Destress the Damsel

Good For The Gander

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It was a goose who sadly cried,
“Alas! Alas! The farm is wide,
And large the barnyard company,
But no one ever looks at me;
There really seems to be no use,
Or praise, or glory, for a goose.

– excerpt from “The Goose Explains” by Amos Russel Wells

You know what they say: “what’s good for the goose is good for the gander“. (The goose symbolizing a wife, and the gander, her husband.) In like manner of the above poem, many of today’s women find no use, praise, or glory in being a “goose”; or in other words, find no use, praise, or glory in being a help meet for their man. Oh, but what a marked difference it would make in the life of every “goose” if her pursuit was not on herself, but rather on what is “good for the gander“…for this is indeed the God-ordained use, praise, and glory of a “goose”! It may sound foreign to our 21st century ears, but this truth stands the test of time.

The modern-day Jezebel is all about equality, which is really just a nice way to say “female supremacy”. Phrases such as “what’s good for the goose is good for the gander” reveal the true heart of feminism. Feminism is in direct opposition to God’s perfect will for marriage; its proponents advocate a world system where the goose takes the lead and the gander follows. But a feminine woman (as opposed to a feminist woman) has a heart that says, “what’s good for the gander is good for the goose“.

Do you believe that what is good for your husband (your head, your authority, your superior) is good enough for you? Do you align yourself with his wishes, conform to his image, become more and more one with him each day? Do you relinquish the sinful desire to control your man, instead choosing to be subdued and surrendered by him who you chose to enter into covenant with? If the answer is yes, take a seat in the amen pew, and read on. If the answer is no, lay aside your pitchfork, and read on. If Biblical womanhood is your modus operandi, then this article should prove to be inspiring, encouraging, and convicting…regardless of how counter-cultural and politically incorrect it may be.

Today I want to share with you three tiers of authority in which, “what’s good for the gander is good for the goose“. #1, this phrase is…

Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who, as He existed in the form of God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped. – Philippians 2:5-6

What is this attitude of Jesus toward the Father (that we are commanded to adopt)?

“What’s good for the gander is good for the goose“!

(This example being not one of husband/wife, but of a dominant/submissive relationship just the same.) Jesus believed that whatever was good for God (i.e. the will of the Father) was good for Him (i.e. the work of the Son).

Jesus is concerned about what’s “good for the gander“. Not only is this His Motto, but it’s also…

And He put all things in subjection under His feet, and made Him head over all things to the church, which is His body, the fullness of Him who fills all in all. – Ephesians 1:22-23

What is the attitude of the church toward Jesus?

“What’s good for the gander is good for the goose“!

Christ’s bride believes that whatever is good for Jesus (i.e. the will of the head) is good for her (i.e. the work of the body).

  • The church regards Jesus as her head; holding Him in first place position. (Colossians 1:18)

  • The church is preparing and clothing herself for Jesus with acts of righteousness. (Revelation 19:7-8)

Christ’s bride is concerned about what’s “good for the gander“. Not only is this Her Motto, but it’s also…

…as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives to their husbands in everything. – Ephesians 5:24b

What is the attitude of a wife to her husband?

“What’s good for the gander is good for the goose“!

I believe that whatever is good for my husband (i.e. the will of the man) is good for me (i.e. the work of the woman).

  • I am a trustworthy wife; doing good for my husband all the days of my life. (Proverbs 31:11-12)

(This is not to say I do not falter in these things at times! Nonetheless, I believe these truths with all my heart and consider the application thereof to be my greatest use, praise, and glory. I am walking in the light, though imperfectly.)

I am concerned about what’s “good for the gander“.

In conclusion…

“What’s good for the gander is good for the goose” is His (Jesus’) Motto…therefore it’s Her (the church’s) Motto…therefore it’s My (a helpmeet’s) Motto. If you are a Christian wife, I exhort you to make it your motto, too!

