Destress the Damsel

My Response Ability

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When you feel like saying something
That you know you will regret,
Or keenly feel an insult
Not quite easy to forget,
That’s the time to curb resentment
And maintain a mental peace,
For when your mind is tranquil
All your ill thoughts simply cease.

It’s easy to be angry
When defrauded or defied,
To be peeved and disappointed
If your wishes are denied;
But to win a worthwhile battle
Over selfishness and spite,
You must learn to keep strict silence
Though you know you’re in the right.

So keep your mental balance
When confronted by a foe,
Be it enemy in ambush
Or some danger that you know.
If you are poised and tranquil
When all around is strife,
Be assured that you have mastered
The most vital thing in life.

– “Stay Calm” by Grenville Kleiser

  • Would you like to stay as cool as a cucumber when faced with opposition?

  • How would it feel to keep your head and walk away from every conflict free of regrets?

  • Do you want to show yourself to be a classy, elegant, and unbothered queen in all your dealings?

Then you need to get a handle on your “response ability”!

Our response ability (that is, the art of composure in confrontation) says a lot about our emotional maturity, our powers of self-control, and the sincerity of our devotion to Christ. The way we hold ourselves in difficult situations often reveals the inner woman: is she a collected sage, or a prattling fool?

We should all ask ourselves from time to time, “what is my response ability?” Taking an honest look at our reactions (and adjusting them if need be) is sanctifying. Today, I want to share three points for self-evaluation. Firstly, if I aim to level-up my response ability, then I need to look into…

The heart of the righteous ponders how to answer, but the mouth of the wicked pours out evil things. – Proverbs 15:28

Pondering how to answer takes time, while pouring out evil things takes no time at all. The former is the higher and nobler path, but the latter is the path of least resistance. Any fool can rant and rave in record response time, but a wise woman takes her time in formulating a response. She may even remain silent (as Jesus did before His accusers) if she perceives the conversation to be going nowhere fast. If and when she does respond, it won’t be a lightning strike, but a slow and steady rainfall. A woman of response ability is ordered and methodical, not impetuous and hysterical.

Ask yourself these questions to test your response times:

  • Do I listen intently to hear what the other person has to say, or do I only focus on forming a response to shoot back the moment their mouth is closed?

  • Is letting the other person have their turn of speaking my custom, or do I interrupt because I haughtily think that what I have to say is of more importance?

  • Am I calm and composed, or am I a ticking time bomb that is ready to spew out my next comeback in an explosive blast?

Check your response times in order to know your response ability!

This you know, my beloved brethren. But everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger; for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God. – James 1:19-20

Secondly, if I aim to level-up my response ability, then I need to look into…

And the work of righteousness will be peace, and the service of righteousness, quietness and confidence forever. – Isaiah 32:17

Quietness and confidence…what a pair. The Bible calls this winning combination the “service of righteousness”. To be quiet and confident simultaneously – it is the perfect blend of standing your ground while keeping your dignity. Most people will applaud confidence, but reject quietness both in themselves and others. The quality of quietness may be underrated by mankind, but it is applauded by God. In fact, He calls the quality of a gentle and quiet spirit in a woman “imperishable”, and “precious” in His sight. (1 Peter 3:4) I’d rather be His kind of lady than a loud-mouth schnook any day of the week!

Ask yourself these questions to test your response tones:

  • Do I keep a steady and composed tone of voice even when I am perturbed, or does the tone of my voice raise in decibals to match the flaming fire within?

  • Is my tone conveying patience and forbearance to the listener, or does it reek of animosity and resentment?

  • Am I more concerned with making my voice heard and showing the other person who’s boss, or with speaking the truth (which doesn’t require a loudspeaker)?

Check your response tones in order to know your response ability!

