Is this really my best angle?
Should I be holding in my tummy?
Does the lighting look alluring?
Will they find my caption funny?

How can I keep up my engagement?
How easily can people find me?
Will they swipe up on my story?
Will they comment on this kindly?

Why does being social feel so lonely?
Why does it leave me wanting more?
When did the DM lose its C?
How did I turn so Instacure?

– “Instacurities” by Tomfoolery

Social media has become part of a great many people’s lives in the 21st century – from the teen keeping up with his friends, all the way to the great-grandmother keeping up with hers.

Just check out these stats. Among some of the top sites worldwide:

• Facebook claims over 2 billion monthly active users…
• Instagram has over 1 billion…
• Twitter, over 4.5 million…
• Snapchat, over 2.5 million…
• TikTok, over 1 million.

Needless to say, these sites see a lot of traffic. And though I have my grievances with each and every one of these social media pages (some more than others, but all of these 5 come with their own ills, including privacy/data security risks that I would strongly urge you to research) I am not here today to either condone or condemn any particular platform. My aim, rather, is to point out the spiritual dangers that can befall us in any social media setting – not because of the platforms themselves, but because of our own human nature.

Facebook Icon, Tomfoolery, pointed out in the poem above how social media can fuel “instacurities” – the tendency to get sucked into the comparison trap. This is one of numerous considerations we must take into account if we are to navigate through the worldwide web while keeping our spiritual purity intact.

Today, I want to dive into 5 additional dangers we need to be aware of when using social M.E.D.I.A. You guessed it – Danger # 1 starts with M! One danger of social media is that it can feed…

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All things are lawful for me, but not all things are profitable. All things are lawful for me, but I will not be mastered by anything. – 1 Corinthians 6:12

For many, social media is an addiction of sorts. Checking apps becomes more of an irresistible compulsion than a conscious choice. Instead of using their sites, their sites use them – drawing their attention again and again to that which lacks any real substance. Whether it’s the white f on a blue background, the rainbow camera, the white bird on a blue background, the white ghost on a yellow background, or the white music symbol on a black background (users will know exactly what I’m talking about); their app of choice draws them in like a moth to the light. When navigating social media, it is always wise to ask oneself: is this app feeding mania in my life?

Here are 5 tips that may help you to avoid mania when using social media:

• 1. Go to your phone settings and set “screen time limits” for apps that are time-suckers. Once the time you have set for that app runs out for the day, be faithful to set it aside until tomorrow. (Allow flexibility in important circumstances, but not for trite excuses…you know the difference)

• 2. Leave your phone stationary (like a landline) as opposed to carrying it with you everywhere you go. Check it as needed/wanted, but put it back down and walk away when you are through using it. I like to leave my phone in our home office, which causes me to be intentional with my phone use rather than habitual.

• 3. Resist the urge to pick up your phone every time you are waiting for something in a public setting. At the doctor’s office? Bring a book with you to fill your time in the waiting room. At a restaurant? Pay attention to the one(s) dining with you, and enjoy the ambiance. At the check-out line in the grocery store? Make conversation with the employees and/or your fellow shoppers. Don’t allow your phone to serve as a crutch for impatience…much of life occurs in times of waiting.

• 4. Pursue a variety of hobbies for a well-balanced existence. Indulge in a little social media, and a little reading. A little social media, and a little tennis. A little social media, and a little piano. You get the picture. Spreading out your interests will help you to become a more cultured individual, while also preventing you from being enslaved to any one hobby.

• 5. Last, but certainly not least: know what is truly important in life, and set that high above social media in your heart. As a Christian woman, it is your distinct duty to serve God by loving your husband, loving your children, being sensible, being pure, working at home, being kind, and subjecting yourself to your husband. (see Titus 2:4-5) If social media has become so important in your life that it is causing you to neglect or diminish these duties, then has it not become an idol?

If you use social media, be aware of the danger of mania.

