“I was going to throw in the towel, but then I remembered how much laundry I already have.”

I’m not sure who coined this cheeky line, but it rings true for me, as it likely does with all homemakers. Unless you and your family happen to be members of a nudist colony, you probably have clothes piling up to be washed as we speak. (Although, I’m sure laundry piles up for the nudists too – in the form of sheets, towels, etc. – so wipe that silly grin off your face…nudism won’t help you escape from the laundry room!) Nudist jokes aside – laundry can be a never-ending source of stress for many women. The ever-flowing hampers, the ever-soiled garments, the ever-spinning washer, the ever-beeping dryer, the ever-strewn chairs, the ever-bursting closets, and the ever-cyclical nature of the task in general, all make laundry a commonly despised chore among wives and mothers. As the laundry mounts, so does the frustration and weariness. But is despising a chore a good use of energy? Will complaining about laundry piles help them to disappear? Since when has a negative attitude solved a problem? Daughters of God are called to be workers at home. Whenever we start to despise any aspect of that calling, a perspective shift is in order.

Let’s face it: laundry is a fact of life. The way I see it, we have three options by which to respond to that fact: We can either a.) quit our homemaking, and leave the laundry to someone else, b.) dread doing the laundry, and moan about it every day for the rest of our lives, or c.) tackle the laundry as cheerfully as we know how, and maybe even learn to take some delight in our accomplishments. Which will we choose?

For us damsels, Throwing in the Towel just isn’t an option. And we all know how God views grumbling and complaining. So, I guess we’re left choosing the high road: option C. Friend, are you ready to win the laundry battle once and for all? Today, I have 5 simple “rules” for you (we’ll call them battle strategies) that I hope will make your laundering duties 1.) easier, and 2.) more enjoyable. Firstly, we will consider…

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Wash whites after each and every use…don’t put them back on the hanger until they are laundered.

Have you ever pulled a once bright, crisp, white garment out of your closet, only to find out it had deteriorated into a dull, dinghy, yellowed thing, stripped of its former glory? If so, it’s probably because you didn’t follow The White Rule. While some garments are fine to be placed back into the closet without laundering (any item that is free of sweat, dirt, stains, etc. is usually a fine candidate for a second wear) white clothes do not fall into this category. Even if a white garment looks and smells clean, oils from your skin will begin to yellow the item over time as it hangs in your closet. Save yourself the hassle of stain removal, and always put whites straight into the hamper after every use. Trying to minimize one piece of laundry now isn’t worth the risk of a big laundering headache later. You want to work smarter, not harder.

Now, what if you failed to follow The White Rule in the past, and have yellowed whites to contend with? Time to turn to your new best friends: water, hydrogen peroxide, and the sun. Don’t ask me to explain the science, but this high-powered combination works wonders at removing stains from white clothing. Grab a clear, plastic storage container, and submerge your white garment into a mixture of 75% water and 25% hydrogen peroxide. Cover with a clear lid or plastic wrap, and place outside on a sunny day. Leave the tub in direct sunlight for 4 or more hours…this will greatly reduce, or eliminate, the stains on your white items.

Christ Connection: And His garments became radiant and exceedingly white, as no launderer on earth can whiten them. – Mark 9:3

Don’t Throw in the Towel. Follow The White Rule, and win the laundry battle once and for all!

Secondly, we will consider…

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Arrange your closet by the color wheel…don’t neglect to keep a system of organization.

If you want to make laundry fun (yes, it’s possible!) your closet ought to be a place of beauty and order. If your closet is unorganized and has no sense of logical arrangement, you’re not going to want to spend any time there. However, if your closet is organized and well-arranged, time spent inside will be a delight. I highly recommend following The ROYGBIV Rule: it’s as simple as hanging your items up in rainbow order (red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, violet). You can bookend those colors by hanging your whites to the left of your ROYGBIV clothing, and hanging your browns, greys, and blacks to the right. As creatures made in the image of God, we are naturally attracted to beauty and order, and repulsed by ugliness and chaos. Arrange your closet in a beautiful, orderly way, and you’ll find yourself drawn within its four walls.

Now, what if you failed to follow The ROYGBIV Rule in the past, and need to reorganize your whole closet from ground zero? You’ll likely want to set aside a full morning or afternoon for this task. Once all of your clothing is organized, your job will be as simple as performing maintenance and upkeep. When you have “a place for everything, and everything in its place”, you’ll always know exactly where to return each item, ensuring that your closet continues to look picture-perfect and magazine-worthy each time you enter. You will admire your work every time you see that place of beauty, making laundry a lot more enjoyable.

