Show and (Don’t) Tell

02.28.2022 by Chaste Bolks // Leave a Comment

I can wash out forty four pairs of socks and have ’em hangin’ out on the line
I can starch and iron two dozen shirts ‘fore you can count from one to nine
I can scoop up a great big dipper full of lard from the drippin’s can
Throw it in the skillet, go out and do my shopping, be back before it melts in the pan
‘Cause I’m a woman! W-O-M-A-N, I’ll say it again

I can rub and scrub til this old house is shinin’ like a dime
Feed the baby, grease the car, and powder my face at the same time
Get all dressed up, go out and swing ’til four A.M. and then
Lay down at five, jump up at six, and start all over again
‘Cause I’m a woman! W-O-M-A-N, I’ll say it again

If you come to me sickly you know I’m gonna make you well
If you come to me all hexed up you know I’m gonna break the spell
If you come to me hungry you know I’m gonna fill you full of grits
If it’s lovin’ you’re likin’, I’ll kiss you and give you the shiverin’ fits
‘Cause I’m a woman! W-O-M-A-N, I’ll say it again

I got a twenty dollar gold piece says there ain’t nothing I can’t do
I can make a dress out of a feed bag and I can make a man out of you

‘Cause I’m a woman! A W-O-M-A-N, I’ll say it again
‘Cause I’m a woman! W-O-M-A-N, and that’s all

– “I’m a Woman” by Peggy Lee

Women who read the lyrics to this song will most likely experience one of two knee-jerk reactions:

“Oh my, somebody’s a little over-confident. Ha!”

or…

“Yes, that sounds just like me! Finally someone understands!”

If you fall into the first camp, it’s likely that you have a healthy view of your womanhood. However, if you fall into the second camp, your self-perspective just might need some adjusting. There is a dangerous tendency in humans to “think of themselves more highly than they ought to think”, as Paul warned about in Romans 12:3. This prideful thinking leads to unseemly and ungodly boasting, which a God-fearing woman will avoid like the plague.

Are you guilty of boasting? I’m afraid that this is a sin that often goes unrecognized, as it’s used among many women in everyday conversation. Practical examples include…

“Oh yes, I always do the yearly taxes for our family. You know how us wives are, just regular secretaries!”

“After I drop Jimmy off at soccer practice, I have to rush Timmy over to his piano lessons. You know how us moms are, chauffeuring everyone around all the time…”

“If I’m not cooking a meal, I’m grocery shopping for cooking a meal, or I’m prepping for cooking a meal, or I’m cleaning up after cooking a meal. You know how us homemakers are…we practically live in the kitchen.”

Boasting is not necessarily shouting, “I’m the best”, as you fly a flag bearing your name on it (though that would certainly fall into the category of boasting). More often, boasting is subtly sneaked in to conversation. Because it is part of our fleshly nature as humans to point to our own accomplishments, many women perhaps don’t even realize when they are boasting. Nevertheless, when we draw attention to ourselves by self-praising our roles as wives, mothers, etc. it is boasting. It is not humble. It is not meek. It is not discreet. A boast should no sooner escape a Christian woman’s lips than a swear word, a lie, or a cutting remark. While it may be tempting to seek compliments and approval from others, God calls us to serve in humility. He calls us to duty and self-sacrifice. He calls us to meekly and quietly perform good deeds, without seeking a pat on the back. As wives and mothers, the name of our game should be: show and (don’t) tell.

Today, I want to share with you two reasons that you and I don’t need boasting in our lives. Reason #1:

As a Christian woman, my aims in life are pretty straightforward:

Fear the Lord (Proverbs 31:30)
Help the husband (Genesis 2:18)
Raise the children (1 Timothy 2:15)
Keep the home (Titus 2:4)

Do I have any right to boast about performing these duties that the Lord expects of me? Not according to Jesus! He says:

…when you do all the things which are commanded you, say, ‘we are unworthy slaves; we have done only that which we ought to have done.’ – Luke 17:10b

Being a God-fearing wife, mother, and homemaker is my job. To consider myself as more than an unworthy slave would be prideful, and to boast about my deeds would be ludicrous. I was made for this job, and every task I perform therein ought to be for the glory of God, not for the applause of humans. Ask yourself which reward is more gratifying: the praise of men, or of our Lord? We can’t seek after both…

Beware of practicing your righteousness before men to be noticed by them; otherwise you have no reward with your Father who is in heaven. – Matthew 6:1

Of course, there will be times where people will notice our work and praise us, and that’s a-okay. As long as we are not self-praising, or actively seeking the praise of others, it is appropriate to modestly receive compliments from others (though we must always be aware of keeping our egos in check).

Let another praise you, and not your own mouth; a stranger, and not your own lips. – Proverbs 27:2

Be content to do your work quietly and joyfully, and your reputation will precede you in the Kingdom of God…

Give her the product of her hands, and let her own works praise her in the gates. – Proverbs 31:31

Show and (don’t) tell!

The most laudable and effective way to promote ourselves is to allow our works rather than our tongue to do it.
– Leroy Brownlow, Thoughts of Gold

Reason #2 that you and I don’t need boasting in our lives…

I absolutely love being a woman. It truly is a joy to be in the role God created me for. All my life, I desired to be a wife, a mother, and a homemaker; and now I get to live that dream! I am in my happy place when I am at home with my family. I feel my best when I am being productive and needed. See, when you truly love doing something, you will rarely feel the need to boast when you do it…

The musician does not boast about how many hours he “drudges away” at his piano bench…it feels like mere minutes to him for his joy of the instrument.
The chef does not boast about how he “slaves over a hot cook-stove”…it hardly feels like labor to him for his joy of making delightful dishes.
The nanny does not boast about how she “wrangles rugrats”…it feels like playtime to her for her joy of spending time with little ones.

