Destress the Damsel

Straight as a Soldier

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I am an American Soldier.

I am a warrior and a member of a team.

I serve the people of the United States, and live the Army Values.

I will always place the mission first.

I will never accept defeat.

I will never quit.

I will never leave a fallen comrade.

I am disciplined, physically and mentally tough, trained and proficient in my warrior tasks and drills.

I always maintain my arms, my equipment and myself.

I am an expert and I am a professional.

I stand ready to deploy, engage, and destroy, the enemies of the United States of America in close combat.

I am a guardian of freedom and the American way of life.

I am an American Soldier.

Source: https://www.army.mil/values/soldiers.html

These touching words are copied from The Soldier’s Creed – a bold promise to the American people from our men in uniform.

“Sure, it’s a nice read, but what does it have to do with me – a feminine woman?“, you might be wondering. Allow me to explain:

While the average wife is not out fighting for freedom on the front lines (in fact, I would argue that to do so would not be in her family’s best interest), still, she can prove to be a soldier in her own right. Wives are distinctly called to be “subject to their own husbands”. (Ephesians 5:22; Titus 2:5) Did you know that this word, “subject”, literally means “to rank under”? When I made this connection, my mind immediately went to the American soldier. A soldier gives respect to his superior officer…unfailingly. A soldier obeys orders…unquestioningly. A soldier is committed to his mission…unreservedly. Sounds a lot like a Christian wife to me!

Study the soldier’s creed in light of your role as a help meet:

Are you on your husband’s team? Do you serve him, and live out the values of a godly wife? Do you place your marital mission first? Do you shun feelings of defeat? Are you committed never to quit your mission? Are you devoted to never leaving your marriage, even should your husband fall? Are you a tough, disciplined, and proficient helper to him? Do you maintain yourself with excellent composure? Are you an expert at serving your man, a professional in your field? Do you fight against the wiles of the enemy – Satan – on a daily basis? Are you an advocate and faithful guardian of God’s pattern for marriage? Are you as straight as a soldier?

I am reminded of the classic children’s song: “I may never march in the infantry, ride in the cavalry, shoot the artillery…I may never fly o’er the enemy, but I’m in The Lord’s Army!” This chorus is most true of the Christian wife. If you are a married woman, the unique way you serve as a member of “The Lord’s Army” is by faithfully ranking under your superior officer (your husband). Even in the midst of our topsy-turvy culture, we would do well to remember that women are not to be the “mean and mighty” of the species, but rather the “meek and mild”. We serve from the home front. If you need help in this area, consider this your Basic Combat Training!

Today, we are going to look at “The Seven Core Army Values”. These values serve as a code of conduct for our US military, and I hope you will see the uncanny parallel between being a good soldier and being a good wife. Shall we begin? Core Army Value #1 is…

Bear true faith and allegiance to the U.S. Constitution, the Army, your unit and other Soldiers. Bearing true faith and allegiance is a matter of believing in and devoting yourself to something or someone. A loyal Soldier is one who supports the leadership and stands up for fellow Soldiers. By wearing the uniform of the U.S. Army you are expressing your loyalty. And by doing your share, you show your loyalty to your unit.

Source: army.mil/values/#
  • Do you bear true faith and allegiance to your husband?

  • Do you believe in, and devote yourself to your man?

  • Do you support his leadership and stand up for him as you do your share?

Loyalty is essential in the heart of an American soldier. Should it not be even more so in the heart of a Christian wife? Exhibit loyalty in your role as a help meet, and be as straight as a soldier.

He who pursues righteousness and loyalty finds life, righteousness and honor. – Proverbs 21:21

Core Army Value #2 is…

Fulfill your obligations. Doing your duty means more than carrying out your assigned tasks. Duty means being able to accomplish tasks as part of a team. The work of the U.S. Army is a complex combination of missions, tasks and responsibilities — all in constant motion. Our work entails building one assignment onto another. You fulfill your obligations as a part of your unit every time you resist the temptation to take “shortcuts” that might undermine the integrity of the final product.

Source: army.mil/values/#
  • Do you fulfill your obligations to your husband?

  • Do you accomplish tasks as part of your man’s team?

