine whatsoever, and you could still fail to grow in your faith because the lessons are not suitable to your individual needs. It is almost impossible for one, two, or even three or more teachers/preachers to touch on every single circumstance each individual member might be going through. However, thanks be to God, we all have personal access to the scriptures. This means that we have the privilege to let the “quick and powerful word of God” (Hebrews 4:12a) speak to us in our times of solitude…to fill in the gaps of what we are missing in our group studies.

Just as we recognized in our previous point that there is a time to speak and a time for silence; there is also a time to study in the assembly with other Christians and a time to study alone…

To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven…a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together… – Ecclesiastes 3:1; 3:5a

Remember that we as Christians are “living stones” (1 Peter 2:4-5). Sometimes we gather together with other stones to study the scriptures, and sometimes we study on our own. Bottom line, we need both for a complete and balanced diet of our spiritual meat.

Have you had your study with the Lord today? Have you met in sweet solitude with your friend that “sticketh closer than a brother”? (Proverbs 18:24b)

There is a fellowship more quiet even than solitude, and which, rightly understood, is solitude made perfect. – Robert Louis Stevenson

Solitude is significant because study is significant. The third reason I believe solitude is significant is…

#3: Because of the Self-Reflection

Solitude is significant to the life of a Christian because self-reflection is significant to the life of a Christian. When we neglect solitude, we neglect self-reflection.

Who am I? Am I living for God, or am I living for myself? Am I progressing, or regressing? Is my faith growing, or shrinking?

These are the types of questions each of us should be asking ourselves on a regular basis. Are we? Or have we filled our lives with so much interaction that we no longer check our spiritual mirrors? True self-reflection can only be found in the midst of solitude. Among friends, family, and social media, we only see ourselves through the eyes of others. This sort of external view is a little foggy at best and a total facade at worst! Others can be quick to tell us what we want to hear rather than the truth. Want a confidence boost? Just post about something you are proud of on social media, and watch the comments pour in, telling you how fabulous you are! The public sees us at our best, but Christ sees us at our worst. Who do we think we’re fooling? We may confuse the crowd, but we can’t kid the King!

Examine yourselves, whether ye be in the faith; prove your own selves. – 2 Corinthians 13:5a

Aside from the Lord, only we know the true and complete state of our individual hearts. It is our responsibility to frequently (and honestly) evaluate our spiritual condition. Solitude allows us to see ourselves as we truly are, aside from pretense and pride.

We are rarely proud when we are alone. – Voltaire, “Laughter,” Philosophical Dictionary (1764)

I think that many people, especially those who struggle with depression, wish to avoid self-reflection at all costs. It hurts to reflect on our actions and find ourselves not measuring up. It’s important to remember, though, that self-reflection is not the same as self-deprecation. When we find ourselves being overly hard on ourselves to the point of critical pessimism, it does more harm than good. Self-reflection is meant to grow, not to crush. When you find your spirit being crushed, it is time to move on from what you’ve done and to move on to what you can do to change it! That’s the beauty of self-reflection…it allows God’s grace to grant us a fresh new start. Which brings me to another season, in addition to the seasons of silence and study…

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven…a time to break down, and a time to build up. – Ecclesiastes 3:1; 3:3b

There are times in our life to break down our character and dissect it piece by piece. Times to self-reflect, and find out who we truly are. If you find that you are less than stellar? Welcome to the club. We all fall short, but let’s not leave it at that. This is the time to build ourselves up and out of our present state…and that is truly the core of self-reflection. Find where you lack and then work alongside the Lord to bring you to the very best version of you. Use the self-reflection of solitude as a springboard to propel you to greater heights…

He never is alone that is accompanied with noble thoughts. – Fletcher, Love’s Cure (1647)

Solitude is significant because self-reflection is significant.

In conclusion…

I would like to encourage each and every one of you to find some time this next week for solitude. A little time away from companionship, from running here and there, and from the cell phone will do you a world of good. Don’t be afraid to give yourself over to silence, study, and self-reflection for a little while. Release yourself from the pressures of business – your life is more than a rat race! Moments spent in solitude are never a waste of time…for time in the presence of our God is time well spent.

