Destress the Damsel

“Talk, it’s only talk
Arguments, agreements, advice, answers
Articulate announcements
It’s only talk

Talk, it’s only talk
Babble, burble, banter
Bicker, bicker, bicker
Brouhaha, balderdash, ballyhoo
It’s only talk
Back talk

Talk talk talk, it’s only talk
Comments, cliches, commentary, controversy
Chatter, chit-chat, chit-chat, chit-chat
Conversation, contradiction, criticism
It’s only talk
Cheap talk

Talk, talk, it’s only talk
Debates, discussions
These are words with a D this time
Dialog, duologue, diatribe
Dissention, declamation
Double talk, double talk

Talk, talk, it’s all talk
Too much talk
Small talk
Talk that trash
Expressions, editorials
Explanations, exclamations, exaggerations
It’s all talk
Elephant talk
Elephant talk
Elephant talk”

– Elephant Talk by King Crimson

In 2007, Dr. Matthias Mehl of the University of Arizona, along with his team of psychological researchers, conducted a study on human behavior. They wanted to see how many words the average person spoke in a day. With the help of digital voice recorders which accompanied 396 test subjects (186 men and 210 women), it was found that the average man speaks 15,669 words per day, while the average woman speaks 16,215 words a day. That’s a whole lot of elephant talk!

We humans spend a significant amount of time talking on a day-to-day basis. As our whimsical song pointed out, talking varies in style from mundane, to sweet, to downright trashy. There are so many ways in which to use the yappers the Good Lord gave us. Are we using them rightly?

Today I would like to share with you four types of “T.A.L.K.” that are to be avoided in the life of a Christian. I believe you will quickly find that one who is “all T.A.L.K.” has “no walk” (with Christ, that is)! How will you and I utilize our 15,000+ words a day? Not one of our words should be:

Tasteless words are defined as those “lacking in aesthetic judgment or to offend against what is regarded as appropriate behavior”. God’s word warns us to avoid tastelessness in our speech:

Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers. – Ephesians 4:29

What exactly is corrupt communication, though? How do we know what is and is not tasteless? Is it up for personal interpretation? Is it what culture deems acceptable? Is it whatever keeps Grandma from grabbing her trusty bar of soap? This passage does not lay out specific guidelines for our speech! However, using the whole counsel of God will point out to us the tasteless words we are to avoid. Some we are all well aware of might include: lying, gossiping, complaining, taking the Lord’s name in vain, etc. Allow me to share with you three types of tasteless talk that may not be so well-known or apparent…

We all know about gossip, but do we know about whispering?

We read in Proverbs 16:28b: A whisperer separateth chief friends.

This verse paints a powerful word picture in my mind. A whisperer is one who quietly and cunningly puts doubts into others’ minds regarding people they care about. It’s a specialized kind of gossip…one not so loud and proud; but a little more mysterious, a little more shrewd. A gossip says, “I heard your husband had an affair! Is it true?”…a whisperer says, “Are you sure he is who he says he is? Just saying…”. A gossip says, “My goodness, hasn’t Mary gained weight!”…a whisperer says, “Haven’t you noticed she’s been so different since – well, I’d better not say any more…” Gossip and whispering are two sides of the same coin…both sins, both damaging to others. Don’t deceive yourself into thinking that a bit of discreetly disguised gossip (whispering) is alright. It’s tasteless!

We all know about lying, but do we know about flattery?

Psalm 12:2 describes the ungodly this way: They speak vanity every one with his neighbor: with flattering lips and with a double heart do they speak.

A liar is soon found out, as illustrated in the popular children’s tale about the boy who cried wolf. A flatterer is a bit harder to catch. To flatter is to lie, but with a focus not so much on the words you say, but the way you act. Flattery is when your public face doesn’t match up with your private face – when you’re an angel in the spotlight, but a devil behind closed doors. It may be easy to fool others, but God knows the truth. Leroy Brownlow once said, “I find power in purposing to be the things I seem and to do the things I deem”. May we have the same attitude, and kick flattery to the curb. It’s tasteless!

We all know about boasting, but do we know about glorying?