Ladies, there is much use, praise, and glory in being a “goose”. Let us make it our aim each and every day to seek not our own will, but what is “good for the gander“. There is such joy and purpose to be found in loving and submitting to the headship of a husband…if we will lay aside our 21st century pitchforks, forget about what’s “politically correct”, and commit to living out God’s perfect will for our lives. Don’t be a silly goose…denounce the world-system of feminism, and embrace your God-given femininity, today.

…I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman, and God is the head of Christ. – 1 Corinthians 11:3b

For God’s glory,
Mrs. Dustin Bolks

Chaste Bolks is a church of Christ preacher’s wife, and the home educating mother of two children. She and her family currently reside in Northwest Iowa.

Girl, Interrupting

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[This blog title is a parody of the 1999 film, Girl, Interrupted. However, I am not endorsing said film, of which I know little.]

If someone wants to talk to you
Listen to them until they’re through.
No matter if they talk till dawn,
Don’t interrupt, look bored or yawn.
Hold your words and don’t be vexed;
Your turn to speak is coming next.

Interrupt only if you see
A prisoner running free,
A porcupine who wants to play,
A solar eclipse (look away!),
A bucking, snorting runaway horse,
Or a house on fire, of course.”

– John Bemelmans Marciano, Madeline Says Merci: The-Always-Be-Polite Book

This excerpt comes from one of my most treasured childhood books. The passage above, in particular, has always stuck with me…cemented by a comical illustration of Madeline quietly waiting her turn to speak while a prisoner is escaping, a porcupine is introducing himself, a solar eclipse is forming overhead, a wild horse is making its getaway, and a house is in flames. (All cited as valid reasons to interrupt someone!) One of the most fundamental childhood precepts – we’re talking Manners 101 – is to refrain from interrupting others without good reason. Yet I see a building epidemic of self-centeredness in our culture; one where interrupting is becoming so commonplace that it really is quite disgraceful. It’s rare to observe, or partake in, a conversation where all parties are actively listening to the current speaker and someone is not rudely interrupting and interjecting. And so, as elementary as the topic may seem, I believe there is a significant need to revisit this basic lesson in conversation etiquette.

Let’s begin at the beginning. What exactly does it mean to “interrupt”? It is defined as follows:

interrupt (ˌɪntəˈrʌpt)
vb
1. to break the continuity of (an action, event, etc) or hinder (a person) by intrusion
2. to cease to perform (some action)
3. to obstruct (a view)
4. to prevent or disturb (a conversation, discussion, etc) by questions, interjections, or comment

Some synonyms of “interrupt” include: cut off, break up, put aside, put away, butt in, chime in, chisel in, barge in, break in, burst in, burst upon, disturb, disrupt, discontinue, end, stop, and terminate.

What a list! Interrupting (without due cause) is just plain rude. However, for most people, interrupting is not a malicious act…it is simply a bad habit that needs unlearned. Are you a girl, interrupting? Then allow me to share with you two underlying causes that may be the source of this bad habit. If we identify the problem, we can identify the solution. #1, some girls interrupt because they have…

Interruption: a way to demonstrate how much more important you think what you have to say is than what another has to say.

– Shel Harrington

One crucial way to convey our care for others is by making them feel heard. It’s pretty difficult for someone to feel heard when they can’t get a word in edgewise! Interruption is an interception – it shifts the spotlight from the original (rightful) speaker to the new (unrightful) speaker. When we cut someone off, steal their thunder, or finish their sentences by interjecting our own interpretation of their words, we are essentially silencing their voice and sending the message, “you don’t matter” (whether intentionally or unintentionally). Furthermore, interrupting places “me, myself, and I” on a self-exalted pedestal.

Humility is key to kicking the interrupting habit to the curb. The more honor we give to others, and the less attention we seek for ourselves, we will find it natural to give others the floor in conversation. Even secular conversational advisors recommend we speak only 20% of the time in group conversation, and 50% of the time in one-on-one discourse. Much more than that, and we will quickly become unsavory to those around us. You know what they say: we were made with two ears and only one mouth, so that we would listen twice as much as we talk.