Like the old adage says, “choose a job you love and you’ll never have to work a day in your life”. These kinds of “jobs” are more like hobbies to an individual suited to the task. Well, I am suited to the task of being a wife, mom, and homemaker. Why would I feel the need to boast about performing a job that is pure joy to me? Such boasting is a sort of gluttony, eating up joy twice: once in the performing of the task, and then again in seeking praise for doing so…

It is not good to eat much honey, nor is it glory to search out one’s own glory. – Proverbs 25:27

Boasting is arrogant. It speaks only of love for self, and nothing for the love of others.

…love does not brag… – excerpt from 1 Corinthians 13:4

Our roles as women are nothing short of a gift from God. Let us joyfully and humbly accept His gifts without putting on airs.

For who regards you as superior? What do you have that you did not receive? And if you did receive it, why do you boast as if you had not received it? – 1 Corinthians 4:7

Show and (don’t) tell!

I slept and dreamt that life was joy. I awoke and saw that life was service. I acted and behold, service was joy.
– Rabindranath Tagore

In conclusion…

I am resolved not to boast about myself, or my roles as a wife, mother, and homemaker. Why should I boast? After all, this is my job, and this is my joy! All of us ought to allow our deeds to speak for themselves, and kick the habit of self-praise, A.K.A. boasting, to the curb.

If you think you just don’t have it in you to abolish the habit of boasting altogether, then Scripture provides an alternative. You can amend your boasting to align with Jeremiah 9:23-24:

Thus says the Lord, “let not a wise man boast of his wisdom, and let not the mighty man boast of his might, let not a rich man boast of his riches; but let him who boasts boast of this, that he understands and knows me, that I am the Lord who exercises lovingkindness, justice and righteousness on earth; for I delight in these things,” declares the Lord. [emphasis added]

For the Christian, there is only one proper way to boast…and that is in and of our Maker. Of Him we may freely show and tell.

…He who boasts is to boast in the Lord. For it is not he who commends himself that is approved, but he whom the Lord commends. – 2 Corinthians 10:15b-16

For God’s glory,
Mrs. Dustin Bolks

Chaste Bolks is a church of Christ preacher’s wife, and the home educating mother of two children. She and her family currently reside in Northwest Iowa.

Lopsided Love: Living Like Leah

01.31.2022 by Chaste Bolks // Leave a Comment

Never give up
Never give up
The tide is high, but I’m holding on
I’m gonna be your number one
I’m not the kind of girl who gives up just like that
Oh, no

It’s not the things you do that tease and hurt me bad
But it’s the way you do the things you do to me
I’m not the kind of girl who gives up just like that
Oh, no

The tide is high, but I’m holding on
I’m gonna be your number one
The tide is high, but I’m holding on
I’m gonna be your number one
Number one
Number one

Every girl wants you to be her man
But I’ll wait right here ’til it’s my turn
I’m not the kind of girl who gives up just like that
Oh, no

The tide is high, but I’m holding on
I’m gonna be your number one
The tide is high, but I’m holding on
I’m gonna be your number one
Number one
Number one

Every time that I get the feeling
You give me something to believe in
Every time that I got you near me
I know the way that I want it to be
But you know, I’m gonna take my chance now
I’m gonna make it happen somehow
And you know I can take the pressure
A moment’s pain for a lifetime’s pleasure

-excerpt from “The Tide is High” (Atomic Kitten version)

If ever a girl aspired to be a man’s “number one”, it was Jacob’s first wife, Leah. But just like the song, she was up against a high tide – one terribly lopsided love. Still, her mantra was that of “never give up”, for she chased after her husband’s heart all her days. You know the lopsided love story of Jacob and Leah…

of how Jacob held a candle for Leah’s sister, Rachel. How Jacob made a deal with the sisters’ father for Rachel’s hand in marriage. How Laban pulled a bait and switch on Jacob, replacing Rachel with Leah on what was to have been Jacob and Rachel’s wedding night. How Jacob called Laban out on his deception, and demanded Rachel as his wife in addition to Leah, though Jacob had to strike another deal to do so. How Jacob loved Rachel more than Leah, no matter how hard Leah tried to gain his approval. [Genesis 29FF] Yes, we all know this sad story of deception that led to an unrequited love between man and wife. What we may not know, is that Leah has given us a beautiful pattern of how to be an excellent wife to an unloving husband.

Are you in a marriage of lopsided love – are you living like Leah? As we enter into February, a month filled with heart-shaped boxes of chocolates and bouquets of flowers, I want us to remember the girl who loved so much…but was nobody’s valentine. Maybe you can relate to Leah; perhaps you know the pain of being rejected by the man you love. Then this message is for you. Today, we are going to see how Leah responded to her painful circumstance with dignity. If you are living like Leah, here are 9 things you need to proclaim in the midst of your lopsided love…

Leah conceived and bore a son and named him Reuben, for she said, “Because the Lord has seen my affliction; surely now my husband will love me.” – Genesis 29:32

The name Reuben means: “behold a son!”. Leah’s unloved state was no secret in the family, least of all to her. Just the same, she held out hope that her husband would eventually love her. She assumed that bearing Jacob his first son would seal the deal. After all, wouldn’t the sexual encounter that produced Reuben have meant something to Jacob? Wouldn’t Leah’s submissive act of carrying her man’s seed in her womb show Jacob that she was a help meet to treasure? Sadly, their little boy did not stir up the emotions in Jacob that Leah hoped they would. Jacob still regarded her with indifference, if not downright contempt.