Let your gentle spirit be known to all men. The Lord is near. – Philippians 4:5

Lastly, if I aim to level-up my response ability, then I need to look into…

Words from the mouth of a wise man are gracious, while the lips of a fool consume him; the beginning of his talking is folly and the end of it is wicked madness. – Ecclesiastes 10:12-13

This proverb hits the bullseye! Once we allow our lips to take the reigns in heated conversation (as opposed to our spirit), the word-garbage just keeps flowing until we are in a messy heap of our own making. No matter the temptation to “sock it to ’em” and “give ’em what for”, we must filter the words we say…even to the vilest recipient. We Christian women offer words of grace to contentious people – not because they are loving, but because we are. Slow response times and quiet response tones go a long way in aiding gracious response terms.

Ask yourself these questions to test your response terms:

  • Do I carefully select my words in order to keep my speech above reproach, or do I say any old thing that will make me look smart and the other person look stupid? (Hint: it always ends up the other way around…arrogance is a hideous accessory on any female)

  • Are my words full of caring consideration, or loaded with cutting criticisms?

  • Am I using my words in an attempt to show the other person what is right, or that I am right?

Check your response terms in order to know your response ability!

And while being reviled, He did not revile in return; while suffering, He uttered no threats, but kept entrusting Himself to Him who judges righteously. – 1 Peter 2:23

In conclusion…

When evaluating your response ability, ask yourselves these three vital questions:

How are my response times? How are my response tones? How are my response terms?

In the face of opposition, remember this: it is my responsibility to better my response ability. Don’t stoop to the level of those who have no response ability of their own. Keep your cool and stand tall no matter the refuse being hurled at you, because…

…composure allays great offenses. – Ecclesiastes 10:4b

For God’s glory,
Mrs. Dustin Bolks

Chaste Bolks is a church of Christ preacher’s wife, and the home educating mother of two children. She and her family currently reside in Northwest Iowa.

How to Be a Busy Body: 8 Simple Steps

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How doth the little busy Bee
Improve each shining Hour,
And gather Honey all the day
From every opening Flower!
How skillfully she builds her Cell!
How neat she spreads the Wax!
And labours hard to store it well
With the sweet Food she makes.
In works of Labour or of Skill
I would be busy too:
For Satan finds some Mischief still
For idle Hands to do.

In Books, or Work, or healthful Play
Let my first Years be past,
That I may give for every Day
Some good Account at last.

– “Against Idleness and Mischief” by Isaac Watts

Idleness and mischief – the two go hand in hand. And both are held in the hands of a busybody. In his poem, Isaac Watts presents the perfect solution for the tendency to idleness and mischief: we must follow in the example of the “little busy bee” and set ourselves to a productive lifestyle. The Bible presents much the same solution for idleness…

For we hear that some among you are leading an undisciplined life, doing no work at all, but acting like busybodies. Now we command and exhort such persons in the Lord Jesus Christ to work peacefully and eat their own bread. – 2 Thessalonians 3:11-12 (emphasis added)

Read: get to work! Ironically, the cure for being a busybody is being a busy body – or in other words, keeping your body busy. Paul expounds on this cure with specific directions for women:

At the same time they also learn to be idle, as they go around from house to house; and not merely idle, but also they become gossips and busybodies, talking about things not proper to mention. Therefore, I want younger widows to get married, have children, manage their households, and give the enemy no opportunity for reproach. – 1 Timothy 5:13-14 (emphasis added)

What does Paul cite as the cure for idleness and mischief? Homemaking! A woman can learn to be an idle, gossiping busybody, or she can learn to focus on her family. She can learn to be a worker at home. (Titus 2:4-5)

My goal today is to help you learn to be a worker at home. I am going to teach you how to be a “busy body” in 8 simple steps. Step #1 is to…

A good homemaker keeps her body busy by beautifying the home.

  • She beautifies the home by purifying it. A portion of her time is devoted to cleaning activities; such as wiping counters, sweeping/mopping floors, tending to dishes and laundry, etc.

  • She beautifies the home by decorating it. A portion of her time is devoted to cultivating style; such as art, plants, collections, etc. (Keeping ever before her mind her husband’s tastes and desires)

  • She beautifies the home by warming it. A portion of her time is devoted to creating ambience; such as pleasant fragrances, mood lighting, and agreeable temperature.