Then stirs the feeling infinite, so felt in solitude, where we are least alone. – Lord Byron

For God’s Glory,
Mrs. Dustin Bolks

Mrs. Dustin Bolks is a church of Christ preacher’s wife, and the home educating mother of two children. She and her family currently reside in Northwest Iowa.

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He dreamed of a glunk with a horrible face
And thought he’d better hide someplace.
He tried to hide between the sheets
And found an ogre with two left feet.
He tried to hide in the dresser drawer
And heard a hungry tiger roar.
He tried to hide beneath the bed
And found a body without a head.
He tried to hide behind the door
And heard a sleeping monster snore.
He tried to hide down in the basement
And found a dragon to his amazement.
He tried to hide beneath the stair
And found a mummy grinnin’ there.
He tried to hide behind the drapes
And found a dozen hairy apes.
He tried to hide behind a dresser
And found a murderin’ mad professor.
He tried to hide in a pile of clothes
And found a witch with a warty nose.
He tried to hide under the sink
And found a vampire takin’ a drink.
He tried to hide in the garbage pail
And found a werewolf sharpenin’ his nails.
So he went back to bed, that’s what he did,
And he dreamed of tomorrow,
And there he hid.

– “He Tried To Hide” by Shel Silverstein

We all know the fear of waking from a terrifying nightmare as a child. In the dead of night, during a deep sleep, all the monsters, haunts, spooks, ghouls, and glunks alike came out to play with your mind. If you were like me, you probably went through all the motions of pulling your covers up over your head (only to realize you couldn’t breathe and had to venture back out), turning your lamp on (only to find eerie shadows dancing on the wall), tossing, turning, praying, crying, and trying to think of anything but scary things! Yet, like in the poem, everywhere you turned, more frightening prospects kept popping up, until you eventually got so sleepy that you let sleep overtake you and bring you safely over to the morning light. Once you awoke you probably only faintly remembered the fear of hours ago, because there is something healing about the light of a new day that tends to wipe away the glunks and ghouls of yesterday.

In like manner, wrongs are a lot like glunks and ghouls. When a Christian sins against someone, whether in word or deed, it haunts them. Everywhere they turn, they are confronted with the wrong until they rectify it. They can turn from it, hide from it, try to forget about it, try to think about something else, try to shed a little artificial light on the issue…but when all is said and done, the only thing that will bring peace and healing is “the true light, which lighteth every man that cometh into the world” (John 1:9). The physical light of day can not wipe away sins like it seems to wipe away childish fears. However, the spiritual light of Jesus Christ works through our repentance and rectification to wipe away our wrongs.

Are you guilty of speaking out of turn to your husband? Have you been too harsh towards your son or daughter? Did you ever roll your eyes at your father or mother? How about spilled a friend’s secret? Taken an attitude with the waiter? Given that overbearing family member a piece of your mind? Honked rudely at the car in front of you? Yelled when you should have held your peace? Held your ground when you should have budged? Talked when you should have listened? Left when you should have stayed?

In all truth, who hasn’t been guilty of one or more of these shameful actions? Each of us can be so wicked when we lose sight of our Lord and His call for us to be holy people. It’s true that we all fail at times, but here’s the most important thing: do we make it right? Do we sweep it under the rug like yesterday’s nightmare, or do we do all in our power to make amends with the person we have wronged? Do we avoid, or do we face our fears and apologize?

Sometimes it seems that apologizing is a lost art. Rather than apologize, it’s easier to hide away (and hope the other person forgets about it), or even make excuses for our bad behavior! It’s not easy to humble ourselves and admit we messed up – not even to ourselves, but especially not to someone else. We’d rather pull the proverbial “cover” over our heads and hide from the “monster” that dealing with a confrontational situation appears to be.

While monsters aren’t a reality of life, confrontation is. Apologizing when we’ve sinned against someone isn’t easy, but it doesn’t have to be terrifying. Today we are going to learn three vital tips in giving An Appropriate Apology. Once you implement these three steps into your life, you will be able to face your fears, strengthen your relationships, and rest in the true healing light of tomorrow…

#1. Be Swift

An appropriate apology is swift. A truly apologetic person will not put off until tomorrow what they should do today.

Owe someone an apology? No more hiding, no more procrastinating, no more waiting for that perfect moment that never comes! Delayed apologies encourage bitterness to grow within the other party, and pride to grow within us. Delayed apologies strain fellowship.