Christ Connection: As the appearance of the rainbow in the clouds on a rainy day, so was the appearance of the surrounding radiance. Such was the appearance of the likeness of the glory of the Lord. – Ezekiel 1:28a

Don’t Throw in the Towel. Follow The ROYGBIV Rule, and win the laundry battle once and for all!

Thirdly, we will consider…

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Remove stains immediately upon notice…don’t put off until tomorrow what you can do today.

There is a saying about fruit: “the longer it sits, the worser it gets“. The same can certainly be said of stains. The longer you wait to tend to a soiled garment, the more you run the risk of a stain setting permanently. The Brown Rule tells us it’s always best practice to stain-stick an item and get it into the wash right away. Of course, it’s not always convenient to wash a load of laundry at the exact moment a garment is spilled upon. If you’re out and about when the spill happens, don’t try to deal with the stain haphazardly. Wiping the spot with a napkin won’t do any good – that will only serve to smear the stain further. Better to leave the stain alone and tend to it properly once you get home. If you are at home but aren’t in a position to wash a full load of laundry right then and there, you can a.) run a tiny load for your one item, using only a smidgen of detergent, or b.) stain-stick the item in advance, throwing it into the hamper for a later wash.

Now, what if you failed to follow The Brown Rule in the past, and have stained clothing on your hands? Unfortunately, I have yet to find a way of removing stains that have “set”. If your garment has already been washed and dried without the stain coming out the first time, you might be out of luck. While minor stains can often be concealed, hopelessly stained items ought to be downgraded to underclothes, work clothes, children’s play clothes, or even rags for cleaning projects. Sometimes you must simply bite the bullet and throw a ruined item away, committing to tend to your stain removal more promptly next time.

Christ Connection: “Although you wash yourself with lye and use much soap, the stain of your iniquity is before me,” declares the Lord God. – Jeremiah 2:22

Don’t Throw in the Towel. Follow The Brown Rule, and win the laundry battle once and for all!

Fourthly, we will consider…

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Put each piece of laundry where it belongs…don’t allow yourself a “grey area”.

A leading cause of messiness in the home is laundry without a designated landing place. Clothing strewn all over chairs, tables, beds, or floors will make any living space look like it has been hit by a tornado. Such a sorry workstation can only make added laundry seem like more of a drudgery. If your home looks like a twister passed through, you probably haven’t been following The Grey Rule. One of the best homemaking tips I’ve ever learned is this: “never touch an item twice“. (For example, when you take off your clothes at night, don’t throw them on the floor – put them straight into the hamper or closet.) By putting each item where it goes immediately, you are only touching it once. In doing so, you are saving your valuable time and energy by eliminating the middle-man, A.K.A. the grey area, A.K.A. the floor. That’s a smooth move!

Now, what if you failed to follow The Grey Rule in the past, and your home looks like it has been through a natural disaster? First things first: tidy up the place by returning all your displaced laundry items to their appropriate spots. Don’t add newly washed laundry to the chaos; conquer one step at a time. Your mood will be positively impacted when you clean up before starting a new task. A tidy workstation is significant. Additionally, putting all your old laundry away will allow you to see how much room you have for putting away a fresh load. If you’re running out of space, that’s a good sign that you’re due for a clothing purge!

Christ Connection: No one tears a piece from a new garment and puts it on an old garment; otherwise he will both tear the new, and the piece from the new will not match the old. – Luke 5:36b

Don’t Throw in the Towel. Follow The Grey Rule, and win the laundry battle once and for all!

Fifthly and lastly, we will consider…

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Keep a standardized hanger collection…don’t collect a mish-mash.

Hangers have to be among the least exciting items one can buy. While hangers get the job done when it comes to hanging our clothes, the prospect of spending money on them doesn’t exactly thrill us. Most of us don’t ever even give our hangers a second thought, as is evidenced by the random array of hangers found in the average closet. Some hangers are black, some are white. Some hangers are plastic, some are metal. Some hangers are long, some are short. Some hangers are thick, some are thin. If you really want to take your laundry to the next level, I suggest following The Black Rule. (Black, plastic, long, thick hangers just so happen to be my personal preference, but any hangers will do as long as they’re all the same.) When all your hangers are consistent, your closet will be that much more beautiful and orderly.

Now, what if you failed to follow The Black Rule in the past, and your closet is currently filled with every kind of hanger under the sun? Well, what I don’t want you to do is go spend tons of money to replace all of your hangers. Beauty and order do not trump prudence, but each of these are important qualities for the homemaker. I suggest slowly replacing your hangers over time. Secondhand stores often sell hangers for extremely low prices, as do dollar stores, or garage sales. You can also work with what you have by matching your hanger colors to your clothing colors for a sense of uniformity – classic ROYGBIV style!