  • Do you resist the urge to take “shortcuts” in your obligations to him?

Duty is essential in the heart of an American soldier. Should it not be even more so in the heart of a Christian wife? Exhibit duty in your role as a help meet, and be as straight as a soldier.

The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. – 1 Corinthians 7:3-4

Core Army Value #3 is…

Treat people as they should be treated. In the Soldier’s Code, we pledge to “treat others with dignity and respect while expecting others to do the same.” Respect is what allows us to appreciate the best in other people. Respect is trusting that all people have done their jobs and fulfilled their duty. And self-respect is a vital ingredient with the Army value of respect, which results from knowing you have put forth your best effort. The Army is one team and each of us has something to contribute.

Source: army.mil/values/#
  • Do you treat your husband as he should be treated (with dignity and respect), and expect others to do the same?

  • Do you appreciate the best in your man?

  • Do you trust that he is doing his job and fulfilling his duties, and direct your focus to your own contribution?

Respect is essential in the heart of an American soldier. Should it not be even more so in the heart of a Christian wife? Exhibit respect in your role as a help meet, and be as straight as a soldier.

…the wife must see to it that she respects her husband. – Ephesians 5:33b

Core Army Value #4 is…

Put the welfare of the nation, the Army and your subordinates before your own. Selfless service is larger than just one person. In serving your country, you are doing your duty loyally without thought of recognition or gain. The basic building block of selfless service is the commitment of each team member to go a little further, endure a little longer, and look a little closer to see how he or she can add to the effort.

Source: army.mil/values/#
  • Do you put the welfare of your home, your husband, and your children before your own?

  • Do you do your duty to your man loyally without thought of recognition or gain?

  • Do you go a little further for him, endure a little longer for him, look a little closer for him?

Selfless service is essential in the heart of an American soldier. Should it not be even more so in the heart of a Christian wife? Exhibit selfless service in your role as a help meet, and be as straight as a soldier.

She looks well to the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness. – Proverbs 31:27

Core Army Value #5 is…

Live up to Army values. The nation’s highest military award is The Medal of Honor. This award goes to Soldiers who make honor a matter of daily living — Soldiers who develop the habit of being honorable, and solidify that habit with every value choice they make. Honor is a matter of carrying out, acting, and living the values of respect, duty, loyalty, selfless service, integrity and personal courage in everything you do.

Source: army.mil/values/#
  • Do you live up to your husband’s values, seeking to earn the “medal of honor” in his eyes, as it were?

  • Do you exemplify honor for your man in your daily living, in your habits, in your choices?

  • Do you carry out, act, and live those values of honor for him in everything you do?

Honor is essential in the heart of an American soldier. Should it not be even more so in the heart of a Christian wife? Exhibit honor in your role as a help meet, and be as straight as a soldier.

Marriage is to be held in honor among all… – Hebrews 13:4a

Core Army Value #6 is…

Do what’s right, legally and morally. Integrity is a quality you develop by adhering to moral principles. It requires that you do and say nothing that deceives others. As your integrity grows, so does the trust others place in you. The more choices you make based on integrity, the more this highly prized value will affect your relationships with family and friends, and, finally, the fundamental acceptance of yourself.

Source: army.mil/values/#
  • Do you do what is right towards your husband, legally and morally?

  • Do you do and say nothing to deceive your man, so that his trust in you grows?

  • Do you make choices based on integrity, insomuch that your relationship with him and your own self-esteem is positively affected?

Integrity is essential in the heart of an American soldier. Should it not be even more so in the heart of a Christian wife? Exhibit integrity in your role as a help meet, and be as straight as a soldier.

…I will walk within my house in the integrity of my heart. – Psalm 101:2b

Core Army Value #7 is…

Face fear, danger or adversity (physical or moral). Personal courage has long been associated with our Army. With physical courage, it is a matter of enduring physical duress and at times risking personal safety. Facing moral fear or adversity may be a long, slow process of continuing forward on the right path, especially if taking those actions is not popular with others. You can build your personal courage by daily standing up for and acting upon the things that you know are honorable.

Source: army.mil/values/#
  • Do you obey your husband even in the face of fear, danger, or adversity?