Even though Jacob didn’t love Leah, she loved him. This is truly key in learning to live like Leah. She was a woman who returned love for hate. Even when Leah’s hopes were dashed, her response toward her husband was noble. She didn’t get angry, she didn’t get ugly, she didn’t get even. What did she get? She got pregnant. Again. And then she said…

Then she conceived again and bore a son and said, “Because the Lord has heard that I am unloved, He has therefore given me this son also.” So she named him Simeon. – Genesis 29:33

The name Simeon means: “heard”. Leah was no dummy…though she had hoped that Reuben’s birth would have made her husband love her, she was well aware that it hadn’t done the trick. Not one to accept defeat, she bore Jacob baby boy #2. She acknowledged that she was still unloved at the time of Simeon’s birth, but considered the baby a comfort from the Lord who was sensitive to her pain.

Even though Jacob still didn’t love Leah, she still loved him. She still glorified God in the midst of her pain and counted her blessings…Reuben and Simeon. She was a woman who looked for something to be thankful for in the midst of her bleak circumstances. She didn’t complain, she didn’t mope, she didn’t throw a pity party. She honored God and then she said…

She conceived again and bore a son and said, “Now this time my husband will become attached to me, because I have borne him three sons.” Therefore he was named Levi. – Genesis 29:34

The name Levi means: “joined to”. At this point of Leah’s life, she had learned to lower the bar of her expectations. Instead of expecting her husband to love her, she was willing to settle for him holding a fond place for her in his heart. Leah had accepted the fact that Jacob would probably never be head over heels for her like he was for Rachel, but she hoped that he could at least build some sort of bond with her. She would rather play second fiddle than not be in the band at all, and perhaps Levi was the ticket to building a closer bond with her guy.

Even though Jacob still didn’t love Leah, she still loved him. She still believed that an element of closeness was achievable in their marriage. She didn’t let her expectations rule her, but she adjusted them to fit a more realistic goal. She didn’t act entitled, she didn’t demand, she didn’t stamp her foot. She got a different perspective and then she said…

And she conceived again and bore a son and said, “This time I will praise the Lord.” Therefore she named him Judah. Then she stopped bearing. – Genesis 29:35

The name Judah means: “praised”. Leah realized that God was still acting on her behalf through her ongoing grief. When she looked in the faces of Reuben, Simeon, Levi, and now baby Judah, she saw four undeniable blessings that God had mercifully given. Though Leah had not gained the love of her husband, she had gained the love of the boys she had carried for him. In moments of spiritual strength, it was enough.

Even though Jacob still didn’t love Leah, she still loved him. She shifted her thoughts off of herself and onto her God. She chose to focus on Him and praise Him without hope of any reward beyond that which she already possessed. She didn’t cry, she didn’t beg, she didn’t try to make a deal. She gave praises to God and put everything else on pause. But then her sister started a competition Leah couldn’t resist. Leah gave her handmaid to Jacob and then she said…

When Leah saw that she had stopped bearing, she took her maid Zilpah and gave her to Jacob as a wife. Leah’s maid Zilpah bore Jacob a son. Then Leah said, “How fortunate!” So she named him Gad. – Genesis 30:9

The name Gad means: “fortune”. After Rachel gave her handmaid to Jacob as a form of surrogate, Leah decided to do the same with her own handmaid. Even though Rachel’s handmaid had only borne two children to Jacob, and Leah still had the upper hand with four children, Leah wasn’t about to risk losing any potential headway she had gained toward Jacob’s heart. Perhaps as much as Jacob already loved Rachel, Leah feared that he would begin loving her even more now that they had adopted two kids together. This would mean even less of a chance that Leah could ever win her husband’s affections. Right or wrong, she decided to act. She jumped headlong into the handmaid races. When Zilpah gave birth to Gad, Leah considered it a fortunate thing. She reckoned herself back in the running to win Jacob’s love.

Even though Jacob still didn’t love Leah, she still loved him. She considered any opportunity to win her husband’s heart (no matter how foolhardy) a fortunate thing. While I don’t condone polygamy, I want to focus on this important principle: Leah was a woman who wasn’t afraid to think outside the box in her marriage. She was willing to go to extreme lengths to win her man, and that is a praiseworthy trait. She didn’t cash in her chips, she didn’t throw in the towel, she didn’t say “it’s not worth it anymore”. She stayed the course, and then she said…

Leah’s maid Zilpah bore Jacob a second son. Then Leah said, “Happy am I! For women will call me happy.” So she named him Asher. – Genesis 30:12-13

The name Asher means: “happy one”. When Zilpah gave birth to another baby boy for Jacob and Leah’s side of the family, Leah was overcome with positive emotion. With six strapping boys in the family, Leah knew that she had something many women (her sister included) could only dream of. When she looked at her life objectively, she had to admit that her life was not devoid of happiness. Leah chose to have a spirit of optimism, and we find her yet again believing that good things could be in store for her. Asher gave her a renewed sense of hope and happiness.