Christ Connection: All things must be done properly and in an orderly manner. – 1 Corinthians 14:40b

Don’t Throw in the Towel. Follow The Black Rule, and win the laundry battle once and for all!

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In conclusion…

Do you ever feel like throwing in the towel when it comes to your laundry?

Hopefully the five tips we learned today will help make your laundering duties a little bit easier and a little more enjoyable.

Remember to…

Follow The White Rule: Wash whites after each and every use.
Follow The ROYGBIV Rule: Arrange your closet by the color wheel.
Follow The Brown Rule: Remove stains immediately upon notice.
Follow The Grey Rule: Put each piece of laundry where it belongs.
Follow The Black Rule: Keep a standardized hanger collection.

While none of these “rules” are moral laws, they are helpful battle strategies that can aid us in conforming more toward the image of Christ in our daily life. How so? Think about it:

Jesus is the master whitener. Jesus is the radiant rainbow. Jesus is the expert stain-remover. Jesus cleans up our old mess to make room for the new. Jesus brings beauty and order. Best of all: you’ll never catch Him throwing in the towel. I want to be just like Him, down to the way I do my laundry. What say you?

You can throw in the towel, or you can use it to wipe the sweat off your face. – Unknown

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Chaste Bolks is a church of Christ preacher’s wife, and the home educating mother of two children. She and her family currently reside in Northwest Iowa.

Visions of you still dance in my head
I remember all the things you said

You said you’d never let me down
But there lies my heart on the ground

Broken in pieces unable to fix
I knew loving you would be a risk

But I went ahead and took the chance
Thinking somehow we’d finish the dance

Through the years that laid ahead
But you loved somebody else instead

So please go and be with him
I know our future is very dim

I hope you’ll be happy the rest of your life
Does he know he’s getting a cheating wife?

– “A Cheating Wife” by Ray Hansell

Any man who has been the victim of an adulterous woman can surely relate to the heartache portrayed in this simple, yet evocative, poem. Being betrayed by a faithless spouse is arguably the most painful blow one can be dealt. A haunted memory, a broken trust, a shattered heart, a poignant regret, and a lingering bitterness…these are the sorry companions of a husband whose wife has been swept away in an affair.

An “affair“: this is what we call it when people engage in sex acts while one or more parties are bound to another by a marriage covenant. I don’t know about you, but to me, “having an affair” sounds just a bit too light and breezy for the gravity of the topic. I mean, are we talking about going on a vacation to the Bahamas? It’s such a watered-down, harmless-sounding term for one despicable sin: committing adultery.

In today’s article, we’re not talking about a light and breezy topic such as going on a vacation to the Bahamas, but rather, we’re talking about that treacherous act of committing adultery: A Sordid Affair.

The word sordid can be defined as something that is “morally ignoble or base; vile; meanly selfish, self-seeking, or mercenary; dirty or filthy; squalid, wretchedly poor and run-down; degraded; shameful”, and these are indeed appropriate ways to label adultery, decidedly the most heinous of all marital crimes.

At Destress the Damsel, one of our primary aims is “to be pure“. (Titus 2:5) Purity is often seen as solely a “single girl” topic, but interestingly enough, in Titus 2 it is not single girls, but wives that are called to purity. Marriage is not the end of a girl’s purity, but rather, the continuation thereof – for sex within the bounds of marriage is pure! As wives, we must safeguard this purity by honoring our wedding vows and fleeing from extramarital temptation. Lest your husband ever become the sad possessor of “a cheating wife”, like the man in the poem above, I want you to consider 3 sobering components of A Sordid Affair.

#1: Beware, for the act of adultery begins with…

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A fanciful daydream. A longing glance. A coveted smile. A flirtatious remark. A meaningful touch. A destroyed message. A convincing lie. A racing heart. A secret rendezvous. A gnawing shame.
All things that are hidden. All trademark elements of A Sordid Hideaway.

