Destress the Damsel


“The Orcs were first bred by the Dark Power of the North in the Elder Days. It is said that they had no language of their own, but took what they could of other tongues and perverted it to their own liking; yet they made only brutal jargons, scarcely sufficient even for their own needs, unless it were for curses and abuse. And those creatures, being filled with malice, hating even their own kind, quickly developed as many barbarous dialects as there were groups or settlements of their own race, so that their Orkish speech was of little use to them in intercourse between different tribes. … Orcs and Trolls spoke as they would, without love of words or things; and their language was actually more degraded and filthy than I have shown it. I do not suppose that any will wish for a closer rendering, though models are easy to find. Much the same sort of talk can still be heard among the orc-minded; dreary and repetitive with hatred and contempt, too long removed from good to retain even verbal vigour, save in the ears of those to whom only the squalid sounds strong.”

– J.R.R. Tolkien, The Return of the King (Appendix F: The Languages and Peoples of the Third Age)

If you’re a lover of J.R.R. Tolkien’s work like I am, you know that an orc is about the last creature that one should desire to be likened to. Even if you are none too familiar with Tolkien, it should be evident from the description above that orcs are among the vilest of characters in The Lord of the Rings canon. An orc is an armed soldier of the dark lord, Sauron (the Lord of the Rings equivalent of Satan himself). Orcs are dark, twisted, and evil in every way. “Degraded and filthy language” points to their race’s overall degeneracy.

J.R.R. Tolkien compared people who speak with “curses and abuse” (read: profanity) to his mythical orcs. He bluntly referred to these folks as, “the Orc-minded…to whom only the squalid sounds strong”. Notice that Tolkien was able to express his marked disapproval of such coarse individuals without uttering a single swear word himself. He simply showed us how detestable an orc is, and then pointed out that there are human beings who eerily resemble them. Tolkien was employing an “if the shoe fits” approach. Hopefully, this Orkish shoe does not fit any of us here at Destress the Damsel. Hopefully, we shun Orkish speech in our lives. Hopefully, unlike the barbarous orcs, we damsels are devoted to taming the tongue.

“Now hold on just a minute,” you might be thinking, “I can’t tame my tongue! After all, doesn’t James 3:8 explicitly state that, ‘no one can tame the tongue; it is a restless evil and full of deadly poison’?”

Indeed, it does! However, I must point out that the translators of our English Bibles often leave out one very significant little word found in the original text = anthropos (the Greek word for “man“). A more accurate translation would read “no one of man can tame the tongue”. On our own, we humans do tend towards being “orc-minded” and are tempted to utilize “Orkish speech”. This is where Jesus, “the hidden person of the heart” (1 Peter 3:4), comes in to save the day! Both God and man, Jesus is the ultimate “tongue-tamer”. With men it is impossible, but not with God; for all things are possible with God. (Mark 10:27b – emphasis added) When our Lord is living in us and working through us, that is when we can find the wherewithal to deny our more Orkish tendencies.

Scripture teaches that we will be held accountable for all futile words that escape our lips. In Matthew 12:36-37, Jesus warned, “every careless word that men shall speak, they shall render account for it in the day of judgment. For by your words you shall be justified, and by your words you shall be condemned.” In light of this, Paul admonished, “let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth.” (Ephesians 4:29) Jesus, James, and Paul certainly all believed in taming the tongue (with God’s assistance).

Today, I want to share with you some (non-euphemistic) ways to exchange expletives and lift language. I have noticed that the tongues that use profanity typically fall into one of 3 primary categories. For each of these 3 categories, I am going to provide you with 33 swear replacements that I pray might serve you in your “tongue-taming” journey. By the time you finish reading, you will have 99 different ways to express yourself without the use of profanity. I’m sure you can add to the list, but these will give you a good start.

#1. With God’s assistance, you can tame…



Sometimes people use profanity because they wish to add emphasis to a sentence. Examples might include, “That is one bleeping cool car!” or “Bleep! He is one handsome man!” or even “What the bleep?!”. Questions of morality aside, I often find that the use of emphasis (even of the non-profane variety) is not needed at all. One could simply say, “That is one cool car!” or “He is one handsome man!” or “What?!” and express themselves just as effectively without additional words of emphasis. Utilizing plain speech (while employing the right facial expressions and tones) can get your point across in a way that is credible and mature. Still, there are times when you may wish to express yourself with emphasis, and there are so many ways to do so without being vulgar. Here are 33 words of emphasis you can use in lieu of profanity:

I could go on and on. Suffice it to say, there are a myriad of ways to express the emphasizing tongue without leaning upon “curses and abuse“. When we allow God to assist us in taming the tongue, not only do we become better woman spiritually, but we also become better woman socially. We will sound much more intelligent and high-class when we are creative with our vocabulary and shun poor speaking habits.