Even though Jacob still didn’t love Leah, she still loved him. She was happy that six young men bearing her husband’s image called her “mother”. She took an outsider’s perspective of her life, and took comfort in knowing she was living someone’s dream, if not her own. No one would desire to be an unhappy wife, but many would desire to be a happy mother. This is what Leah chose to emphasize to others. She didn’t seek for attention, she didn’t ask for pity, she didn’t bemoan her situation to her “girlfriends”. She took an objective view of her situation, and then she said…

God gave heed to Leah, and she conceived and bore Jacob a fifth son. Then Leah said, “God has given me my wages because I gave my maid to my husband.” So she named him Issachar – Genesis 30:17-18

The name Issachar means: “there is recompense”. Little Issachar came about nine months after Leah and Rachel’s famous dispute over mandrakes. These mandrakes were a gift to Leah from her eldest son, Reuben, and Rachel wanted them for herself. I am told that mandrakes were considered an effective fertility stimulant, so it’s no wonder that Rachel (who at the time had no children save those born from her handmaid) would want to get her hands on some. “Please give me your mandrakes!” Rachel begged…to which Leah curtly replied, “have you not already stolen my husband? Would you steal my mandrakes also?” Not one to take no for an answer, Rachel promised Leah that she could sleep with Jacob that night in return for the plant, and Leah snatched at this opportunity for a romantic evening. The deal was struck, and in my opinion, it was struck in Leah’s favor. I can’t help but think that Leah had a much better grasp on conception…sure, Rachel got the mandrakes, but Leah got the man! I daresay the latter is the far more effective fertility stimulant. Leah’s romantic evening resulted in baby boy #7.

Even though Jacob still didn’t love Leah, she still loved him. She believed that through Issachar’s birth, God was recompensing her for giving her handmaid to Jacob. It’s hard to understand a culture where this was considered acceptable, but the bottom line remains that Leah was always looking for ways to please her man and show her love towards him. She wanted to perpetuate her husband’s lineage no matter the cost, because she was a wife who truly honored her husband. Now Leah’s handmaid took a step back from conceiving, and Leah herself was back in the baby-making business. She didn’t give up, she didn’t back down, she didn’t lose hope. She graciously accepted another gift from God, and then she said…

Leah conceived again and bore a sixth son to Jacob. Then Leah said, “God has endowed me with a good gift; now my husband will dwell with me, because I have borne him six sons.” So she named him Zebulun. – Genesis 30:19-20

The name Zebulun means: “exalted”. When young and hopeful Leah had Reuben, she was asking for her husband’s love. By the time she had Levi, she had lowered her expectation a tad and was simply asking for her husband’s affection. Now, older and wiser, she asked for the humblest of requests: only that her husband would dwell with her. She longed to be exalted from her humbled state…living in separate quarters from the one she loved. How many women who are unloved still yearn to dwell with their husbands? This isn’t an attitude one sees often. In fact, the opposite is more often the case. I see many a woman seeking to dwell away from her husband…divorcing and leaving him in a cloud of dust if he doesn’t “treat her right” or live up to her expectations. Not Leah…she never stopped yearning for her love to be by her side.

Even though Jacob still didn’t love Leah, she still loved him. She still believed that they could live together like a healthy, loving, couple. The years of rejection had not deterred her adamant desire toward her husband. She would prove she was the right girl for him if she could only get close enough for him to see her value and how much she adored him. She didn’t hide away in her tent, she didn’t threaten to leave, she didn’t take on a devil-may-care attitude. She made a humble request and then she said…

Afterward she bore a daughter and named her Dinah. – Genesis 30:21

The name Dinah means: “judgment”. As far as we know, this is Jacob and Leah’s last baby: their one little girl. Not much is said about Leah’s mindset at Dinah’s birth, but I believe that the meaning of Dinah’s name gives us a hint. The “judgment” spoken of here is a vindication…an acquittal. A setting to rights. Certainly, there were a great many things that needed to be set to rights in Leah’s lonely life. Would there be any comfort for her weary heart? Or would she who had loved so genuinely and so purely be cast aside and forgotten forever? She seemed to believe that God would come through for her in the end, but was this just a fool’s hope?

While the Bible never explicitly says that “Jacob finally fell in love with Leah and they lived happily ever after”, there is good reason to believe that he may have come to love her before he breathed his last. You probably know that Rachel, Leah’s rival sister, died in childbirth while travelling with the family to Bethlehem and was buried on the side of the road. Leah, on the other hand, was buried in the family tomb in the land of Canaan. On Jacob’s deathbed, he gives his sons orders on where to bury his body. He said…

…”I am about to be gathered to my people; bury me with my fathers in the cave that is in the field of Ephron the Hittite, in the cave that is in the field of Machpelah, which is before Mamre, in the land of Canaan, which Abraham bought along with the field from Ephron the Hittite for a burial site. There they buried Abraham and his wife Sarah, there they buried Isaac and his wife Rebekah, and there I buried Leah…” – Genesis 49:29b-31 [emphasis added]

Abraham and Sarah. Isaac and Rebekah. And Jacob and Leah…mentioned right alongside two of the Bible’s greatest power couples. Could it be that Jacob had grown to care for the wife of his youth? I surely would like to believe so. Symbolically speaking at the very least, Leah was to finally be by her husband’s side forever. Not the beautiful Rachel, but humble, tender-eyed Leah was given an honor at last…she was buried among the patriarchs. Beyond this, Jesus Christ, lion of the tribe of Judah, would come into the world through the bloodline of Jacob’s and her son. In the end, Leah was exalted by God in spite of her lopsided love story.