Adulterers are (with little variance) sneaks. Only the most villainous of philanderers reveal their infidelities to the world. While there may be a select few truly amoral individuals who wear their extramarital affairs like a badge of honor, the typical person caught up in adultery keeps their sin close to the vest. Some are ashamed of their adultery, knowing their guilt before the Lord. Some are grieved by their adultery, fearful of breaking their spouse’s heart. Some are quite comfortable in their adultery, but wish only to avoid the consequences of being caught. Whatever the case, almost all adulterous relationships are fostered in secret. (Unfortunately, this forbidden fruit aspect only adds to the sex appeal.) One may successfully keep A Sordid Hideaway secret from spouse, family, congregation, friends, coworkers, and all the world, but if they think they can keep it hidden from God, they sorely underestimate the Hide-and-Seek-Champion:

Woe to those who deeply hide their plans from the Lord, and whose deeds are done in a dark place, and they say, “who sees us?” or “who knows us?” – Isaiah 29:15

Can a person hide himself in hiding places so that I do not see him?” declares the Lord. “Do I not fill the heavens and the earth?” declares the Lord. – Jeremiah 23:24

…There is no creature hidden from His sight, but all things are open and laid bare to the eyes of Him with whom we have to do. – Hebrews 4:13

Do not be so foolish as to think that the Lord does not see every impure daydream, every impure glance, and every impure touch. He sees every single act of betrayal towards one’s spouse. Unless “a cheating wife” repent, justice will be served, leaving A Sordid Hideaway a public place of shame exposed before all.

…There is nothing covered up that will not be revealed, and hidden that will not be known. Accordingly, whatever you have said in the dark shall be heard in the light, and what you have whispered in the inner rooms shall be proclaimed upon the housetops. – Luke 12:2-3

Have you been part of A Sordid Hideaway? Have you, as a married woman, nurtured romantic thoughts toward a man other than your husband? Or have you, as a single woman, nurtured romantic thoughts toward a man who is another woman’s husband? Have you shared secret glances, smiles, remarks, or touches that should only have been shared between spouses? Have you sent or received messages that were unbecoming of a married woman or to a married man? Have you lied to your husband about your feelings, intentions, or whereabouts? Has your heartbeat elevated over a man that is off-limits to you? Have you met with a man in private? Have you squashed down your shame when it reminded you of your vows, or his? These are deep waters no damsel should ever tread in…they can only lead to A Sordid Affair.

#2: Beware, for the act of adultery continues with…

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Your husband’s kisses. Your husband’s embraces. Your husband’s sex. Your husband’s wants. Your husband’s needs. Your husband’s privacy. Your husband’s self-respect. Your husband’s love. Your husband’s lover. Your husband’s wife.
All things that are given. All trademark elements of A Sordid Giveaway.

Giving, generally speaking, is a wonderful thing. The Bible says that “God loves a cheerful giver“, and that “it is more blessed to give than to receive“. But is it ever wrong to give someone a gift? Sure it is – when you are giving not of your own means, but from goods you stole off of someone else! A thief who gives away their plunder knows nothing of true generosity, for they are giving what is not theirs to give. Do you see where I’m going with this? An adulterer and a thief have a lot in common…they “give” stolen goods. The married adulteress takes what rightfully belongs to her man, and “gives” it to another. Similarly, the single adulteress takes what rightfully belongs to another man’s wife, and “gives” it to herself. Whatever the case, such a woman robs a spouse of their most precious valuables, and frivolously gives them away to someone who has no right to receive such gifts. Is he married? His body belongs to his wife. Are you married? Your body belongs to your husband. When a married woman “gives” herself to another man, or when a married man “gives” himself to another woman, this is nothing short of theft. We are not our own.

The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. – 1 Corinthians 7:4

For the married woman is bound by law to her husband while he is living; but if her husband dies, she is released from the law concerning the husband. So then, if while her husband is living, she is joined to another man, she shall be called an adulteress; but if her husband dies, she is free from the law, so that she is not an adulteress, though she is joined to another man. – Romans 7:2-3

Do not give what is holy [set apart] to dogs, and do not throw your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces. – Matthew 7:6 (clarification added)

Lest you think my comparison of adultery and theft is a bit of a stretch, consider that our Lord couples the sin of adultery with the sin of murder…

Thus I shall judge you, like women who commit adultery or shed blood are judged; and I shall bring on you the blood of wrath and jealousy. – Ezekiel 16:38

Have you been part of A Sordid Giveaway? Have you, as a married woman, kissed, embraced, or had sex with a man other than your husband? Or have you, as a single woman, kissed, embraced, or had sex with a man who is another woman’s husband? Have you disregarded your husband’s wants and needs, or the wants and needs of another man’s wife? Have you stripped away the privacy of marriage and exposed what should have been exclusive between spouses? Have you shattered a spouse’s self-respect? Have you given away your husband’s love, lover, and wife? Or have you taken another woman’s love, lover, and husband? These are deep waters no damsel should ever tread in…they can only lead to A Sordid Affair.