Do you have too much self-importance? Don’t be that girl, interrupting. Cultivate a spirit of humility.

Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. – Philippians 2:3-4

#2, some girls interrupt because they have…

To conquer oneself is the best and noblest victory; to be vanquished by one’s own nature is the worst and most ignoble defeat.

– Plato

Many interrupt because they don’t have an objective view of themselves. They don’t see themselves as others see them – rude, inconsiderate, and obnoxious. Instead of having a growth and improvement mindset, they simply plod through life doing what comes naturally, making the same old mistakes they always have. They will interrupt today, they will interrupt tomorrow, and they will interrupt decades from now – because they’re not making a conscious effort to level up their conversation skills.

Personal reflection is key to kicking the interrupting habit to the curb. We must constantly ask ourselves how we can improve…not from a place of self-deprecation, but of self-evaluation. We all have strengths to elevate and weaknesses to eliminate. If interruption is a weakness of yours, take careful note of it, and strive to make every conversation an improvement from the last. The more you bite your tongue, the easier it becomes. Self-improvement is a process…but as long as you do a little better with each occasion, you will find your weakness having less of a hold on you. Practice makes progress!

Do you have too little self-awareness? Don’t be that girl, interrupting. Cultivate a spirit of personal reflection.

The wisdom of the prudent is to give thought to their ways, but the folly of fools is deception. – Proverbs 14:8

In conclusion…

The bad habit of interrupting is most commonly caused by…

  1. Too Much Self-Importance, and/or 2. Too Little Self-Awareness

In order to nip interruption in the bud, we must get to the root of the matter. By internalizing a spirit of humility and personal reflection, we will soon transform into elegant ladies…characterized by our mindful gentility, superb etiquette, and kind consideration. Strive to be a lady, and don’t be that girl, interrupting.

If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame. – Proverbs 18:13

For God’s glory,
Mrs. Dustin Bolks

Chaste Bolks is a church of Christ preacher’s wife, and the home educating mother of two children. She and her family currently reside in Northwest Iowa.

The Power of Prudence

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Money’s not important
You’ll hear some people say
But try getting by without it
With all those bills to pay

It really is essential now
Without it life gets tougher
Just like air and water
Without it you would suffer

You need it for the clothes you buy
And the roof above your head
Then there’s all the food you eat
And a warm and comfy bed

Don’t deny your need for dosh
It makes the world go round
Everyone needs money
The dollar or the pound

By helping other people
You can earn a lot of cash
But don’t forget to save a little
And build a decent stash

When saving for your future
Make an early start
Money should be in your head
But never in your heart

– “Money” by Roy Sutton

Mr. Sutton has summarized man’s need for money in a way simple enough for a child to grasp. 1 Timothy 6:10 warns us that, “the love of money is a root of all sorts of evil”. (This passage is commonly misquoted as “money is the root of all evil”, but there’s quite a difference between the two ideas.) I believe the poem helps clear up the misnomer cleanly and concisely: “money should be in your head, but never in your heart”. Money is merely a tool, neither good nor evil…what matters is our attitude towards money and the use thereof.

My #1 goal at Destress the Damsel is to encourage women to acknowledge, accept, and assimilate their God-given roles as wives, mothers, and homemakers. One significant way that women can step into their purpose is by recognizing The Power of Prudence. The way you wield money can bear an incredible impact on your marriage, your children, and your home. Check out this poignant passage:

House and wealth are an inheritance from fathers, but a prudent wife is from the Lord. – Proverbs 19:14

The Bible places more emphasis on the prudence of a man’s wife than it does on his house or his wealth. One is an inheritance of a father, but the other is an inheritance of The Father. House and wealth can be lost all too easily, but prudence is a lasting quality of immeasurable value. Do you desire to be a gift from God to your husband? In many ways, your money choices dictate what kind of wife you will be. Today, I am going to share with you two choices that can monetarily make or break your home. You could pick…

But beware: The rich rules over the poor, and the borrower becomes the lender’s slave. – Proverbs 22:7

Debt is a curse. Scripture goes so far as to call it a form of slavery. Unwise use of credit brings short-term pleasure and long-term pain…

  • Debt causes family split. How many husbands/fathers and wives/mothers spend more hours away from home than necessary, working extra hours to pay off credit card bills?