In conclusion…

Are you in a marriage of unrequited love? if you are, then I implore you to start ”living like Leah”…

Say ”Reuben”: seek for your husband’s love.
Say ”Simeon”: believe that God hears you in your distress.
Say ”Levi”: seek for your husband’s attachment.
Say ”Judah”: praise God no matter the circumstance.
Say ”Gad”: consider yourself fortunate for the blessings you do have.
Say ”Asher”: display happiness to those around you.
Say ”Issachar”: know that God will reward you for the goodness you have dealt your husband.
Say ”Zebulun”: seek to dwell with your husband, and remember that God will exalt you in due time.
Say ”Dinah”: surrender your situation to God, who will judge rightly.

“For the Lord has called you, like a wife forsaken and grieved in spirit, even like a wife of one’s youth when she is rejected,” says your God. – Isaiah 54:6

If you live like Leah, eventually one of two things will happen:

You will win over your husband’s heart, or…
By attempting to win over your husband’s heart, you will win over God’s heart. (Maybe even both!)

In lopsided love, be a Leah. Love your husband genuinely and unendingly. Choose this as your motto:

If equal affection cannot be, let the more loving one be me.
– W.H. Auden

For God’s glory,
Mrs. Dustin Bolks

Chaste Bolks is a church of Christ preacher’s wife, and the home educating mother of two children. She and her family currently reside in Northwest Iowa.

My Future is Female

12.31.2021 by Chaste Bolks // Leave a Comment

It is her right, to bind with warmest ties,
The lordly spirit of aspiring man,
Making his home an earthly paradise,
Rich in all joys allotted to life’s span;
Twining around each fibre of his heart,
With all the gentle influence of love’s might,
Seeking no joy wherein he has no part –
This is undoubtedly – a woman’s right!

It is her right to teach the infant mind,
Training it ever upward in its course,
To root out evil passions that would bind
The upward current of his reason’s force;
To lead the erring spirit gently back,
When it has sunk in gloom of deepest night;
To point the shining path of virtue’s track,
And urge him forward. This is woman’s right.

It is her right to soothe the couch of pain;
There her pure mission upon earth to prove,
To calm with gentle care the frenzied brain,
And keep her vigil there of holiest love;
To watch untiring the lonely bed,
Through the bright day, and in the solemn night,
Til health ensues, or the loved form is laid
To rest forever. This is woman’s right.

She is a flower that blossoms best, unseen,
Sheltered within the precincts of her home;
There, should no dark’ning storm-cloud intervene,
There, the loud-strife of worldlings never come.
Let her not scorn to act a woman’s part,
Nor strive to cope with manhood in its might,
But lay this maxim closely to her heart –
That that which God ordains is surely right.

“Woman’s Rights” – Rebekah Gumpert Hyneman

This poem is a breath of fresh air in a world where the vast majority of women no longer appreciate their God-given rights of womanhood. For many today, femininity is being willfully cast aside in lieu of a pseudo version of masculinity. Feminism (which is the antithesis of femininity) has permeated all aspects of modern society…including the workplace, the education system, the church, and the home. It is a sad state of affairs. Still, there remains a minority of women who desire to stay within the parameters of their heavenly-ordained gender. There are still women who believe in femininity over feminism. I know this because I am one of them. I believe that God created this world to be inhabited by males and females, not male versions 1.0 and 2.0. I believe that males and females have been created differently by God’s perfect design, and that these differences are meant to be celebrated, embraced, and displayed.

As we head into a new year, I would like to challenge every lady reader to work on leveling up her femininity in 2022. Our society is in desperate need of men that are men, and women that are women. Each of us can do our part to strengthen our decaying culture by flourishing in the gender role we have been given. I have chosen to title this New Year’s article, “My Future is Female”. Does this colloquialism sound familiar? “The Future is Female” has been a battle cry of feminists since at least 1975. I do not advocate a future that is female, for such a society can only lead to destruction, and ultimately, collapse. However, I will boldly say that my future is female, for I am determined to spend each and every day of my life flourishing my femininity. If you are of like mind, allow me to share with you 22 ways that you can flourish your own femininity in ’22. The first nine will focus primarily on the outward female, while the last thirteen will focus primarily on the inward female; all will help you to level up into a high-caliber lady, a true queen among women.

Flourish your femininity in 2022 by being…

Female on the Outside

Speak Softly

A feminine woman refines the unique instrument that is her voice. She plays with pitch and volume until she finds “the sweet spot”. It can be difficult to hear our voices as others hear them, but a practical way to overcome this dilemma is to make a recording of your voice and listen to the playback. Record yourself talking, reading, singing, etc. How does it sound? Ideally, a feminine woman would sound agreeable, peaceful, and soothing. Her voice would have a soft and caring quality. Keep practicing – hone your voice to be pleasing to yourself and others around you.

Flourish your femininity by minding your pitch, adjusting your volume, pacing yourself, and speaking softly.

Let me hear your voice; for your voice is sweet… – from Song of Solomon 2:14b

State Succinctly

A feminine woman chooses her words carefully and deliberately. She commands self-restraint over her tongue by thinking before she speaks, and furthermore knowing when not to speak. Have you ever thought to yourself, “too many useless words, stop chattering already”? If not, either a congratulations are in order, or you might need some work on your self-awareness! If we’re not careful, unchecked words can get the better of us and lead to gossip, angry ranting, arguing with fools, etc. Sin aside, our unchecked words can simply make us unpleasant to be around. People will shy away from us if they can’t get a word in edgewise, or are bored by our endless blathering. Show yourself friendly and considerate to others by making the words you say worth their time.