  • Do you endure physical duress for your man, risk your personal safety for him?

  • Do you continue forward on the right path for him, no matter how unpopular it is in our modern world?

Personal courage is essential in the heart of an American soldier. Should it not be even more so in the heart of a Christian wife? Exhibit personal courage in your role as a help meet, and be as straight as a soldier.

Just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear. – 1 Peter 3:6

In conclusion…

Do you aim to be as straight as a soldier? Then you must carefully demonstrate the seven core army values toward your husband each day:

  • Loyalty (stay with him for the long haul)
  • Duty (focus on your own, not his)
  • Respect (treat him right)
  • Selfless Service (regard him above yourself)
  • Honor (make him proud)
  • Integrity (be trustworthy for him)
  • Personal Courage (obey him without fear and “whatifs”)


This foolproof guide to following your husband’s “ldrship” is not only unapologetically American, but unapologetically Biblical. May you be as straight as a soldier, my fellow help meets.

Therefore, take up the full armor of God, so that you will be able to resist in the evil day, and having done everything, to stand firm. – Ephesians 6:13


For God’s glory,
Mrs. Dustin Bolks

Chaste Bolks is a church of Christ preacher’s wife, and the home educating mother of two children. She and her family currently reside in Northwest Iowa.

My Response Ability

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When you feel like saying something
That you know you will regret,
Or keenly feel an insult
Not quite easy to forget,
That’s the time to curb resentment
And maintain a mental peace,
For when your mind is tranquil
All your ill thoughts simply cease.

It’s easy to be angry
When defrauded or defied,
To be peeved and disappointed
If your wishes are denied;
But to win a worthwhile battle
Over selfishness and spite,
You must learn to keep strict silence
Though you know you’re in the right.

So keep your mental balance
When confronted by a foe,
Be it enemy in ambush
Or some danger that you know.
If you are poised and tranquil
When all around is strife,
Be assured that you have mastered
The most vital thing in life.

– “Stay Calm” by Grenville Kleiser

  • Would you like to stay as cool as a cucumber when faced with opposition?

  • How would it feel to keep your head and walk away from every conflict free of regrets?

  • Do you want to show yourself to be a classy, elegant, and unbothered queen in all your dealings?

Then you need to get a handle on your “response ability”!

Our response ability (that is, the art of composure in confrontation) says a lot about our emotional maturity, our powers of self-control, and the sincerity of our devotion to Christ. The way we hold ourselves in difficult situations often reveals the inner woman: is she a collected sage, or a prattling fool?

We should all ask ourselves from time to time, “what is my response ability?” Taking an honest look at our reactions (and adjusting them if need be) is sanctifying. Today, I want to share three points for self-evaluation. Firstly, if I aim to level-up my response ability, then I need to look into…

The heart of the righteous ponders how to answer, but the mouth of the wicked pours out evil things. – Proverbs 15:28

Pondering how to answer takes time, while pouring out evil things takes no time at all. The former is the higher and nobler path, but the latter is the path of least resistance. Any fool can rant and rave in record response time, but a wise woman takes her time in formulating a response. She may even remain silent (as Jesus did before His accusers) if she perceives the conversation to be going nowhere fast. If and when she does respond, it won’t be a lightning strike, but a slow and steady rainfall. A woman of response ability is ordered and methodical, not impetuous and hysterical.

Ask yourself these questions to test your response times:

  • Do I listen intently to hear what the other person has to say, or do I only focus on forming a response to shoot back the moment their mouth is closed?

  • Is letting the other person have their turn of speaking my custom, or do I interrupt because I haughtily think that what I have to say is of more importance?

  • Am I calm and composed, or am I a ticking time bomb that is ready to spew out my next comeback in an explosive blast?

Check your response times in order to know your response ability!