#3: Beware, for the act of adultery ends with…

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An irreproachable reputation. An unwavering trust. An unbreakable vow. An untainted marriage. An intact family. A sensitive conscience. A healthy reproductive system. An innocent recollection. A desired relationship. A secure salvation.
All things that are taken. All trademark elements of A Sordid Takeaway.

Adulterers are losers. (I don’t mean that in the derogatory sense of the word, though any victim of adultery would likely agree with me if I did, and could you blame them?) By “losers”, I mean to say that those individuals who play with fire (by way of adultery) stand to lose everything they hold dear. When the sin of an adulteress is found out, her once irreproachable reputation will be tarnished forever…for even if she be forgiven, people will never fully forget what she did. There will no longer be an unwavering trust between her and her husband…for in the back of his mind, he will always wonder if she’s being unfaithful to him. Her once unbreakable vows will be rendered null and void, allowing her husband the scriptural right to file for divorce…for she broke covenant with him. If her husband decides to stay with her, their formerly untainted marriage will always bear an ugly stain…for she defiled their marital union. If her husband decides to leave her, their children will suffer immeasurably for it…for they will be part of a broken family. Her once sensitive conscience will be dulled toward sin…for she seared it by her devious actions. The health of her reproductive system (and her husband’s) will be greatly compromised…for she introduced the risk of sexually transmitted disease to their marriage bed. Her innocent life memories will be bitter in hindsight…for her recollections will forever include her time spent in adultery. If she chooses to repent, she will lose a desired relationship…for she must say goodbye to her lover. If she chooses never to repent, she will lose her salvation…for she must say goodbye to her Lord. What A (truly) Sordid Affair!

She does not ponder the path of life; her ways are unstable, she does not know it. – Proverbs 5:6

Do you not know that the unrighteous shall not inherit the Kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor adulterers, shall inherit the kingdom of God. – Excerpt from 1 Corinthians 6:9-10

I gave her time to repent, and she does not want to repent of her immorality. Behold, I will cast her upon a bed of sickness, and those who commit adultery with her into great tribulation, unless they repent of her deeds. – Revelation 2:21-22

Have you been part of A Sordid Takeaway? Have you suffered great personal loss as a consequence of committing adultery? Don’t let your pain be in vain. Rather, let the Lord’s chastisement fulfill its intended purpose – bringing you to repentance. Turn away from your sin today, so that you do not end up losing the most important thing of all: your eternal hope in Christ Jesus. The time is now to step out of those deep, dark waters that no damsel should ever tread in…the waters that can only lead to A Sordid Affair.

…Let her put away her harlotry from her face and her adultery from between her breasts, or I will strip her naked and expose her as on the day she was born. I will also make her like a wilderness, make her like desert land and slay her with thirst. Also, I will have no compassion on her children, because they are children of harlotry. For their mother has played the harlot; she who conceived them has acted shamefully. For she said, “I will go after my lovers, who give me my bread and my water, my wool and my flax, my oil and my drink.” Therefore, behold, I will hedge up her way with thorns, and I will build a wall against her so that she cannot find her paths. She will pursue her lovers, but she will not overtake them; and she will seek them, but will not find them. – Hosea 2:2a-7a

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In conclusion…

These have been the 3 sobering components of A Sordid Affair.

A “cheating wife” is made by: 1.) A Sordid Hideaway, 2.) A Sordid Giveaway, and 3.) A Sordid Takeaway.

Today’s article covered one very grave topic, but hey – I warned you it wouldn’t be a trip to the Bahamas! Thank you to everyone who stayed to the end of this important study, and I hope you will be sure and check out my other articles. There is a widespread blend of serious topics as well as more lighthearted content. May each one of you hold your marriage in the highest esteem, flee extramarital temptation, and stay faithful to your husband all the days of your life. No more hiding, no more giving, no more taking.

Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge. – Hebrews 13:4

For God’s glory,
Mrs. Dustin Bolks

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Chaste Bolks is a church of Christ preacher’s wife, and the home educating mother of two children. She and her family currently reside in Northwest Iowa.

A lady had a circle of friends for whom she really wanted to buy Christmas presents. Time slipped away and it was so busy at work for her she just wasn’t able to get to the store to purchase those gifts. Time was running out. So not too many days before Christmas she decided to give up on the gift idea and just buy everybody the same beautiful Christmas card. She went to the local gift store and hurriedly went through the now picked over stack of cards and found a box of fifty, just exactly what she wanted. She didn’t take time to read the message, she just noticed a beautiful cover on it and there was gold around it and a floral appearance on the front of the card and she thought, That’s perfect. So she signed all of them, “With all my love.” As New Year’s came and she had time to go back to two or three cards she didn’t send from that stack, she was shocked to read the message inside. It said, in a little rhyme, “This Christmas card is just to say, a little gift is on its way.”

