Destress the Damsel

Be Good For Goodness Sake

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You better watch out
You better not cry
You better not pout
I’m telling you why
Santa Claus is coming to town

He’s making a list
He’s checking it twice
He’s gonna find out
Who’s naughty and nice
Santa Claus is coming to town

He sees you when you’re sleeping
He knows when you’re awake
He knows when you’ve been bad or good
So be good for goodness sake

– Excerpt from traditional Christmas song, “Santa Claus is Coming To Town” (1934)

I know I’m not the only one who finds this song’s omnipotent, omniscient, and omnipresent portrayal of Santa to sound an awful lot like the Lord. “Santa Claus is Coming to Town” warns children to behave so that they’ll make it on to the “nice list” – a surefire way to get the goods from the big guy in red. Of course, we who are in Christ are far more interested in making God’s nice list, A.K.A. the Book of Life, but I digress. What has always stuck out to me in this jolly Christmas song, is the iconic line: “be good for goodness sake”. What a simple, yet profound concept – doing what is right simply because it is right – a novel idea! It is with this thought (and a happy little excuse for a festive theme) that this article comes before you today.

What is the basis for your treatment of others: their goodness to you, or your goodness to them? Is it your practice to treat others how they treat you, or how you want to be treated? Is it your practice to be good to others only when you feel good towards them, or to always “be good for goodness sake”?

Today, I want to share two reasons why you should be good for goodness sake. #1…

If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners do the same.  And if you lend to those from whom you expect to receive, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners in order to receive back the same amount. – Luke 6:32-34

Among the Lord’s “naughty list” are those who are good for bad reasons. Instead of being steadily and faithfully “good for goodness sake”, these folks have a shallow sense of goodness that comes and goes. They love, but only those who love them. They do good, but only to those who do good to them. They give, but only to those who give to them. Indeed, at the end of the day, it’s all about them.

Are you a Naughty-Lister?

  • A Naughty-Lister is sweet and submissive to her husband…as long as that husband is adoring, as long as he is walking the straight and narrow path, and as long as he is acting in accordance with the wishes of his wife.

  • A Naughty-Lister is calm and patient with her children…as long as those children are respectful, as long as they are obedient, and as long as they are grateful towards their mother.

  • A Naughty-Lister is friendly and laid-back towards her waitress…as long as that waitress brings the order on time, as long as she remembers all the items, and as long as she keeps the food at the right temperature for her customer.

As Jesus pointed out in our above passage, it’s not all that extraordinary to show a loving, good, and giving spirit to those who return the favor…that comes naturally to everyone. No, what sets Christians apart is not how we treat the loving, the good, and the giving…but how we treat the hateful, the bad, and the greedy. To be “good for goodness sake” is not treating others well because they are good, but because we are. (And because we serve a good God.)

Our Lord wants you to be good for goodness sake, and He’s gonna find out who’s naughty! #2…

But love your enemies and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return; and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High; for He Himself is kind to ungrateful and evil people. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful. – Luke 6:35-36

Among the Lord’s “nice list” are those who are good for good reasons. Instead of having a shallow sense of goodness that comes and goes, these folks are steadily and faithfully “good for goodness sake”. They love, even those who hate them. They do good, even to those who are bad to them. They give, even to those who take from them. Why? Because Nice-Listers know it’s all about Him.

Are you a Nice-Lister?

  • A Nice-Lister is sweet and submissive to her husband…even when that husband is apathetic, even when he stumbles, and even when he makes choices that don’t sit well with his wife.

  • A Nice-Lister is calm and patient with her children…even when those children are disrespectful, even when they are disobedient, and even when they are ungrateful towards their mother.

  • A Nice-Lister is friendly and laid-back towards her waitress…even when that waitress brings the order late, even when she forgets items, and even when she lets the food get hot or cold on her customer.

True inner virtue is evident when the people or circumstances around us are less than ideal, but we choose to be good anyway. Whether it’s a husband, a child, a waitress, or anyone else that has upset you (ranging anywhere from a minor mistake to an evil intent), your character speaks volumes to God when you can lay aside anger and bitterness and choose the high road instead. When circumstances feel chaotic and out of control, when you can’t do anything to change the people around you…don’t forget that you do have the power to control and change yourself. God sees how they are treating you, and God sees how you are treating them. Remain steadfast in your good nature, and the reward is great.

Our Lord wants you to be good for goodness sake, and He’s gonna find out who’s nice!

In conclusion…

Take an attitude check: are you on the Lord’s naughty or nice list?

