girl-537104_1920 

“Aint no man gonna change me”

“I refuse to be a doormat”

“Obey my husband…? I’m not a child!”

I would like to say that I copied these quotes from a satirical narrative entitled “How To Be As Difficult As Possible (and other bad advice for women)”, but…that wouldn’t be true.

The fact is, I have heard every single one of these phrases (and ones like them), by women who claim to be christian wives. The world tells us that male bashing is just “being an independent woman”, but do you know what the real name is? Sinful rebellion.

Whether we like to admit it or not, a wife who has a negative viewpoint toward her husband is not in good standing with her Maker. Marriage is a reflection of Christ and His church. (Ephesians 5:22-23) We can either reflect our love and faithfulness to God by demonstrating love and faithfulness to our husbands, OR we can reflect our disdain and disgust towards God by demonstrating disdain and disgust to our husbands. We can claim all day long that we have love for God, but the truth of the matter remains that we can not honor God while we dishonor our husbands. Our husbands are to be to us as God in the flesh, and we can not both love and hate God at the same time.

Maybe you are stumbling in the dark in your marriage. Take heart! We can know God’s will by following the pattern set forth in His Word. We can have God-honoring, joy-filled marriages if we will just be what we were made to be! Yet if we rebel against the pattern, our marriages will never be truly satisfying and rather be filled with conflict. Which type of marriage do you prefer?

If you a married woman, or even a single woman who hopes to someday be married…do not miss today’s message.

You need to be made aware of seven negative viewpoints that have no place in the heart of a christian wife.


1. I Will (Not) Be Changed By Him

IMG_7562

– The world tells us to think: “I am who I am, and I am enough”.

The christian wife knows that she is a work in progress.

She submits to her husband as unto her Lord.

She is clay in his hands to be molded to his liking.

She will adapt to his needs, because she belongs to him. She is not her own.

This means that the way she speaks, dresses, wears her hair, does her make-up, etc. will be according to his preference.

Woe unto him that striveth with his potter! … Shall the clay say to him that fashioneth it, What makest thou? … (Excerpt from Isaiah 45:9)


2. I Will (Not) Pursue Him

IMG_7566

– The world tells us to think: “If he wants me, he has to put forth the effort. I’m the prize!”

The christian wife knows that it is her job to seek out her husband.

She submits to her husband as unto her Lord.

She shows her diligence and the severity of her love by chasing after him.

She swallows her pride, because she belongs to him. She is not her own.

This means that she will not be ashamed to reach her hand out for his. She will say she loves him even if he hasn’t told her lately. She will compliment him even if he criticizes her.

Seek the Lord and his strength, seek his face continually. (1 Chronicles 16:11)


3. I Will (Not) Respond To Him

IMG_7567

– The world tells us to think: “It’s okay to say no. My body, my choice!”

The christian wife knows that her body is not her own.

She submits to her husband as unto her Lord.

She is always available to her husband’s sexual needs, whether it is morning or night, whether she is “in the mood” or not, and she never, ever makes him “earn” it.

She is at his beck and call, because she belongs to him. She is not her own.

This means no excuses, no promises of another day, no rejection!

I beseech you…present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your *reasonable service. (excerpt from Romans 12:1) [reasonable = it’s not asking too much!]


4. I Will (Not) Put Him First

IMG_7568

– The world tells us to think: “I should come first. I deserve to be pampered!”

The christian wife knows that her man is to be number one in her world.

She submits to her husband as unto her Lord.

She puts him first, her children second, everyone else third, and herself last.

She desires him above all, because she belongs to him. She is not her own.

This means desiring his presence above that of any other, doing the activities that he likes just to be near him, and loving him wholeheartedly.

Moreover, because I have set my affection to the house of my God, I have of mine own proper good… (1 Chronicles 29:3a)


5. I Will (Not) Be Like Him

IMG_7570

– The world tells us to think: “Boys will be boys. He has his interests and I have mine.”

The christian wife knows that it pleases her man to see her take interest in his hobbies.

She submits to her husband as unto her Lord.

She immerses herself into his music, his style, his culture, and his favorite things.

She wants to be active in his world because she belongs to him. She is not her own.

This means she won’t balk at watching the sports she couldn’t care less about, she won’t roll her eyes at the things that make him laugh, and she won’t mock his way of doing things.

Therefore I exhort you, be imitators of me. (1 Corinthians 4:16 NASB)


6. I Will (Not) Praise Him

king-1073396_960_720

– The world tells us to think: “I’m the one who does it all. I should get the praise!”

The christian wife knows that she is to be but a shadow of her husband’s glory.

She submits to her husband as unto her Lord.

She steps out of the spotlight and directs the honor towards him.

She is comfortable taking the back seat, because she belongs to him. She is not her own.

This means not only refraining from disrespectful speech about her husband, but looking for ways to talk about how wonderful he is. It is about presenting him as his best for all to see.

