Soft as Silk
by 
The world has enough women who are tough; we need women who are tender.
There are enough women who are coarse; we need women who are kind.
There are enough women who are rude; we need women who are refined.
There are enough women of fame and fortune; we need more women of faith.
– Margaret D. Nadauld
Tender…kind…refined…I agree wholeheartedly with Miss Margaret that these lovely words encapsulate a “woman of faith”. More specifically, they define a feminine woman of faith. See, there are many women who believe in the Lord Jesus Christ and have confessed, repented, and been baptized, yet they remain tough, coarse, and rude. Why is this? I believe that often we put an emphasis on being a good person, but put little-to-no emphasis on being a good woman – that is, leaning into our feminine attributes and living out our faith in accordance with our God-ordained gender. The modern church operates under the false notion that we all live out our faith exactly alike, but this is simply untrue. Men and women are different, period. Our Christian walk should reflect these differences. (i.e. A man lives out his faith in a masculine way, while a woman lives out her faith in a feminine way) Let us consider the following examples:
Can a man be godly while being tough, coarse, and rude? I suggest to you that he can! This world needs tough, coarse – and yes, sometimes even rude (read: direct, blunt) – military personnel, police officers, CEOs, lawyers, store managers, husbands, fathers, etc. Tough, coarse, “rude” men toe the line – keeping the bad guys at bay and the good guys on the straight ‘n narrow. Long live the John Waynes of the world.
Can a woman be godly while being tough, coarse, and rude? I suggest to you that she cannot. This world does not need any more tough, coarse, and rude daughters, wives, mothers, homemakers, etc. Rather, it is the tender, kind, refined woman that is needed in the field, bedroom, nursery, kitchen, ad nauseam. We, unlike men, are not designed as rock-hard protectors, providers, and promoters…but as silk-soft nurturers.
Here at Destress the Damsel, our mission is not merely learning to be good people. We damsels are also interested in leveling up our femininity, and learning to be good women – tender, kind, and refined. Each of these words can be summed up in one beautiful, distinctly feminine quality: softness. A true woman of faith ought to be as soft as silk. If you want to learn more about being a soft woman, join us for today’s article, where I will share three blessings that the womanly trait of softness will offer to those around us.
Firstly, a woman who is soft as silk blesses others with…
A feminine woman is as soft as silk in the tone of her words.
Have you ever had the misfortune to be in the presence of a woman who spoke in a sharp, shrill, shriek? With loud and obnoxious intonation, she garners the attention of everyone in the room…but not in a good way. Typically, the unbecoming “shrieks” come in the form of demands, commands, and reprimands. Whether it’s her husband, her children, or her restaurant server, there always seems to be someone on the receiving end of her marked fury, made known by the tone of her words. The sharp, shrill, shrieking woman relies on dominance and authority (distinctly masculine traits) to wield those around her like pawns on a chess board. When my brother was a lad, he comically referred to this sort as the “loud mouth schnook”. May we never be described in such a way! There is nothing submissive and docile (distinctly feminine traits) about a woman whose larynx resembles a foghorn. Remember: tender, kind, refined…soft.
It’s not so much what you say, as the manner in which you say it;
It’s not so much the language you use, as the tone in which you convey it;
Words may be mild and fair, but the tone may pierce like a dart;
Words may be soft as the summer air, but the tone may break my heart.
– Anonymous
A feminine woman blesses others with the silken sound. She does not emasculate and place her husband under her by speaking down to him. She honors him with a tone of humility fit for a king…even if her man is more along the lines of a court jester. She does not fume, fuss, and bark orders at her children. She guides them with a tone of gentility…even if they happen to be “Sons of Belial” like Hophni and Phineas of old. She does not speak in clipped tones of exasperation to her restaurant server. She maintains a tone of civility…even if they have poor customer service or make mistakes. No matter the situation, damsels show themselves to be soft as silk. May the tone of our words fall delicately upon our listeners, like soft music.
Let me hear your voice; for your voice is sweet… – Song of Solomon 2:14c
Secondly, a woman who is soft as silk blesses others with…
A feminine woman is as soft as silk in the taste of her words.