– From Swindoll’s Ultimate Book of Illustrations & Quotes by Charles R. Swindoll

Oops! This lady’s Christmas shopping “shortcut” – like most shortcuts – didn’t end up saving her any time in the long run, but only prolonged the inevitable: she was now beholden to purchase gifts for her friends. (A spiritual connection could be drawn from this tale also, concerning the need to look beyond outward appearance and focus on the message within, but that truth extends beyond the scope of today’s article.) In short, entering into the holiday season without a bit of planning can result in unnecessary frustrations.

This December, I aim to reduce some of those frustrations by presenting you with your very own 2024 Gift Giving Guide. (Now, before you get too excited, this article does not include a copy of the coveted Sears Christmas Catalog. You’ll likely have to pry one of those babies out of your neighbor’s cold, dead fingers.) Today, I bring before you 5 simple steps that I hope will guide you through your Christmas list with ease. We will use the 5 W’s to help us along. Firstly, when we begin our Christmas lists, we must ask ourselves:

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Who am I buying for?

• What is the age of the recipient? When buying gifts, try to avoid items that are decidedly too young or too old for the person you’re giving to. If you must lean more to one end of the spectrum, err on the side of too old…at least they can grow into it (whether in physical size or emotional maturity). We humans grow up, but we don’t grow down. Therefore, a gift that is too young is virtually useless. If you missed the window on giving a present to a certain individual before they outgrew it, simply pass it along to someone else for whom it is more age appropriate. Now keep in mind, even though there is some wiggle room regarding items a person can “grow into”, gifts that are too old can have their limits as well. (i.e. Gifting a voucher for a free oil change probably won’t make your three year old grandson’s day any more than a baby doll would enthrall your sixteen year old niece. Neither extreme is desirable.) If the recipient has outgrown your gift, on it goes to someone younger. And if the recipient is unable to enjoy the item for one year or more? Save it back for a future Christmas!

• What is the gender of the recipient? In today’s sex-confused world, it’s more important than ever for Christians to draw the line between what a male is and what he does, and what a female is and what she does. One small yet significant way you can support Biblical Gender Ethics is by giving items that are in alignment with the recipient’s assigned-before-birth gender. While certain items are undoubtedly gender neutral (snacks, cash, gift cards…to name a few), there are many other items that are (whether directly or implicitly) male-oriented or female-oriented. (I am not saying that a boy can never play with a doll, or a girl can never play with a firetruck, etc. What I am saying is that we ought to be intentional in our gift giving, so that we do not blur the lines of gender for children.) Today’s boys and girls are already being raised up in a twisted culture where men are becoming more effeminate, and women are becoming more feminist. Let’s not add to the chaos. Rather, let’s seek the good old paths where our Christmas presents help to nurture strapping young lads and sweet young lasses.

• What are the interests of the recipient? No one wants their hard-earned money or time to be poured into a present that is going to be pitched at the first opportunity. Yet that is often exactly what happens if we give without truly considering the interests of the person we’re giving to! Just because something lights us up inside, does not mean it will do the same for someone else. For example, I love reading. Receiving a beautiful volume of a lovely, wholesome book would be sure to bring a smile to my face. Yet there are others who find reading to be a disdainful chore. For them, being gifted a book would feel like an entitled teenager getting socks and undergarments for Christmas. You know: “Well, uh, okay…I guess it’s the thought that counts.” Give with an eye towards pleasing the one you are gifting to, rather than yourself. While it can be great fun to give, we should always do so with regard for our recipient’s unique hobbies and interests, rather than our own.

If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your father who is in heaven give what is good to those who ask Him! – Matthew 7:11

Secondly, when we begin our Christmas lists, we must ask ourselves:

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What am I buying?

• One type of gift to give is the keepsake. This is the sort of gift the recipient can use more than once. Examples include small items such as books and journals, movies and video games, clothing and accessories, or games and puzzles; and large items such as furniture, appliances, home decor, or kitchen gadgets. Knowing the interests of the person (as we talked about in our previous point) helps to ensure that our time and money is not wasted on a gift that won’t be enjoyed. Let’s face it, your family and friends don’t want to clutter their house with items that in no way suit their individual personalities and preferences. If you’re buying someone a keepsake, make sure you first know a bit about their taste and style.