“He sees you when you’re sleeping, He knows when you’re awake, He knows when you’ve been bad or good, so be good for goodness sake.” Long before these words were written, the Psalmist said of God,

He who planted the ear, does He not hear? Or He who formed the eye, does He not see? – Psalm 94:9

Santa Claus is certainly a wholesome and fun make-believe fellow, but he is not omnipotent, omniscient, or omnipresent. The King of Kings is, and He’s gonna find out who’s naughty and nice. Tempting as it may be, don’t allow others’ treatment of you to be the basis of how you treat them. Christians have thick skins and stiff upper lips. We do what is right simply because it is right; we roll with the punches, knowing God will sort out the rest. (Keep in mind that being good to those who are bad to us does not mean condoning their behavior…it simply means that we refuse to stoop and participate in it ourselves. Two wrongs will not make a right.)

Focus on being good for goodness sake, and you’ll make the “nice list” for sure…this Christmas, and all year long.

The good person out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth what is good… Luke 6:45a

For God’s glory,
Mrs. Dustin Bolks

Chaste Bolks is a church of Christ preacher’s wife, and the home educating mother of two children. She and her family currently reside in Northwest Iowa.

Rags to Riches

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Back through the years
I go wanderin’ once again
Back to the seasons of my youth
I recall a box of rags that someone gave us
And how my momma put the rags to use

There were rags of many colors
But every piece was small
And I didn’t have a coat
And it was way down in the fall
Momma sewed the rags together
Sewin’ every piece with love
She made my coat of many colors
That I was so proud of

As she sewed, she told a story
From the Bible she had read
About a coat of many colors
Joseph wore and then she said
Perhaps this coat will bring you
Good luck and happiness
And I just couldn’t wait to wear it
And Momma blessed it with a kiss

My coat of many colors
That my momma made for me
Made only from rags
But I wore it so proudly
Although we had no money
I was rich as I could be
In my coat of many colors
My momma made for me

So with patches on my britches
And holes in both my shoes
In my coat of many colors
I hurried off to school
Just to find the others laughing
And making fun of me
In my coat of many colors
My momma made for me

And oh, I couldn’t understand it
For I felt I was rich
And I told ’em of the love
My momma sewed in every stitch
And I told ’em all the story
Momma told me while she sewed
And how my coat of many colors
Was worth more than all their clothes

But they didn’t understand it
And I tried to make them see
That one is only poor
Only if they choose to be
Now I know we had no money
But I was rich as I could be
In my coat of many colors
My momma made for me
Made just for me

– “Coat of Many Colors” by Dolly Parton (1971)

“Coat of Many Colors” is widely considered by Dolly Parton’s loyal fans to be her best song. Not only is it a fan favorite, but this same song is reported to be Dolly Parton’s own personal favorite selection from her musical career of 55+ years. While Dolly’s gentle voice accompanied by an acoustic guitar riff hold much charm, what gives this song that extra-special-something is the simple yet evocative message it conveys. Based on a true account of Dolly’s upbringing, the heartwarming story reminds us that love is worth more than riches any day of the week.

Sometimes, when my husband and I drive past a particularly fine house, we both get starry-eyed. We talk and dream a bit together of what it must be like to live in such a sumptuous home. Though the dreaming is fun, it doesn’t take long before we always come to the same conclusion: the trade-offs of such a lifestyle are far too costly for our taste. A two-income family, a loss of time together, and a loss of money we’d rather invest elsewhere are not prices we’re willing to pay. And so we remember to be grateful for the home we do have. Is it a mansion? No. Does it have all the latest bells and whistles? Negative. Are we living a life of luxury? Well, it depends on who you ask. The roof over our head, the affordable cost, and the priceless time spent together between these four walls make it pretty close to a palace in my book. Dolly is right…”one is only poor if they choose to be”.

What do you think – is going from “rags to riches” a worthy pursuit? Today, let’s ask ourselves 6 questions about riches that the book of Proverbs will answer for us. The first question is…

Better is a little with the fear of the Lord than great treasure and turmoil with it. – Proverbs 15:16

“Turmoil” is defined as a state of great disturbance, confusion, or uncertainty.

Ironically, we might consider a lack of funds to be a leading cause of disturbance, confusion, or uncertainty in life…but scripture points out quite the opposite. The more you have, the more you have to lose. A person who is in possession of great treasure is always going to be worried about losing it to theft or disaster. Yet “the fear of the Lord”, mentioned in the same passage, is something that can never be stolen from us. It is ours to keep so long as we choose to walk in the light, and that is a blessed assurance. Remember what Jesus said about storing up our treasures: the treasures we accumulate in this age are subject to eventual destruction, but the treasures we store in heaven are ours for keeps!