There must be no filthiness and silly talk, or coarse jesting, which are not fitting, but rather giving of thanks. – Ephesians 5:4b

Don’t be orc-minded! Tame the emphasizing tongue.

#2. With God’s assistance, you can tame…


Sometimes people use profanity because they wish to criticize a wicked individual. Examples might include: “That man/woman is a bleep!” or “They are bleeps!” or “You are a bleep!”. While there is a time and place for criticism, swearing at or about someone will only serve to diminish your caliber and place you on a level with the very same ungodly person(s) of whom you claim to disapprove. The following swear replacements are broken up into three sub-categories: specific terms, generic terms, and Biblical terms. For those times when we must describe someone in a negative light (though I believe these times come less often than we think) these 33 terms will help you express yourself without resorting to curses:

Specific terms…

Generic terms…

Biblical terms…

Again, there are a myriad of ways to express the criticizing tongue without leaning upon “curses and abuse“. When we allow God to assist us in taming the tongue, we can identify a person of low-caliber without becoming low-caliber ourselves. A word of warning: let your criticisms be few and far between. Make sure you are judging righteously, not according to appearance. (John 7:24) Furthermore, do not allow yourself to be swept up in a gossip session about anyone, no matter how odious they may be.

There is one who speaks rashly like the thrusts of the sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. – Proverbs 12:18

Don’t be orc-minded! Tame the criticizing tongue.

#3. With God’s assistance, you can tame…


Sometimes people use profanity because they wish to analyze an unpleasant situation. Examples might include: “Bleep! I smashed my finger!” or “I’m running late. I’m so bleeped!” or “This coffee really bleeps!”. While it may feel like a cathartic release to curse in the face of irritation, this bad habit really only adds insult to injury. Words are powerful and world-building. They give life and power to our feelings and thoughts, fashioning our reality. When we face our frustrations with a good sense of humor instead of getting unduly bent out of shape, it will help us to keep it together in even more difficult situations. Here are 33 swear replacements to use when you sustain a minor injury, make a mistake, dislike something, etc:

Once again, there are a myriad of ways to express the analyzing tongue without leaning upon “curses and abuse“. When we allow God to assist us in taming the tongue, we can turn annoying circumstances into comical ones. Life is so much simpler when we don’t sweat the small stuff. Next time you feel a burr under your saddle, try making light of the situation. Take it in stride, and laugh it off with a playful word choice.

But now you also, put them all aside: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and abusive speech from your mouth. – Colossians 3:8

Don’t be orc-minded! Tame the analyzing tongue.

In conclusion…

There you have it! We have looked at 99 (non-euphemistic) ways to exchange expletives and lift language. Many ideas could be added to the list. With such an arsenal of swear-replacements at our disposal, what excuse do we have to use “brutal jargons” and “barbarous dialects“? Damsels, it’s tongue-taming time.

“No man can tame the tongue” you say? ‘Tis true. Yet I know a tongue-tamer, and He says, “I am no man!“. (The Lord of the Rings fans should appreciate the reference.) Jesus Christ – more than a man – can help us tame the emphasizing tongue, the criticizing tongue, and the analyzing tongue. With Him living in us, we can forsake Orkish speech patterns and say good-bye to “degraded and filthy language”, once and for all.

‘What has become of the miserable Orcs?’ said Legolas. ‘That, I think, no one will ever know,’ said Gandalf. – J.R.R. Tolkien, The Two Towers

For God’s glory,
Mrs. Dustin Bolks

Chaste Bolks is a church of Christ preacher’s wife, and the home educating mother of two children. She and her family currently reside in Northwest Iowa.


As God doth lead me I would go;
I do not ask to choose my way;
Content with what He doth bestow,
Assured He will not let me stray.
So as He leads, My path I make,
And step by step I gladly take,
A child in Him confiding.

As God doth lead I am content;
I rest me calmly in His hands;
That which He has decreed and sent–
That which His will for me commands,
I would that He should all fulfill:
That I should do His gracious will
In living or in dying.

As God doth lead I all resign;
I trust me to my Father’s will;
When reason’s rays deceptive shine,
His counsel would I yet fulfill–
That which His love ordained as right,
Before He brought me to the light,–
My all to Him resigning.