Danger #2 starts with E! A second danger of social media is that it can feed…

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Then he said to them, “Beware, and be on your guard against every form of greed; for not even when one has an abundance does his life consist of his possessions.” – Luke 12:15

For many, social media sucks them in to the comparison trap. When they observe the happiness, accomplishments, or belongings of others, their knee-jerk reaction is not genuine pleasure for the success and well-being of that person, but a sense of covetous entitlement that says, “why do they have what I don’t? It’s not fair!” They become so engrossed with other people’s blessings that they fail to recognize their own, thus becoming more bitter and envious with every newsfeed scroll. When navigating social media, it is always wise to ask oneself: is this app feeding envy in my life?

Here are 5 tips that may help you to avoid envy when using social media:

• 1. Realize that in viewing someone’s social media page, you are only viewing their “highlight reel”. As a general rule, people don’t broadcast the negativity in their life on social media (sidenote: that’s a good thing). You are unlikely to see a photograph of the unexpected bill someone just got in the mail, a video of the gross diaper they just changed, or a transcribed version of the argument they just had with their spouse. No one’s life is rainbows and butterflies all the time, but if you only go by what they post on social media, you might believe that to be so. Perhaps you think you want someone else’s life, but would you covet their low points as well as their high points?

• 2. Count your blessings. It’s pretty hard to obsess over someone else’s blessings when you are busy being grateful for your own. When your friend posts a loving photo of her and her husband, revisit a loving photo of you with yours. When she records a cute saying from her kiddo, reminisce on a cute saying from your own kiddo. When she shares about her latest vacation, think about the last time you went on vacation. Chances are, a lot of what your friend is enjoying has been enjoyed by you at one time or another. Don’t be so quick to forget.

• 3. Cultivate empathy. Instead of being envious of another’s blessings, why not celebrate them? It’s all about shifting your mindset, and rewriting the narrative of your heart. Every time you are tempted to envy someone else’s success, replace your envy with empathy. When that other girl is happy, allow yourself to feel happy with her. When she makes an accomplishment, congratulate her. When she portrays a loving family, or a beautiful home, or a new car, or whatever the case may be…celebrate her success. Would you not want her to do the same for you?

• 4. Be inspired by the achievements of others, rather than indignant. Envy strikes when we see someone else enjoying what we are not, but feel entitled to be enjoying. We can turn envy on its head when we use our sense of “entitlement” as a motivator to achieve our dreams instead of growing bitter. For example: when an overweight woman looks at a slender woman, she can either a) choose to get salty because she herself is not slender, or b) get inspired to lose weight so she can likewise enjoy a healthy and attractive physique. Many of the blessings of others could be our own if we simply made the same choices they did and worked equally as hard. Don’t get mad, get motivated.

• 5. Understand that there is glory in diversity. You may not have the exact same blessings as someone else, but neither do they have the same exact blessings as you. I have heard this idea referred to as the “roses and tulips” principle. Another woman may be a “rose” while you are a “tulip” – in other words, you both express beauty, but in different ways. Scripture compares diversity to the human body – different parts working together in unique capacities. (i.e. Our eyes and our ears serve different purposes, but they are both needed.) Embrace what makes you YOU, and be okay with the fact that your life is not a carbon copy of someone else’s. You both have value in your own right.

If you use social media, be aware of the danger of envy.

Danger #3 starts with D! A third danger of social media is that it can feed…

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Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, because many false prophets have gone out into the world. – 1 John 4:1

For many, social media can be a vast source of information. On the flip side, it can also be a vast source of misinformation. Anyone can put anything out there at any time…from solid truth to blatant lies, and all manner of “in-between”. It is important to take everything we read online with a grain of salt, but it is all too easy for a brain to become twisted when taking in untruths on a regular basis. If we are not careful, we can fall prey to deceit and find ourselves drifting from the truths found in God’s word. When navigating social media, it is always wise to ask oneself: is this app feeding doubt in my life?

Here are 5 tips that may help you to avoid doubt when using social media:

• 1. Be mindful and focused when viewing your newsfeed. Try to avoid newsfeed surfing/mindless scrolling, which puts us at risk of ingesting “junk food” without even realizing it. If your brain constantly sees a message without stopping to analyze the truth or error thereof, it starts to believe that message simply by way of repeated exposure. This is brain-grooving at its finest. If you don’t have time to ponder what is flashing before your eyes, set your phone aside until you can come back to it with a more present state of mind.