This you know, my beloved brethren. But everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger; for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God. – James 1:19-20

Secondly, if I aim to level-up my response ability, then I need to look into…

And the work of righteousness will be peace, and the service of righteousness, quietness and confidence forever. – Isaiah 32:17

Quietness and confidence…what a pair. The Bible calls this winning combination the “service of righteousness”. To be quiet and confident simultaneously – it is the perfect blend of standing your ground while keeping your dignity. Most people will applaud confidence, but reject quietness both in themselves and others. The quality of quietness may be underrated by mankind, but it is applauded by God. In fact, He calls the quality of a gentle and quiet spirit in a woman “imperishable”, and “precious” in His sight. (1 Peter 3:4) I’d rather be His kind of lady than a loud-mouth schnook any day of the week!

Ask yourself these questions to test your response tones:

  • Do I keep a steady and composed tone of voice even when I am perturbed, or does the tone of my voice rise in decibels to match the flaming fire within?

  • Is my tone conveying patience and forbearance to the listener, or does it reek of animosity and resentment?

  • Am I more concerned with making my voice heard and showing the other person who’s boss, or with speaking the truth (which doesn’t require a loudspeaker)?

Check your response tones in order to know your response ability!

Let your gentle spirit be known to all men. The Lord is near. – Philippians 4:5

Lastly, if I aim to level-up my response ability, then I need to look into…

Words from the mouth of a wise man are gracious, while the lips of a fool consume him; the beginning of his talking is folly and the end of it is wicked madness. – Ecclesiastes 10:12-13

This proverb hits the bulls-eye! Once we allow our lips to take the reins in heated conversation (as opposed to our spirit), the word-garbage just keeps flowing until we are in a messy heap of our own making. No matter the temptation to “sock it to ’em” and “give ’em what for”, we must filter the words we say…even to the vilest recipient. We Christian women offer words of grace to contentious people – not because they are loving, but because we are. Slow response times and quiet response tones go a long way in aiding gracious response terms.

Ask yourself these questions to test your response terms:

  • Do I carefully select my words in order to keep my speech above reproach, or do I say any old thing that will make me look smart and the other person look stupid? (Hint: it always ends up the other way around…arrogance is a hideous accessory on any female)

  • Are my words full of caring consideration, or loaded with cutting criticisms?

  • Am I using my words in an attempt to show the other person what is right, or that I am right?

Check your response terms in order to know your response ability!

And while being reviled, He did not revile in return; while suffering, He uttered no threats, but kept entrusting Himself to Him who judges righteously. – 1 Peter 2:23

In conclusion…

When evaluating your response ability, ask yourselves these three vital questions:

How are my response times? How are my response tones? How are my response terms?

In the face of opposition, remember this: it is my responsibility to better my response ability. Don’t stoop to the level of those who have no response ability of their own. Keep your cool and stand tall no matter the refuse being hurled at you, because…

…composure allays great offenses. – Ecclesiastes 10:4b

For God’s glory,
Mrs. Dustin Bolks

Chaste Bolks is a church of Christ preacher’s wife, and the home educating mother of two children. She and her family currently reside in Northwest Iowa.

How to Be a Busy Body: 8 Simple Steps

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How doth the little busy Bee
Improve each shining Hour,
And gather Honey all the day
From every opening Flower!
How skillfully she builds her Cell!
How neat she spreads the Wax!
And labours hard to store it well
With the sweet Food she makes.
In works of Labour or of Skill
I would be busy too:
For Satan finds some Mischief still
For idle Hands to do.

In Books, or Work, or healthful Play
Let my first Years be past,
That I may give for every Day
Some good Account at last.

– “Against Idleness and Mischief” by Isaac Watts

Idleness and mischief – the two go hand in hand. And both are held in the hands of a busybody. In his poem, Isaac Watts presents the perfect solution for the tendency to idleness and mischief: we must follow in the example of the “little busy bee” and set ourselves to a productive lifestyle. The Bible presents much the same solution for idleness…

For we hear that some among you are leading an undisciplined life, doing no work at all, but acting like busybodies. Now we command and exhort such persons in the Lord Jesus Christ to work peacefully and eat their own bread. – 2 Thessalonians 3:11-12 (emphasis added)

Read: get to work! Ironically, the cure for being a busybody is being a busy body – or in other words, keeping your body busy. Paul expounds on this cure with specific directions for women:

At the same time they also learn to be idle, as they go around from house to house; and not merely idle, but also they become gossips and busybodies, talking about things not proper to mention. Therefore, I want younger widows to get married, have children, manage their households, and give the enemy no opportunity for reproach. – 1 Timothy 5:13-14 (emphasis added)

What does Paul cite as the cure for idleness and mischief? Homemaking! A woman can learn to be an idle, gossiping busybody, or she can learn to focus on her family. She can learn to be a worker at home. (Titus 2:4-5)

My goal today is to help you learn to be a worker at home. I am going to teach you how to be a “busy body” in 8 simple steps. Step #1 is to…

A good homemaker keeps her body busy by beautifying the home.