Flourish your femininity by listening more than you speak, knowing when to remain silent, and stating succinctly.

She opens her mouth in wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. – Proverbs 31:26

Stand Erectly

A feminine woman practices excellent posture. She is confident, and it shows in the way she carries herself. Working on standing up straight after years of poor posture can be uncomfortable at the start. (Trust me, I know from experience — tall girl problems!) Yet the more you practice, you will find you feel much better for doing so. Your back will begin to feel its best when your spine is properly aligned. Resist the urge to slump – it’s bad for your health, and it sends a message of insecurity to others. Stand up straight and tall…when your flesh is in an upright position your feelings of confidence will follow suit.

Flourish your femininity by putting your shoulders back, lifting your chin up, and standing erectly.

Your stature is like a palm tree, and your breasts are like its clusters. – Song of Solomon 7:7

Sit Gracefully

A feminine woman is ever the lady, even as she takes her leisure. She maintains good posture when seated as well as standing. She is regal and poised. Like I pointed out just previously, what we are doing on the outside can strongly affect how we are feeling on the inside. If we are seated in a graceful way, this triggers our brain to perceive that we are a high-value lady. The more you value yourself, the more valuable you will become.

Flourish your femininity by positioning your body with purpose, exuding confidence, and sitting gracefully.

Antithesis: Come down and sit in the dust, O virgin daughter of Babylon; sit on the ground without a throne, O daughter of the Chaldeans! For you shall no longer be called tender and delicate. – Isaiah 47:1

Sip Daintily

A feminine woman eats and drinks in a mannerly fashion. She wouldn’t be caught dead slurping, gulping, or chewing and swallowing loudly for all to hear. To my repulsion, I have eaten with people who made me wonder if I had been transported next to a farmyard feeding trough! Now, lest you think that the way you eat and drink is insignificant, let me remind you that showing consideration for others is always quite significant. Show yourself to be a woman of class by practicing self-restraint during mealtime.

Flourish your femininity by dining mindfully, chewing quietly, and sipping daintily.

Whether, then, you eat or drink or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God. – 1 Corinthians 10:31

Smile Authentically

A feminine woman is genuinely bonny and blithe. She does not put on airs, or act one way in front of your face and another behind your back. When you give someone a smile, let it be from the overflow of a joyful heart…never with a false front or hidden motives. If you struggle to give genuine smiles, the last thing you want to do is plaster on a fake one. People will sense this inauthentic act as belonging to an inauthentic person. Instead of acting fake, work on your inner joy so that the look on your face can match what’s inside your heart.

Flourish your femininity by being of good cheer, displaying your true nature, and smiling authentically.

A joyful heart makes a cheerful face… – Proverbs 15:13

Shape Beautifully

A feminine woman is slender and trim. She takes care to maintain a healthy figure, even though it often means denying her flesh. I know I’m not being politically correct, but let’s face it…obesity is not beautiful. On the contrary, it is unhealthy, unsightly, and in many cases, ungodly. Gluttony is an epidemic in the 21st century. Our relationship with food needs to be examined: do we eat to live, or live to eat? The latter will be an ugly result inside and out. Slothfulness will also ruin a woman’s figure. A proper relationship with food and an active lifestyle will, except in the most rare of cases, get you to or keep you at the size that is meant for you.

Flourish your femininity by eating modestly, getting adequate exercise, and shaping beautifully.

Let me see your form…your form is lovely. – from Song of Solomon 2:14b

Style Elegantly

A feminine woman wears flattering clothing. She knows that while a man’s glory is his strength, a woman’s glory is her beauty. She presents herself in a way that elegantly showcases her feminine form. As a bonafide cheapskate that loves collecting clothing and shoes, I assure you that it’s very possible to dress elegantly on a budget. You can easily find inexpensive, quality items for your wardrobe if you know where to look. (Hint: secondhand is the way to go!) The Proverbs 31 Woman is cited as wearing clothes fit for a queen. Don’t be afraid to follow her feminine lead.

Flourish your femininity by shopping with intention, dressing regally, and styling elegantly.

She makes coverings for herself; her clothing is fine linen and purple. – Proverbs 31:22

Shine Radiantly

A feminine woman accentuates her God-given beauty. She is never seen as frumpy, but always looks well-put-together. In addition to wearing flattering clothing, she knocks it out of the park with the whole package. Whether it’s styling her hair, applying makeup, adorning herself with jewels, spritzing herself with perfume, or all the above…she knows just the right ways to turn her husband’s head and hold his attention. If you want to be positively magnetic to your guy, learn how to make yourself stand out in his eyes. There are billions of girls out there to tempt and tease a man, but you can remind yours why you’re the only one for him…by being his beautiful bombshell.

Flourish your femininity by cultivating your girlish charms, beautifying yourself, and shining radiantly.