Amos 3:3 poses this question: Can two walk together except they be agreed?

One aspect of “agreeing” is to be in fellowship one with another. When one person withholds an apology that another is due, they hinder this fellowship. We are commanded in Hebrews 3:13 to “exhort one another daily, while it is called today“. Can you hear the urgency in the words? The Hebrews writer is saying, “there’s no time like the present! No time to fool around, today is the day for unity!” How can we accomplish this when we’re not even getting along?

Not only do we lose fellowship one with another when we withhold apologies, but we lose fellowship with God. Jesus paints this picture very pointedly in Matthew 5:21-24. I encourage you to read it for yourself, but I will also give a brief recap of His teaching here:

Under the Old Covenant, we learned the commandment, “thou shalt not kill”…but Jesus takes it a step further. If we are getting ticked at our brother or sister in Christ (this can include our own household) without a good reason, watch out – we just may be in hot water with the Lord. Perhaps we lose our cool and call them worthless…this won’t be overlooked on judgment day. Maybe we even tell them they’re a fool…this kind of behavior is worthy of Hell. We shouldn’t think we can delay an apology and keep on going on with life, worshipping the Lord, assembling with the church, etc. None of this is worth a dime if we don’t get our act in gear and go make it right with the other person first. Our worship is vain until we give an appropriate apology.

Many take Matthew 5:21-24 and use it to teach that it is a sin to say the word “fool”. While it is true that Christians should have clean speech, this narrow scope is limiting the true spirit of the passage. Don’t miss the overlying principles at hand…love one another, control your temper, don’t speak out of turn, and when you do fail…apologize swiftly and return into fellowship with God and your brother.

Apologize quickly when you wrong someone, because ‘I’m sorry’ has no value in the grave. – Lakesha Ruise

#2. Be Sympathetic

An appropriate apology is sympathetic. A truly apologetic person will have compassion for the person they have wronged.

One of our founding fathers, Benjamin Franklin, once said:

Never ruin an apology with an excuse.

How right he was! There’s little worse than receiving an apology where the one apologizing justifies the hurt they caused. “I’m sorry, but…” This sort of apology reeks of pride and certainly doesn’t seem repentant whatsoever. An apology such as this can even be the springboard for further disagreement! When we apologize, we don’t want to come across as a know-it-all. We want to be genuine, understanding, and humble.

To him that is afflicted pity should be shewed from his friend. – Job 6:14a

Usually when we think of “affliction” we think of physical pain, yet we should also show pity (sympathy) to those who have an affliction of the heart or emotions. How much more so if we were the cause of that affliction?! This stands true even if we think the other person is overreacting, or even if we didn’t mean to make them upset. It is not our responsibility to determine whether or not their hurt is valid, but it is our responsibility to do our part to alleviate any hurt we have caused.

Finally, be ye all of one mind, having compassion one of another, love as brethren, be pitiful, be courteous… – 1 Peter 3:8

When you apologize, you have to remember that it isn’t all about you. It’s not about making yourself look good, or proving a point. It’s an act of humility…it’s showing the other person that you care more about the relationship you share than you care about “having the last word”. It’s acknowledging that you messed up, and you want a fresh start. It’s saying, “I can’t turn back time, but I can tend your wounds. Show me where it hurts so I can bandage up the painful spots I inflicted.” Try to see the situation through the other person’s eyes. Sympathy goes a long way in patching up problems.

A stiff apology is a second insult…the injured party does not want to be compensated because he has been wronged; he wants to be healed because he has been hurt. – Gilbert K. Chesterton

#3. Be Sincere

An appropriate apology is sincere. A truly apologetic person speaks the truth…not just what others want to hear.