Better is a dish of vegetables where love is than a fattened ox served with hatred. – Proverbs 15:17

“Hatred” is defined as an intense dislike or ill will.

You might think, “why can’t I have both…the fattened ox and the love?” It comes down to two words: time and energy. Since riches and love both take a lot of time and energy to pursue, one must take ultimate priority. If riches is the highest priority, love will have to take a back seat. Eventually, that love will devolve into hatred, on account of being in competition with riches – A.K.A. priority numero uno – for it’s easy to hate whatever (or whoever) stands in the way of our goals. But be warned, our bank accounts will not keep us warm at night, nor will they endure into the next age. How much better to invest in the eternal nature of love, and building meaningful relationships in our homes, than to amass wealth to ourselves!

Better is a little with righteousness than great income with injustice. – Proverbs 16:8

“Injustice” is defined as a lack of fairness, or (quite obviously) justice.

Certainly not all income is gained by unjust means, but “great income” is often bought at the expense of others. A righteous person (in this context, one who deals fairly) is rarely going to be raking in cash by the wheelbarrow-full. When a fair person sells, they consider the true value of their goods and services, not what some “sucker” might be tricked into paying. Also, fair business practice demands disclosing any known flaws in a product, though we know it will knock down the price. Strict adherence to the golden rule keeps a person from cheating others. What would you pay? It’s unreasonable to take bargain prices for ourselves when buying, and demand top dollar when selling. We are to be just in all our dealings!

Better is a dry morsel and quietness with it than a house full of feasting with strife. – Proverbs 17:1

“Strife” is defined as an angry or bitter disagreement over fundamental issues; conflict.

Relationship experts consistently claim that one of the top reasons couples argue is money. Couples around the globe argue over who makes the money, who controls the money, where the money is spent, how much money is spent, how much money is saved, and the list goes on. Obsession with money can turn our dearest love into our bitterest foe. One can live in a mansion and have all the luxuries that money can buy, but be miserable due to a hostile marriage. On the flip side, one can live in poverty with little to nothing to their name, but be filled with joy due to a harmonious marriage. At the end of the day, it’s not about the amount of cash we accumulate, but the amount of cooperation we cultivate!

Better is a poor man who walks in his integrity than he who is perverse in speech and is a fool. – Proverbs 19:1

“Perversion” is defined as showing a deliberate and obstinate desire to behave in a way that is unreasonable or unacceptable, often in spite of the consequences.

Why are there so many worldly, foul, and degenerate people in Hollywood? Money is certainly one of the primary factors. If one wants to get ahead, they must have low standards. Hit movies are often filled with swearing, violence, drunkenness, drug abuse, sexual perversion, and the like. Those celebrities who are willing to act out and promote sin are rewarded with big bucks. Sadly, most will do anything for a paycheck and to fit in with perverse peers. While most of us aren’t Hollywood material, we can be in danger of the actor mentality…lowering our standards in order to get ahead and fit in with the affluent crowd. If Christians don’t take a stand, who will? This world needs less foolishness and more integrity!

Better is the poor who walks in his integrity than he who is crooked though he be rich. – Proverbs 28:6

“Crookedness” is defined as actions that are dishonest or illegal.

In addition to Hollywood actors, some of society’s wealthiest people are also among the most crooked: politicians. The most monetarily successful politicians are the ones who accept bribes, support ungodly legislation, lie through their teeth, and are a law unto themselves. The greed of such people drives them to line their pocketbooks with no concern for who they hurt in the process, and with no regard for what is right and what is wrong. While most of us are as unlikely to be in politics as we are to be in Hollywood, we can again be in danger of the politician mentality…idolizing money so much that nothing and no one will stand in our way of getting it. As Jesus said, it is “hard for a rich person to enter the Kingdom of Heaven”!

In conclusion…

When the wealth of others makes you starry-eyed, simply pretend you’re going computer shopping and ask yourself: is T.H.I.S. P.C. worth it? In other words, is going from “rags to riches” worth…

  • Turmoil?
  • Hatred?
  • Injustice?
  • Strife?
  • Perversion?
  • Crookedness?

This simple acronym will help you place your priorities in perspective in no time. Proverbs shows us repeatedly that there are far better riches to be found than that of monetary wealth. Let each of us be content with what we have, and leave T.H.I.S. P.C. on the shelf where it belongs!

Do not weary yourself to gain wealth, cease from your consideration of it. When you set your eyes on it, it is gone. For wealth certainly makes itself wings like an eagle that flies towards the heavens. – Proverbs 23:4-5

Better is the little of the righteous than the abundance of many wicked. – Psalms 37:16

For God’s glory,
Mrs. Dustin Bolks

Chaste Bolks is a church of Christ preacher’s wife, and the home educating mother of two children. She and her family currently reside in Northwest Iowa.