As God doth lead me I abide,
In faith, in hope, is suffering true;
His strength is ever by my side–
Can aught my hold on Him undo?
So patiently I wait and know
That God, who doth my life bestow,
In kindness all is sending.

As God doth lead I onward go,
Though oft ‘mid thorns and briers keen;
God does not yet His guidance show–
But in the end it shall be seen
How, by a loving Father’s will,
Faithful and true, He leads me still,–
Thus anchored, faith is resting.

This 1711 hymn, written by Lampertus Gedicke and translated from his native tongue (German), describes a state of contentment uncommon to man. Gedicke’s attitude echos the Apostle Paul’s, who proclaimed:

I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. – Philippians 4:11b (KJV)

Though the NASB is my preferred translation, I love the way this famous verse reads in the King James. As I am one who enjoys wordplay and can appreciate a good pun, this KJV rendering of Philippians 4:11b makes my brain flip that little word “state” (condition/circumstance) into “state” (location/place). Paul was clearly using the former definition of the word, but his statement is equally true using the latter definition.

If Paul were a modern American citizen, he might’ve said this:

“I have learned, in whatsoever state I am in – whether that state be Alabama, Alaska, Arizona, Arkansas, California, Colorado, Connecticut, Delaware, Florida, Georgia, Hawaii, Idaho, Illinois, Indiana, Iowa, Kansas, Kentucky, Louisiana, Maine, Maryland, or any of the other 30 states – therewith to be content.“

The message Paul was driving home in Philippians is that we can choose to live in a state of contentment regardless of our present condition/circumstance. I submit to you now that we can also choose to live in a state of contentment regardless of our present location/place. Frankly, if you can’t find contentment in Alabama, I can guarantee you won’t be able to find contentment in Alaska. If you can’t find contentment in Alaska, I can guarantee you won’t be able to find contentment in Arizona. If you can’t find contentment in ______, I can guarantee you won’t be able to find contentment in ______. (Fill in the blanks with the state you live in and a state you’d rather live in). You get the idea: a state of contentment is not a physical locale, but rather, a frame of mind…one that is content to stay and content to go, “as god doth lead“.

Are you battling feelings of discontentment regarding your present location/place? Do you sometimes feel like you’d be a whole lot happier if you could just “get out of dodge”? Or, on the flip side, are your feelings of contentment merely on account of enjoying your present location/place? Do you sometimes feel like you’d fall apart if you had to move away from the home you love? If you find yourself in one of these scenarios, then this month’s article is for you. Using Lampertus Gedicke’s 1711 hymn as our guide, we are going to learn 5 powerful affirmations that will help us to enter a state of contentment. Ready?

Affirmation #1: As God Doth Lead Me…


As God doth lead me I would go;
I do not ask to choose my way;
Content with what He doth bestow,
Assured He will not let me stray.
So as He leads, My path I make,
And step by step I gladly take,
A child in Him confiding.

The word “would”, used in this archaic sense, connotes an intense wish, desire, or yearning. In today’s age, we use “would” in a much more complacent way (i.e. “Sorry, I would go, but I have other commitments.” or “Maybe I would go if I had the right outfit.”) Gedicke’s “I would go” expresses his sincere longing to walk the path God has set before him. He is saying that he lets Dad choose the way. That he is content with what Dad has to offer. That he trusts Dad to keep him on course. That he follows Dad’s lead. That he gladly mimics Dad’s steps. That he has childlike confidence in Dad. Picture a young boy all packed up and ready to go on a surprise vacation. He’s not apprehensive; he’s excited. He’s ready to get this show on the road. He’s bouncing off the walls with anticipation. He’s going to burst out the door the moment he gets the go-ahead. He may not know just where he’s headed, but he knows that a trip planned by Dad is bound to be good.

Do we have a childlike confidence in our Father – trusting that wherever He leads us will be for our good? Are we willing to leave the stomping grounds that are near and dear to us in order to follow God’s lead elsewhere? Can we say “goodbye” to a cozy home, or a manicured lawn, or a cultivated garden, or a mild climate, or a treasured friend, or a beloved relative, in order to say “hello” to the unknown? Will we hold an attitude that says not, “I would go if it were God’s will” (if I have to, I guess), but rather, “I would go if it were God’s will!” (sign me up and count me in)? After all, a trip planned by the Father is bound to be good!

The steps of a man are established by the Lord, and He delights in his way. When he falls, he will not be hurled headlong, because the Lord is the One who holds his hand. – Psalm 37:23-24

Everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or farms for My name’s sake, will receive many times as much, and will inherit eternal life. – Matthew 19:29b

My State of Contentment is not Massachusetts, Michigan, Minnesota, Mississippi, Missouri, or Montana. No, my State of Contentment is anyplace I would go…as God doth lead me. What say you, Damsel?