Making a home a beautiful haven of rest for one’s family is a worthwhile pursuit…and it will certainly keep a body busy.

Beautify! Your wife shall be like a fruitful vine within your house… – Psalm 128:3a

How to be a Busy Body Step #2 is to…

A good homemaker keeps her body busy by organizing the home.

  • She organizes the home by minimalism. She avoids excessive buying, so that there is never an over-abundance of items to be organized. She buys intentionally rather than impulsively.

  • She organizes the home by tidying. She doesn’t take the path of least resistance and hodgepodge the family belongings into every nook and cranny. Her motto is “a place for everything, and everything in its place”.

  • She organizes the home by consistency. She keeps items picked up throughout the day so that the piles don’t become insurmountable tasks. She doesn’t merely organize once in a great while, but keeps a workable system of good habits for herself and the children.

Making a home an organized haven of rest for one’s family is a worthwhile pursuit…and it will certainly keep a body busy.

Organize! …What woman, if she has ten silver coins and loses one coin, does not light a lamp and sweep the house and search carefully until she finds it? – Luke 15:8

How to be a Busy Body Step #3 is to…

A good homemaker keeps her body busy by decluttering the home.

  • She declutters the home by giving away items her family no longer uses. She is generous, and pleased to find someone who can put the items to good use. When the garment no longer fits, or the toy is outgrown, or the book has past its purpose…she considers it a blessing to pass it on for another family’s enjoyment.

  • She declutters the home by selling off items her family no longer uses. She is shrewd in adding to her husband’s income by recovering some of the money on gently used belongings. She might sell items online, take them to a local consignment shop, or host a garage sale.

  • She declutters the home by throwing out items her family no longer uses. She knows the difference between healthy sentimentality and hoarding, and is not afraid to throw out anything that is not worthy of giving away or selling. She is okay with letting go.

Making a home a decluttered haven of rest for one’s family is a worthwhile pursuit…and it will certainly keep a body busy.

Declutter! A time to search and a time to give up as lost; a time to keep and a time to throw away. – Ecclesiastes 3:6

How to be a Busy Body Step #4 is to…

A good homemaker keeps her body busy by bringing yield to the home.

  • She yields for the home with her culinary skills. She cooks and bakes delicious and nutritious foods for her family to enjoy. She is pleased to see others enjoy the fruit of her kitchen labors.

  • She yields for the home with her crafting skills. She dabbles perhaps in needlework (sewing, crocheting, knitting, etc.), or art (drawing, painting, etc.), or music (singing, playing an instrument, etc.). She is pleased to see others enjoy the fruit of her creative labors.

  • She yields for the home with her composition skills. She maybe writes a thank you note, or pops a birthday card in the mail, or sends a suggestive text to her husband. She is pleased to see others enjoy the fruit of her conversational labors.

Making a home a yielding haven of rest for one’s family is a worthwhile pursuit…and it will certainly keep a body busy.

Yield! Give her the product of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates. – Proverbs 31:31

How to be a Busy Body Step #5 is to…

A good homemaker keeps her body busy by beatifying the home. (Beatify = sanctify, hallow, consecrate)

  • She beatifies the home by acknowledging God’s will for her as a woman. She does not consider being a wife, mother, and homemaker an antiquated or oppressive role in society. She humbly accepts the differences between men and women as God-ordained and therefore intrinsically good.

  • She beatifies the home by submitting to God’s will for her as a woman. She is obedient to her husband, nurturing to her children, and committed to the home. She is firmly planted in her femininity.

  • She beatifies the home by growing in God’s will for her as a woman. She strives every day to be a better wife, a better mom, a better homemaker. She is not content with the mediocre, but is on a perpetual level-up journey.

Making a home a beatified haven of rest for one’s family is a worthwhile pursuit…and it will certainly keep a body busy.

Beatify! The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish tears it down with her own hands. – Proverbs 14:1

How to be a Busy Body Step #6 is to…

A good homemaker keeps her body busy by unplugging the home.