  • She beautifies the home by purifying it. A portion of her time is devoted to cleaning activities; such as wiping counters, sweeping/mopping floors, tending to dishes and laundry, etc.

  • She beautifies the home by decorating it. A portion of her time is devoted to cultivating style; such as art, plants, collections, etc. (Keeping ever before her mind her husband’s tastes and desires)

  • She beautifies the home by warming it. A portion of her time is devoted to creating ambience; such as pleasant fragrances, mood lighting, and agreeable temperature.

Making a home a beautiful haven of rest for one’s family is a worthwhile pursuit…and it will certainly keep a body busy.

Beautify! Your wife shall be like a fruitful vine within your house… – Psalm 128:3a

How to be a Busy Body Step #2 is to…

A good homemaker keeps her body busy by organizing the home.

  • She organizes the home by minimalism. She avoids excessive buying, so that there is never an over-abundance of items to be organized. She buys intentionally rather than impulsively.

  • She organizes the home by tidying. She doesn’t take the path of least resistance and hodgepodge the family belongings into every nook and cranny. Her motto is “a place for everything, and everything in its place”.

  • She organizes the home by consistency. She keeps items picked up throughout the day so that the piles don’t become insurmountable tasks. She doesn’t merely organize once in a great while, but keeps a workable system of good habits for herself and the children.

Making a home an organized haven of rest for one’s family is a worthwhile pursuit…and it will certainly keep a body busy.

Organize! …What woman, if she has ten silver coins and loses one coin, does not light a lamp and sweep the house and search carefully until she finds it? – Luke 15:8

How to be a Busy Body Step #3 is to…

A good homemaker keeps her body busy by decluttering the home.

  • She declutters the home by giving away items her family no longer uses. She is generous, and pleased to find someone who can put the items to good use. When the garment no longer fits, or the toy is outgrown, or the book has past its purpose…she considers it a blessing to pass it on for another family’s enjoyment.

  • She declutters the home by selling off items her family no longer uses. She is shrewd in adding to her husband’s income by recovering some of the money on gently used belongings. She might sell items online, take them to a local consignment shop, or host a garage sale.

  • She declutters the home by throwing out items her family no longer uses. She knows the difference between healthy sentimentality and hoarding, and is not afraid to throw out anything that is not worthy of giving away or selling. She is okay with letting go.

Making a home a decluttered haven of rest for one’s family is a worthwhile pursuit…and it will certainly keep a body busy.

Declutter! A time to search and a time to give up as lost; a time to keep and a time to throw away. – Ecclesiastes 3:6

How to be a Busy Body Step #4 is to…

A good homemaker keeps her body busy by bringing yield to the home.

  • She yields for the home with her culinary skills. She cooks and bakes delicious and nutritious foods for her family to enjoy. She is pleased to see others enjoy the fruit of her kitchen labors.

  • She yields for the home with her crafting skills. She dabbles perhaps in needlework (sewing, crocheting, knitting, etc.), or art (drawing, painting, etc.), or music (singing, playing an instrument, etc.). She is pleased to see others enjoy the fruit of her creative labors.

  • She yields for the home with her composition skills. She maybe writes a thank you note, or pops a birthday card in the mail, or sends a suggestive text to her husband. She is pleased to see others enjoy the fruit of her conversational labors.

Making a home a yielding haven of rest for one’s family is a worthwhile pursuit…and it will certainly keep a body busy.