I will speak of the glorious honour of thy majesty, and of thy wondrous works. And men shall speak of the might of thy terrible acts: and I will declare thy greatness. (Psalm 145:5-6)


7. I Will (Not) Be His Servant

IMG_7565

– The world tells us to think: “He’s a big boy, he can take care of himself. I deserve a break”

The christian wife knows that shirking her duties is not an option.

She submits to her husband as unto her Lord.

She is attentive to his explicit directions and obeys them without complaint.

She delights in doing his bidding, for she belongs to him. She is not her own.

This means she sets aside the urge to ask “why”. She accepts that he knows what he’s doing in any situation, and even if he doesn’t, she does the right thing by yielding to his wishes.

Jesus saith unto them, My meat is to do the will of him that sent me, and to finish his work. (John 4:34)


Did you know that your attitude towards your husband is a direct reflection of your attitude towards The Lord?

Did you know that if you do not respect the authority that The Lord placed over you, it shows that you do not respect The Lord?

Did you know that if we wives do not love our husbands, then we do not love The Lord?

I want you to go back and re-read the seven points again. I want you to recognize that the “Him” I speak of in every numbered item is not only your husband….but what you inevitably voice towards God. Allow me to be very frank: if you hold any of these negative viewpoints towards your husband, it is one and the same as the viewpoint you hold to your Maker. If we want to be truly regenerated in our hearts, we must start viewing our men in a different light. When we read our scriptures, we must note that what the words have to say in regards to God are the ways we need to behold our husbands; (and vice versa, in the ways above that we are defrauding our husbands, we are aiming our darts at God.)

  • Do you let God/your husband change you?
  • Do you pursue God/your husband?
  • Do you respond to God/your husband?
  • Do you put God/your husband first?
  • Do you aim to be like God/your husband?
  • Do you praise God/your husband?
  • Are you God’s/your husband’s servant?

If not, what are you waiting for? Today is the day to repent of all the bitterness and poor choices of yesterday. Today is the day to focus your full attention on your God-given role. Today is the day to start venerating your husband and treating him as your king. Today is the day to stop saying “I will not“, and start saying “I will“!

A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband: but she that maketh ashamed is as rottenness in his bones. (Proverbs 12:4)

God bless, and take a chill pill!
Mrs. Dustin Bolks


Mrs. Dustin Bolks is a church of Christ preacher’s wife, and the home educating mother of two children. She and her family currently reside in Northwest Iowa.

Do you feel that your prayers are lacking?

Do you find yourself praying the same things over and over again in dull routine? Is prayer the one part of your spiritual life that gets very little attention? If this sounds like you, then you’ve come to the right place.

My goal today is to help you improve upon your ability to communicate with The Lord.

While it may seem that prayer should come easily, it can be quite difficult for many Christians to know how to talk to God. As much as I hate to admit, I have personally struggled with this in my own life.

In my younger years I was not exactly a shining example of a healthy prayer life….in fact, you could say I was a perfect example of how not to pray! Here I was, a young girl who loved to read her bible, go to church, sing songs of praise throughout the day…yet when it came to my prayers, they were short, shallow, and shoddy. I cringe just thinking of them.

Every night before bed, my teenage self would pray something to this effect:

“Dear Father – Thank you for this day. Thank you for your blessings. Be with my family and friends. Be with those who are sick. Forgive me of my sins. I love you. In Jesus’ name, Amen”

Let’s be real: a prayer like that just downright stinks. It’s impersonal, it’s demanding…it has no depth. Of course I can be rather critical, because I’m speaking of words that came from my own mouth. Yet to this day I am saddened to see many adults (who should be mature in the faith) who have not grown past similar immaturity in their prayers.

Ladies, if you struggle in this area, don’t be discouraged! Like anything, our prayer lives can be refined to full potential through knowledge, determination, and practice.

Is it our desire to be a sweet savor unto our Lord? Do we want our words to be a delight to Him? Then first we will need to filter out some bad prayer habits that are a hindrance.

Let’s consider the three most common errors made concerning communication with God:

holding-hands-752878_640b

Error # 1: Prayer Slacking

It should be obvious that this is the biggest problem one can face with prayer: not praying at all! This negligence is more common than one might think – but why? What excuse do we have not to pray? We are more than able.

A blind man may not be able to see, a deaf man may not be able to hear, and a mute man may not be able to speak…yet every single one of these can still effectively communicate with their Maker. No infirmity prevents us; no obstacle is in the way, save our own obstinate will.

Beware…the longer we spend avoiding prayer, the easier it gets. Before long we rarely pray – if ever! Yet by the same token, the more we pray the more natural it becomes. They say old habits die hard – well so do good ones!

Once we take a step in the right direction and set aside time each day for prayer it will not only become habitual, but most enjoyable and a time that we look forward to.