How beautiful you are, my darling, how beautiful you are! Your eyes…your hair…your teeth…your lips…your mouth…your temples…your neck…your two breasts…you are altogether beautiful, my darling, and there is no blemish in you…you have made my heart beat faster, my sister, my bride; you have made my heart beat faster with a single glance of your eyes, with a single strand of your necklace….your lips…your feet…your hips…your navel…your belly…your two breasts…your neck…your eyes…your nose…your head…your tresses…how beautiful and how delightful you are, my love, with all your charms! Your stature…your breasts…your breath…your mouth… – Excerpts from Song of Solomon 4:1-11 & 7:1-9

Flourish your femininity in 2022 by being…

Female on the Inside

School Easily

A feminine woman is teachable and open to correction. She is soft and malleable; not hardened and stuck in her ways. If you are on a path of self-improvement, then don’t be ashamed to welcome further education that will lead to your betterment. We should each be humble enough to learn so that we can grow and advance into the best versions of ourselves. This article is all about leveling up your femininity…if you want to do that, you must allow yourself to be taught new ways, even if it means being stretched outside of your comfort zone.

Flourish your femininity by learning with humility, leveling up daily, and schooling easily.

A woman must quietly receive instruction with entire submissiveness. – 1 Timothy 2:11

Show Silently

A feminine woman teaches by her example, not by her words. She has a submissive spirit, and does not attempt to change her husband by nagging, belittling, or criticizing him. I have known of many a man who has been won over by his wife’s submission, but I can’t say I have ever known of a man that was won over by his wife’s contention. A wife that treats her husband with dishonor will always end up with the opposite result from that she is looking for. That is because she is stepping outside of God’s flawless system, and it just plain doesn’t work. Men don’t respond well to nagging, but they respond remarkably well to chaste and respectful wives who are silent about their husband’s faults.

Flourish your femininity by respecting your husband, forsaking to be critical of him, and showing silently.

In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior. – 1 Peter 3:1-2

Sex Regularly

A feminine woman is available for her husband any time and every time. She has no reluctance to give herself wholly to the man with whom she is one flesh. I will preach this topic until my lungs give out: your husband needs your body daily. It is his right as a husband to have the woman he is covenanted with…freely and without question. After all, you are the only righteous option for his release. Would you withhold that from him and open wide the door to bitterness and perhaps adultery? There ought to be no shame between a husband and wife…every part of you belongs to each other. Sleep naked nightly in your husband’s embrace, have daily sex, and give him frequent pleasures by way of your intimate talk and touch. I guarantee that man will regard you as a queen without equal. It’s a win-win situation!

Flourish your femininity by being vulnerable to your husband, showing desire for him, and sexing regularly.

Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, when it is in your power to do it. Do not say to your neighbor, “go, and come back, and tomorrow I will give it,” when you have it with you. – Proverbs 3:27-28

Serve Joyfully

A feminine woman is eager to serve others. She fulfills her duties as a wife and mother without complaint, and with a cheerful heart. Many women serve, but not many women serve joyfully. I often hear women boast about performing their regular duties as if they had run a marathon, when instead they should be counting themselves as unprofitable servants: they’re doing what is expected of them. If you feel the need to brag about your accomplishments, then you are probably lacking the sincere joy that comes from serving in humility. Don’t puff yourself up on account of your work, and don’t complain about it either. Count it a privilege that you have a family to love and care for. Many women only wish they could be in your shoes.

Flourish your femininity by being faithful in your duties, refraining from boasting/complaining, and by serving joyfully.

She looks for wool and flax and works with her hands in delight. – Proverbs 31:13

See Optimistically

A feminine woman has a positive outlook on life. She is not ignorant of life’s troubles, but she chooses to focus on the good in her life and hope for the best to come. When you find yourself spiraling into negative thought processes, take a moment to stop and smell the roses. Have you survived each of your trials thus far? Yes. Will you continue to rise above whatever obstacles come your way? Most likely. Ultimately, no matter what comes down the pike, your future is optimistic if you are in Christ. When we look to our future in Heaven, our present circumstances don’t look so bleak. Let’s check our pessimism at the front door, and instead of imagining what could go wrong, imagine what can go right.

Flourish your femininity by focusing on that which is positive, leaving worries behind us, and seeing optimistically.

…she smiles at the future. – Proverbs 31:25b

Step Carefully

A feminine woman is aware of her emotional vulnerability. She knows that her feelings are not always correct, and therefore she does not allow them to direct her steps. Like it or not, women are emotional beings. Our feelings often fluctuate, which can lead us to make poor, impulsive, choices. God has offered us protection from our emotions if we will only stay in the roles we have been given: wife, mother, homemaker. If you are busy tending to your husband, your kids, and your home, the opportunities to be led astray by your emotions are cut drastically. Stay within the parameters you were made for, and you’re unlikely to be deceived.

Flourish your femininity by being cautious of your emotions, guarding against deception, and stepping carefully.

And it was not Adam who was deceived, but the woman being deceived, fell into transgression. But women will be preserved through the bearing of children if they continue in faith and love and sanctity with self-restraint. – 1 Timothy 2:14-15

Spend Prudently

A feminine woman makes wise choices with her husband’s and/or her own money. She controls her pocketbook…her pocketbook does not control her. Don’t buy everything that catches your eye. There is an unlimited supply of items in this world to draw our attention, and it’s not long after we buy an item that we’re off hunting for the next thing to make us “happy”. It’s human nature to be short-sighted and impetuous, so don’t get sucked into the vortex of careless spending. Live within your means. Having a budget and sticking to it is so important for good money-management. If the money isn’t there, you don’t spend it: end of story.

Flourish your femininity by saying “no” to impulse buying, living within your means, and spending prudently.