Heed these powerful words found in Jeremiah 9:23-24: Thus saith the Lord, Let not the wise man glory in his wisdom, neither let the mighty man glory in his might, let not the rich man glory in his riches: But let him that glorieth glory in this, that he understandeth and knoweth me, that I am the Lord which exercise lovingkindness, judgment, and righteousness, in the earth: for in these things I delight, saith the Lord.

Most of us aren’t so brazen as to brag noisily about all of our accomplishments…”I’m the best! Did you hear about that medal I won? I can lift a car with one finger! Care to kiss the royal muscles?” This sounds rather silly, something such as Gaston from Disney’s Beauty and the Beast might boast. No, the outlandish boasters are not the norm – it’s the glory-seekers that are a dime a dozen. We are glorying when we ever so slyly try to lead people to recognize our good qualities (of their own accord, we reason). It is glorying when we lavishly praise our kids, with the ulterior motive of getting an “‘atta girl” for our superior mothering. It is glorying when we sneak into conversation how work weary we are so that someone will take notice of our labor. It is glorying when we share recently read bible verses with others (not for fellowship or teaching), but to appear more spiritual than we really are. Let our glory be in the Lord, and not self-glory. It is tasteless!

“Talk, talk, it’s only talk” – or is it? Tasteless talkers are simply:

All T.A.L.K. No Walk.

How will you and I utilize our 15,000+ words a day? Not one of our words should be:

Aimless words are defined as those “without purpose or direction”. God’s word warns us to avoid aimlessness in our speech:

But foolish and unlearned questions avoid, knowing that they do gender strifes. – 2 Timothy 2:23

Neither give heed to fables and endless genealogies, which minister questions, rather than godly edifying which is in faith: so do. – 1 Timothy 1:4

The Lord has put in each of us a certain measure of inquisitiveness. With eternity in our hearts, we are fashioned to seek after knowledge, wisdom, and understanding. So are these verses implying that we are to be simpletons who never ask questions? Surely not, for Proverbs 4:7 exhorts us to get wisdom and understanding with all our getting! Notice the key words in the aforementioned passages: foolish…unlearned…fables…endless genealogies. In other words, don’t get in over your head chasing after all the secrets of the world – it will lead to trouble. Curiosity doesn’t kill the cat checking his food dish; it kills the one chowing down on dangerous substances not meant for him.

Here is a helpful test on whether our speech is profitable or aimless. In profitable conversations, where we are seeking the right kinds of information, we leave the conversation with knowledge and will be (at the very least) on the right path to finding answers. On the other hand, we leave aimless conversations with more questions and doubts than before. Aimless conversations only leave us confused, empty, and frustrated.

In all labour there is profit: but the talk of the lips tendeth only to penury*. – Proverbs 14:23 (*poverty)

Some examples of aimless speech might include: political debates focused on policy rather than morality, conspiracy theories, heated arguments on Facebook, and the list goes on. Once we get involved in opinions and heresay, it’s hard to stop…

Even so the tongue is a little member, and boasteth great things. Behold, how great a matter a little fire kindleth! – James 3:5

When the tongue begins wagging over silly trifles, we need to grab hold of ourselves lest we are caught up in an uncontrollable wildfire. Let our inquisitive minds have aim after the Lord and His ways.

Lord, my heart is not haughty, nor mine eyes lofty: neither do I exercise myself in great matters, or in things too high for me. – Psalm 131:1

“Talk, talk, it’s only talk” – or is it? Aimless talkers are simply:

All T.A.L.K. No Walk.

How will you and I utilize our 15,000+ words a day? Not one of our words should be:

Limitless words are those defined as “without end, limit, or boundary”. God’s word warns us to avoid limitless speech:

In the multitude of words there wanteth not sin: but he that refraineth his lips is wise. – Proverbs 10:19

Are you cursed with the “gift” of gab? Need to know when to refrain the lips? Here are a few good reasons to keep quiet at intervals: to give ourselves over to wholesome thought and spiritual meditation, to avoid futile debate/casting our pearls before swine, to give the floor to those wiser than us that we might learn from them, to protect one’s family by means of careful discretion, to keep guard against falling into sins of the mouth such as gossiping or complaining, to steer clear of rash words spoken in anger, and this is only scratching the surface. The wise know the difference between “a time to keep silence, and a time to speak.” (Ecclesiastes 3:7b) Many times, the wisest thing to say is nothing at all.