• 2. Feed on God’s word daily. When it comes to curing doubt, there is no tonic quite so strong as the Words of Life. Truth is a shield that protects us from worldly deception. The more scripture we hide in our hearts, the more easy it is to spot error when we see it on social media. We all are familiar with the famous “it is written” statements of Jesus when faced with temptation in the wilderness. We would be wise to follow in the footsteps of our Lord – arming ourselves with scripture so that we can likewise resist the wiles of the devil.

• 3. Choose your online friends with care. To keep a clear mind that is grounded in truth, it’s important to surround yourself with other people who have a Biblical worldview. Don’t feel compelled to accept every friend request that comes your way, and don’t be afraid to click that “delete” button when a friend’s posts are trashy and offensive. Remember that deleting someone from your friend’s list does not equate to deleting them from the planet. Being “in the world” but not “of the world” may look like showing love to that messy person in face-to-face settings, but not letting them have constant access into your home by way of an online friendship.

• 4. Become a hide-and-seek master. “Hide” pages, groups, and posts that are detrimental to a godly mindset, and “seek” out pages, groups, and posts that are uplifting and truth-filled. It’s not only online friends that can be detrimental to our spiritual health, but the numerous pages, groups, and posts that pop up in our newsfeeds certainly can be, too. Most social media sites give you the option to curate your newsfeed to meet your needs. Make good use of those handy features.

• 5. Use both truth and error as springboards for testing your knowledge of right and wrong. When you see a post that either affirms or challenges your convictions, be like one of those “noble Bereans”…study the scriptures to prove whether or not you are correct in your current line of reasoning. If you are in the right, no time is wasted. Reinforcing and strengthening your beliefs by God’s word will serve you well. If you are in the wrong, no time is wasted. Realigning your path and assimilating new truths from God’s word will serve you well also. Either way, you win.

If you use social media, be aware of the danger of doubt.

Danger #4 starts with I! A fourth danger of social media is that it can feed…

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Through insolence comes nothing but strife, but wisdom is with those who receive counsel. – Proverbs 13:10

For many, social media is an outlet for pent-up anger. The ease of being able to type anything from the comfort of one’s own home with little accountability or repercussion makes it all too easy to be a keyboard warrior. Social media becomes a free-for-all where everyone does what is right in their own eyes. Anyone can say what they want, when they want, how they want, and in a most cowardly fashion (read: with the click of a button). When navigating social media, it is always wise to ask oneself: is this app feeding insolence in my life?

Here are 5 tips that may help you to avoid insolence when using social media:

• 1. Don’t type anything on social media that you wouldn’t say in “real life”. Does your online presence align with your in-person presence? If the words you are typing are too rude and insulting to say to someone’s face, then they are too rude and insulting to say online…the keyboard you are hiding behind is merely giving you a false sense of security. Though out of sight, we must remember that the person reading our words is another human being that has worth. Treating others according to the golden rule is just as significant in our online communications as it is when speaking to them face-to-face.

• 2. Avoid getting entrapped in futile debates. Proverbs warns of the senselessness of arguing with fools. Such arguments never lend themselves to a fruitful outcome – to argue with a fool is to waste precious time, and will only serve to make us look every bit as foolish as our adversary. It is usually fairly easy to discern when it’s time to discontinue a conversation. When the person you are talking to is diametrically opposed to your position, when the “tone” of their writing implies pride rather than humility, or when the replies keep going around in circles without ever reaching any sort of common ground or agreement: abort mission.

• 3. Keep your dirty laundry off the internet. If you have a problem with someone, posting about it on social media is not the answer. If anything, such methods will only exacerbate the problem and further isolate the relationship. The all-too common passive-aggressive route of vaguely alluding to what “someone” did to offend you is a poor substitute for a heart-to-heart conversation with that person. If you feel you have suffered an offense, either talk to the offender about it, or forgive and forget. Don’t broadcast the offense for all to see…it is a glory to overlook a transgression.