Sincerity may seem to be the most obvious trait of an apology, but it’s definitely not the most common. Too many times apologies are made with the wrong intentions. Maybe an apology is expected, or it just seems like the right thing to do. Maybe we apologize because we want to put the issue behind us without resolving it in our heart. Maybe we want the other person to stop pointing fingers, so we give in and tell them what they want to hear. Maybe we want to look good to others, or maybe we even want to pull the wool over someone’s eyes so that we can prepare for round two of stabbing them in the back. Whatever the case may be, an apology that is not sincere is nothing short of a lie. Better to not apologize at all than to fake an apology…

Whose hatred is covered by deceit, his wickedness shall be shewed before the whole congregation. Whoso diggeth a pit shall fall therein: and he that rolleth a stone, it will return upon him. A lying tongue hateth those that are afflicted by it; and a flattering mouth worketh ruin. – Proverbs 26:26-28

If we try to cover wrong intentions with a fake apology, the outcome does not look good for us. We might think we’re clever and in control of the situation when we “cover our hatred with deceit”. However, “nothing is secret, that shall not be made manifest” (Luke 8:17a). In short, you can’t be a fraud with God. If you can’t muster up any sincere feelings of regret over wronging someone…pray! Ask the Lord to soften your heart and convict you so that you can make things right in a truthful manner. First, apologize in your heart…then go find the person you’ve wronged as soon as possible and make amends.

There’s a world of difference between merely saying sorry, and being sorry. When giving an apology, we may need to take a little time beforehand to test our sincerity. We need to ask ourselves just what it is that we’re sorry about. “Have I sinned?”…”Have I hurt someone’s feelings?”…”Have I caused a misunderstanding?”…what exactly is the problem at hand? If we can’t pin down exactly why we’re apologizing, we have no business apologizing until we figure it out. Generic apologies lack sincerity. Remember to always say what you mean, and mean what you say…and above all, know that actions speak louder than words. Don’t say it if you can’t show it.

But sorry is the Kool-Aid of human emotions. True sorrow is as rare as true love. – Stephen King

In conclusion…

We all have to say we’re sorry at some point in time. We fail…we let our emotions get out of control, we hurt each other, we say things we shouldn’t say, and we do things we shouldn’t do. We are out of line more times than we care to admit, and we must keep humbling ourselves and asking for forgiveness again and again. We shouldn’t be afraid of saying we’re sorry. We shouldn’t run from it. We shouldn’t blow it off. . However, we must all remember that at the end of the day, “sorry” is just another word…easily said and easily forgotten. To test whether our apology is appropriate, we must always ask ourselves these three questions…

  • Is my apology swift?
  • Is my apology sympathetic?
  • Is my apology sincere?

It is then that you will know that you have an appropriate apology; an apology that can open the curtains to a brand new day, to let in the healing light of tomorrow.

For I will declare mine iniquity; I will be sorry for my sin. – Psalm 38:18

For God’s Glory,
Mrs. Dustin Bolks

Mrs. Dustin Bolks is a church of Christ preacher’s wife, and the home educating mother of two children. She and her family currently reside in Northwest Iowa.

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If you think you are beaten, you are;
If you think you dare not, you don’t.
If you’d like to win, but you think you can’t,
It is almost a certain – you won’t.

If you think you’ll lose, you’ve lost;
For out in this world we find
Success begins with a fellow’s will
It’s all in the state of mind.

If you think you’re outclassed, you are;
You’ve got to think high to rise.
You’ve got to be sure of yourself before
You can ever win the prize.

Life’s battles don’t always go
To the stronger or faster man;
But sooner or later the man who wins
Is the one who thinks he can!

– Walter D. Wintle

As anyone who battles with anxiety or depression can tell you, feeling like a failure is that subtle prompt which triggers the downward spiral leading to dark days. First come the desolate feelings of guilt and shame…then the negative thoughts of self-reproach creep in…until finally, the festering failure has attached itself to your psyche so wholly that you utterly crumble under the weight of it all. Then the dark days come; those days where it seems that not the smallest ray of sunshine can reach into your soul, that not one word from your mouth can reach the ears of the Creator, that you are untouchable, unreachable, unlovable. The words of the prophet are fitting:

The whole head is sick, and the whole heart faint. From the sole of the foot even unto the head there is no soundness in it… – Isaiah 1:5b-6a

Is this how Christians are meant to live…drowning in the depths of despair? Of course not. This mindset is absolutely contrary to Christian virtues such as joy, hope, and peace. To be sick in the head, faint in the heart, and altogether unsound is no way to get on in life. Yet many of us (even those who have been redeemed) fall into this mindset from time to time. For those of us who lean towards self-deprecating moods, it is a constant struggle to stay above water. However, it can be done, if we are diligent.