Christian women don’t slack on prayer. We pray often.

“Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, and watching thereunto with all perseverance and supplication for all saints.” Ephesians 6:8

gerbera-1250295_640d

Error # 2: Prayer Slimming

Many Christians pray daily, but haphazardly.

While the frequency of praying is there, the occasion lacks real sincerity. Instead of having heartfelt conversations with the Lord, they form a habit of saying rote prayers of their own making. The idea is, “I pray because I know it’s right, but I make it as quick and convenient for myself as possible.”

This reminds me of the prayers I offered God as a teenager. Not much thought went into what I was saying, and I rushed through the words so I could get some shut-eye. Is this kind of attitude God-serving or self-serving? Of course it is the latter.

It is simply not glorifying to God when we put the majority of our efforts into other activities and give Him the scraps. We would do well to remember that He is our KING! This means He is to be first priority in our lives.

Sisters, praying is really a small sacrifice to give to the One who redeemed and purchased us with His own blood! If we can’t muster up the energy to pray to Him then I believe we have a real heart problem. Perhaps it is that we don’t really believe He is as real or as good as we proclaim. If we did, we would spend so much more time in His presence than we do.

Christian women don’t slim down prayers. We give God our best. (Not to mention that when we give God our best, we too are blessed!)

“Honour the Lord with thy substance, and with the firstfruits of all thine increase: so shall thy barns be filled with plenty, and thy presses shall burst out with new wine.” Proverbs 3:9-10

prayer-888757_640c

Error # 3: Prayer Slanting

Some pray frequently, some pray fervently, but they pray without understanding. They pray for what seems right to them, but ignorantly they pray outside of God’s will. One example I see quite often is when individuals ask God to heal “so-and-so” or to bless “so-and-so” without stopping to think that it may be outside of God’s authority.

Consider these three strong passages from the book of Jeremiah:

“Therefore pray not thou for this people, neither lift up cry nor prayer for them, neither make intercession to me: for I will not hear thee. Seest thou not what they do in the cities of Judah and in the streets of Jerusalem?” Jeremiah 7:16-17

“Then said the Lord unto me, Pray not for this people for their good. When they fast, I will not hear their cry; and when they offer burnt offering and an oblation, I will not accept them: but I will consume them by the sword, and by the famine, and by the pestilence.” Jeremiah 14:11-12

“Therefore pray not thou for this people, neither lift up a cry or prayer for them: for I will not hear them in the time that they cry unto me for their trouble.” Jeremiah 11:14

I firmly believe that we ought to take more caution in what we boldly ask God to do. It is folly to ask God to heal someone or bless them when perhaps He is afflicting them for their own well-being.

Perhaps the hardship a Christian is going through is meant to sharpen them. Would we do well to ask God to take it away from them when it is for a purpose? That worldly person that is stricken with cancer – would we do well to ask God to heal them so that they might so conveniently go back to a life void of Him?

Rather we ought to pray that sickness, disease, affliction and the like would cause people to turn their hearts to God. It is in vain for a person to be healed just for healing’s sake. We can and should have compassion for people. However, that does not mean we overstep our boundaries and petition God to take away what He very well may have ordained.

If and when we do pray for God’s healing over individuals (especially those outside the Faith) we need to make sure that we are willing to use the experience to lead them to Christ, else the healing be for naught.

Christian women don’t slant their prayers. We pray with discernment.

“Moreover as for me, God forbid that I should sin against the Lord in ceasing to pray for you: but I will teach you the good and the right way. Only fear the Lord, and serve him in truth with all your heart: for consider how great things he hath done for you. But if ye shall still do wickedly, ye shall be consumed, both ye and your king.” 1 Samuel 12:23-25

bible-706641_1280c

Bottom line: Pray. Pray often, pray genuinely, pray wisely. Don’t forget about the Father, don’t give Him scraps and don’t pretend you are His boss.

It all comes down to honor. Do we honor God? The more we respect and adore our great and mighty King, the easier it becomes to talk with Him. Praying is meant to be a sweet savor unto the Lord. It is also meant to change us.

Pray with humility. Pray with fervency. Pray with adoration… and for crying out loud, don’t pray with a case of the “gimme’s.”

Girls, it takes practice to form savory prayers. It is a process that may not happen overnight, and God knows your sincerity! He is gracious to us in our immaturity. He wants to hear from you, and He expects you to offer Him your best.

Where you are weak in this area, He is strong (Romans 8:26). My intent is not to make anyone feel foolish or that their prayers are not good enough, but rather to encourage each of you to examine your prayer life. I did, and my relationship with the Lord has grown so much as a result. I want to see the same for you.

God bless, and take a chill pill!
Mrs. Dustin Bolks

Mrs. Dustin Bolks is a church of Christ preacher’s wife, and the home educating mother of two children. She and her family currently reside in Northwest Iowa.