• 4. If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all. This rule of thumb, or should I say “rule of Thumper”, is important to keep in mind when reacting to people’s posts. Repeatedly sharing your unsolicited advice and opinions (in response to matters of personal liberty, not moral wrongdoing) is a sure-fire way to make someone cringe every time they see a new notification from you. Is it really that important to tell your online friend that you don’t like the shirt they are wearing in their latest photo, or that the recipe they shared sounds repulsive, or that they spelled a word incorrectly? If your comments are not uplifting and encouraging, then they are best kept to yourself.

• 5. Use your social media account for the purpose of being salt and light. Whether you are sharing a post, making your own post, or commenting on someone else’s post, be intentional with the message you are putting out there. Wherever a Christian goes, that place should be all the brighter for their presence…not only in their physical location, but in their social media location as well. In an online world that is overwhelmingly negative, make it your goal to bring nothing but positivity and joy – to be a shining example to those around you.

If you use social media, be aware of the danger of insolence.

Danger #5 starts with A! A fifth danger of social media is that it can feed…

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…love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own… – 1 Corinthians 13:4b-5a

For many, social media is one gigantic memorial to their favorite superstar: their own self! In a world where one has a ready platform to brag about their accomplishments, paste countless selfies, and display the glamorous aspects of their personal life to the watching world, social media is an egotist’s dream. Every like, comment, and share further reinforces their delusions of grandeur. When navigating social media, it is always wise to ask oneself: is this app feeding arrogance in my life?

Here are 5 tips that may help you to avoid arrogance when using social media:

• 1. Take (at least) as much interest in other people as you do in yourself. Social media interactions should be a two-way street. If you want people to take an interest in your posts, it is only right and fair to take an interest in theirs. Using social media for the sole purpose of getting others to praise and compliment you is selfish and, frankly, narcissistic. Adopt a servant’s heart that places a high importance on the interests of others. Have you praised and complimented someone else today? How can you make another feel seen and appreciated?

• 2. Question your motives with each post. Ask yourself, “is what I’m sharing meant to be an inspiration to others, or am I just out fishing for compliments?” Make sure that what you post is not merely for the goal of attention-grabbing. Is the main reason you are sharing that photo of you and your husband a) so that others can get a positive outlook on godly marriages, or b) is it to hear how fantastic you both look? Is the main reason you are sharing that political write-up a) to keep others informed, or b) is it to get a pat-on-the-back about your stellar writing skills? Is the main reason you are giving details about your mission trip a) to help inspire others to get on fire about sharing Jesus, or b) to hear how pious you are? Be careful to do nothing out of selfish ambition.

• 3. Reject displays of false humility. Sympathy-seeking posts are just another round-about way of boasting. This technique may fool others, but it doesn’t fool God. Venting about how mean your husband is, how unmanageable your kids are, how tough your job is, etc., all with the pitiful tone of “oh, woe is me…I don’t know how I do it, but by God’s grace” are all fine examples of playing the martyr. Those who are truly suffering seek help, but those who are simply lusty for comforting words revel in the old sainthood game. How shameful to feed on people’s sympathies! Christian women don’t put their troubles on neon display…they hold their heads high and bear up under sorrows.

• 4. Remember that the Lord will one day reward openly what is done in private. Posting every spiritual accomplishment we make or every good deed we do on social media is akin to the Pharisees sounding a trumpet when they gave to the poor. Such attention-seeking may garner the praise of others, but it robs us of the eventual praise of God. I’d rather lead a behind-the-scenes sort of life that stores up heavenly treasures, rather than cash in early for a cheap “you-go-girl!” from my fellow man. What about you?

• 5. Find your worth in Christ, not in the approval of others. Know that your true value is not in how many “likes”, “comments”, and “shares” you get on social media, but in who you are as an obedient follower of the King of Kings. The acceptance of people ebbs and flows, but He is a friend who loves at all times. Focus on pleasing God in your roles as a Christian woman…wife…mother…lean into those roles, and the hunger to find your satisfaction in others’ approval will quickly diminish.