Whoso keepeth his mouth and his tongue keepeth his soul from troubles. – Proverbs 21:23

Too much talking is prideful. When we fail to give others the chance to speak, it not only blocks us from learning new things, but sends the message that what we have to say is light-years beyond that of our peers! Limitless speech hinders our growth, and is grossly inconsiderate.

A fool uttereth all his mind: but a wise man keepeth it in till afterwards. – Proverbs 29:11

He that answereth a matter before he heareth it, it is a folly and shame unto him. – Proverbs 18:13

Let us never allow our mouths to speak faster than our consciences – reason is quickly left behind when the talk-box is on a roll…

Surely the serpent will bite without enchantment; and a babbler is no better. The words of a wise man’s mouth are gracious; but the lips of a fool will swallow up himself. The beginning of the words of his mouth is foolishness: and the end of his talk is mischievous madness. – Ecclesiastes 10:11-13

“Talk, talk, it’s only talk” – or is it? Limitless talkers are simply:

All T.A.L.K. No Walk.

How will you and I utilize our 15,000+ words a day? Not one of our words should be:


Kindless words are defined as those “exhibiting or feeling no kindness or compassion; heartless”. God’s word warns us to avoid kindless speech:

Who is a wise man and endued with knowledge among you? Let him shew out of a good conversation his works with meekness of wisdom. But if ye have bitter envying and strife in your hearts, glory not, and lie not against the truth. This wisdom descendeth not from above, but is earthly, sensual devilish. For where envying and strife is, there is confusion and every evil work. – James 3:13-16

Rarely have I ever come across someone who claims to love fighting. I have not heard someone say “I try my best to be negative and hard to get along with”. I’ve never met a person who proudly proclaims that anger and kindlessness gets their adrenaline pumping. Sure, I have met people who have been this person. As a matter of fact, I have been this person at times. I’ve just never met anyone honest enough to admit it.

The truth is, no one thinks that they’re kindless. We all want to believe we’re pretty nice people. It’s human nature to feel justified when we blow our top…after all, if other people didn’t push our buttons so much, we’d have nothing to get upset about! It’s other people that are the problem, right? It’s our circumstances that make us so bitter, negative, and irritable, right? Or so we think. Honestly, we’d probably be just as kindless with a different set of people and circumstances in our life, for it is “out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh” (Matthew 12:34b). All the justifying in the world won’t change the root of the matter…kindlessness is our own heart issue.

Jonah was a man who was at times kindless. You know the account: His heart was so bitter toward the Ninevites, that he’d rather watch them burn than to see them repent. As he made himself comfy, preparing for the city to go down in flames; the Lord gave a gourd to shade Jonah’s head, then proceeded to remove said gourd. Jonah was livid – he became so distraught at this action that he even wished he was dead! The same guy who didn’t care a hill of beans about a city of God’s people perishing is devastated at his own small loss. Check out Jonah 4:9:

And God said to Jonah, Doest thou well to be angry for the gourd? And he said, I do well to be angry, even unto death.

This passage makes me shudder. Imagine speaking so brazenly to the King of Kings! You know what’s scary, though? While unspoken, we have the same rotten attitude when we justify our own anger and kindlessness. When tempted to uncontrolled and unrighteous anger, try to picture God asking you the same question He asked Jonah. Let us not brazenly answer from our hearts, “I do well”. Rather, let us memorize these verses to call to mind in the heat of the moment. They will serve us well:

Be not hasty in thy spirit to be angry: for anger resteth in the bosom of fools. – Ecclesiastes 7:9

For the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God. – James 1:20

“Talk, talk, it’s only talk” – or is it? Kindless talkers are simply:

All T.A.L.K. No Walk.

How will you and I utilize our 15,000+ words a day?

In conclusion…

How we use our 15,000+ words a day will, in part, determine our destiny. Remember: All T.A.L.K. = No Walk. Let us heed the warning of James 1:26:

If any man among you seem to be religious, and bridleth not his tongue, but deceiveth his own heart, this man’s religion is vain.

We must each think before we speak, “Are any of my words…

Tasteless?
Aimless?
Limitless?
Kindless?”

We may find ourselves struck silent at times, and that’s not a bad thing.