Affirmation #2: As God Doth Lead…


As God doth lead I am content;
I rest me calmly in His hands;
That which He has decreed and sent–
That which His will for me commands,
I would that He should all fulfill:
That I should do His gracious will
In living or in dying.

The American Heritage® Dictionary defines the adjective “content” as: desiring no more than what one has; satisfied; ready to accept or acquiesce; willing. Gedicke’s idea of contentment appears to be right on par with the folks at American Heritage®. When one desires no more than what they have – as opposed to seeking for “more, more, more” – they can rest calmly. When one chooses to be satisfied – as opposed to feeling sorry for themselves – they can take in stride whatever God decrees and sends. When one is ready to accept or acquiesce – as opposed to demanding their own way – they can humbly say “not my will, but thine.” When one is willing – as opposed to headstrong – they can consecrate their life, and even death, to the cause of Christ. Contentment is letting Jesus take the wheel, while being a joyful passenger.

Do we foster an overall spirit of contentment, whether in the staying or in the going? I am reminded of The Clash’s hit song, Should I Stay, or Should I Go? In the song, the male protagonist asks his intended, “Should I stay or should I go now? If I go, there will be trouble. And if I stay, it will be double. So ya gotta let me know. Should I stay, or should I go?” As the band pointed out, going can be troublesome, and staying can be even more troublesome. There is no relationship on earth without some troubles, and likewise, there is no location on earth without some troubles. The only way to be completely happy in any place is to be content. Content to stay, content to go, content to live, content to die…content in the Lord.

For if we live, we live for the Lord, or if we die, we die for the Lord; therefore whether we live or die, we are the Lord’s. – Romans 14:8

Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ’s sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong. – 2 Corinthians 12:10

My State of Contentment is not Nebraska, Nevada, New Hampshire, New Jersey, New Mexico, or New York. No, my State of Contentment is anyplace I am content…as God doth lead. What say you, Damsel?

Affirmation #3: As God Doth Lead…


As God doth lead I all resign;
I trust me to my Father’s will;
When reason’s rays deceptive shine,
His counsel would I yet fulfill–
That which His love ordained as right,
Before He brought me to the light,–
My all to Him resigning.

To “resign” means to give up. Synonyms of “resign” include: yield, submit, relinquish, surrender, and abandon. Those are some heavy words! How can Gedicke claim to yield all, submit all, relinquish all, surrender all, and abandon all? The answer is in the second line of the verse: by trusting in God’s will. In order to choose God’s counsel – over our own futile reasoning – we have to trust. In order to choose what is right – over our own personal desires – we have to trust. In order to “all resign” – we have to trust. I once saw a touching graphic of a little girl handing over her wee teddy bear to Jesus. “But I love it” she says tearfully, hanging her head as Jesus extends His hand to receive her small sacrifice. With his other hand, Jesus is holding a surprise behind His back: a huge teddy bear tied up with a ribbon. Once the little girl relinquishes her old teddy, she has something bigger and better waiting for her. But first, she must trust.

How many times in life have we been denied “the big teddy bear” God desired to surprise us with, only because we refused to surrender “the little teddy bear”? How many times have we clung so fiercely to old hopes and dreams that we left no room for new opportunities? How many times have we allowed a lack of trust to block the blessings that could have been ours? Whether God calls us to give up our present location so that we might move away, or give up our desire to move away so that we might stay in our present location, trusting in Him is the key. It’s okay to ask, seek, and knock in favor of the direction you want to go, but don’t try to force God’s hand. Walk only through the doors He opens, and resign the rest.

But whatever things were gain to me, those things I have counted as loss for the sake of Christ. More than that, I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of  knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them but rubbish so that I may gain Christ. – Philippians 3:7-8

​All these blessings will come upon you and overtake you if you obey the Lord your God: “Blessed shall you be in the city, and blessed shall you be in the country…“Blessed shall you be when you come in, and blessed shall you be when you go out.” – Deuteronomy 28:2-3, 6

My State of Contentment is not North Carolina, North Dakota, Ohio, Oklahoma, Oregon, or Pennsylvania. No, my State of Contentment is anyplace I all resign…as God doth lead. What say you, Damsel?

Affirmation #4: As God Doth Lead Me…


As God doth lead me I abide,
In faith, in hope, is suffering true;
His strength is ever by my side–
Can aught my hold on Him undo?
So patiently I wait and know
That God, who doth my life bestow,
In kindness all is sending.