Yield! Give her the product of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates. – Proverbs 31:31

How to be a Busy Body Step #5 is to…

A good homemaker keeps her body busy by beatifying the home. (Beatify = sanctify, hallow, consecrate)

  • She beatifies the home by acknowledging God’s will for her as a woman. She does not consider being a wife, mother, and homemaker an antiquated or oppressive role in society. She humbly accepts the differences between men and women as God-ordained and therefore intrinsically good.

  • She beatifies the home by submitting to God’s will for her as a woman. She is obedient to her husband, nurturing to her children, and committed to the home. She is firmly planted in her femininity.

  • She beatifies the home by growing in God’s will for her as a woman. She strives every day to be a better wife, a better mom, a better homemaker. She is not content with the mediocre, but is on a perpetual level-up journey.

Making a home a beatified haven of rest for one’s family is a worthwhile pursuit…and it will certainly keep a body busy.

Beatify! The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish tears it down with her own hands. – Proverbs 14:1

How to be a Busy Body Step #6 is to…

A good homemaker keeps her body busy by unplugging the home.

  • She unplugs the home by minimizing her social media usage. She is too invested in her own family responsibilities to be concerned about keeping up with the Joneses. She is aware that too much social media can open the door to jealousy, comparisons, covetousness, etc. and is watchful of her feminine temptations.

  • She unplugs the home by minimizing her telephone calls. She will not go house-to-house as a busybody, even through the air waves. She is aware that too many telephone calls can open the door to gossip, slander, foolish talk, etc. and is watchful of her feminine temptations.

  • She unplugs the home by minimizing her social visits. She knows she can not rightly be a “keeper at home” when her feet do not abide at home. She knows that too many social visits can open the door to familial neglect, discontentment, unhealthy relationships, etc. and is watchful of her feminine temptations.

Making a home an unplugged haven of rest for one’s family is a worthwhile pursuit…and it will certainly keep a body busy.

Unplug! …Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life and attend to your own business and work with your hands, just as we commanded you. – 1 Thessalonians 4:11

How to be a Busy Body Step #7 is to…

A good homemaker keeps her body busy by scheduling the home.

  • She schedules the home in a timely manner. She makes good use of planners, phone reminders, or timers to keep herself on task and make sure her home priorities are done at appointed times. She does not make a habit of procrastination, but is faithful to her duties.

  • She schedules the home in a realistic manner. She is not rigid and inflexible, but makes allowances for unexpected hiccups that prevent work from being done. She adjusts to special circumstances, but does not use them as excuses for laziness.
  • She schedules the home in a balanced manner. She evenly distributes tasks throughout the week to prevent burnout. She delegates age-appropriate tasks to the children to both ease her burden and give them training in their own work ethics.

Making a home a scheduled haven of rest for one’s family is a worthwhile pursuit…and it will certainly keep a body busy.

Schedule! Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance. It is the Lord Christ whom you serve. – Colossians 3:23-24

How to be a Busy Body Step #8 is to…

A good homemaker keeps her body busy by yearning for the home.

  • She yearns for the home because she loves her husband. She makes love to her man, she finds ways to please him, she shows preference for him, etc. She not only knows her place as a wife, but she loves her place as a wife.

  • She yearns for the home because she loves her children. She trains them, she builds them up with words of encouragement, she exercises patience towards them, etc. She not only knows her place as a mother, but she loves her place as a mother.

  • She yearns for the home because she loves her home. She makes it a clean place, a cozy place, a caring place, etc. She not only knows her place in the home, but she loves her place in the home.

Making a home a yearned for haven of rest for one’s family is a worthwhile pursuit…and it will certainly keep a body busy.

Yearn! So that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children…workers at home… – excerpt from Titus 2:4-5

In conclusion…

If you want to learn how to be a busy body, remember to:

Beautify
Organize
Declutter
Yield
Beatify
Unplug
Schedule
Yearn

Keep your B.O.D.Y. B.U.S.Y. with these 8 steps, and you’ll be a busy body in no time…in fact, you’ll be so invested in your own home that you’ll simply have no time to be a busybody!

She looks well to the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness. – Proverbs 31:27

For God’s glory,
Mrs. Dustin Bolks

Chaste Bolks is a church of Christ preacher’s wife, and the home educating mother of two children. She and her family currently reside in Northwest Iowa.