The Security of Purity

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I got a little change in my pocket goin’ jing-a-ling-a-ling
Wants to call you on the telephone baby, a-give you a ring
But each time we talk, I get the same old thing
Always no hug-ee no kiss-ee until I get a weddin’ ring
My honey my baby, don’t put my love upon no shelf
She said don’t hand me no lines and keep your hands to yourself

Baby baby baby why you wan’ treat me this way
You know I’m still your lover boy I still feel the same way
That’s when she told me a story, ’bout free milk and a cow
And said no hug-ee no kiss-ee until I get a weddin’ vow
My honey my baby, don’t put my love upon no shelf
She said don’t hand me no lines and keep your hands to yourself

Hold it here
See I wanted her real bad, and I was about to give in
But that’s when she started talking about true love, started talking about sin
And I said, honey I’ll live with you for the rest of my life,
She said no hug-ee no kiss-ee until you make me your wife-a
My honey my baby, don’t put my love upon no shelf
She said don’t hand me no lines and keep your hands to yourself

– “Keep Your Hands to Yourself” by The Georgia Satellites, 1986

What do the 2020s, the 1960s, and the 0070s have in common with 1986?

Whether it’s the modern day transgender movement, the “free love” movement of the ’60s, or the all-around debauchery of ancient Pompeii (and that’s not to mention any B.C. dates)…mankind has fallen prey to sexual sin nearly from the dawn of creation. In a world where “anything goes”, one must admire the resolve of a woman to maintain her purity until she is given a wedding ring, a wedding vow, and made a wife. The woman in the song strikes me not as a woman of prudishness, but a woman of purity. She desires to have sex with her man, but when (and only when) she becomes Mrs. Georgia Satellite.

Purity, not prudishness, is likewise what we Christian ladies are about. We know that we are crafted by God as sexual beings, and are unashamed about that fact. However, we also know that the who, what, when, where, and why of how we express our sexuality matters. We are sexual beings, and yet we are called to purity. We must walk a delicate balance with these two truths in order to be pleasing to our Lord.

Purity is one of the seven primary attributes of the Christian woman (see Titus 2:4-5). And while purity is for single and married women alike, my message today is mainly for the single ladies…damsels who have yet to enter into a marriage covenant with a man. If you fall into that category, perhaps you will allow me to speak with you about The Security of Purity. For those married ladies reading, perhaps you will be inclined to share this article with the unwed ladies in your life.

[Please note that this article does not apply to victims of rape, who are in no way responsible for the crimes of their perpetrators. Rape does not equal fornication (for the victim). May God bring justice in His perfect timing and measure to vindicate His precious daughters who have endured this atrocity.]

Today, I will be sharing three things that are secured when a woman chooses to abstain from premarital sex. Firstly, practicing purity will…

“She said no hug-ee no kiss-ee until you make me your wife”

Perhaps the most obvious of our three points, sex affects your soma (A.K.A. body). Women quite literally accept men inside their bodies when they engage in sexual intercourse. When a woman has sex with a man, she is inviting him into the most hidden, sacred, and intimate part of her being. This is not something to be taken lightly. Your sexuality is meant to be a gift reserved for the man willing to take you into his home for keeps…not a privilege for the guy who wants to take you home like a blockbuster movie and return you when he’s through with his cheap entertainment. Know your value; know that your body is not meant to available for rent (or rent-to-own, for that matter!). Wait for the man who’s looking to “buy”.

Here are 3 reasons to choose The Security of Purity:

  • Purity secures your soma from irreversible change. Though it is downplayed and wiped away by our present-day society, there is something to be said for saving that “token of your virginity” (A.K.A. the breaking of your hymen) for your wedding night. It not only speaks to your prior innocence, but also – I will speak candidly – your husband’s masculine satisfaction of having conquered his bride.

  • Purity secures your soma from intimidating STDs. In a monogamous marriage, gone is the worry of contracting a virus, infection, or disease. You can rest easy and enjoy yourself to the fullest, knowing that you aren’t going to pay the price later on for your pleasure. Say goodbye to condoms, and hello to unhindered and unencumbered intimacy with your man.

  • Purity secures your soma from illegitimate pregnancy. It is an inherent right of children to be raised in the secure home environment of a covenanted father and mother. Premarital sex is a threat to the future generations it propagates. The very real dangers include single-parent homes, custody battles, blended families, and even abortion. The breakdown of the family leads to the breakdown of society.