If you use social media, be aware of the danger of arrogance.

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In conclusion…

One woman may read this article and come away realizing that social media is not for her. Perhaps the tendency to mania, envy, doubt, insolence, or arrogance proves to be too much of a temptation in her life. She elects to flee temptation and “remove herself from the premises”.

Another woman may read this article and choose to remain on social media, but with a renewed sense of awareness. She understands the dangers of social m.e.d.i.a. and decides to proceed with caution.

Which response is correct?

I will suggest that there is no one-size-fits-all answer. Why? Because social media is merely a tool. Like any tool, it can be used in a way that brings about health or harm. It is your responsibility to figure out whether it is bringing health or harm to your life (and that of others) and respond accordingly. If you decide to use social media, remember the 5 dangers to look out for. If you decide not to use social media, you must also remember the dangers…for they can crop up in other areas of our lives. Whatever you do, don’t read this article and look the other way. Social media or no social media, may you walk in purity, because:

Digital behavior is just a replication of human behavior.

– Paul Papadimitriou, Digital Intelligence Analyst

For God’s glory,
Mrs. Dustin Bolks

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Chaste Bolks is a church of Christ preacher’s wife, and the home educating mother of two children. She and her family currently reside in Northwest Iowa.

If you your lips would keep from slips,
Five things observe with care:
Of whom you speak, to whom you speak,
And how and when and where.

If you your ears would save from jeers,
These things keep meekly hid:
Myself and I, and mine and my,
And how I do and did.

– Anonymous

We live in a world of oversharing…

Oversharing on social media. Oversharing over the telephone. Oversharing in face-to-face conversation.

We humans (and especially us women) are social creatures. We have a drive to talk that can be both a blessing and a curse. One of the ways that talking can be a curse is when we lack discretion. Those who lack discretion have little sense of what to say, who to say it to, and how to say it. A worldly woman is indiscreet. She has no filter…if it comes into her mind, out it spills from her mouth. A christian woman, however, is called to be discreet. She must practice sensibility and weigh her words before putting them on display. (Warning: this often includes talking a lot less and holding our peace a lot more!)

Though often seen as inconsequential, a lack of discretion (A.K.A. oversharing) is quite dangerous. It’s a danger to personal privacy. It’s a danger to family life. It’s a danger to the church. It’s a danger to nations. Countless reputations, families, congregations, and countries around the world have been torn apart because of indiscreet persons. There is wisdom in the old adage: “loose lips sink ships”.

He who guards his mouth and his tongue, guards his soul from troubles. – Proverbs 21:23

Proverbs 11:22 lets us know that a beautiful woman lacking discretion is as ludicrous as a ring of gold in a swine’s snout. On the other hand, a discreet woman has inner beauty to match her natural charm. If you strive to be beautiful inside as well as out, then this lesson is for you. Today, I have 3 simple rules to share that will serve to guide you into being a damsel in discretion. Rule #1:

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He who goes about as a talebearer reveals secrets, but he who is trustworthy conceals a matter. – Proverbs 11:13

They learn to be…gossips and busybodies, talking about things not proper to mention. – excerpt from 1 Timothy 5:13

In order to “be trustworthy” and keep yourself from “from “talking about things not proper to mention”, follow The Mine and Thine Rule.

Well, what is this rule? The Mine and Thine Rule requires me to discern what is none of your business about me, and what is none of my business about you. It requires me to figure out what information should remain under lock and key. It requires me to have a respect for the privacy of myself and others.

A damsel in discretion is guarded when it comes to her own personal matters. She doesn’t spill all her juicy secrets to everyone who will listen. She knows the difference between private and public information. She knows the difference between talking to a trusted friend or a mere acquaintance. She is comfortable with saying “I don’t want to discuss this topic” when people drill her with questions. She respects her own boundaries.

I have found that the people who have the least respect for their own personal boundaries often have the least respect for other people’s personal boundaries. The same folks who brag “I’m an open book”, and “I have nothing to hide” are typically the same folks who can’t be trusted as far as you can throw ’em. It’s just plain insensible to “put it all out there”. Even God Himself has secrets that are only accessible to His trusted companions. Reservation and a healthy sense of self-respect are godly attributes.