As our poet, Walter D. Wintle, noted previously; a sound mind that is free of self-reproach is absolutely crucial to success. This is true not only in a worldly sense, but ever so much more in a spiritual sense. Our Lord calls us to come out of the festering failure mindset and into a Christlike mindset “of power, and of love, and of a sound mind”. (2 Timothy 1:7)  This seems nigh to impossible during our dark days, but it is for this reason that we must be proactive rather than reactive. We must put a stop to the dark days before they begin.

How do we do perform such a feat? We have to start with our thoughts.

A great flaw of the human nature is a bend to be led by feelings. While feelings are important and can even be a blessing in their rightful place, they are never to be the captain of our soul’s ship. Too many times we let feelings take the wheel, when it ought to be our Spirit-fed thoughts steering us in the right direction. We must filter each feeling we have through the lens of God’s truth. When those feelings of festering failure come creeping in, we have a choice in how we deal with them. We can give in to the feelings, and let ourselves sink in to the miry pit of self-loathing and depression…OR…we can ask ourselves the following questions:

  1.  Are my feelings of festering failure well-founded? Is the guilt I am struggling with valid? Should I feel ashamed and lowly right now? Is there a sin of which I need to repent that God is convicting me of?
    or…
  2. Is this just Satan trying to get in my head and separate me from the love of God and hinder my spiritual growth?

There are two different kinds of guilt. One comes from Heaven, but the other is a mere counterfeit from Hell…festering failure. It’s very important to know which we are being confronted with when negative feelings arise. Today we will learn to identify these two different types of guilt…

First we will consider the authentic guilt from Heaven…the guilt that grows.

This guilt is the chastening rod of the Lord. It is a call to action. It is a warning. It is a “shape up or ship out” wake up call.

The guilt that grows takes root not in a conscience which has been “seared by a hot iron” (1 Timothy 4:2); but rather, in a conscience that longs to be “void of offence toward God, and toward men” (Acts 24:16).  This variety of guilt is healthy and motivating! Many times, guilt is just what we need to wake up and see the error in our ways. It nags at us until we are compelled to repent and recover a pure conscience toward the Lord once again. It is a vital step in redemption, for without guilt we have little ability to acknowledge our sinful condition in the first place.

Those of the world try to avoid any form of guilt, healthy or otherwise. “Live life with no regrets!” they say, “don’t ever feel ashamed for being yourself!” Admittedly, it is more comfortable and convenient to bury our heads in the sand when guilty feelings arise then to deal with the problem then and there. However, we can only hide the truth for so long, and we can “be sure our sin will find us out” (Numbers 32:23). It’s always better to deal with sin before we have to, if you catch my drift. Jehovah God can deal with our sin, or we can straighten up swiftly so He doesn’t have to come down hard on us. The choice is ours.

If we have sinned, we needn’t be afraid to let the guilt that grows have its way with us. Growing can indeed be a painful process in the moment, but the eternal results far exceed the temporary discomfort…

Sorrow is better than laughter: for by the sadness of the countenance the heart is made better. – Ecclesiastes 7:3

We are never to avoid the guilt that grows, but are to accept it is as a learning experience and allow it to make our hearts better.

To keep on trying in spite of disappointment and failure is the only way to keep young and brave. Failures become victories if they make us wise-hearted. – Helen Keller

We won’t linger long in this section, because our main focus today is not on the positive side of guilt, but on the negative side. Today our primary aim is to expose the counterfeit guilt from Hell: festering failure.

• Do you ever feel like a worthless loser, but you just don’t know why?
• Are you ever plagued by a guilty conscience even after you have repented of past transgressions?
• Ever lie awake at night and replay all your mistakes over and over (not sins, mind you – but merely innocent mistakes)?

If this resonates with you, then it sounds to me like you have…

Now we will consider the counterfeit guilt from Hell…the guilt that goes.

Has festering failure gotten its grip on you? Yes? No? Not sure what to say? How can you tell if your guilt is authentic or counterfeit? Here is an important rule of thumb to remember: if it’s not the guilt that grows, then it’s the guilt that goes! If your guilt is serving to keep you down instead of lift you up, you can be assured that Satan is getting inside of your head.