Friends, today is the day to redeem our words for God’s glory. May the prayer of our hearts match that of David’s, who said:

Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O Lord, my strength, and my redeemer. – Psalm 19:14

For God’s Glory,
Mrs. Dustin Bolks

Mrs. Dustin Bolks is a church of Christ preacher’s wife, and the home educating mother of two children. She and her family currently reside in Northwest Iowa.

Multiplication is vexation,
Division is as bad;
The Rule of Three doth puzzle me,
And Practice drives me mad.
– John Napier

Ah yes, Mr. Napier. My son and I feel your pain on a quite personal level. We could have easily authored this rhyme a week ago as we practiced mathematical graphing in our classroom…

Maybe he was feeling a little stubborn. Perhaps my explanations were not clear enough. Or did the stars fail to align just right over us on that fateful day? (I kid, of course) Whatever the case may have been, the lesson concepts at hand that day were not breaking through to my boy.

Before us lay a straight line grid akin to the board of the classic game, Battleship. We had studied out the concepts together, practiced lining up the numbers, pored over real life examples. We were getting on quite swimmingly…until IT hit. Mental block. A teacher’s worst enemy.

I asked him to tell me the two corresponding numbers that met at a certain point. He replied:

“One and three”

“You are very close, but one of your two numbers is incorrect. Let’s try again”

He is silent for a moment, then repeats: “One and three”

“No Silly, you just said that. Now look closer. There is a line all the way to the three, yes. But is there a line all the way to the one?”

“Well, no…but I’m sure the answer is one and three, Mom”

“Buddy, remember that game, Battleship, that you’re so good at? This is just like that game! I know you can do this. Take your finger and follow the lines away from the point. What two numbers are at the end of those lines?”

“One and three”

Now at this point I was feeling slightly like banging my head into a brick wall, but trying to keep my composure. The same sort of maddening dialogue carried on for a little while as I tried every prompt imaginable to bring him to the right conclusion. (Short of flat out giving him the answer – which would remove our momentary stress, but keep me from my long-term goal of training him to think with high logic and deductive reasoning skills).

Finally, after what seemed ten light years later…

“Ohhhhhhhh…I GET IT, MOM!! That point’s not on the one and three, that’s on the zero and three!”

“Yes, that is correct!” I cry in relief, (then raise my eyebrows knowingly)…”I tried to tell you that one of your numbers was incorrect, Little Man”

“I know you did, Momma. I’m sorry…” he admits sheepishly. “I just had the number ‘one’ stuck in my mind and I couldn’t get it out!”

One of the greatest blessings of being a home educator is the right to share spiritual truth in the classroom; this was a teaching moment I could not pass up. I explained to my son that God’s word is a lot like math…full of definitive answers. Although we may at times think we’re smarter than the book, the book will win every time. The rules of arithmetic are unshakable, and not up for personal interpretation…and how much more is this true of the Bible. The trick is not to get stuck on what we think is the right answer, but to always double check that we are indeed believing truth.

Now at the end of the day, math alone isn’t the most important thing on earth. The primary purpose of Christian education is gaining the spiritual knowledge that earthly knowledge points to. The truth is, I don’t really care if my sons grow up to be the world’s greatest mathematicians. Rather, my goal is to raise up Sum Solving Sleuths…detectives of the Word…truth seekers. Every equation solved can lend spiritual application for their future…even on those days when “practice drives us mad”.

Today I want to share with you three steps to becoming a Sum Solving Sleuth. In fact, these simple tricks might even help you solve some math problems as well…

I love watching detective shows with my husband. Give us a good “whodunit” episode and a bowl of popcorn and we’ll get so involved we come out feeling like a regular Sherlock Holmes and his trusty sidekick, Watson. If you’ve seen such programs, you’re undoubtedly familiar with this classic phrase: “return to the scene of the crime”. It’s something criminals do in many cases, but think about it…it’s actually something detectives do in all cases! Detectives are called to the scene of the crime to assess the situation; to see what the common eye missed the first time around. Return. Reconsider. Rewind.