In addition to guarding her own personal matters, a damsel in discretion is also guarded with the personal matters of others. She refrains from asking piercing questions, she doesn’t pry, and she knows when it’s time to back off. She is attuned to the discomfort of others, and knows when to leave well-enough alone. She also doesn’t slander, malign, or gossip about anyone, no matter how vile they may be. She refuses to share someone’s private matters without their express permission. She doesn’t air people’s dirty laundry. She respects the boundaries of others.

If you start a sentence with, “I don’t want to gossip, but…”, stop yourself. It’s gossip. If you have bad blood with someone, talk to them about it. It’s disgraceful to badmouth them to others. If someone asks you about someone else’s personal matter, say “that’s a question for them”. It’s not your business to share.

Cultivate reservation with the information of yourself and others. To be a damsel in discretion, follow the mine and thine rule.

‘Tis not every question that deserves an answer.

– Thomas Fuller, M.D., Gnomologia (1732)

Rule #2:

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Do not speak in the hearing of a fool, for he will despise the wisdom of your words. – Proverbs 23:9

Do not give what is holy to dogs, and do not throw your pearls before swine, or they will trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces. – Matthew 7:6

In order to avoid “speaking in the hearing of a fool” and afterwards being “torn to pieces”, follow The Canine and Swine Rule.

Well, what is this rule? The Canine and Swine Rule requires me to discern the difference between my friend and my foe, and between the worldly and the wise. It requires me to figure out who is likely to have my back versus who is likely to stab me in the back. It requires me to exercise caution around certain people.

A damsel in discretion is selective with who gets what information. She is wise in knowing how much information to withhold. With those who would misuse and abuse her words, she opts for silence or an abbreviated version of the truth. She knows not to give everyone the whole kit and caboodle.

Our Messiah was in the habit of holding back information from those who would use it to harm His person or His ministry. Many times when the Pharisees would probe Him with entrapping questions, He would give them the Cliff Notes version rather than the whole shebang. Sometimes, He would evade their questions altogether. One of my favorite techniques is when He answered their question with a question of His own, and refused to budge unless they did likewise. (see Matthew 21:23-26)

There are those who with your information would misjudge you, gossip about you, slander you, malign you, and persecute you. Withdraw yourself from them. Being a Christian does not equal being a pushover when it comes to boundaries. Don’t give your treasures to dogs and pigs…it will lead to much harm.

Privacy is Power. Loose Lips Sink Ships. Beware what you Share.

Exercise caution with whom you confide in. To be a damsel in discretion, follow the canine and swine rule.

To whom you tell your secrets, to him you resign your liberty.

– Spanish Proverb

Rule #3:

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She opens her mouth in wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. – Proverbs 31:26

Let your speech always be with grace, as though seasoned with salt, so that you will know how you should respond to each person. – Colossians 4:6

In order to “open your mouth in wisdom” and “know how you should respond to each person”, follow The Wine and Dine Rule.

Well, what is this rule? The Wine and Dine Rule requires me to discern what words are a treat and what words are trash. It requires me to figure out what speech builds up, versus what speech tears down. It requires me to know how to make my words worthwhile to the hearer.

A damsel in discretion is choosy with her words. She is positive and uplifting. She rejects unwholesome speech. She doesn’t use her tongue as a dagger. She speaks life to those around her. She strives to be a light in a dark world.

Consider: Is it wining and dining the hearer to gossip about others? How about grumbling and complaining? Exposing and accentuating the flaws of your husband, children, friends, or relatives? Swearing and using crude speech? Belittling and insulting? Revealing the wrongs done to you (perceived or in reality)?

Do any of these things add light and life to your listener? Or are you, rather, being to them a stumbling block and a corrupt influence?