I’ve got a bad case of the 3:00 am guilts – you know, when you lie in bed awake and replay all those things you didn’t do right? Because, as we all know, nothing solves insomnia like a nice warm glass of regret, depression, and self-loathing. – D.D. Barant, Dying Bites (The Bloodhound Files, #1)

Guilt that grows says: “I am ashamed that I ____. I will ask the Lord for forgiveness and choose right from now on.”
Guilt that goes says: “I do everything wrong! I am such a loser, always messing up. I’ll just never do the right thing!”

Guilt that grows says: “I spoke out of turn to that person. Shame on me. I will go talk to them and apologize for my behavior.”
Guilt that goes says: “I can’t believe what I said. What a fool! I’m so embarrassed; I never want to see that person again.”

Guilt that grows says: “I’ve been slacking off in my spiritual life lately. I need to get back on track. Time to get to studying right now!”
Guilt that goes says: “I am good for nothing. God could never accept my pathetic efforts, so why even bother? He probably hates me!”

Do you see how the guilt that grows compels you to action, while the guilt that goes only leaves you depressed and despairing? Satan takes a truth (i.e: you messed up) and embellishes it with lies (i.e: you are a complete failure and always will be). Don’t listen to him, friends. When Satan’s festering failure tries to enter your psyche: “gird up the loins of your mind” (1 Peter 1:13a) 

Proverbs 14:15 tell us: The simple believeth every word: but the prudent man looketh well to his going.

In other words, make sure that there is no sin in your life that you are overlooking, but don’t buy into Satan’s outlandish accusations either. Find a healthy balance. There will be times in all of our lives that we will inevitably mess up, there’s no doubt about it. If this were untrue, we would have no need of a Savior! Christians are not known by our perfection, but we are known by our direction. Do we walk in sin, or do we walk in Spirit? Do we condone our sins, or do we confess them? Do we love the bad choices we’ve made, or do we loathe them? The answer to these questions are what make all the difference.

Lay not wait, O wicked man, against the dwelling of the righteous; spoil not his resting place: for a just man falleth seven times, and riseth up again: but the wicked shall fall into mischief. – Proverbs 24:15-16

The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord: and he delighteth in his way. Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down: for the Lord upholdeth him with his hand. – Psalm 37:23-24

If and when you do fall, get right back up again, repent, and move on. Don’t let Satan convince you that you have no ability to do so. This variety of guilt has no ability to grow, so it needs to go. As we looked at previously, the heavenly kind of guilt that grows is the kind that convicts us of sin and brings us up out of the mire. The guilt that goes on the other hand, is nothing more than that hellish festering failure…Satan’s attempt to keep us in the mire of our sin by bogging us down with self-defeat. This vicious cycle is not a help, but a hindrance…

Chronic remorse, as all the moralists are agreed, is a most undesirable sentiment. If you have behaved badly, repent, make what amends you can and address yourself to the task of behaving better next time. On no account brood over your wrongdoing. Rolling in the muck is not the best way of getting clean. – Aldous Huxley, Brave New World

In conclusion…

Guilt may be right around the bend for any one of us. It might come today, tomorrow, next week, or next month…but it will come. Guilt is a reality this side of heaven for those with a working conscience. We all have our guilt, and as I’ve said before, it’s not always a bad thing. However, are we prepared when it is? Are we prepared to identify that counterfeit guilt from Hell and say “I will have no part in Satan’s lies”? Are we prepared to see our guilt for what it is and either let it grow or let it go?

For godly sorrow worketh repentance to salvation not to be repented of: but the sorrow of the world worketh death. – 2 Corinthians 7:10

The godly sorrow is the guilt that grows – “working repentance to salvation” inside of us.
The sorrow of the world is the guilt that goes – “working death” inside of us.
Which kind of guilt will you allow to be at “work” in your life?

There are two kinds of guilt: the kind that drowns you until you’re useless, and the kind that fires your soul to purpose. – Sabaa Tahir, An Ember in the Ashes (An Ember in the Ashes, #1)

Friends, be careful not to let festering failure creep into your heart and steal your purpose. Satan can and will use this guilt from his handy bag of tricks to keep you separated from God. Don’t give him the pleasure! Next time guilty feelings arise in you, remind yourself of this: “If it’s not the guilt that grows, it’s the guilt that goes!”

For God’s Glory,
Mrs. Dustin Bolks

Mrs. Dustin Bolks is a church of Christ preacher’s wife, and the home educating mother of two children. She and her family currently reside in Northwest Iowa.