The ox knoweth his owner, and the ass his master’s crib: but Israel doth not know, my people doth not consider. – Isaiah 1:3

Do you have a desire to know the Lord in sincerity? Approach scripture as if you’ve never read it before, no matter how familiar. Clear your mind of what you think you know and let the Living Word speak for itself afresh each time you read. Humans make mistakes. We get confused. We misunderstand. As the old Blockbuster movies used to say, “please be kind, rewind“. This is the greatest kindness one might give themselves. Our relationship with the Lord is too all-important to stake our future with Him on “I thought I knew”.

I have heard of thee by the hearing of the ear: but now mine eye seeth thee. Wherefore I abhor myself, and repent in dust and ashes. – Job 42:5

If you want to be a detective, learn how to return to the scene of the crime. If you want to be a mathematician, learn how to re-read the directions. If you want to be a Sum Solving Sleuth, learn how to re-check Scripture. Please be kind, rewind.

As newborn babes, desire the sincere milk of the word, that ye may grow thereby. – 1 Peter 2:2

In murder mysteries, everyone is a suspect. A detective can not have bias or make assumptions when meeting with suspects, but treat all equally. Everyone is either innocent until proven guilty, or guilty until proven innocent. Colonel Mustard may seem more menacing, but could the culprit in fact be the sweet, unassuming, Mrs. White? A detective won’t make that call until he’s uncovered all the details. Things are not always as they seem.

Search the scriptures; for in them ye think ye have eternal life: and they are they which testify of me. – John 5:39

The Pharisees were so closed minded that they could not see the forest for the trees. Here was the Messiah that they had read about all their lives, standing before them in the flesh, and still they did not recognize Him. They had our rewinding down pat…they had read the scriptures again and again. How could they miss the truth? They failed to open their minds. They had read, but they had not truly studied. That is to say, they had not considered any possibilities outside of their own narrow scope. They saw what they wanted to see. Do we not often make the same grave mistake? We need to stop putting our own spin on scripture, and start letting scripture put its own spin on us. Always be open to the possibility of being proved wrong.

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways. – Isaiah 55:8-9

If you want to be a detective, learn how to consider every suspect. If you want to be a mathematician, learn how to incorporate a variety of methods. If you want to be a Sum Solving Sleuth, learn how to see passages in a new light. Open your mind.

Open thou mine eyes, that I may behold wondrous things out of thy law. – Psalm 119:18

Sleuthing gets really exciting when the case nears its close. Sure, it’s fun to watch detectives gather evidence (rewind), and curiosity builds even more as they talk to suspects and mull over all the possibilities (open your mind), but when the culprit is caught and justice wins (seek and find) the thrill reaches new heights. “Who’s it going to be?”…”What’s going to happen?”

The wicked, through the pride of his countenance, will not seek after God: God is not in all his thoughts. – Psalm 10:4

Pride and personal cost can blind people from seeing facts. The detective who finds out his friend was involved in a murder may not be quick to believe even the most glaring evidence. The young mathematician who doesn’t want to admit defeat to his mother may not be quick to reveal his error. The Sum Solving Sleuth who realizes that submitting to God’s authority means crucifying the flesh may not be quick to pick up a bible again. Yet facts are facts, and the truth will always catch up with us. The good news is, we are promised that being on God’s side will always reap the most benefits (in the end). If we seek and find, a happy ending is what we have in store.

The young lions do lack, and suffer hunger: but they that seek the Lord shall not want any good thing. – Psalm 34:10

If you want to be a detective, learn how to add up all the evidence for a grand finale. If you want to be a mathematician, learn how to see your equation through to completion. If you want to be a Sum Solving Sleuth, learn how to take the knowledge you’ve acquired, and put it into action. Seek and find.

And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart. – Jeremiah 29:13

In conclusion…

You have within yourself the potential to be a great detective and mathematician. Get into God’s word and start sum solving like Einstein; sleuthing like Holmes. I’m telling you now what I told my son a week ago: you’re way too smart to let a wrong answer get “stuck in your mind”.

It is the glory of God to conceal a thing: but the honour of kings is to search out a matter. – Proverbs 25:2

Rewind, Open Your Mind, and Seek and Find. You’ll be a Sum Solving Sleuth in no time, for these steps are simply…

Elementary, my Dear Watson.

For God’s Glory,
Mrs. Dustin Bolks

Mrs. Dustin Bolks is a church of Christ preacher’s wife, and the home educating mother of two children. She and her family currently reside in Northwest Iowa.