To avoid gossip, never say anything behind someone’s back that you wouldn’t say in front of their face. To avoid grumbling and complaining, focus on what good you do have, rather than that which you don’t. To avoid exposing and accentuating the flaws of others, follow the golden rule. To avoid swearing and using crude speech, fill your mind with wholesome entertainment and surround yourselves with high-caliber people. To avoid belittling and insulting, focus on the positive attributes of others. To avoid revealing the wrongs done to you, stop repeating and reliving them in your own mind.

Strive for speech that is above reproach. To be a damsel in discretion, follow the wine and dine rule.

Who steals my purse steals trash, but he who filches from me a good word steals that which now enriches him, and leaves me none the poorer.

– Charlton Laird, The Miracle of Language (1953)

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In conclusion…

Do you want to be a Damsel in Discretion? Then remember to follow these 3 simple rules:

• The Mine and Thine Rule (know what information to keep under lock and key)
• The Canine and Swine Rule (know who you must exercise strict caution with)
• The Wine and Dine Rule (know how to make your words worthwhile to the hearer)

The better part of valor is discretion, in the which better part I have saved my life.

– William Shakespeare, King Henry IV, Part I

For God’s glory,
Mrs. Dustin Bolks

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Chaste Bolks is a church of Christ preacher’s wife, and the home educating mother of two children. She and her family currently reside in Northwest Iowa.

Thumper! What did your father tell you?

– Thumper’s Mother, Walt Disney’s Bambi (1942)

These are the famous words of Mrs. Rabbit (A.K.A. Thumper’s mom) in Disney’s sixth feature film, Bambi. Mrs. Rabbit’s cute little bunny often needs correcting, and she does so by reminding him of his father’s tenets. Fictional character though she may be, Thumper’s mom exemplifies this Proverb for us:

My son, comply with the commandment of your father, and do not ignore the teaching of your mother. – Proverbs 6:20

This is familial headship in practical action. Thumper’s dad gives a command; Thumper’s mom teaches that command. Thumper’s dad lays down the law; Thumper’s mom supports that law by making sure it is carried out by their little bunny. Mrs. Rabbit carefully mothers Thumper in a way that is in subjection to her head. This is following in the footsteps of Jesus Christ, who said, regarding his Head:

I did not speak on My own, but the Father Himself who sent Me has given Me a commandment as to what to say and what to speak. – John 12:49

Reviled and rejected though the concept may be in our upside-down culture, headship is God’s system. Families thrive when they live according to God’s system. Do you want to thrive? Allow me to share with you two ways that Thumper’s mom is a positive role model for motherhood. Firstly, we would do well to follow Mrs. Rabbit’s example in…

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Thumper: “He doesn’t walk very good, does he?”
Mrs. Rabbit: “Thumper!”
Thumper: “Yes, Mama?”
Mrs. Rabbit: “What did your father tell you this morning?”
Thumper: “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say nothing at all.”

– Walt Disney’s Bambi (1942)

Thumper’s father laid down a standard on the kind of bunny Thumper was to be on the inside. He expected his bunny-boy to be kindhearted and to handle his words with care. In the absence of Mr. Rabbit, it was Mrs. Rabbit’s duty to see this wish through – to mother the inner bunny.

How does your husband wish for you to “mother the inner bunny”? In other words, what kind of spirit does he want his children to exhibit? What are his standards for the children’s social conduct? What attitudes does he accept? What attitudes does he reject? What kind of words does he expect the children to use? What kind of words does he expect the children never to use? A good mother (with the exception of a single mom or widow, of course) looks to her husband for the children’s inner upbringing.

Unless you enjoy the privilege of a husband who works from home, chances are that your husband is gone much of the day while you are home with the children. If this is the case, you have a responsibility as Mom to make sure that Dad is present in feeling even when Dad is not present in fact. You accomplish this by building him up to the children…talking of him throughout the day…constantly reinforcing his values by way of timely reminders. Thumper’s Mom upheld the authority of Thumper’s Dad (even in his absence) in the most genteel way. Godly mothers do the same…

• When the children bicker amongst themselves: “what did your father tell you about loving one another?”

• When the children shirk their duties: “what did your father tell you about working as unto the Lord?”