  • Debt causes family stress. How many heated arguments have sprouted up because of not being able to afford wants/needs?

  • Debt causes family shame. How many couples have soiled their reputation with family or friends on account of their frequent requests for loans?

While items purchased on credit may bring temporary satisfaction, consider the hefty opportunity cost. Time spent with loved ones…peace in the home…a good name…are these blessings worth throwing away in order to have more stuff? Unless you happen to be of a royal bloodline, the inheritor of a large fortune, or one who stumbles upon the “x” that marks a pirate’s gold stash, you are unlikely to have it all. And so you must choose what is most important to you.

Do you struggle with poor money habits? I am no financial expert, and the advice I have to offer is nothing that hasn’t been said before. Even so, I find these tips to be useful in my life, and perhaps they may be in yours as well:

If you currently have debt, get it paid off post haste. Pick up an extra shift at work, skimp on groceries, have a garage sale…do what it takes to climb out of the hole you’re in so you can start with a fresh slate. If you use credit cards, make sure to pay them off monthly…if you don’t, those interest rates will suck your bank account dry. Make a workable budget…and stick to it. Stop window shopping…in-person or online. Prioritize wants vs. needs…and furthermore, prioritize big wants vs. little wants/short-term wants vs. long-term wants. Resist impulse buying. Practice patience. Bottom line: don’t spend what you don’t have.

If you choose to spend what you don’t have, you risk causing a split, a stress, and a shame for your family. So allow me to suggest picking this instead…

Because: There is precious treasure and oil in the home of the wise, but a foolish person swallows it up. – Proverbs 21:20

If we aim to be wise women who build our homes instead of tearing them down, we must be controlled in our finances…we must prioritize saving over spending…we must have a big-picture mindset rather than giving in to every little desire that flashes before our eyes. Saving brings short-term pain and long-term pleasure…

  • Saving brings the family close. Living within your means looks like less time at work for your husband and/or you, and more quality time with loved ones.

  • Saving brings the family calm. Living within your means looks like never fighting over financial burdens, and having a husband who is proud of how you handle the pocketbook.

  • Saving brings the family clout. Living within your means looks like responsibly paving your own way in life, and having a reputation for being a blessing rather than a burden to others.

Saying “no” to more stuff and saying “yes” to more self-control is going to bring lasting benefits to your life in the long run. Many women will come to look at their material possessions with regret later in life, for the high cost it brought to their family. I daresay there are few women who will come to the end of their life, lamenting, “if only I had amassed more things and spent less time with my husband and kids.” Invest in the people in your life more than your possessions. I assure you that bringing your family close, bringing your family calm, and bringing your family clout will bring you far more lasting joy than all the things money can buy. Get a handle on your finances, so you can have what you don’t spend.

In conclusion…

Prudence is a powerful virtue that can make or break a home.

You can spend what you don’t have, and risk causing a split, a stress, and a shame for your family.

OR…

You can have what you don’t spend, and bring your family close, bring your family calm, and bring your family clout.

As for me, I want to choose the option that says, “I am a prudent wife from the Lord”. What say you?

Employ the power of prudence today. Your tomorrow self will thank you.

Better is a little with the fear of the Lord than great treasure and trouble therewith. Better is a dinner of herbs where love is, than a stalled ox and hatred therewith. – Proverbs 15:16-17

For God’s glory,
Mrs. Dustin Bolks

Chaste Bolks is a church of Christ preacher’s wife, and the home educating mother of two children. She and her family currently reside in Northwest Iowa.