• Another type of gift to give is the perishable. These sorts of gifts are typically one-time use, or at least able to be used up in a short amount of time. Cash, gift cards, and vouchers fall into this category, as do food items. Perishable items are a great option for the recipient who is a bit of a minimalist, or for the person for whom you “just don’t know what to get” – either because they appear to have everything they need, or you simply don’t know them well enough to ascertain their interests. Three things most any family can benefit from are money, food, or gasoline. Perishable items are a foolproof way to ensure your gift will be used and appreciated.

• Yet another type of gift to give is the experience. This sort of gift is somewhat of a hybrid between the keepsake and the perishable. The experience itself is perishable, but the memories made are preserved as a keepsake. Some ideas for experiences are: travel reservations, tickets to the movie theater or a sporting event, a day at the zoo or an amusement park, music lessons, a restaurant outing, or even the offer to babysit children while their parents enjoy a date night. Such presents are great options for folks who don’t want or need any more “stuff”. A gift of experience is more personalized than cash or gift cards, but won’t clutter up your recipient’s home.

Each one must do just as he has purposed in his heart, not grudgingly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. – 2 Corinthians 9:7

Thirdly, when we begin our Christmas lists, we must ask ourselves:

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When am I buying?

• Schedule your purchases according to sales. Stores typically mark their items down to bargain prices after the holidays…in January, when business is at an all-time low. Thus, January is the month of the bargain hunter…the prudent wife…the bonafide cheapskate! You can save a lot of money by making purchases outside of peak shopping seasons. However, one obvious downside of buying so far in advance is figuring out where to store your purchases. Depending on how many people you are buying for, Christmas gifts could easily begin cluttering up every corner of your house. Try to designate one specific area for presents: a large tote, a closet, a storage shed (hello there, adoring grandmothers everywhere!) Once that designated area starts bursting at the seams, you’ll know it’s time to pump the brakes on shopping. If you have such space to utilize for storage, shopping sales in advance rather than hunting for gifts last-minute will ensure you don’t break the bank for Christmas.

• Schedule your purchases according to your budget. Going into debt on account of the holidays is a sure way to squelch your Christmas spirit and set you up for financial failure in the New Year. A simple budgeting rule to follow for the holidays (and all year round, for that matter) is this: buy only what you can afford, when you can afford it. If brand-new items are out of your price range, second-hand is the way to go. There is no shame in the thrift game! Consignment shops around the USA are filled with quality, gently used items for a fraction of the price. I, for one, would never look down on a gift that was purchased second-hand, and chances are that your loved ones won’t either. A special word to mothers: know that your children will only benefit from seeing you exercise prudence. Teach little ones early to reject entitlement and to show gratitude for what Dad and Mom can provide for them. Your thriftiness will set a positive example for them to emulate with their own future spending habits. It’s an important life lesson: needs come first, and wants come second…even at Christmas.

• Schedule your purchases according to your time. Nothing does a frazzled wife and mother make, so much as being in a rush. Frantic, last-minute shopping sprees are detrimental not only to the pocketbook, but to your emotional well-being. You can save yourself a world of stress if you’ll only plan for the holidays before December rolls around. Gather little items here and there while you’re already out and about. Work on handmade projects during your free moments. Jot down gift ideas whenever inspiration comes to you. These are all small ways that you can avoid the panic induced mad-dash after Thanksgiving. Cultivate a spirit of generosity all throughout the year, so that you’re always on the lookout for little ways to bless others. This will level up more than just your Christmas shopping – it will elevate you as an individual when “The Christmas Spirit” is simply a part of your mindset each and every day.

Do not withhold good from whom it is due, when it is in your power to do it. – Proverbs 3:27

Fourthly, when we begin our Christmas lists, we must ask ourselves:

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Where am I buying?

• Support godly businesses. Whenever possible, use your money to vote “yes” for Christian values. We ought to back businesses that proclaim Jesus Christ as Lord, and steer clear of businesses ran by enemies of the cross. (For example, organizations that openly promote the LGBTQ+ agenda, etc.) Realistically, we can’t boycott every business led by ungodly individuals – sometimes we have to be “in the world, but not of the world”. However, when there are multiple choices from which to fulfill our Christmas lists, why not shop at Christ-centered establishments, rather than those that are unrighteous, liberal, and “woke”? Let’s look for ways to further the Kingdom with our dollars, rather than help line the pockets of those who would love nothing more than to see our cause destroyed.