• When the children make complaints: “what did your father tell you about counting your blessings?”

• When the children give back-talk: “what did your father tell you about speaking respectfully?”

• When the children exhibit selfishness: “what did your father tell you about putting others first?”

Such repetitions ingrain a father’s authority and leave no question as to who is boss. Children know exactly where their boundaries lie when Mother is always in Father’s corner, supporting him and instilling his values with or without his presence. One source of authority (Dad) eliminates confusion, creates a meaningful sense of security, and empowers the household. God’s system just plain works! Honor your head and mother the inner bunny.

Hear, O sons, the instructions of a father, and give attention that you may gain understanding. – Proverbs 4:1

The second way we would do well to follow Mrs. Rabbit’s example in, is…

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Thumper: “Just eat the blossoms. That’s the good stuff.”
Mrs. Rabbit: “Thumper!”
Thumper: “Yes, Mama?”
Mrs. Rabbit: “What did your father tell you?”
Thumper: “About what?”
Mrs. Rabbit: “About eating the blossoms and leaving the greens.”
Thumper: “Oh, that one.” *Clears throat* “Eating greens is a special treat. It makes long ears and great big feet.”

– Walt Disney’s Bambi (1942)

Thumper’s father laid down a standard on the kind of bunny Thumper was to be on the outside. He expected his bunny-boy to be strong and to nourish his body with healthful foods. In the absence of Mr. Rabbit, it was Mrs. Rabbit’s duty to see this wish through – to mother the outer bunny.

How does your husband wish for you to “mother the outer bunny”? In other words, what kind of soma does he want his children to exhibit? What are his standards for the children’s bodily activity? Does he prescribe to a particular type of diet? Does he want his children to be active in sports? Are there certain skills he finds it important for his children to learn? What kind of routines does he want to see implemented into the household schedule? A good mother (with the exception of a single mom or widow, of course) looks to her husband for the children’s outer upbringing.

Again, it all comes down to making Dad’s presence acutely felt even when he is away from home. Though he be out of sight, he ought never be out of mind. A faithful wife is intent on seeing her husband’s wishes for the family being carried out at all times. He is the reason behind her choices…

• Why are we eating this food? Because this is what Dad’s money has purchased for us.

• Why are we attending this event? Because this is where Dad wants us to be.

• Why are we adhering to this schedule? Because this is how Dad wants us to fill our time.

• Why are we learning this new skill? Because this is an art that Dad finds significant.

• Why are we following this rule? Because this is a boundary that Dad has set.

Children who learn to joyfully submit to their father’s authority grow to be men who joyfully submit to their Father’s authority. Childhood is a training ground that sets the tone for their future. Will it be one of blessed obedience? Or cursed rebellion? Ultimately, the choice is theirs…but it is your job to set them up for success by your good efforts. Honor your head and mother the outer bunny.

Hear, my son, your father’s instruction and do not forsake your mother’s teaching; indeed, they are a graceful wreath to your head and ornaments about your neck. – Proverbs 1:8-9

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In conclusion…

“What did your father tell you?” These were the words of an animated mother bunny created more than 80 years ago. In 2023, these simple words of Thumper’s Mom still ring true for those of us who advocate for restoring the family unit as God intended. Fathers are distinctly called to “bring them [children] up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” (Ephesians 6:4) As mothers, it is our privilege and honor to assist in this mission…not by taking the lead in the children’s upbringing, but by standing by their Dad as his biggest fan and most loving support.

Do you have it going on, like Thumper’s Mom? I exhort you to uphold God’s design for marriage and motherhood, and be a little more like Mrs. Rabbit each and every day.

He is the breadwinner; she is the breadmaker. He is the sun; she is the moon, who reflects and extends the sun’s light where the sun is not. He forms; she fills. He sets the melody; she brings the harmony. He empowers her; and she uses that power to enlarge the domain of their household.

– Joe Rigney

For God’s glory,
Mrs. Dustin Bolks

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Chaste Bolks is a church of Christ preacher’s wife, and the home educating mother of two children. She and her family currently reside in Northwest Iowa.