  • She unplugs the home by minimizing her social media usage. She is too invested in her own family responsibilities to be concerned about keeping up with the Joneses. She is aware that too much social media can open the door to jealousy, comparisons, covetousness, etc. and is watchful of her feminine temptations.

  • She unplugs the home by minimizing her telephone calls. She will not go house-to-house as a busybody, even through the air waves. She is aware that too many telephone calls can open the door to gossip, slander, foolish talk, etc. and is watchful of her feminine temptations.

  • She unplugs the home by minimizing her social visits. She knows she can not rightly be a “keeper at home” when her feet do not abide at home. She knows that too many social visits can open the door to familial neglect, discontentment, unhealthy relationships, etc. and is watchful of her feminine temptations.

Making a home an unplugged haven of rest for one’s family is a worthwhile pursuit…and it will certainly keep a body busy.

Unplug! …Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life and attend to your own business and work with your hands, just as we commanded you. – 1 Thessalonians 4:11

How to be a Busy Body Step #7 is to…

A good homemaker keeps her body busy by scheduling the home.

  • She schedules the home in a timely manner. She makes good use of planners, phone reminders, or timers to keep herself on task and make sure her home priorities are done at appointed times. She does not make a habit of procrastination, but is faithful to her duties.

  • She schedules the home in a realistic manner. She is not rigid and inflexible, but makes allowances for unexpected hiccups that prevent work from being done. She adjusts to special circumstances, but does not use them as excuses for laziness.
  • She schedules the home in a balanced manner. She evenly distributes tasks throughout the week to prevent burnout. She delegates age-appropriate tasks to the children to both ease her burden and give them training in their own work ethics.

Making a home a scheduled haven of rest for one’s family is a worthwhile pursuit…and it will certainly keep a body busy.

Schedule! Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance. It is the Lord Christ whom you serve. – Colossians 3:23-24

How to be a Busy Body Step #8 is to…

A good homemaker keeps her body busy by yearning for the home.

  • She yearns for the home because she loves her husband. She makes love to her man, she finds ways to please him, she shows preference for him, etc. She not only knows her place as a wife, but she loves her place as a wife.

  • She yearns for the home because she loves her children. She trains them, she builds them up with words of encouragement, she exercises patience towards them, etc. She not only knows her place as a mother, but she loves her place as a mother.

  • She yearns for the home because she loves her home. She makes it a clean place, a cozy place, a caring place, etc. She not only knows her place in the home, but she loves her place in the home.

Making a home a yearned for haven of rest for one’s family is a worthwhile pursuit…and it will certainly keep a body busy.

Yearn! So that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children…workers at home… – excerpt from Titus 2:4-5

In conclusion…

If you want to learn how to be a busy body, remember to:

Beautify
Organize
Declutter
Yield
Beatify
Unplug
Schedule
Yearn

Keep your B.O.D.Y. B.U.S.Y. with these 8 steps, and you’ll be a busy body in no time…in fact, you’ll be so invested in your own home that you’ll simply have no time to be a busybody!

She looks well to the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness. – Proverbs 31:27

For God’s glory,
Mrs. Dustin Bolks

Chaste Bolks is a church of Christ preacher’s wife, and the home educating mother of two children. She and her family currently reside in Northwest Iowa.

Remote Control

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O be careful little eyes what you see
O be careful little eyes what you see
For the Father up above
Is looking down in love
So, be careful little eyes what you see

And so begins the popular children’s song. It goes on to give these exhortations:

O be careful little ears what you hear…
O be careful little tongue what you say…
O be careful little hands what you do…
O be careful little feet where you go…
O be careful little heart whom you trust…
O be careful little mind what you think…

Though the childish tune may not be a chart-topping hit, the simple message of this song is as relevant to the 30 year old woman as it is to the 3 year old girl. Keeping a pure heart is a lifelong pursuit.

Did you notice the pattern the song follows?

  • The first two stanzas warn us to be careful what we see and hear – to consider our observations.

  • The next three stanzas warn us to be careful what we say, what we do, and where we go – to consider our actions.