Have you ever had the misfortune to be in the presence of a woman who constantly belittled, derided, and criticized those around her? Such a woman resembles a porcupine: all pins and needles. Rather than looking for the good and praiseworthy in others, she thrives off of their shortcomings…for she is at her “happiest” when she’s griping and groaning, or ranting and raving. If her husband gets a fact wrong while telling a story, she cannot discreetly signal the mistake to him or let it slide…she considers it her duty to correct him in the presence of all (to his embarrassment). If her child disobeys, she cannot simply chide him or dish out a suitable consequence…she gives full vent to her anger by way of droning lectures and rash punishments. If her restaurant server messes up her order, she cannot sweetly ask for a remake or contentedly roll with the error…she complains vehemently to management and let’s everyone know that she won’t be visiting the dining establishment again. Her words (or rather: her barbs, stings, and jabs) say nothing of a tender, kind, refined, soft lady. Prickly words don’t go down easy, nor are they sweet to taste.
To belittle, you have to be little. – Kahlil Gibran
A feminine woman blesses others with the silken snack. Her tasteful words build up her husband’s self-worth and masculine ego, rather than tear them down. She is his lover, not his mother. She is his cheerleader, not his critic. She is his subordinate, not his superior. Her tasteful words are like sweet treats for her children. She encourages right behavior with gladness and discourages wrong behavior with sadness. She sometimes uses words of scolding, but never words of scalding. She does not return evil for evil, or insult for insult. Her tasteful words are gracious and polite to her restaurant server. She acts as customer, rather than slaveholder. She expresses thanksgiving, rather than entitlement. She makes requests, rather than demands. No matter the situation, damsels show themselves to be soft as silk. May the taste of our words be easily and cheerfully swallowed down by our listeners, like soft ice cream.
Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones. – Proverbs 16:24
Thirdly and lastly, a woman who is soft as silk blesses others with…
A feminine woman is as soft as silk in the tithe of her words.
Have you ever had the misfortune to be in the presence of a woman who talked from the moment her feet hit the floor, to the moment her head hit the pillow? One feels they can’t get a moment’s peace when she’s around, and her mindless blathering is nauseating. If only she spoke a tenth of what she does, perhaps others would not tune her out or take little interest in her one-sided conversation. Her husband is wearied by her neediness, grasping for his undivided attention. Her children are wearied by her self-centeredness, boring them with personal anecdotes. Her waiter is wearied by her unawareness, keeping him from tending to other customers. Rather than her presence allowing others a calm place to rest, she makes others wish she would give it a rest! She doesn’t know when enough is enough, and pays little attention to social cues such as her listener saying “oh…that’s interesting” for the 50th time, or staring wistfully off into the distance, wishing they were anywhere but in her clutches. She has not learned to be a tender, kind, refined, soft lady…she never stopped yapping long enough to receive instruction and better herself.
It makes your words really expensive if you don’t talk that much. – Lisa Glamour
A feminine woman blesses others with the silken sheet. She tithes her words toward her husband. She is always available and accessible to him, but she also allows him the necessary space to get work done, have time for personal reflection, or simply enter into his “nothing box”. She tithes her words toward her children. She closes her mouth, while opening her ears to their hopes and dreams, taking interest in their hobbies, and seeking to understand their little world. She tithes her words toward her restaurant server. She is friendly but not overly forward, is honest with herself about how much clucking an acquaintance really cares to hear, and is sensitive of his duty to carry on with his job. No matter the situation, damsels show themselves to be soft as silk. May the tithe of our words give our listeners a rest, like soft bedding.
…The dream comes through much effort and the voice of a fool through many words. – Ecclesiastes 5:3
In conclusion…
Would you be a feminine woman of faith: a tender, refined, kind woman who is soft as silk?
Then you must seek to bless others with the silken sound, the silken snack, and the silken sheet.
Seek to make the tone of your words like soft music, the taste of your words like soft ice cream, and the tithe of your words like soft bedding. Others will be able to recline, relax, and retire in your soft, silken, feminine presence when you bless them with a soothing melody, a delightful treat, and a cozy lounge.
By forbearance a ruler may be persuaded, and a soft tongue breaks the bone. – Proverbs 25:15
For God’s glory,
Mrs. Dustin Bolks
Chaste Bolks is a church of Christ preacher’s wife, and the home educating mother of two children. She and her family currently reside in Northwest Iowa.