• Support local businesses. The success of your neighborhood, your city, your county, your state, your region, and your country, is your success. When you buy American-made items, you are doing your part to exercise good citizenship – you are helping maintain an independent nation with a thriving economy for yourself, your family, and your fellow Americans. Just as we should look for ways to avoid patronizing businesses that are clearly no friends of our God, we should also look for ways to minimize buying from countries that are clearly no friends of our USA. Bonus points when you can buy not only items made in your nation, but items made (or at least sold) in your own neck of the woods. Forget the big box stores, and vote “yes” for your community by gathering Christmas presents from a Mom-n-Pop shop near you.

• Support quality businesses. Exceptionalism in business is sadly becoming a lost art, as many business owners care way too much about making a buck, and way too little about customer gratification. Establishments cut corners in order to cut costs, prioritize quantity over quality, and the customers suffer for lack of skillful workmanship. How do these establishments get away with it? Because the money keeps pouring in anyway, leaving owners no incentive to change their business practices. Not enough people are frustrated enough to take their loyalty elsewhere. This Christmas, vote “yes” for quality items by shopping only at those rare establishments that produce quality products, and furthermore, practice honesty and integrity toward their clientele.

Why do you spend money for what is not bread, and your wages for what does not satisfy? Listen carefully to Me, and eat what is good, and delight yourself in abundance. – Isaiah 55:2

Fifthly and finally, when we begin our Christmas lists, we must ask ourselves:

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Why am I buying?

• Do you give for Christmas because your culture dictates it? It’s easy to get sucked into doing something just because “everyone else is doing it“. No one likes to feel that they are going against the grain unless they have a good reason to do so. Since Christmas is a holiday based on gladness, goodwill, and generosity, it would appear that only the greatest stick-in-the-mud would choose not to participate in gift giving or holiday celebrations. But that’s just societal pressures talking. The Bible says it best: One person values one day over another, another values every day the same. Each person must be fully convinced in his own mind. (Romans 14:5) (With that being said, today’s article is meant for those who are already planning on shopping, making, or re-gifting presents for Christmas. My intent is not to add any cultural pressure myself. Christmas is both fun to celebrate and fine not to celebrate. We can rejoice, for we have Christian liberty over wee matters such as holidays!)

• Do you give for Christmas because your recipient demands it? Individuals can add just as much pressure on us to give Christmas presents as culture as a whole. There are some people that are bold enough (and rude enough) to pry: “so, what are you getting me for Christmas?” Questions such as these make us feel there is no way out…we are now locked into buying for that individual whether we had originally intended to or not. This kind of forced giving is not in tandem with the true spirit of Christmas. Instead of buying for someone out of the goodness of our own heart, we feel compelled to buy for them – only because we lack the courage to tell them that an outstretched hand is impolite and unbecoming. Don’t cave to pressure! Gently tell the person that you’d rather surprise them at random than under expectations regarding the 25th of December. (I know, easier said than done, but it might just help both of you with boundaries. You, to keep them. Them, not to break them.)

• Do you give for Christmas because your heart desires it? This is the ideal spirit of Christmas. One might say that Christmas is about giving, and that is true to an extent. However, at the very heart of things, Christmas is really about generosity. What’s the difference between giving and generosity? Giving is an outward action of the hands, while generosity is an internal virtue of the heart. All truly generous people give, but not all people who give are truly generous. Some give out of compulsion, some give in order to receive, and some give in order to be recognized. The generous person gives not because they feel they must, but because they have themselves been blessed and want to be a blessing to others. The generous person gives not with expectations or strings attached, but with a desire to bring cheer to their recipient. The generous person gives not to be seen, but because they want another to feel seen. If you aim to give this Christmas, be sure to do so out of true generosity.

Please take my gift which has been brought to you, because God has dealt graciously with me and because I have plenty. – Genesis 33:11a

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In conclusion…

When Christmas shopping this year, remember to follow your 2024 Gift Giving Guide!

Take the stress out of the holiday season by simply asking yourself these 5 questions:

Who am I buying for? (Give according to the age, gender, and interests of your recipient)
What am I buying? (Choose wisely between gifts that are keepsakes, perishables, or experiences)
When I am buying? (Plan shopping trips according to store sales, your own budget, and your own time)
Where am I buying? (Support godly businesses, support local businesses, and support quality businesses)
Why am I buying? (Be sure it’s your heart’s desire, and not merely cultural dictates or recipient demands)

Happy gifting, Damsels! Have yourselves a merry little Christmas, and let your hearts be light.

It was always said of him, that he knew how to keep Christmas well, if any man alive possessed the knowledge. May that be truly said of us, and all of us! – Charles Dickens, A Christmas Carol

For God’s glory,
Mrs. Dustin Bolks

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Chaste Bolks is a church of Christ preacher’s wife, and the home educating mother of two children. She and her family currently reside in Northwest Iowa.