  • The second to the last stanza warns us to be careful whom we trust – to consider our devotions.

  • The last stanza warns us to be careful what we think – to consider our perceptions.

The author of this song wisely noted that our observations become our actions, our actions become our devotions, and our devotions become our perceptions. If we want to have positive perceptions, devotions, and actions, then it stands to reason that we must be shrewd in our observations. We must be diligent to avoid seeing and hearing things that are unfit for the eyes and ears of pure ladies. One way to accomplish this is by having “remote control”. That is, by being intentional about the content we view on our televisions.

The eye is the lamp of the body; so then if your eye is clear, your whole body will be full of light. But if your eye is bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light that is in you is darkness, how great is the darkness! – Matthew 5:22-23

[Now, if you are a married woman, then your husband is the head of your home. I urge you to defer to his film choices. If his taste is for impure entertainment, I suggest a) sitting beside him while occupying your mind with another activity such as needlework or a book; b) respectfully asking to be excused from the room for the duration of the show; or c) making an appeal for different content in a spirit of meekness. Submit to him as unto the Lord.]

In our home, my husband has given me the task of selecting films for our weekly family movie nights. This means that I have a responsibility to select quality content for our family of four, which includes our two teenage sons. Will I be a wise woman and build up my home through pure film choices? Or will I be a foolish woman who tears down my home by poor film choices? It all comes down to my remote control.

There are several websites out there that review movies from a spiritual perspective, allowing you to vet the content of a movie before (or, in lieu of) viewing it. I often use www.pluggedin.com, as they are quite thorough with their reviews, and their movie lists are extensive. With their cut-and-dry approach, I am able to assess fairly quickly whether or not a movie is suitable for our family.

What do I look for to test a movie’s suitability? Today, I want to share with you three questions I ask myself before a family movie enters our home and beams its message into our noggins. I ask myself:

The word “rude” is defined as follows: something offensively impolite or ill-mannered. Synonyms include ungentlemanly, unladylike, uncivil, discourteous, and audacious.

Plugged In does a fantastic job at pointing out rude behavior in movies. This may include, but is not limited to: bathroom “humor”, crude language, mockery of ethnic/religious groups, etc.

Rude behavior does not necessarily always equate with immoral behavior, but it certainly straddles the line and should make us pause to consider the wisdom of viewing such a film. A movie may be lawful to view, but is it profitable? (1 Corinthians 6:12) Is it filling our family’s minds up with true, honorable, pure, lovely, reputable, excellent, or praiseworthy thoughts? (Philippians 4:8) Opinions on what does or does not constitute as rude will vary from family to family, so I will merely offer some questions you might ask yourself to gauge the rudeness of a film:

  • If I wouldn’t participate in the behavior airing from our television screen, should our family be watching it?

  • If I would scold my child for participating in the behavior airing from our television screen, should our family be watching it?

  • If I would be ashamed to serve as the actor participating in the behavior airing from our television screen, should our family be watching it?

  • If I feel pricked in my conscience when seeing the behavior airing from our television screen, should our family be watching it?

  • If I would blush to have the Lord observe the behavior airing from our television screen, should our family be watching it?

These questions may serve as a guide to choosing more quality content. Remember: our observations become our actions, our actions become our devotions, and our devotions become our perceptions…so let us be careful what we observe. If we willingly observe rude behavior, it is likely that we will begin to act in rude ways, devote ourselves to rude people, and perceive the world in a rude way. Before you select your next family flick, stop and ask yourself: is it rude?

He who walks with wise men will be wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm. – Proverbs 13:20

We do not want anyone in our family to keep company with fools, real or fictional. Therefore, I will exercise remote control.

Another question I ask myself before a family movie enters our home and beams its message into our noggins is this:

The word “lewd” is defined as follows: something crude and offensive in a sexual way. Synonyms include indecent, vulgar, obscene, pornographic, and explicit.

Plugged In does a fantastic job at pointing out lewd behavior in movies. This may include, but is not limited to: seductive conduct, sensual kissing, and sexual acts.