Flee sexual immorality. Every other sin that a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. – 1 Corinthians 6:18

Practice purity in order to secure your soma. Secondly, practicing purity will…

“She told me a story, ’bout free milk and a cow”

We all know that famous phrase about players: “why buy the cow when you can have the milk for free?” Many women have suffered soul-crushing heartache on account of this hard truth. Men who lack integrity will take all the milk and then ditch when the going gets tough, or a more exciting “cow” comes along. But time and time again, girls give up their most prized possession for the grand total of $0 and a couple cheap proclamations of “I love you”. Well, love is a verb…and if your boyfriend/fiance “loves you” so much, he will commit, putting affirmative action behind his words. Don’t put your soul on the line to be trampled upon, or you just might be left to pick up the pieces of your heart in the wake of his painful departure.

Here are 3 reasons to choose The Security of Purity:

  • Purity secures your soul from personal attachment. When you have sex, bonding hormones are released that cloud your judgment and impair your senses. And long after the sex is over, the emotions of a feminine heart remain. A breakup of two people who did not have sex will still hurt (all breakups do), but it makes it a whole lot easier when there is no added baggage of having slept together. Such a heartache is more akin to losing a close friend than losing an intimate love.

  • Purity secures your soul from perpetual memories. As long as you live, you will have to cope with the inescapable reality that you had sex with that guy. You can move on, even marry someone else, but the memories will still remain. Humiliating memories if you despise him, yearning memories if you love him…but memories in any case. Save yourself the torture, and don’t make the memories.

  • Purity secures your soul from permanent association. Even if you get as close to forgetting your ex as a girl can, guess who will always remember him? Your friends, your family, and practically everyone else you came in contact with in the history of ever. If they knew you had sex with your significant other, they will hold that knowledge for always…even after you are happily married. Yikes. And what’s worse, the guy you had sex with will always remember, too. Double yikes!

Or do you not know that the one who joins himself to a prostitute is one body with her? For He says, “the two shall becomes one flesh.” – 1 Corinthians 6:16

Practice purity in order to secure your soul. Lastly, practicing purity will…

“She started talking about true love, started talking about sin”

Maybe you aren’t concerned about the defilement of your soma, or the depression of your soul…but will you have concern over the demolition of your spirit? To live a lifestyle of fornication is to live in direct opposition to The Lord’s will. God has provided one safe and secure pathway for us to express our sexuality, and that is within (and only within) the confines of marriage. I’ll say it until my lungs give out: marriage to the love of one’s life is heaven on earth. Why tarry? Why be at odds with your Maker when you can instead accept His spectacular design of marriage and live a holy, wholesome, and harmonious life under the sun with the man you love, and who loves you?

Here are 3 reasons to choose The Security of Purity:

  • Purity secures your spirit from guilt and shame. We all have the tendency to be short-sighted and live only in the moment. But if we would be wise and “see our end” (the scriptural definition of repentance)…we might make many choices differently. Will the “free” lifestyle you are living now, oppress you later? Will your future self regret the loose morals of your current self, feel the crushing weight of her folly? You can never go back and change the past…so live in a way you won’t regret.

  • Purity secures your spirit from apathy and lethargy. The more one sins, the less guilt one feels. When we do something over and over, such as have sex outside of marriage, our consciences become seared (read: desensitized) about that sin to the point that we can no longer feel shame. If you are apathetic about sin, you will become lethargic about righteousness. It’s a never-ending spiral going ever downward. Don’t tolerate your sin…look to Jesus to help you root it out completely.

  • Purity secures your spirit from condemnation and damnation. The Bible is clear about the eternal destination of unrepentant fornicators. (Hint: it’s not a place you want to go.) No human being is worth going to hell for…not your one-night stand, not your boyfriend, not your fiancé, not even your live-in “partner”. If you want to have sex, then get out there and find the man of your dreams and marry him.

…the body is not for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord is for the body. – 1 Corinthians 6:13b

Practice purity in order to secure your spirit.

In conclusion…

Now the deeds of the flesh are evident, which are: sexual immorality, impurity, indecent behavior…those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. – Galatians 5:19,21b

-but-

Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God. – Matthew 5:8

Choose the security of purity, in order to secure your soma, secure your soul, and secure your spirit.

Do you have a wedding ring? Have you made your wedding vows? Are you a wife? If the answer to these questions is no, then you ought to say to the man in your life, “keep your hands to yourself“…and then either kick him to the curb, or get a move on to that altar!

…if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion. – 1 Corinthians 6:9

For God’s glory,
Mrs. Dustin Bolks

Chaste Bolks is a church of Christ preacher’s wife, and the home educating mother of two children. She and her family currently reside in Northwest Iowa.