House and wealth are an inheritance from fathers, but a prudent wife is from the Lord. – Proverbs 19:14

Sigh Reposefully

A feminine woman is at peace under her husband’s authority. She is happy and content to kick back as her husband takes the reins over the family, and she has no desire to snatch those reins from his hands. She knows that submission is not oppression, but blessed freedom. It can feel intimidating to women who are used to taking charge to surrender to a man, but rest assured that God’s ways are perfect. When your husband makes all the decisions for the family, you don’t have to be afraid of the future…because the responsibility (be it for better or for worse) lies in his hands. Just relax…he’s got this.

Flourish your femininity by taking the passenger’s seat, letting your husband call the shots, and sighing reposefully.

For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands; just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear. – 1 Peter 3:5-6

Share Minimally

A feminine woman is discreet. She can be trusted with sensitive information, and will not broadcast information meant to be kept private. Many a home has been destroyed by a woman who freely shares her husband’s faults with anyone who will listen. When she carelessly (or even vengefully) airs the family’s dirty laundry for all to inspect, her husband’s faith in her is quickly lost. Sometimes a well-meaning woman can overshare just by means of talking too much. What she shares may not be negative per se, but it could be embarrassing or just frankly nobody’s business. Be selective with what you share with others. You can always decide to share more later, but you can’t share less once your words have been spoken.

Flourish your femininity by keeping sensitive information private, being choosy with your words, and sharing minimally.

An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who shames him is like rottenness in his bones. – Proverbs 12:4

Soothe Tenderly

A feminine woman is a nurturer. She is sympathetic to the plight of those who are in true need, and seeks to ease their suffering. Whether she’s lending a listening ear, providing benevolence, or speaking words of encouragement, she makes others’ grateful for her calming presence in their distress. The golden rule is paramount when helping others: figure out what you would need if you were in the hurting person’s shoes, and give them that. Sometimes the help a person wants is not really help, but enabling. A woman must learn to spot the difference and give what is needed with a nurturing love.

Flourish your femininity by feeling sympathy, giving hurting people what they need, and soothing tenderly.

But we proved to be gentle among you, as a nursing mother tenderly cares for her own children. – 1 Thessalonians 2:7

Scold Delicately

A feminine woman is unfailingly kind. She portrays a caring demeanor even when she must politely put someone in their place. Whether it is her subordinate (such as her child) or an equal (such as her friend), she corrects calmly and rationally. One of the most unfeminine things a woman can do is to rant and rave. It is so unbecoming and unladylike…furthermore, it’s wrong. Raising the voice, throwing arms about, and suchlike, do not serve to prove your point. These only serve to make you look foolish and out of control. If you want to be heard, the best way to do so is by remaining calm and collected. This demeanor commands respect.

Flourish your femininity by correcting calmly, abstaining from theatrics, and scolding delicately.

Antithesis: The woman of folly is boisterous, she is naive and knows nothing. – Proverbs 9:13

Stay Faithfully

A feminine woman values hearth and home. She prioritizes her husband, and then children, above all other earthly bonds. Most any day you can find her at home performing her duties as a wife and mother. Where do your priorities lie? It ought to be with your family; this is the pattern laid out in scripture for women. In this age of the automobile, many women can be found gallivanting all over town, socializing…well, with everyone except their hubby and kids. When smart phones came on the scene, it added an extra layer of distance: one can leave their family without even getting up off the couch! Again and again I have seen the breaking away, and subsequent divorce, of women who are always on the run. I reckon that women should be running to their families…not away from them.

Flourish your femininity by loving your family first, sticking close to home, and staying faithfully.

Antithesis: She is boisterous and rebellious, her feet do not remain at home. – Proverbs 7:11

Suit Perfectly

A feminine woman is a help meet to her husband. She strives to please him in all that she does, allowing herself to be molded like putty in the capable hands which she loves so dearly. She knows she was created for her man, and she does not take this lightly. I encourage you to make a habit of observing your husband. Figure out what he wants from you, and what he needs from you…and do those things. The “me, me, me” nonsense of feminism should be shunned at all costs. Selfish ambition has no place in the life of a Christian wife. You are not your own.

Flourish your femininity by learning your man, molding to him, and suiting perfectly.

Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.” – Genesis 2:18

In conclusion…

Do you desire to flourish your femininity in 2022?

Remember these tips to level up the female on the outside: speak softly, state succinctly, stand erectly, sit gracefully, sip daintily, smile authentically, shape beautifully, style elegantly, and shine radiantly.

Remember these tips to level up the female on the inside: school easily, show silently, sex regularly, serve joyfully, see optimistically, step carefully, spend prudently, sigh reposefully, share minimally, soothe tenderly, scold delicately, stay faithfully, and suit perfectly.

Feeling a little overwhelmed? Know this: no one morphs into a high-caliber queen overnight. Some of these tips require more practice than others to master. But be assured, if you apply yourself to leveling up your femininity, you are already light-years ahead of women of the world. You are a flourishing flower, and your future is female.

Becoming a Classy Woman isn’t easy. It is an art form. If it were simple, every woman would have mastered it already. Being a lady involves daily discipline, self-awareness and the desire for constant refinement, to become the woman we truly wish to be.
– Karla M. Davis

For God’s glory,
Mrs. Dustin Bolks

Chaste Bolks is a church of Christ preacher’s wife, and the home educating mother of two children. She and her family currently reside in Northwest Iowa.