Lewd behavior can be highly enticing, no matter one’s spiritual convictions – especially to the male gender. Men are wired (by God) to respond to visual stimulus, which is why pornography never has and never will go out of style. Those in the movie industry are well aware of man’s temptation to lust, and play on this by sprinkling sensuality into just about every movie that hits the box office. Lewdness may have no effect on you as a female…and if you are a good wife who keeps her man on empty, it may have little to no effect on your husband…but I implore you above all to think of your sons when selecting films that may include lewd content. Young men are without an outlet, having no spouse to fulfill their budding desires. Observing lewdness will only serve to stoke fires that have no way of being put out. Help your son to flee youthful lusts by setting only clean movies before him – this is one of the best kindnesses you can offer him and potentially, his future wife.

Remember: our observations become our actions, our actions become our devotions, and our devotions become our perceptions…so let us be careful what we observe. If we willingly observe lewd behavior, it is likely that we will begin to act in lewd ways, devote ourselves to lewd people, and perceive the world in a lewd way. Before you select your next family flick, stop and ask yourself: is it lewd?

You have heard that it was said, ‘you shall not commit adultery’; but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye makes you stumble, tear it out and throw it from you; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your body, than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. – Matthew 5:27-29

We do not want anyone in our family to lust after someone they are not married to, real or fictional. Therefore, I will exercise remote control.

Another question I ask myself before a family movie enters our home and beams its message into our noggins is this:

The word “booed” is defined as follows: something accompanied with contempt or disapproval. Synonyms include decried, disdained, reviled, censured, and condemned.

Plugged In does a fantastic job at pointing out booed behavior in movies. This may include, but is not limited to: lying, violence, and disregard for authority.

Booed behavior is any conduct explicitly denounced in scripture…and Hollywood is rife with such. Long gone are the good old days where the majority of movies had a moral message: protagonist does wrong, protagonist learns the error of their ways, protagonist changes for the better. (Did I just accidentally provide the synopsis for A Christmas Carol?) Nowadays, protagonists in most films sin, get away with it, and go on to sin some more while inviting others to do the same.

It’s easy to get desensitized to movie sins when…

Lies are portrayed as protection. Gory violence is portrayed as self-defense. Disregard for authority is portrayed as bravery. Homosexuality is portrayed as love. Stealing is portrayed as borrowing. The list goes on…anything is portrayed as justifiable as long as we are rooting for the character doing it. But the question is, should we be rooting for a character who is in opposition to God’s ways? Should we applaud what the Lord boos?

Remember: our observations become our actions, our actions become our devotions, and our devotions become our perceptions…so let us be careful what we observe. If we willingly observe booed behavior, it is likely that we will begin to act in booed ways, devote ourselves to booed people, and perceive the world in a booed way. Before you select your next family flick, stop and ask yourself: is it booed?

Being filled with all unrighteousness, wickedness, greed, evil; full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, malice; they are gossips, slanderers, haters of God, insolent, arrogant, boastful, inventors of evil, disobedient to parents, without understanding, untrustworthy, unloving, unmerciful; and although they know the ordinance of God, that those who practice such things are worthy of death, they not only do the same, but also give hearty approval to those who practice them. – Romans 1:29-32 (emphasis added)

We do not want anyone in our family to give hearty approval to evildoers, real or fictional. Therefore, I will exercise remote control.

In conclusion…

When selecting family films, I encourage you to put each movie through this vetting process:

  • Is it rude?

  • Is it lewd?

  • Is it booed?

If it is rude, lewd, or booed, then why is it being viewed? Ask yourself: “do I control my remote, or does my remote control me?” I believe we all could do well to improve our sense of remote control.

I will walk within my house in the integrity of my heart. I will set no worthless thing before my eyes; I hate the work of those who fall away; it shall not fasten its grip on me. – Psalm 101:2b-3

For God’s glory,
Mrs. Dustin Bolks

Chaste Bolks is a church of Christ preacher’s wife, and the home educating mother of two children. She and her family currently reside in Northwest Iowa.