To “abide” is to remain in a place. The word can also speak of bearing, tolerating, and enduring. Gedicke’s usage of the word “abide” certainly carries this connotation, as he goes on to mention suffering in the next line. He connects faith and hope with suffering, a hard (but biblical) truth. He takes comfort in God’s strength and knows that no amount of suffering can rip him from God’s hands. He waits patiently through the trials that are before him. He identifies God as the kind author of his life, and chooses to believe that the story God is writing (though it admittedly contains heartbreaking chapters) is for his ultimate good. Returning to the basic definition of abide, sometimes it is necessary for a Christian to hunker down in a particular location, even if that location adds suffering to their lives. Sometimes, for various reasons, moving away isn’t an option. Sometimes, there is no way out…only through. Sometimes, we must abide.

Even if “home is where the hurt is” (I gleaned this clever phrase from U2’s song, “Walk On”) contentment can still be ours. You’re probably familiar with the famous expression, “bloom where you are planted”. It may be a cliché piece of advice, but that doesn’t make it any less sound. “But flowers can’t bloom under unfavorable conditions” you might say. That’s true, but then again, flowers are not indwelt by God’s Holy Spirit. In the same way that Paul and Silas could “bloom” in the prison cell in which they were “planted”, so too can we survive – even thrive – in our own miserable environments. If God wills (or allows) us to live in a prison, we owe it to Him to offer the best version of ourselves possible within the confines of that cell.

Therefore, those also who suffer according to the will of God shall entrust their souls to a faithful Creator in doing what is right. – 1 Peter 4:19

For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, ​nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. – Romans 8:38-39

My State of Contentment is not Rhode Island, South Carolina, South Dakota, Tennessee, Texas, or Utah. No, my State of Contentment is anyplace I abide…as God doth lead me. What say you, Damsel?

Affirmation #5: As God Doth Lead…


As God doth lead I onward go,
Though oft ‘mid thorns and briers keen;
God does not yet His guidance show–
But in the end it shall be seen
How, by a loving Father’s will,
Faithful and true, He leads me still,–
Thus anchored, faith is resting.

“Onward” is defined as “moving in a forward direction; tending toward a contemplated or desirable end”. Gedicke goes out with a bang, concluding his hymn with a positive, hopeful outlook on his journey. Sure, he knows that his path will have many a thorn and brier along the way. He also recognizes that there will be things he doesn’t understand about God’s plan for his life. However, he doesn’t allow himself to be discouraged; he keeps his eyes on the prize. He is confident that he will one day, at that “contemplated, desirable end”, understand the Father’s will. After all, God has always shown Himself to be a leader that is faithful and true in times past, why would He fail to do so now? With that doubt-dispelling, anchoring thought, Gedicke subtly inspires us to step forward on our own spiritual journeys…onward and upward.

It will serve us well to remember that there is a “new world order” coming that far surpasses this present age. Many folks spend too much time worrying about what “state” (location/place) they will live in on this side of eternity, and not near enough time worrying about what “state” (condition/circumstance) they will live in on the other side. Regardless of your feelings toward the current location you call home, don’t let those feelings distract you from the eternal home that matters most. You may not be able to choose where you live now, but the good news is: you can choose where you live forever! Obey the gospel today to begin your journey onward and homeward. (See Mark 16:16.)

Now if we have died with Christ, we believe that we shall also live with Him. – Romans 6:8

According to His promise we are looking for new heavens and a new earth, in which righteousness dwells. – 2 Peter 3:13b

My State of Contentment is not Vermont, Virginia, Washington, West Virginia, Wisconsin, or Wyoming. No, my State of Contentment is the place I onward go…as God doth lead. What say you, Damsel?

In conclusion…

Regardless of which one of the 50 states you find yourself in, you can be in a state of contentment right where you are. (The same goes for any street, town, county, region, country, or continent for that matter!)

Remember: a state of contentment is not a physical locale, but a frame of mind.

Lampertus Gedicke gave us 5 powerful affirmations that can help us enter a state of contentment if we will believe and claim these truths as our own:

  1. As God doth lead me I would go.
  2. As God doth lead I am content.
  3. As God doth lead I all resign.
  4. As God doth lead me I abide.
  5. As God doth lead I onward go.

I want to proclaim, like the Apostle Paul:

I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content.

What say you, Damsel?

For God’s glory,
Mrs. Dustin Bolks

Chaste Bolks is a church of Christ preacher’s wife, and the home educating mother of two children. She and her family currently reside in Northwest Iowa.